Is "deflection" a symptom of a bigger problem???

redefiningmyself
redefiningmyself Posts: 476 Member
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
I've been on here since August, and I've noticed that many many people rant/blog or post about things that other members are doing. It seems to happen over and over again. For example, people are offended over:

Others using bad language
Others talking about God/religion
Others keeping their diaries closed
Others losing too fast
Others choice of profile pick
Others dietary choices

...this is just to name a few.

Initially my question would have been... "WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU?""
Didn't you come here to improve yourself? If so why get sidetracked by what other people are doing? It doesn't matter what another person chooses for themself, it only matters what you choose for your own self.

But it seems to happen so much that I'm starting to wonder, is deflecting and shifting focus onto other people a symptom of a bigger problem?

Could it be that a refusal to look inward is what may have contributed to weight gain in the first place?

Could it be that shifting focus to others while trying to lose weight is a defence mechanism to avoid dealing with your own emotions/weight issues and head trash?

I generally don't pay much attention to what others write about as I am here for myself, and if I can make some friends and share support with people who have similar lifestyle goals, even better. But these ongoing threads got me curious, so I'm interested to hear what you have to say. So, what do you think about the real reasons behind the deflections?

Replies

  • Plumpqt
    Plumpqt Posts: 156
    its sad but when you get a group of people together unfortunatly people rub other people the wrong way, some say nothing others get so bothered the have a need to say something its inevitable i dont think it deflection its life...
  • HaleyAlli
    HaleyAlli Posts: 911 Member
    Very interesting! I think sometimes it may be people trying to take attention off of their own failures. I know I struggle with this a lot, it's hard being the center of attention (even when it's just yourself) if you know you've failed in some way. But you have to forgive yourself, make that choice to move forward, and accomplish YOUR goals without picking on others!
  • chrissym78
    chrissym78 Posts: 628 Member
    I think it's just that people are people. Everyone's different and entitled to their opinion and none of us are perfect. I do wish people would stop attacking each other and stop being so negative. That being said, I'm sure there are people who wish I wouldn't post about my kids or non- weight loss related things. But I'm a SAHM, so that IS my life and def realted to my efforts to become more fit/healthy. I figure if people don't like something on here, they should hit the 'x' and make mfp what they need it to be. You have a good point though, It's always easier to attack the faults of others than deal with your own :)
  • keith0373
    keith0373 Posts: 2,154 Member
    I think it is a symptom of this site being so female dominated. You guys are not the best at being truly supportive of people who are achieving something that you want. I know that my wifes friends and family are much more likely to call her a "skinny *****" now that she has lost weight than to say anything positive to her.
  • jojoworks
    jojoworks Posts: 315 Member
    Good thoughts. I think, though, that it can be said this is a "forum"....a place where ideas are exchanged, sometimes it may seem to be just presenting one's own opinions about others, but many posters feel like they are responding to others and that their response was invited.

    I really only care about open diaries when someone has appealed to the general audience for help. If you open your diary when asking for advice on why you're not losing, etc, it is very helpful.

    For the most part, I think exchanging ideas and philosophies are a great function of the forum.

    thanks for the thoughts!
  • SabrinaJL
    SabrinaJL Posts: 1,579 Member
    So, what do you think about the real reasons behind the deflections?

    Don't know and honestly, don't care. Nothing that anybody else on here is doing has any effect on me and what I'm trying to accomplish. It'd be nice if people on here would be more supportive of each other and not quite so nit-picky, but I don't see that happening. So I'll just keep on keepin' on with working towards my goals, appreciate the support I get and ignore the stuff that makes me roll my eyes.
  • redefiningmyself
    redefiningmyself Posts: 476 Member
    Very interesting! I think sometimes it may be people trying to take attention off of their own failures. I know I struggle with this a lot, it's hard being the center of attention (even when it's just yourself) if you know you've failed in some way. But you have to forgive yourself, make that choice to move forward, and accomplish YOUR goals without picking on others!

    that's an interesting thought that the attention is uncomfortable even if it is only yourself. I think you are on to something there.
  • redefiningmyself
    redefiningmyself Posts: 476 Member
    So, what do you think about the real reasons behind the deflections?

    Don't know and honestly, don't care. Nothing that anybody else on here is doing has any effect on me and what I'm trying to accomplish. It'd be nice if people on here would be more supportive of each other and not quite so nit-picky, but I don't see that happening. So I'll just keep on keepin' on with working towards my goals, appreciate the support I get and ignore the stuff that makes me roll my eyes.

