Getting judged after the loss

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  • Ruzuki
    Ruzuki Posts: 136 Member
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    Congrats on losing so much!
    Keep in mind that these people are probably trying to compliment you, just going about it the wrong way... I have quite a few friends who are skinny, and some of them tell me constantly that theyre 'so fat', too. I tell them they look fine just as they are. I tell EVERYONE they look fine just how they are. (Because I dont really care how people look at all if their personality is nice. lol)
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    You triggered a memory. The last time I seriously lost weight (and likely hit my personal ideal. If only I knew), my mother sabotaged my efforts. You see, I then weighed less than her! I've always been serious about my health and never went more extreme than Weight Watchers. My loss (just like this time) was slow and steady. She accused me of being anorexic! Tried to "feed" me every time I went over. This was very discouraging at the time. Now I am a crusty old lady and not so hard to intimidate. These days I would smile sweetly. I privately call it my shark smile.
  • kar328
    kar328 Posts: 4,156 Member
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    Isabelle_1929 wrote: »
    Don't hesitate to tell people that it's rude to make negative comments on the way you look.

    Because it is.

    Many years ago, in my workplace, I fixed the situation in the lunch room, at noon. I was sick and tired of being calld too skinny or too small, although I was not at all (I was around 110 - 112 pounds for a 5'3, would NEVER skip a meal, and with "perfect" results at annual medical check up).

    (Beside, even if someone was too skinny - how is this his colleagues' business?)

    Anyhow, at lunch time, I told a colleague (who used to comment on my weight and body shape) something like "Wow, in these pants, we really see how your *kitten* is much bigger than it was a year ago". Then - in the silence that ensued - I said calmly: "Now, all of you know how I feel when I am told I am too skinny or does not have the body shape that suit your personal taste. There is no such thing as a "well-intentioned insult". Trust me, I have a harsh comment in bank for any one here who will be tempted to criticize my body shape or weight. If it's not your weight, that'll be your nose, teeth, legs, wrinkles, flabby chin, whatever."

    That was the end of it. No one mentioned this incident ever after, but no one ever made mean remarks on my weight anymore.

    I think I love you. :D Great reply, I may have to borrow it. Most of my coworkers are fine with a simple "you look good" but some of them are gifted with giving out insult disguised as compliments. The more I lose, the worse the comments are getting. I'm in the middle of a three week vacation and the scale is behaving, my first shift back should bring out some doozies.

    33505241.png

  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
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    As obesity rates increase and being overweight has become more prevalent than being a "normal" weight, people tend to underestimate weight. There have recently been several studies in which parents were asked if their young children were overweight/normal, and most were wrong: The results show 71 percent of participating parents with overweight or obese toddlers misperceived their child's weight, identifying it as either a healthy weight or lighter than healthy weight. Source: http://www.livescience.com/8313-parents-underestimate-weight-obese-children.html

    One of my coworkers once made a joke about, "being 200 lbs" like it was a huge number, when, at the time, I was over 200 lbs, but no one would have guessed. I guarantee if you asked people to guess your weight (don't-it's awkward), they would underestimate by 20lbs, minimum.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    blackcoffeeandcherrypie wrote: »
    I like to deflect awkward comments with questions; it allows me to see their thought processes and it puts them in the hot seat and not me. i.e. 'Don't you think you've lost a bit too much weight now?' 'What do you think a man of my height should weigh?' Undoubtedly they will get it wrong. You can then ask 'What do you think a person of your height should weigh?' and then you can segue into the fact that they're overweight and they could do with losing a bit. They'll be embarrassed by this and I guarantee they'll never bring it up again.

    that's pretty genius.
  • astrose00
    astrose00 Posts: 754 Member
    edited October 2014
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    I'm trying to remember if I have ever done/said this to anyone. Probably. I've been on both sides. I've lost tons of weight and looked fantabulous and I've seen people lose weight after I regained weight. I don't think I ever told someone they should stop or they look anorexic (because, frankly, if they really did then it wouldn't be appropriate to make such a flip comment).

    My take on people's comments is this: Most people say things and don't care about or realize the gravity of what they have said. Five seconds later they have moved on and you're still stunned or hurt for days, months or years. Don't let anyone have that kind of power over you. I suspect most people don't mean any harm while others are jealous. Either way, who cares? Why let any negative comments dampen such an incredible accomplishment? You lost 122lbs!!! That is amazing. Don't spend another moment worrying about this! The people making the comments aren't losing any sleep, why should you?

    Congrats on the loss and your new life. Enjoy it!!!
  • hgwill78
    hgwill78 Posts: 64 Member
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    Thanks for posting this OP! I've been getting this a lot lately since I've lost about 65 pounds over the last year. Some days I shrug it off and go on about my day. Some days, it really annoys me. People keep telling me I'm so "tiny" now, which is a stretch. I'm in my healthy range with just under 10 pounds to get to my goal. I think some people just don't know what healthy looks like. I've had a few of my friends with no filter refer to me as skinny B****, but I know it's just envy on their part. I worked hard for this new body so while the comments may annoy me, I don't let them derail me from my goals. Congrats on your loss!! That is amazing! Bravo!
  • rausharvey
    rausharvey Posts: 59 Member
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    Yea, I'm currently around 159 and I told my friends I want to be around 135 ultimately. That's in the middle of a healthy BMI for my height & age, and they thought that was too skinny... but I just remind myself that if I'm going to lose weight, I am going to go all out and be where I want to be :)
  • DrKHS
    DrKHS Posts: 1 Member
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    It's interesting that when we weigh over 250 lbs our colleagues and friends never tell us they are worried about our health, but when we get close to our goal weight they feel free to tell us we're TOO THIN or don't look healthy!
  • meganjcallaghan
    meganjcallaghan Posts: 949 Member
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    i stopped losing weight like 3 or 4 months ago and still have people i've seen on a regular basis since then saying "you need to stop losing" or "you're not losing any MORE are you?!". then they look at me like i'm lying when i say "i actually haven't changed weight since every other time you've said that over the last several months". my mother actually pulled my roommate aside and asked if i'd even been eating because she'd decided i must be anorexic (while 144 pounds at 5'6.5"...so like only 12 pounds away from being "overweight") people have to find someone else to be concerned with so they don't have to spend too much time looking at themselves.
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    gamesandgains wrote: »
    Slightly off topic but when I lost over 100 lbs I had a ton of people ask my what pill or what diet I was on. My reply was always "just eat less and workout". Their faces were priceless. I had one girl sit me down and ask me "alright dude really, we're cool, tell me what you're taking..."

