I've hit rock bottom and I can't take this anymore... it's depressing

The only way I lose weight is if I count every single calorie I eat. I think you need to try for a week to count every single thing you eat and see what is going on. As for your father's voice being in your head you have got to figure out how to get that out of your head. The first thing to do is recognize that what he said is a lie. You cannot look like a fish because you are human. It sounds like your dad was not a very nice person. Which makes the unkind things he said not likely to be true.