    What a fabulous attitude. :)
  • redefiningmyself
    redefiningmyself Posts: 476 Member
    Just to be clear, I'm not talking about a basic difference of opinion. I mean the nasty nitpicky jabs. What's the point of that?

    Thanks everyone for you answers so far. :)
  • MissConfidence
    MissConfidence Posts: 441
    In a way your post is focusing on what "other people are up to", no? And I am not saying this to attack you in any way, just pointing out that it's human nature to care somewhat what other people are doing, saying, thinking. I think it's impossible to totally not care, otherwise one wouldn't have a public profile - or not add friends on here... People would just do what you need to do and focus on that. But it keeps us all on our toes or feet (what's the saying?) to challenge thought. I have yet to personally be "attacked" on here (only been here a couple weeks tho) so I am perhaps not as familiar with exactly what you are talking about personally, but have read it in threads here and there.

    And yes, there are a lot of repetitions that I think are pointless - such as people getting angry at another person for claiming they burned 30000 cals walking or something - that to me is ridiculous, because it's their truth, not the person reading the post, so be it. Plus it's so easy to add and delete friends on here and most of the time people won't even notice, so if one person really ticks you just delete 'em!

    Anyway, I hear what you're saying. I personally can mostly ignore these things you've pointed out, what I care more about is that this website needs cleaning up a bit in the sense of the food logging - too many of the same items with diff infos and the clutter and order makes is hard to log...!! All the best to you! :)
  • MissConfidence
    MissConfidence Posts: 441
    And yes, I think there is truth to the notion of shifting the attention onto someone else. This is also human nature whether it's healthy or not, I think it's unavoidable. I think I am guilty of doing this and sometimes catch myself judging someone else - how can she go out wearing that? when in truth I'm jealous she can wear it and I can't. Whether she looks good or even "slutty" - to what point is it for other people to point out? She must know what she looks like, no?

    I think this is hitting on cultural differences. Some cultures tend to stick to keeping quiet and not wanting to get in the other's business - other cultures it's normal to point something out like that.
  • reesepieces
    reesepieces Posts: 253 Member
    I honestly think that people are trying to worry about what others are doing or saying so that they don't have to focus so much on their main goal, losing weight. Some people have less or more to lose. Then again, some people can't just keep opinions to themselves to keep peace where it needs to be.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    For some, though not all, overeating is tied up in larger emotional issues. When one coping mechanism goes away (the overeating) another one will take its place. Sometimes people learn better ways of coping and sometimes.....they don't.
  • redefiningmyself
    redefiningmyself Posts: 476 Member
    Lots of great insights, thanks everyone for sharing. :flowerforyou:
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    You are doing the same thing, no? :laugh:

    It's human nature. I think people just want to feel like they are doing something right. Maybe they pick on the people who make them question themselves. No biggie...we're all on a path here.
  • 1sisrat
    1sisrat Posts: 267 Member
    insecurities, the need to feel superior, the need to bring people down (misery loves company), putting your own issues onto others, and just plain meanness. There def some underlying issues, some that pure weightloss will not solve.
  • DimenaZhena
    DimenaZhena Posts: 102
    I just ignore what I feel may be offending to me. Yes, people may be entitled to their own opinion, but I'm not entitled to listen to it. :)
  • tamheath
    tamheath Posts: 702 Member
    I think it is a symptom of this site being so female dominated. You guys are not the best at being truly supportive of people who are achieving something that you want. I know that my wifes friends and family are much more likely to call her a "skinny *****" now that she has lost weight than to say anything positive to her.
    [/quote

    That is really so sad! There really are a lot of spiteful women out there. :frown: Don't get me wrong - men too, but really. Ladies. Shouldn't we be on the same side? Interesting topic. I'm all for the plan if you don't like it; don't read it. Probably didn't concern you to start with. So quit yer yapping and go work on yourself some more. And don't sweat the small stuff. :bigsmile:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    Interesting. I find the men on this site far more patronising and rude than any of the women I have yet debated anything with.


    Anyway. I think it's a number of things. I think from women it is often insecurity about our own weight, and envy of someone else's ability to lose it. I think from men it's insecurity, leading to feeling the need to lord it over the pathetic little women who don't know anything. Well that's the way it comes across to me. But then I REALLY don't like being patronised by men.

    I think also that it is a human trait to need validation for our own choices, so it is natural to see someone doing it differently to the way you have chosen to do it and automatically think "WRONG!", because if that person is right it might mean your decision was wrong. Many people seem to struggle with the idea that actually, there isn't a right way to live, we all just do it our own way.
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