Getting judged after the loss
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You don't look too skinny to me, just smile at them and say thank you for noticing how fabulous i look its so much appreciated, smile and walk away from their shocked faces!!0
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I haven't reached my goal weight yet, and I already have friends who are encouraging me to stop where I am and not lose anymore weight. Some of those same people have tried to discourage heavy lifting because I will "get bulky". lol, that is NOT going to happen without attempting to do so, and even then it is hard work.
At the end of the day, I have to be happy with me. I want a strong, healthy me. I will keep working toward my goal. I also keep in mind that those folks who are giving out advice are not necessarily giving out healthy advice. I will keep doing what I am doing.0 -
Isabelle_1929 wrote: »Don't hesitate to tell people that it's rude to make negative comments on the way you look.
Because it is.
Many years ago, in my workplace, I fixed the situation in the lunch room, at noon. I was sick and tired of being calld too skinny or too small, although I was not at all (I was around 110 - 112 pounds for a 5'3, would NEVER skip a meal, and with "perfect" results at annual medical check up).
(Beside, even if someone was too skinny - how is this his colleagues' business?)
Anyhow, at lunch time, I told a colleague (who used to comment on my weight and body shape) something like "Wow, in these pants, we really see how your *kitten* is much bigger than it was a year ago". Then - in the silence that ensued - I said calmly: "Now, all of you know how I feel when I am told I am too skinny or does not have the body shape that suit your personal taste. There is no such thing as a "well-intentioned insult". Trust me, I have a harsh comment in bank for any one here who will be tempted to criticize my body shape or weight. If it's not your weight, that'll be your nose, teeth, legs, wrinkles, flabby chin, whatever."
That was the end of it. No one mentioned this incident ever after, but no one ever made mean remarks on my weight anymore.
Wow, ballsy. Go you.
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I get that a LOT!!! Like someone else said, where were all the comments when I was ballooning to 264 pounds?? Now that I am a healthy and fit 149 all I hear is you need to eat (I do), you are too skinny, you don't need to lose anymore weight, the worst, you are gonna blow away!! Really? 149 pounds and I'm gonna blow away??
The kicker comes from my best friend though.. I am 5'8, she is 4'11 and has just started losing after gaining up to the 180's.. her favorite thing to tell me is "I don't want to he as skinny as you".. I wear a size 4 but I still have a small stomach pooch. . How does she know how it feels to be as "skinny as me".. there is not even a comparison because of such a difference in height.. ughhhh just makes me ill...
so, yep, I feel ya!!!
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I have also experienced this. Two years ago I lost 40 lbs going from a size 12 to a size 6. My doctor commended my new healthier lifestyle which consisted of eating nutritionally and working out 4 nights a week. One thing I ran into A LOT was family and friends complaining when I wouldn't eat another helping for dinner or not eating a slice of cake at a birthday party. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of cheats, but I was proud that I could say "No" to something I knew wasn't healthy for me. Eventually, my family and friends stopped the comments and I'm glad I didn't listen to them. If you lost weight healthily and your doctor gives the go ahead, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Keep up the awesome work and the comments will begin to wane. Hey, it might also rub off on some of those people
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Don't let the negative comments stop you!
I get similar comments ... "you're wasting away", "there's nothing left of you", and the occasional "are you, um, ok?" ... having dropped 105+ lbs in under 9 months. I point out that I'm back down to my "wedding weight", and I still have 10 more pounds to get down to "university weight". That seems to settle everyone down.0 -
Congrats that's awesome! I lost 20 lbs a couple years ago (back to my 'original' weight) and had a friend who was constantly telling me I needed to eat more and that he was going to have to feed me. Which is odd because he also recently lost a bunch of weight. My MIL got super worried when my husband lost a few pounds and kept harping at him to get checked out - but in her defence, his father DID die of cancer and their first sign of his illness was rapid weight loss, so it's always on her mind.0
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This is just my opinion based on limited personal experience and that of a very small number of clients who have experienced the same thing.
My belief is that people form an image of you in their head and they get used to this image. Then you go and drop some weight (or 122 lbs in your case, which is spectacular) and you look significantly different than the image they have of you in their head.
