Trying to Help myself but looking for backup.

I am very nervous about starting. I cannot afford to not start this. I am only 5 ft 2 in. Having breathing problems as no neck and the fat is surrounding my neck is making it hard to breath plus the smoking. I can barely walk 10 feet. My legs are now so swelled up that they look like bloated fish. How did this happen to me. My sister died. Being from a large family of 9 sisters and brothers, she played MOM to me. We were very close, then she died of cancer and then within 5 months her, her husband died, my best friend. I just never recovered. The depression set in and the I don't care about anything happened. Prior to this I was always moving. Always had to watch my weight as we girls are short but I am made like a line backer so tended to carry weight and still look a lot skinner. This I always had to watch. But since that time, my caring about my weight, how I look, caring about my home, all went away.

I want it back now! Funny it took the birth of my new grandson to bring it all back and now I can't do want I want to do with him and even to support my daughter who is a single parent and now looking at myself and realizing its a miracle that I don't have severe medical problems, such as becoming a diabetic or heart problems. If I don't do this now those will follow soon.

So here I am 1 day before I start, scared to death.