Looking for Friends

My name is Cheryl, I am 26 years old, with one child and married. I have no support system, my husband has no clue how hard it is to lose weight or to resist foods. I turn to food when I am bored, tired, upset, happy etc. It has been an ongoing issue my whole life. When I was younger I didn't eat a whole lot, but when I did I craved sodas and candy etc. I grew up eating one meal a day, snacking whenever, and no excercise. I was a computer kid, always online. I have dieted since I was probably 10 yrs old. My mom also struggled with her weight, and sadly she passed away to breast cancer when I was 14. I have never had someone teach me how to eat healthy.

I feel that my weight really became an issue when I was 17. I graduated HS, moved out of the house for about six months and just packed on the lbs. My dad, who has always been cautious about my weight, bought me nutrisystem and it helped me lose forty pounds. A few months later I met my now husband, was young and dumb, became pregnant and put on a bunch of weight. I was up to 322 the day I had my daughter. After having my daughter, I lost a lot of weight by just eating healthy. I was down from a size 22 to a comfortable 16. I felt great, I looked great, and I had more self esteem then I could imagine.

After a year I started working at a sit down job, slowly letting myself lose control, and six years later I am here. At my heaviest. 328 pounds. I wear a size 24/26 pants, I cant look a mirror without wanting to puke at the sight of myself, and I have no self-esteem/confidence.

I have used MFP off and on for the last year or so, never getting past about 30 days or losing more then 20 lbs. Each time letting my weight get higher and higher as I relapsed.

Mostly, the weight is here because I am living a life of unhappiness. Losing interest in my job, not a great relationship with my husband, feeling like I have no friends. I am in the most depressed stage of my life as I could ever believe, but I don't let it show and I keep the smile on my face as I pack the food into my mouth.

I'm sitting here at 11pm, on a Sunday night, with a cup of coffee and a family size bag of wavy ranch chips asking myself why I do this. But, it's simple. I need help. I need someone to be there with me, encourage me, call me out, etc. Someone that understands that this is the hardest, most up and down, process of someones life. I don't have anyone here to help me with this. I didn't mean for this to get so long, but I wanted to be honest. I am looking for any friends that can give me extra support through this time, and I def. will be there to return the favor. I know I can't be the only one of this site with so many mixed emotions, that probably needs to go to counseling to get some guidance but is unwilling to do so. I am a great person to get a long with, I like to have fun and laugh, but this tears me down. I just want to be back to myself again..

Anyone out there willing to help?!?