Additionally, I believe that most of the time, people actually mean it as a compliment when they say that you're too thin. That probably sounds crazy, but with the negative stigma that fat has, and how hard it is to lose fat, I think your friends/family probably don't mean to be hurtful when they say "you've lost too much weight!".
Of course I could be wrong on all of the above. This is just my current belief.
I DO think you are not alone in this sort of social exchange. I recall thinking this about a friend of mine who had lost about 80lbs (this was 20 years ago, prior to me knowing or caring at all about fitness). I also have had clients deal with this exact same issue.0 -
So......somewhere between too big and too thin you were perfect and no one told you??? Haha. At least that is a good comeback....
I just lost 32 pounds and was just recently told I look like a bobble head!!! Kinda funny!!0 -
Just give those who question a big hug and a cheek kiss as you thank them for their concern.DWQuinn60681 wrote: »So, I am down 122 pounds, and I could not be happier. I feel great, and I am really enjoying the new, thinner me. I run now, and am staying super active. However, now I am getting the people saying I'm too thin. I have stopped losing (I'm still a size 32 pants - which is what I wanted), and my Doctor is happy for me. However, I have people asking me if something is wrong with me because I lost so much weight. Does anybody else get this? How did you handle it?
And say "I have EBOLA!"
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I'm so happy with this topic!! my neighbours who see me often, all want to have me make their meal plans and ask me for help (and tell me I'm pretty now and should stop losing weight)... but yeah, I was asked by some people if I lost this weight because I wanted to or if I am sick. I'm like "ehhhh". My physical therapist and GP are happy for me and I'm still well in the overweight BMI and lost 37 kilo since last year february, so no quick sprint, except that I've been doing PiYO, Kettlebell and Yoga for the past 5 months, so getting muscle and loving those upper arms getting tighter and just my physical strength increasing. I was getting mixed signals from her, I had to wonder if I look sick haha! I'm so happy more people experience this and I'm not alone... after I told her I was losing weight on purpose she did want to know how and has joined MFP
but the "you look pretty like you are now so you can stop losing weight" can be a bit annoying, I'm not a slave to my BMI but my waist line is not a healthy size yet and I only just crossed the border from obese to overweight weight size - my physical size is a 10-12 us size. Want to get leaner and stronger, trying to put more focus on getting the body fat percentage down.
...and Go you!! well done!!
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Additionally, I believe that most of the time, people actually mean it as a compliment when they say that you're too thin. That probably sounds crazy, but with the negative stigma that fat has, and how hard it is to lose fat, I think your friends/family probably don't mean to be hurtful when they say "you've lost too much weight!".
^This!! They think its what you want to hear.
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My Mum is a health nut so any comments I've gotten have been from my husband's family(which I'm silently thankful for because I care more about what my own Mum thinks o.O). I was also bigger when I started working, so when I lost 60lbs before I had my son, I got a couple of comments from coworkers about how fast I was losing weight, which were fine. But then my husband's sister was looking at my high school yearbook, and I mentioned that my goal is to get back to that weight(which is 150lbs at 5'7"), and she was like 'Omg, no way you look sick!' No one ever thought that when I was that weight.
What gets on my nerves most is one of my best friends, who seems to compare us. We both gained a fair bit after highschool, and when I lost that 60lbs her attitude was 'You better not be getting skinnier than me.' And now this time whenever we hang out she comments about how big she is, as if because I'm smaller it makes her bigger? But she isn't doing anything near what I'm doing to change it, so I find all those comments unnecessary and kind of unsupportive.
But the most important thing is how you feel about yourself. 0 -
Put an arm around their shoulder, and somberly say "Yes, I'm dying. I have lost a lot of weight, and now I've only got 50 or 60 years left."0
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This!!! If you feel great and enjoy the new you.. rock it! Who cares what anyone else thinksVelveteenArabian wrote: »People are so used to everyone being fat that they just assume something is wrong when a person isn't.
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hermann341 wrote: »Put an arm around their shoulder, and somberly say "Yes, I'm dying. I have lost a lot of weight, and now I've only got 50 or 60 years left."
Hah! Love this! I had two long time co-workers approach me about a "sensitive topic". They were truly worried that I might be ill and just not saying anything.
