How do I stop??

funkyspunky871 · April 2011

Lately, I've had this mindset where I feel like I have to starve myself to lose anymore weight. I plan out my day for about 600 calories. For the past three weeks or so, I've been planning 400-600 calories for a few days a week, but normally end up eating more than 1200. Then I think to myself, "Okay, 300 calories tomorrow. Burn twice as much through exercise. No exceptions." No worries though -- I still end up eating more than 1200 the next day. However, I feel guilty with every calorie I go over that stupid, stupid goal of 400. Some days I actually am able to stick with 600 calories a day. I eat a package of pretzels for lunch or a 100 calorie bag of popcorn. Maybe have some brussel sprouts for dinner with a few slices of deli turkey. I drink 3 20 oz bottles of diet coke instead of breakfast. I throw away half of my lunch at school. I can't wait to get home and sleep, since sleep will kill a few hours that I could be spending hungry. I go back and forth from feeling great and feeling like crap during the day... but at least I'm not guilty for eating more than my "goal". Today, I had this mindset again; I tried to eat only 550 calories, but when my brother offered to take me to dinner, everybody's advice ran through my head. "1200 minimum. It's unhealthy to eat less. Starvation mode." I know all of this to be true. My conscious is SCREAMING at me to stop, so I took my brother up on that offer. I ate a healthy meal and even indulged in a few french fries for around 1200 total calories for the day... And, as soon as I got home? "Okay, let's try this again tomorrow. 600 calories, make yourself sick on extremely sweet coffee if you get hungry at night. You can do this." As I'm thinking this, I'm stuffing 800 more calories worth of reese's peanut butter cups, twix, and kitkats into my mouth. I don't know what to do. I'm already sitting here AGAIN trying to think of how I can eat only 300 calories tomorrow without being too horribly hungry.

It's killing me to know that I've lost 126 pounds, and yet I'm no where near skinny. And, I know no matter how much more weight I lose, I'll never be as skinny as everybody else. I'll have loose skin and never be able to wear a bikini.... And, no matter how skinny I am, I'll never be pretty or have a personality. I'll never have a boyfriend just because I'm skinny. I'll never get over my shyness. I'll always be fat. Always.

VixFit2011 · April 2011

Although I don't have much advice, I read your post and want you to know after taking a peek at your pics, you're a pretty young lady. Stay at this site and keep posting and I'm positive there will be people who go through what you are going through and they will help guide you.
I wish you the very best......hugs to you!

chevy88grl · April 2011

Cutting your calories so low and starving yourself is NOT a healthy way to lose weight. And honestly, your body has probably stopped losing because you aren't eating enough. If you don't fuel the machine, the machine will stop working correctly. You HAVE to eat in order to lose. You have to. I know as you lose weight and the weight loss slows down it is hard to take. It's a struggle. But, resorting to starvation isn't going to solve this problem long term. Sure, you may eventually lose more weight but as soon as you up your calories again - you'll gain it back.

Keep in mind - the thinner you are - the harder it is to lose weight. The leaner our bodies the less they want to lose what fat we might have left on us -- especially women.

funkyspunky871 · April 2011

I looked back at my diary and I've only actually managed to eat below 1200 calories twice. But, I've ATTEMPTED to eat 400-600 10 days out of the past three weeks. That's what really bothers me. I wake up with a goal of eating 400 calories, end up eating a healthy amount somewhere between 1200-1500, and then feel guilty for it... Because I had planned on eating a lot less. So, I plan on trying it again the next day and the next and the next.

EDIT: I'll be honest. Right as I was typing this, I was shoving more chocolate into my mouth and vowing to not eat anything at all tomorrow.

welly5 · April 2011

You're putting way too much pressure on yourself and you calorie goal is super super unhealthy. If you want the weight to stay off you need to eat more than 600 cal!

It sucks to really really want your goal to happen*right now* but seriously it takes time. It will happen (if you do it the healthy way) eventually so try finding more peace and patience instead of pressure and stress.