    Yes. I've lost track of the number of people who were disappointed when I told them my "secret" was to eat less and exercise. They all wanted to know what pill or (latest fad) diet I followed. A few didn't believe that it could be done as I stated.

  • bob108819
    bob108819 Posts: 267 Member
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    Love this thread, need to go back and read through it all. I've been hearing this non-stop from several people. I've dropped about 30 pounds, been eating healthy and working out like crazy, and what I hear from people is that "I need to stop". I always say the same thing, "Stop what? Stop working out? Stop eating healthy" Then they backpedal and say that I don't need to lose any more weight, so I ask them what my bodyfat % is and what they think I weigh. They usually back off at this point. Truth is, I'm not really trying to lose weight anymore, but I am going to continue logging to keep myself accountable, and I'm going to do my best to eat healthy.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    People don't really don't know what "normal" is. I'm still 35 lbs away from my goal and I've been getting comments like, "Don't lose too much," or "You're already a normal size." But I know the numbers and what's healthy and what I want, so I just don't pay attention.
  • byrned77
    byrned77 Posts: 1
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    Congrats! When I lost 20 lbs, I got skinny-shamed, if that's a thing. My co-workers picked on me every chance they got and it pissed me off. Don't listen to them. They're probably just jealous.
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
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    I have lost over 1/2 of my original weight 290#. I got down to 125 (for about 10 days) but have been stable at 130-135 for the past 10 months and at this weight I am mid range for normal for my height. I too am happy, and my doctor is happy also. I have people tell me all the time that I don't need to lose more weight, that I am skinny, which I definitely am not. It bothered me too. As others have said, just don't pay any attention to comments. The fact that you and your doctor are pleased with your success is all that matters. Congratulations!
  • Minnygirl1
    Minnygirl1 Posts: 83 Member
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    Someone recently asked me if I was "done yet" with my weight loss. She then said I was thin enough and should stop. (I am 138 pounds at 5'6" right smack dab in the middle of the BMI chart). I looked her right in the eye and said "I weigh 138 pounds, how much do you weigh?" She stopped, blinked a few times and said in a embarrassed voice "I would rather not say." She got the hint. My weight was none of her business. I was friendly and non confrontational about it so we just moved on to another topic. It worked great!!!
  • briaggressive
    briaggressive Posts: 15 Member
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    I went through this a few years ago when I lost 50 pounds. My mother suffered from a terrible eating disorder that nearly took her life when she was younger, so when I started losing weight my family panicked thinking I was going through the same thing.

    Just explain to people your motivation and methods :) My family is always at ease when I explain to them that I eat a healthy amount and exercise.

    I think people have trouble with change mostly. If people have always known you when you were heavier, they might be afraid that your weight loss means you are different or that you are going to change. People will get used to the "new you". I'm 5 feet tall, so when I lose 50 lbs it was a massive change. When it first happened, I got comments like " Oh Bri, you are wasting away!" and "Can I feed you?" But people got used to the smaller me.
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
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    I've had a handful of these comments that I'm too skinny, or too bony or whatever. I smile and ignore them, and then forget them (which is why I can't really remember how many I've had). I'm right in the middle of "healthy" BMI, healthy waist circumference, healthy waist/hip ratio, healthy waist/height ratio and my blood pressure has gone down (it was never that high but was borderline). This all for the first time in 10 years.

    I do reassure friends/colleagues that I'm not sick, because they're just being sweet and caring, but other people's opinions on what size/weight I should be, and comparing me to them, are irrelevant to me and I treat them as such, but I would never offend by throwing some smart comment at them unless they started getting aggressive about it, and even then, I would probably just flex my biceps and say "don't forget the muscle along with the skin and bones"..

    Honestly, people get used to the "new" you eventually, even if it can take a while. I've even learned to become more patient of people who do not recognize me AT ALL and therefore ignore me. They'll come around.
  • JeffInJax
    JeffInJax Posts: 232 Member
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    You guys are subtle when it comes to other people lol. The females I work with seem genuinely concerned I might be losing too much but are supportive so it does not bother me. Last time I got a negative comment from a guy I work with was him telling me it was pathetic I waste my time logging because we were at lunch and I was putting everything into MFP. Without missing a beat I told him he was welcome to tell me that as soon as he could look down and see something besides his stomach. Never said a word about it since.

    Needless to say, it is normal.
  • Wronkletoad
    Wronkletoad Posts: 368 Member
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    take a look at Augustus Gloop from the original movie. If you are old enough to have seen it in the theater or in early-runs on TV, you'll recall how nearly absurdly fat he was.

    Now he looks on the thinner side of humanity...

    Keep on working out, keep on losing until you're happy! then maintain the hell out of it! and rock on! yay!

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