Gained the weight I told myself I'd never go back to....super depressed over it... :-/

Jenny923
Jenny923 Posts: 1
in Motivation and Support
Well here I am, back on myfitnesspal. I suppose this is a step in the right direction. I have two children ages 5 & 7. My heaviest after both children was 220. I lost weight after and got down to 190 and felt awesome. I have since let a food addiction, beer and depression shoot me right back up to if I had to guess....230...I haven't weighed yet. All I know is it's a struggle to tie my shoes lol (I remember that from before) because I gain in the middle. I am constantly grabbing where I have gained in disbelief. I put the weight on very quickly- about 6-7 months after I lost my job this past Feb 2014. I have since found a better job so there is no excuse. I beat myself up constantly for eating too much. I know exactly what I should eat and how much. I just let my depression take over and say forget it. I have to exercise, that is the only way for me to lose weight. I purchased Rockin body by shaun T and am starting that this evening. I am scared I will fail at being consistent because I have been in the place many times before. I want this so badly..I just need support. The sole cause of my depression now is the weight I've gained (it's not a chemical imbalance). I feel like no one would want to date me looking the way that I do compared to how I used to look so I actually avoid dating. I am extremely socialable person and have many great friends. They have noticed my depression. It's time I take control of my depression and kick it in the *kitten*. Once I start my program this evening, I will immediately feel better. I just HAVE to stick to it. My happiness depends on it.... Thanks for listening. I'd love to meet new friends on here to share our journeys. Every little bit helps. God bless everyone!

Replies

  • Trishism
    Trishism Posts: 79 Member
    You should add me! We're both 5'7" and my highest was 233! I managed to lose 60lbs before I got pregnant and now I'm working off the baby weight and then some. I have struggled with committing as well, but so far I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight and you can do it too!
  • kaydensmom2009
    kaydensmom2009 Posts: 57 Member
    I was on myfitnesspal in 2011, lost 50lbs and felt great with myself for the first time ever. I stayed that way until 2013 when I let my depression and anxiety get the best of me and gained it all back. I understand about constantly beating yourself up about not eating the right foods or in the right amount. I am finally starting to feel some self control again and even though I am just beginning again, I am already feeling better.
  • holtzyt
    holtzyt Posts: 16 Member
    edited October 2014
    I also resort to beating myself up over failures. What I am finding (finally) is that it is a massive waste of energy!!! Use that energy to dive into your exercise. Remember how bad the self abuse feels when you want to grab that extra snack. Believe me, I'm not lecturing - I'm reminding myself of these tips as I type. ;) My "baby" is going to be 20 this year, so I can't use the baby fat excuse with any viability - but I'm not above trying. I did quit smoking this year though, and put on 15 pounds that I have not been able to get rid of. Until now, that is! I believe that support is a huge motivator and think we all could use some. Know that I support you. Depression gets a hold on me too, and I found that exercising at that moment - when it's the LAST thing you want to do - helps exponentially. Move your bod and get the endorphins going - better than any prescription drug out there.
  • Elsie_Brownraisin
    Elsie_Brownraisin Posts: 786 Member
    edited October 2014
    Have you seen anyone regarding your depression? Talking to someone for counselling or something can really help with depression, low self esteem and being socially anxious.

    I agree with holzyt about exercise 100%, even when it's the last thing you want to do. I really empathise.
  • awolf2011
    awolf2011 Posts: 265 Member
    I'm there with ya. I lost 40 lbs using MFP in 2012, then got pregnant with my 4th boy and had him in Nov 2013. I nursed him for almost 10 months and I used that as an excuse to not eat the way I should or to not exercise. I did however start running a few months ago. I wasn't doing it regularly like I should. I just completely my 2nd 5k this past weekend. I've been on MFP logging here and there so I've always been here since 2012 but it's time to get in gear. My baby is weaned and will turn 1 next month and I've got about 11 lbs to lose to get back to my pre-baby weight. I've got all the tools at home and just need to do it!! You can do this too!! Your body will tell you, "don't workout, I'm tired" but you need your brain to say "too damn bad, we are anyway!!". Once you get into it, you will feel 100% better!!! Though I type this as I'm eating a piece of cake.... :(
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
    edited October 2014
    are you seeing a therapist to treat your depression?
    having a therapist has worked wonders for me and helped me not only lose weight but keep the weight off forever. because its understanding why you are overweight in the first place. let this be the last time you learn this lesson.

