My Name is Alyssa and I'm A....

alyssareyans
alyssareyans Posts: 88 Member
in Motivation and Support
I feel like I need an AA meeting or something. I'm an emotional eater. Food is my friend. In the last ten months I've lost a total of 70 lbs. I even started running. I eat on a schedule at specific times of the day. This helps me to not overeat or emotional eat. Until today. I've had a lot of stress the last few weeks and haven't binged or purged once. Until today. I ate an entire box of donuts. All six of them. I'm not very proud of myself but I'm also trying not to beat myself up too much. Or else I'll spend the next week binging which will not be good.

So instead I'm coming here to vent it all out. To stand and say My name is Alyssa and today I fell off the wagon but tomorrow I'll pick myself up and start over. It's just one day. Hopefully if I repeat that enough I'll actually start to believe it.

Replies

  • samammay
    samammay Posts: 468
    Its not what you do everyday that matters, its what you do most days. We all have bad days. Some of us even plan for them. No worries - one box of donuts isnt how you got overweight in the first place and it wont undo what you have accomplished so far.
  • alyssareyans
    alyssareyans Posts: 88 Member
    samammay wrote: »
    Its not what you do everyday that matters, its what you do most days. We all have bad days. Some of us even plan for them. No worries - one box of donuts isnt how you got overweight in the first place and it wont undo what you have accomplished so far.


    Thank you for that. The rational part of my brain knows that but unfortunately that is not the part of my brain I listen to the most. I just didn't want this one bad day to turn into two. I knew if I wrote about it and got it out of me then I could recover and go on. But if I hide it and don't acknowledge it, then one day will become two will become four and the next thing I know I'll have gained twenty pounds. Writing is as therapeutic for me as eating.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    Good for you! Not eating the donuts, but finding a way to nip that behavior in the bud. I think that's an important thing. Stay strong.
  • Palamedes
    Palamedes Posts: 174 Member
    First part to fixing a problem is identifying the problem. I'm learning not to use food as a reward, when I'm down, or when I'm feeling low energy. I'm replacing food with bike rides whenever I'm feeling down, when I need a reward, or when my energy seems low. Replacing food with activity is always a good idea.
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    thank you for coming here and venting instead of bottling it all up :)

    it's important not to focus on "poor" choices we may make and lose sight of all of the good ones.
  • msalamun
    msalamun Posts: 116 Member
    In the famous words of the butler Alfred Pennyworth, "Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

    We are all human and we will make mistakes. The important thing is to stand up, dust ourselves off, and continue onward. Just as one missed day at the gym does not ruin a workout program, one bad moment of weakness does not ruin our journey towards a healthy and happy life. Just try and learn from this and keep on pushing forward. We're all here to give you support when you need it.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
    i hear you. i've let myself fall into a several days long spell unfortunately. trying to pick up and dust off.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    Good for you for acknowledging your slip, and yes, that is the way to recovery.

    When I let obsessive thoughts remain trapped in my brain, they ricochet off the corners of my mind and echo in the wide spaces. I have found that once I let the thoughts out via verbalizing or journaling (writing them down), the obsessive thoughts lose their power. It's kinda like a reverse Pandora's Box.

    In the mythology story of Pandora, she opened the box containing all the evils of the world, spreading unhappiness, disease, and other sorrid "bad stuff" throughout the land. When I open my Pandora's box - my mind - and let all the harmful stuff out, it dilutes with all the good stuff in the world and becomes harmless.

    So let the bad stuff out and focus on the good work and your progress. And start believing in yourself.

  • alyssareyans
    alyssareyans Posts: 88 Member
    I'm truly speechless. I can't thank you guys enough. I had some very bad news today and the donuts just made me feel worse. The only thing I could think to do was hold myself publicly accountable. I never expected all the kind words or for anyone to reach out to me. You all are truly a great bunch of people. and I'm super grateful I found this site.
  • alyssareyans
    alyssareyans Posts: 88 Member
    Calliope610 wrote: »
    Good for you for acknowledging your slip, and yes, that is the way to recovery.

