Other People's Stress

Repeat as often as necessary "Not my circus, not my monkeys".

Then go read this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/karen-ann-kennedy/not-my-circus-not-my-monk_b_5390455.html

That's been a HUGE problem for me my entire life. I care WAY too much about other people, and often times, I care way too much about people who care nothing for me. I spent my entire summer consumed with worry and grief over an absolute insane decision that my best friend made, that had torn her family apart. I was doing my best to pick up the pieces SHE had broken, and take care of her children.

I was going to every soccer game that my oldest godson had, while she attended none. Was up to smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes a day, all the while, a person I'd become very close to, abruptly, cut ties with me. That was a devastating loss, as I mentioned, sometimes, you care far more for others, than they ever care about you. I genuinely thought this person was a friend. I cared about their well-being. Worried about how they were, prayed for them, and their family nightly, enjoyed spending time with them, and the hobby we shared. I will NOT lie and say I didn't over-react, or at least I think I did. I still don't know. I've tried to apologize for that, to no avail.

I finally realized, as much as I love my best friend- she is literally the other half of my soul- the sister God forgot to give me, and my friend that just abruptly cut ties, that I can't carry that around with me. It was killing me worrying about trying to take care of her, and her mess, thinking about her destroying her life and her boys lives. It was destroying me, obsessing wondering what I did wrong, and why my friend just abruptly cut all ties. I finally realized, that as much as I missed my friend, that sometimes we don't mean as much to other people, as they do to us. It hurts like hell, but we have to let it go, and move on. For some people like me, it's not as easy, it's a process, but knowing is half the battle.

I quit smoking in August, and finally just turned it over in prayer. I realize this isn't the answer for *everyone*, obviously, but this was my solution. I kept on supporting my godsons, just as I always have, and always will, but I did not allow the actions of my best friend to dictate my every thought. I won't tell you there wasn't pain in my heart. I won't tell you there wasn't an empty part in my soul without her, but I kept moving on, and doing what I had to do to keep myself well and sane for myself and my family. At the end of September, I got a text from her. She'd returned home, and was working on her family, and getting herself together, and rebuilding things. I can honestly say, that was probably one of the best if not the best texts I've ever gotten in my life.

In order for things to get better, though, I had to let go. I couldn't carry it with me. As for my other friend, I've never heard from them again. It's a hard pill to swallow to realize that you didn't matter to someone as much as they mattered to you, but it's life. You have to pick up, you have to go on. I won't tell you that every day is a great day. I won't tell you that every day I wake up with this cheerful smile on my face, and have the wonderful, motivational, "can-do" attitude that I do my best to inspire others with. There are times I break down after everyone goes to bed, or when I'm by myself, when the memories creep in, but I try to remember, I'm only one person. I only have one life. It's too short to be living with regrets. It's too short to be living so sad. I don't need to be letting others drag me down. I'll help where I can, and if I can't, I can't.

Remember this, always.