    take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up. there is still a lesson to be learned don't miss it again! good luck! you can do this! just dig deep!
  • CakeyBakey
    CakeyBakey Posts: 18 Member
    I can completely sympathise with you! I went on a fitness bender after I had my baby (who's now 2) and got back to my pre-baby weight before he turned 1. Then a series of crap things happened including having to move house to the middle of the countryside and I found myself very alone and of course turned to food for comfort. All the weight has gone back on and I feel so rubbish about it and for the first time ever I have zero motivation to get fit.
    I need to start being kind to myself by exercising but just keep reaching for the biscuit tin which stupidly just makes me feel worse. I've never been this demotivated and need a major kick up the bum. So don't feel alone and I'm sending you the best of luck and positive thoughts to make those changes! x
  • PRguez
    PRguez Posts: 61 Member
    Hey, I think by coming here again is already one point achieved :) Many starts & fails are much better than no start at all. So here's another point :smiley:
    Little by little, depression doesn't go away in a day.... but you know that. Try to focus in the achievements rather than in the failings at the beginning, we all do that right? to count how many days we missed instead of how many days we've done right, how many times we didn't exercise instead of how many times we do exercise... and so on.
    I have sent you a friend request, I am not in the same situation as you as we are all different and we all carry our own little naughty demons.
    Good luck every day x
  • teswanso
    teswanso Posts: 7
    You're not alone. I've recently been struggling with mild depression too. It royally sucks, and has resulted in some terrible habits! And I've been trying to dig deep to do the right things; eat portions and exercise. As much as I want to "flip a switch", in reality I'm practicing making the right choices and forming better habits daily. Little wins and little insights to opportunities for improvement. I've also asked my husband to become more involved (calling me out and holding me accountable for the evening trips to the kitchen!) And I'm visiting MFP boards more regularly for inspiration and motivation. Another resource I love and read over and over to build skills for "talking back to sabotaging thoughts" is The Beck Diet Solution. Good luck and thank you for sharing :)
  • briaggressive
    briaggressive Posts: 15 Member
    Please feel free to add me if you'd like!

    I'm sorry you are feeling so discouraged. I think we have all been there one way or another. I know something I struggled with was guilt over my weight gain. My thought was always, "How did I let this happen?" However, that thought contributed to a feeling of hopelessness, which made me resist getting healthy. I felt like, "What was the point?"

    It wasn't until I decided to stop feeling guilty and discouraged that I got healthy. Life happens! You had children, you lost your job, you suffer with depression. Nothing will ever go perfectly smoothly and you will always have good weeks and bad weeks. Don't get discouraged! Every day you are trying is a step in the right direction!
  • briaggressive
    briaggressive Posts: 15 Member
    Also, as has been mentioned above, try not to do it alone! If you have a "buddy", it's so much easier to keep going.

    My roommates and I have a support system between us now. We turned a spare room into a home gym and we try to all work out together. Likewise, I've noticed that my effort is being reflected in my boyfriend, who has started exercising and portion controlling.

    Is your partner supportive?
  • JessaLee0324
    JessaLee0324 Posts: 118 Member
    I know exactly how it feels, to be depressed about your weight. I'm in the middle of that struggle myself.

    Two things that are working for me right now, are: 1.) Prelogging my meals for the next day, helps me stick with my calorie goal. 2.) Just work on TODAY.

    Those two things....have gotten me a 1lb loss over the last week. Literally, just work on keeping in your calorie goal, and just try to move more. Don't kill yourself. Just focus on TODAY. If today sucks, make tomorrow better.
  • briaggressive
    briaggressive Posts: 15 Member
    ^ pre logging meals is an awesome tip. Helps eliminate those impulse snacks!
  • traveler61
    traveler61 Posts: 8 Member
    I've been going through some issues that can leave me in a depressive mood. I have found that if I get up and use the treadmill, or mow the lawn - anything that makes me move for awhile, it lifts my mood and I am more likely to keep moving. I know that getting up and doing it is hard but I try to think how great I know I will feel after. You just have to take it one step at a time.

    If you screw up today, make your goal to do better tomorrow. Reward yourself for little goals that you have made. Non-eating rewards of course. And honestly, I feel like your more likely to keep to your diet if you do cheat occasionally. But don't beat yourself up, your only human.
  • jen350z
    jen350z Posts: 48
    Don't let it get you down girl. I was at 235 got down to 187 and went back up to 240. I wanted to slap myself when I saw.. but stress from divorce, moving to a different state, new business.. I let myself go. But its ok. I'm on it again now. Dropped from the 240 to 228 so far. As long as you don't give up then you didn't fail.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    what's the plan?
  • brittanyleigh1220
    brittanyleigh1220 Posts: 23 Member
    I completely understand. I've struggled with depression my whole life. I agree with what someone said about exercise being the best anti-depressant. Hang in there, you got this!
  • TossaBeanBag
    TossaBeanBag Posts: 458 Member
    edited October 2014
    I once was an elite soldier. I guess you always are, if you are once one, but I am getting back in shape, now. I got injured, lost friends, got depressed, gained weight, and, now, I might be able to jog a mile. I broke, and I needed repair, and I am repairing. I am coming back. I made a decision to make a comeback for good - a lifestyle change - and let go of all the past as much as possible. There isn't anything I can do about all the stuff that happened in the past. I can only change my future.

    I am 70 lbs over my goal weight, right now. I made a commitment to succeed, and I will. I will stay the course. It is lifelong mission.

