You're Invited! Pity Party/Maid of Honor

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DanniB423
DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
in Motivation and Support
December 1st will be one year since I have quit smoking. WOO HOO! I am proud of myself. I will say though not smoking anymore has made my lifestyle change with MFP 100x harder than ever before. I commend those who never even picked up the habit! It sounds gross but it was so easy to smoke instead of eat over my calories. It felt like I was doing something. Anyways, I have gained most of the weight I lost back since quitting. I hear a lot of friends say they gained 20lbs after quitting. I have 80 pounds to lose so this is a MAJOR set back. Of course when my oldest friend asked me to be her Maid of Honor I accepted. I made all of the empty promises to myself I normally do. "Oh I am going to lose the weight and look great!!" Right. I can only blame the not smoking thing so much. Obviously I realize I didn't put in the work and got back on track way late (about two weeks ago). The wedding is now 3 weeks away and I just feel gross and sad about wearing this dress and being in all of these pictures. Is three weeks even any time to feel any different? It is. I know. I just have been feeling bad lately. For those of you who saw a post I made about something rude that a child said about me at my daughters school.. Many of you advised me to use the comment as motivation. I agree with that completely but for some reason the negativity has pushed me deeper into a hole and I am feeling the worst I have ever felt. I know I can change it. I have done it in the past and I will. I think this is what rock bottom feels like. Thanks for listening.

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  • lisaontiveros13
    lisaontiveros13 Posts: 15 Member
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    One of the things I have learned is that nearly ALWAYS, when we look back at photos from 5 years or more, we wish we had better appreciated our former selves. Take it one day at a time, and focus on being a thoughtful, helpful M.O.H. for the bride. Let the day be about her and try your best to focus less on you.

    As for letting mean or insensitive comments "motivate" you, a recent article I viewed with my students shows that "fat shaming" rarely works, but rather has the opposite effect. Instead, you might try to focus on forgiveness for what was obviously an undeserved comment.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
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    I just wish they would go ahead and decriminalize it.
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
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    Clarification: Smoking cigarettes.
  • 00_Staarling
    00_Staarling Posts: 12 Member
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    Hey there, it sucks that you are feeling bad about this and I hope you feel better emotionally about it soon - amazing effort with the smoking!!! That takes serious will power and if you can quit a bad habit like that you surely can undertake a weight loss journey too.

    Did the cigarettes help you because they suppressed your appetite or was it because they kept you occupied? If it was the latter you could try vaping as you can buy eliquids with no nicotine in them and that might help you not boredom eat.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    Look at it this way: you took your first big step toward getting much healthier by quitting smoking. great job! Now your second step will be to lose weight. Don't worry about the wedding; being a part of it is what is important to your friend, not whether you've lost weight by then. Set your reasonable goal and get started!
  • Miss_1999
    Miss_1999 Posts: 747 Member
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    headofphat wrote: »
    I just wish they would go ahead and decriminalize it.

    It's no crime to be an *kitten*, rude, stupid, or uneducated. If it were, Three quarters of the population would be imprisoned.


    OP, first, HUGE, HUGE CONGRATS on quitting smoking. I smoked for 23 years. I quit in August this year, and I know what a feat it is. I loved my cigarettes more than I loved my next breath of air. I'd rather have smoked than eaten. The most important thing that you can do right now, is not beat yourself up over the past. It's done. It's over. You can't change it.

    Maybe you made some choices that weren't the best. Maybe you didn't get out and weren't as active as you should've been. It's over with. You've got today. That's what matters. The comment that kid made. It was rude. It was hurtful. It was wrong. It's in the past. You've got a bright future to look forward to!

    I was fat in my best friend's wedding, but you know what, I treasure that picture more than anything, because I love Monger (that's our nicknames for each other) more than life itself. We were each others maid/matron of honor in our weddings. We we there when all of our children were born. We've been there for each other through the good and bad times. We will never, EVER leave one another. She's the other half of my soul, and the sister God forgot to give me. I don't care that I'm not the size I am not in those pictures. What matters, is that we were together, and I was right beside of her, supporting her.

    Remember this. Remember, what matters is that your best friend wants you to stand beside of her on this important day. She wants your love and support. You will look beautiful! You are a beautiful young woman! Fix your hair pretty, maybe even have an up-do! Do your make up, up nicely, or have a manicure. The pictures of the two of you will be beautiful, no matter what, and something both of you will treasure for a lifetime.

    I treasure these, and no matter what, I wouldn't take anything for them:

    1934497_105950517871_1180960_n.jpg?oh=5747307d42c2a9991ba45154078831c2&oe=54F5FEA5&__gda__=1420927465_1a5405e0edb9566982f09054c1388c88

    396390_10150553132027872_518265280_n.jpg?oh=3a14690ded9581cc4d323dc3c0948885&oe=54ACFE68



  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,716 Member
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    Great job quitting smoking! SO hard to do!

    I'm going to go against the grain this time (because I remember your other thread about the comment from the child and I know you've been struggling) and say that maybe use the 3 week window as a tool. I normally don't advise trying to get in shape for ONE event and with so little time that's not possible here. But, DECIDE that in 3 weeks you WILL make a difference. Take your measurements today and set a goal (for example, I'll lose 1/2 inch from my arms, or my waist, or both - whatever is reasonable for you) and remember that goal every time you make a choice to eat. In 3 weeks when you see that accomplishment, set your next 3 week goal and so on.

    Sometimes it's a mental game: setting a month goal can seem overwhelming because saying "a whole month" seems like a long time. Try 3 week increments and see how it goes!

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