If you do lose some weight by eating severely restricted calories chances are that you'll either binge or give up. I know that if I tell myself that I can't have something its becomes *all* that I want. Instead I try to eat the healthy versions of things (pizza, popcorn etc) and also save calories for treats.

moderation not restriction and starvation. Because the time is going to pass and you can either keep speeding ahead and then burning out and going backwards, or you can go a bit easier and consistent and in the long run you'll lose more and keep it off

lerchfighter · April 2011

Funky,

You're a beautiful young woman and you've made a great deal of progress. I have to be honest with you: I think your eating habits are unhealthy. For someone your age, you should be focused on eating more healthy calories in conjunction with a solid exercise plan.

Just a suggestion. Back off from this dieting thing for awhile. Find out what makes you happy, surround yourself with people you love and that care about you and talk to them about your goals. Enlist your closest family and friend to find the proper balance in your diet goals and the goals you have for your life in general......then revisit the whole diet exercise plan with focus on a long term (read lifetime) plan.

We are not the sum total of what reflects in the mirror every day or what the scale reads back from the floor. Your body is just a vehicle to make living your life more fulfilling. Some of us drive clunkers, others luxury cars but we all need to get where we're going.

Hang in there. You've done great so far but I think you're eating about half of what you need to at this point.

Uncle Ted

crewellademel · April 2011

My dear girl, you are showing classic signs of an eating disorder and the answer to How do I stop? is this. You need to talk to a professional who deals with eating disorders. They can help you work through those feelings and thoughts, help you understand why it is important to fuel you body with healthy calories, why you deserve to eat well AND lose wt, what is a healthy wt for you etc.....I fear that if you do not work with someone to investigate why you feel the way you do it will lead to a life time of problems for you, in the way you view yourself, your body, food, and the world in general. You deserve to not have this control you and allow yourself to see the wonderful person that you are.....you just don't know it yet! Take care of yourself and let others help you. :flowerforyou:

ambivalence11 · April 2011

EAT MORE! You have to eat enough to live everyday and everytime I go under my calorie net I start to GAIN weight back. How many calories does the site say you should be eating? EAT THEM!

Let me share a story with you.

When I was 12 my hormones kicked in and my skinny as a rail body became very "womanly" in a year. I started Jr High looking like I was 16. At 14 I began taking anti-depressants due to depression and other problems at the suggestion of a counselor. I gained 50 lbs in 2 or less years. By my sophomore year I weighed 190-200 lbs. I had never had a boyfriend, I had only kissed 2 boys, and I felt like the old maid in my group of friends. Then, life threw me an even more difficult curve. 1 month after my 16th birthday my hair began falling out due to a severe allergic reaction to some bi-polar meds they were trying on me. I was completely BALD by the time we saw a dermatologist 1 month later. The poor self-esteem, weight gain, and depression only worsened. So I did something stupid believing it would help me feel better about myself. I slept with a guy 10yrs older than myself. I never wanted to see him again afterward, it was just to "get it over with" so I could feel like I was normal. Instead it only made me feel worse. At my heaviest during my senior year I weighed 220lbs. I never went to a school dance. I never dated a single guy. My first date didn't happen until I was 19. I felt very much how you feel, except that I have no hair, and was terribly obese. I thought no one could ever love me, see past the flaws I see so plainly everyday in the mirror. I was wrong. I have dated quite a bit and had 2 very serious long-term relationships with guys I never thought would give me the time of day. One of which I am with right now. You still have so much ahead of you, but if you can't learn to love yourself, flawed and all, no good will ever come to you. Give yourself 2 compliments for every bad thought. Buy some cute clothes and make-up and anything else that will make you feel like the budding woman you are. Develop some awesome skills and talents you can be proud of. And DON"T WORRY ABOUT WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS. Judge yourself on your terms, not the ones that come from TV, magazines and stupid teenage boys. Once you hit my age, you'll realize how dumb they really are, and they will have realized it too.

minus40 · April 2011

Try eating a nice, big healthy breakfast and you will feel fuller and not binge on junk later in the day, but choose healthy foods and eat a reasonable amount of calories. Please talk to someone about how you are feeling. Is there a counsellor or doctor you can talk to about the pressure you are putting on yourself? Please take good care of yourself.