    When I let obsessive thoughts remain trapped in my brain, they ricochet off the corners of my mind and echo in the wide spaces. I have found that once I let the thoughts out via verbalizing or journaling (writing them down), the obsessive thoughts lose their power. It's kinda like a reverse Pandora's Box.

    In the mythology story of Pandora, she opened the box containing all the evils of the world, spreading unhappiness, disease, and other sorrid "bad stuff" throughout the land. When I open my Pandora's box - my mind - and let all the harmful stuff out, it dilutes with all the good stuff in the world and becomes harmless.

    So let the bad stuff out and focus on the good work and your progress. And start believing in yourself.

    You said it better than I ever could. That is exactly what it is for me. If I keep it in, I obsess and just eat more and stay off the wagon longer than I should. Somehow just releasing it into the universe seems to cause it to lose its power over me. You explained it perfectly.
  • hortensehildegarde
    hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
    alyssareyans wrote: »
    Calliope610 wrote: »
    Good for you for acknowledging your slip, and yes, that is the way to recovery.

    When I let obsessive thoughts remain trapped in my brain, they ricochet off the corners of my mind and echo in the wide spaces. I have found that once I let the thoughts out via verbalizing or journaling (writing them down), the obsessive thoughts lose their power. It's kinda like a reverse Pandora's Box.

    In the mythology story of Pandora, she opened the box containing all the evils of the world, spreading unhappiness, disease, and other sorrid "bad stuff" throughout the land. When I open my Pandora's box - my mind - and let all the harmful stuff out, it dilutes with all the good stuff in the world and becomes harmless.

    So let the bad stuff out and focus on the good work and your progress. And start believing in yourself.

    You said it better than I ever could. That is exactly what it is for me. If I keep it in, I obsess and just eat more and stay off the wagon longer than I should. Somehow just releasing it into the universe seems to cause it to lose its power over me. You explained it perfectly.

    Been there, done that a thousand times over. You are certainly not alone and a lot of us can relate.

    Besides, it was just a HALF box of doughnuts. A box of doughnuts has 12 in it, you just had a small box.

    Seriously though, you have made AMAZING progress. 70 pounds is no joke, you SHOULD be proud of yourself! That's awesome! Six doughnuts alone have no power to undo all that progress, don't give them more significance than they warrant.
  • alyssareyans
    alyssareyans Posts: 88 Member
    edited October 2014
    It's strange how alone you do feel. When I wrote that first post, I honestly didn't think anyone would be able to truly relate. It can be a very isolating thing. Especially when the people around you don't understand. I never expected to get the response I've received. You guys have made this sh*tty day become a pretty good one. <3

    ETA: Thank you all again for letting me vent. It truly has lifted my spirits.
  • alyssareyans
    alyssareyans Posts: 88 Member
    I stepped on the scale this morning to face head on any damage from yesterday. I fully expected at least a five pound increase. but I weighed just 0.5 lbs more than I did yesterday. Which is nothing my weight naturally fluctuates even on the best of days. With all the support I received yesterday and seeing the world didn't end, makes it easier for me to pick up today and go forward and allows me to leave behind yesterday. It was just one day. And it's gone. I got up this morning, ran my 5K ate my good breakfast. It truly was one day.
  • miss_boof
    miss_boof Posts: 45 Member
    I ate 5 chocolate peanut butter granola bars yesterday.... like one right after the other. Don't beat yourself up; acknowledge it and learn from it. Congrats to you for not hiding and pretending it never happened that takes a lot of spunk. You got this, 70 pounds is AMAZING, you basically lost an 8 year old. CONGRATS!
  • AllTheNoms
    AllTheNoms Posts: 135 Member
    Agree with all the comments on here. The only thing I would add is that you should also think through what drove you to the box of donuts to see if there are any root causes to be addressed in order to mitigate the risk of it turning into a repeat behavior.

    Good luck!
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    I have to say, 10 months without a binge day sounds super amazing to me! Who cares about one day in 300? Ignore it and just keep doing what you do best. I wish I had that kind of consistency.

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