    It isn't how many times you fall down that make you a failure; what makes a person a failure is not getting back up. So it is time to get back up, again. Get up and get going. Don't stay down, because I know you can make it. All you have to do is get up more times than you fall. Now, make it happen. Get up.
  • arrrrjt
    arrrrjt Posts: 245 Member
    Whatever your "program" is - make sure its achievable, sustainable, and not just a short term solution. I was at 220, got down to 185 and SWORE I would never get there again... lo and behold 4 years later, I was at 245. Life happens. You still have plenty of life left to be the best mother you can for your kids, and a healthy person for yourself. Just make sure you set achievable goals - having a bad day here or there, but don't put it off =)
  • chris_elizabeth
    chris_elizabeth Posts: 49 Member
    I totally understand where you are coming from I am in a similar boat. This community is amazing - with the motivation and support of one another we can ALL meet our biggest goals and most difficult challenges!
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    I think this happens for a lot of people. You are not alone. All you can do is pick yourself up and start again.
  • forevermaryb
    forevermaryb Posts: 108 Member
    I don't know why we are so much harder on ourselves than we are to others. I've done the whole yo-yo weight for years and it can be really depressing. Two big changes I've made this time around was 1) I found a love of exercising that I never had before. The last time I lost weight, I went to the gym because it was part of my weight loss program. After I got to where I wanted to be in weight, my motivation for exercising just kind of slipped away and I easily let it. This time, I tried a Zumba class, loved doing it, kept on doing it and found some other activities that I enjoy. I like getting sweaty and out of breath. 2) was harder. I told myself that I was NOT ALLOWED to say anything to myself that I wouldn't say to anyone else. I would never dream of calling anyone a fat ugly cow, therefore, I was not allowed to say it to myself. That takes practice; interrupting your thoughts and stopping them. I've had to learn to be kinder to myself, allow myself to make mistakes because that is a chance to learn. I think that is always going to be something I will have to work on, but I do feel as if I'm finally heading in the right direction.

    Your commitment is there. You know what you have to do!
  • chaokitty
    chaokitty Posts: 42 Member
    Hey sister! You are NOT alone in this journey. We all walk together.

    I joined this site some time ago at my highest weight of 163lbs. It may not sound like much, but being a 4'10.5" girl, it's just not pretty lol.

    I had lost 20 pounds, gained it back, lost it again, and gained back over 20 pounds putting at a current 167lbs. And the depression hit me too, especially earlier this year. My boyfriend didn't understand that part. He just told me to stop being depressed and eat better, but it's simply not that easy sometimes.

    We all have different backgrounds, but we all have a similar goal. To be happy, healthy, and confident!

    Message me any time if you need support or need to vent!

    -Nakita
  • astrose00
    astrose00 Posts: 754 Member
    Realize how strong you are and that you, alone, have total control over what goes in your mouth and exercise. Don't let negative thoughts creep in. The past is the past. Just live in the present and think about the future and how things (health, depression, self esteem, etc.) will be better in the future. I lost 40lbs 4 years ago (from 190 to 150) and looked great. Got a little happy with myself and weight started creeping up. Then I broke my ankle and gained more weight than I ever dreamed was possible. 37 days ago I failed at a charity bike ride because I was so out of shape. That had never happened to me before. I finally weighed myself (after two years) and I weighed 240! I was mortified. I immediately threw all the crap outta my fridge, got on MFP, dusted off my home gym equipment and set up my eating plan. I work out 5 days a week (cardio and weights). I have lost 20lbs in only 35 days. I have no doubt that I will reach my ultimate goal (140lbs, hehehe). Food tastes good then immediately makes you feel like crap. I will not allow myself to fail. No one can mess this up except me and I am not going to mess up. Of course, once I reach my goal I want to learn how to stay there. But I will because this journey will be long and hard. I've tried food and I've tried lean. Lean tastes better and I feel better about myself. I love working out so that's never been an issue. Take the advice of other posters and find something you enjoy. And realize that nutrition (and caloric intake) is at least 80% of the battle.

    You can do it. Dust off and stop beating up on yourself. You can accomplish this and you will be so proud of yourself that you did this. Good luck.
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,301 Member
    Like everyone here on this thread my weight and health have been up and down. I battled for years. I started feeling better when I found out about the effects salicylate sensitivity can have on a body, then I discovered it can have, probably has a detrimental effect on one's thyroid. I now realise listening to all the "fat, milk, eggs and stuff is bad" caused me to be low on iodine and other minerals as well as being low on protein especially since I decided I could not eat anything with eyes, (the exception is potatoes) Eating too many fruits and veg can be bad for you too salicylate is a toxin.

    I would beg you all to ensure you have sufficient protein, and minerals, iodine, selenium, iron and many more, daily in your diet it will save you so much. Read as much as you can on nutrition. There are sites with information on the conditions I've fallen fowl to.

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