LilyBugsMommy · April 2011

I agree with "Crew...", you need to speak to a professional that deals with eating disorders and surround yourself with friends and family who love you and can support you at this time. Share with them the way that you are feeling about yourself.

No one can live off of 600 calories a day. I know that you have said that you haven't really stayed that low, but you want to, and that is the scary part.

If you see a doctor or counsellor about how you feel about your body and learn how to eat healthy and have an active lifestyle, you will do just fine. I believe that all of these thoughts racing around in your head need to be talked about with someone that can help you understand them and help you to learn to love and accept yourself for who you are and the body that you have.

I really hope that you seek professional help, I believe it could save your life.

chevy88grl · April 2011

I looked back at my diary and I've only actually managed to eat below 1200 calories twice. But, I've ATTEMPTED to eat 400-600 10 days out of the past three weeks. That's what really bothers me. I wake up with a goal of eating 400 calories, end up eating a healthy amount somewhere between 1200-1500, and then feel guilty for it... Because I had planned on eating a lot less. So, I plan on trying it again the next day and the next and the next.

EDIT: I'll be honest. Right as I was typing this, I was shoving more chocolate into my mouth and vowing to not eat anything at all tomorrow.

Telling yourself to only eat 600 calories isn't a realistic goal for the day. The reason you're bingeing is because your body is starving to death. 600 calories isn't enough for you to live on - plain and simple. Placing that kind of pressure on yourself is setting yourself up for a HUGE let down. Eating 1500 calories is a pretty normal amount of calories for alot of people - it is not a crime or a reason to be down and mad at yourself.

YOU HAVE TO EAT. And eating 600 calories isn't going to cut it. Trust me when I tell you if you eat more, you won't want to binge on chocolate and such.

cassieday · April 2011

From someone who has been there and has had an eating disorder, this is a dangerous mindset!!! You should be getting at least 1200 calories a day! The problem is, yes you will lose weight, but your body is in starvation mode so not only does the fat go away but so does the muscle! Than, whenever you eat your body hang onto EVERY calorie to store for the next starve. It is a vicious cycle! I went back and forth from overweight to underweight for years and it was terrible! You have to learn to love yourself before you can even think about dieting! It was really hard but i talked with my family and friends who surrounded me with love and support and than i began to see a counselor and it changed my life! I learned to really love myself and now i live a healthy life at a healthy weight and dont struggle with the constant need to starve myself and purge when i over eat. I know the self loathing and fear of being overweight and unattractive and i am so sorry you are going through it! From someone who has been there, there is a way out!!!

THISisTARRAN · April 2011

YOu feel guilty because you are SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE!! I eat a very low amount of calories/day (doctor recommended) but I don't feel bad for eating if I eat the normal amount of calories. You have to have REASONABLE expectations. How tall are you? Have you ever thought maybe you are as thin as you need to be?
I'm not trying to mean, but you need to be positive (and stop eating chocolate). Don't think about all the skin or all that stupid crap, just think of how healthy you are now & set a goal of 1200 a day? YOU HAVE LOST over 100 Pounds...Its harder to lose weight when you are small. Its just the way your body works...It will take time..So set a healthy goal and EXPLAIN TO YOURSELF that it will take time & the weight it going to come off slower than it used to & THAT IS OKAY.
Please don't feel sad and down on yourself. You need to be proud of who you are. Here is a quote that I think is great (and I use to remind myself to not feel sorry for myself & to be grateful for what I have) I think it applies to you: "You're problem is... you are too busy holding on to your own unworthiness"
You are beautiful!! Tell yourself that everyday...sometimes you have to do that so that you start believing it. Good luck to you. If you see this and would like someone to talk to message me.
Good luck.

How do I stop??

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