It took a while for me to come up with a good response but now I just reassure people by saying "it's okay, it's on purpose!" I hope I remember to use your line next time
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Asking you if you're okay is not the same as judging.
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I really think that people who are supposed to be your friends that have anything non supportive to say are jealous and threatened.0
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At my work place, people have indeed lost weight because they were seriously ill.
It is o.k. to say "Thanks. I am fine." Then change the subject.0 -
@DWQuinn60681
People tend to be negative. If you're healthy and happy ignore them, they'll get used to seeing the new you, and if they don't who cares. It happens A LOT. Congrats on your weight loss!
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congratulations on your weight loss. dont mind them some people have no filter. as long as you know when to stop is the most important thing. I have been called lollipop head a couple of times which is quite amusing because i am not even thin. I just laugh it off.0
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I like to deflect awkward comments with questions; it allows me to see their thought processes and it puts them in the hot seat and not me. i.e. 'Don't you think you've lost a bit too much weight now?' 'What do you think a man of my height should weigh?' Undoubtedly they will get it wrong. You can then ask 'What do you think a person of your height should weigh?' and then you can segue into the fact that they're overweight and they could do with losing a bit. They'll be embarrassed by this and I guarantee they'll never bring it up again.0
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Congrats on the weight loss.
I have a friend who would love to see me drop down to 160 and my family is backing me in the decision to lose weight. They want to see me take it off.
Even my co-workers know I'll be dropping down to a thinner weight but most of my co-workers look to be more at an ideal weight then me. I don't think I'll be hearing too much of those comments....0 -
hermann341 wrote: »Put an arm around their shoulder, and somberly say "Yes, I'm dying. I have lost a lot of weight, and now I've only got 50 or 60 years left."
^^ This!
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bcomingfitmom wrote: »hermann341 wrote: »Put an arm around their shoulder, and somberly say "Yes, I'm dying. I have lost a lot of weight, and now I've only got 50 or 60 years left."
^^ This!
That's a great way to put it 0 -
Have you noticed how many people start here, look up the healthy weight range for their height, and post that there's no way they could possibly lose that much weight - that they'd look emaciated? And when these same people get down to the initial goal they set for themselves, they realize that they their 'ideal weight' is still quite a bit fatter than they really thought they'd be.
Most overweight people don't appreciate how much extra weight they themselves are carrying, let alone how much weight someone else has to lose.
This is exactly what I did. I started at 213lbs and told myself that I would be happy getting to 165lbs. I now expect to hit that goal this week but I've decided that 140lbs is my new goal.
I'm not even in the healthy weight range yet but I've had one comment about being too thin. My ex came over to take the dog to the park (he used to be her dog too) and when she was here, she looked at me and said "that's enough, no more weight loss, you're starting to look creepy thin." I think she's just used to me looking bigger. Her new girlfriend is probably about the same size that I used to be so it's just what people are used to seeing I guess.
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People you are all inspirational. I'm not much of a talker, you could even call be boring, but that's ok because I like boring, and along with that I'm obese. I was wondering how I could stay motivated staying on this diet and then I found all of you on this website. I now get up every morning and tune into your messages and that keeps me going for the rest of the day. So I would like to thank all of you!!!!!!!0
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I would take the comments as compliments!
To me, if they think you look sick and too skinny when you're a healthy weight.. I wouldn't want to know what they thought before the 122 lb weight loss! You are a lot healthier now than you were 122lbs ago!
Great loss! 0 -
I haven't had any of these comments yet, because I've only lost 30lbs out of 71lbs and it's not really showing, I look like I've lost maybe 15lbs or even less
Anyway, I hope to look good enough at 140lbs to get jealous comments like those 0 -
Just give those who question a big hug and a cheek kiss as you thank them for their concern.DWQuinn60681 wrote: »So, I am down 122 pounds, and I could not be happier. I feel great, and I am really enjoying the new, thinner me. I run now, and am staying super active. However, now I am getting the people saying I'm too thin. I have stopped losing (I'm still a size 32 pants - which is what I wanted), and my Doctor is happy for me. However, I have people asking me if something is wrong with me because I lost so much weight. Does anybody else get this? How did you handle it?
And say "I have EBOLA!"
This is too darn funny. I love all the responses, but I do think I'll go with this.0
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