Help! Need to help my boyfriend gain weight!
pearlsgirl96
Posts: 43
Hello all,
I am on MyFitnessPal for the purpose of losing weight. i know all about nutrition for losing weight however my boyfriend, whom I live with and cook for most of the time, is underweight. He is 6'5" tall and weighs about 145-150 (I don't know the actual weight because he is embarrassed to say because he recently lost weight due to stress at work and he skips meals sometimes). But he has told me he is around 150. I know that for his height he is underweight by medical standards and when I wrap my arms around him he no longer has a layer of flesh around his middle that he had a couple months ago. His ribs do stick out a bit and he has told me he feels like his core is weak, like he has no substance in his abdomen.
His ok "normal" weight is around 165 and his ideal weight that he wishes he could maintain is 185. He has reached 185 in past years before but it was hard for him to maintain as he had to force feed himself food. Also he is 38 years old and according to recent physicals he is healthy. I do worry a little that he could possibly have a digestive disease like Crohn's, but right now he has no health insurance so he cannot get tested for that. He has not worked out in a while, and his job does require a decent amount of walking, taking the subway in NYC (can burn quite a bit of calories with all the stairs).
I just want to let you all know that I DO NOT ever bug him about his weight. I have no problem with him being "skinny" if he is comfortable I love him just as he is. My problem is that he is underweight and it is so scary to me and his mom to see him in this state.
The other thing that bothers me is that I feed him and I somehow feel very responsible. I try to make very hearty but still healthy and balanced meals, like beef stew, or baked chicken breast with potatoes, brussel sprouts, butternut squash, I make fish, we eat normal things too like going out for pizza and stuff, etc. I cook with coconut oil, butter, and sometimes olive oil tho I mainly use that raw on salads. He eats bread and pasta as well. He has to take it easy on the red meat and pork, he loves it, but it causes constipation IBS and other issues if he eats a lot of it.
So my question to all of you is if you are a male and hard gainer yourself, can you recommend meal ideas and items of food that I need to keep around the house? I want to help him to be healthy and get back to a good weight he feels comfortable in.
Thanks!
I am on MyFitnessPal for the purpose of losing weight. i know all about nutrition for losing weight however my boyfriend, whom I live with and cook for most of the time, is underweight. He is 6'5" tall and weighs about 145-150 (I don't know the actual weight because he is embarrassed to say because he recently lost weight due to stress at work and he skips meals sometimes). But he has told me he is around 150. I know that for his height he is underweight by medical standards and when I wrap my arms around him he no longer has a layer of flesh around his middle that he had a couple months ago. His ribs do stick out a bit and he has told me he feels like his core is weak, like he has no substance in his abdomen.
His ok "normal" weight is around 165 and his ideal weight that he wishes he could maintain is 185. He has reached 185 in past years before but it was hard for him to maintain as he had to force feed himself food. Also he is 38 years old and according to recent physicals he is healthy. I do worry a little that he could possibly have a digestive disease like Crohn's, but right now he has no health insurance so he cannot get tested for that. He has not worked out in a while, and his job does require a decent amount of walking, taking the subway in NYC (can burn quite a bit of calories with all the stairs).
I just want to let you all know that I DO NOT ever bug him about his weight. I have no problem with him being "skinny" if he is comfortable I love him just as he is. My problem is that he is underweight and it is so scary to me and his mom to see him in this state.
The other thing that bothers me is that I feed him and I somehow feel very responsible. I try to make very hearty but still healthy and balanced meals, like beef stew, or baked chicken breast with potatoes, brussel sprouts, butternut squash, I make fish, we eat normal things too like going out for pizza and stuff, etc. I cook with coconut oil, butter, and sometimes olive oil tho I mainly use that raw on salads. He eats bread and pasta as well. He has to take it easy on the red meat and pork, he loves it, but it causes constipation IBS and other issues if he eats a lot of it.
So my question to all of you is if you are a male and hard gainer yourself, can you recommend meal ideas and items of food that I need to keep around the house? I want to help him to be healthy and get back to a good weight he feels comfortable in.
Thanks!
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Replies
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Hmmm... does he like Cheetos? Ice cream?
If not, just break up.0 -
Female hard gainer + Ice cream = Win0
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HAHAHA, yes we both like junk food but we do eat healthy most of the time. He had two Reeses Klondike bars last night after dinner tho. lol That's the scary thing, he does eat junk food sometimes and still... underweight. 0
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Seriously, though, if he's eating nutritious meals most of the time, there's not reason he can't use some "junk" to supplement as well.
Things like peanut/nut butters, full fat dairy products, and avocados work well also.0 -
It would probably benefit him to make his own account and set it to gaining weight.0
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pearlsgirl96 wrote: »HAHAHA, yes we both like junk food but we do eat healthy most of the time. He had two Reeses Klondike bars last night after dinner tho. lol That's the scary thing, he does eat junk food sometimes and still... underweight.
Well, seeing as this topic could have gone one of two ways, I'm glad to see it go down this road.
Does he like fried chicken? PB&J? Belgian waffles?
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He has been eating ice cream fairly often, at one point he was eating mochi ice cream things, like 2, every day. he gets taco bell cravings too. we ate out at Cheesecake factory the other night and he had a pulled pork sandwich with sweet potato fries (total 1720 calories) and we shared a giant oreo cheesecake slice (like 1500 calories total) ugh!
so it's not like he doesn't "supplement" with high fat/calorie foods. I think it's more of the total calorie intake on a daily basis needs to be higher. I need to figure out what to put together on a regular basis that is calorie dense but still healthy for him (I don't want to give him clogged arteries or anything).
Also he is European origin so he tends to want to eat more healthy foods on a regular basis (as opposed to our American tastes where we're like on pizzzaaaaaa mode all the time) lol
he does eat peanut butter, i made him an apple this morning slathered with 3 tablespoons of almond butter. he is lactose intolerant but still loves dairy items so we are careful with that. he pretty much makes exceptions for cheese and ice cream. he likes avocados but could eat more of them.
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this gif.... omgheerrrdddd
OP- have him sign up and do this own leg work. If he can't be bothered to do that- he can't be botherer to do anything else so- make him do it.
Secondly if he isn't gaining- he's not eating enough. Moar food = moar weight.0 -
If he is healthy, why does he "need" to gain weight? Maybe it's more you wanting him to gain weight for some emotional reason vs him "needing" to do anything0
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i agree he's probably not eating enough. and yah... i mentioned for him to sigh up on here. he may but seeing as i'm the one who mostly feeds him i wanted to do some of my own legwork.
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Chocolate milk and PB sammiches.0
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Yeah, that's the thing, some people just naturally eat less. If that's the case for him, you're going to have a devil of a time getting him to gain weight unless he's really actively engaged in the process. He'll either unconsciously stop eating sooner or increase his daily activity to burn off the extra calories you're feeding him. As much as it seems like it should be easy for someone to gain weight, it's really not, not always.pearlsgirl96 wrote: »I think it's more of the total calorie intake on a daily basis needs to be higher. I need to figure out what to put together on a regular basis that is calorie dense but still healthy for him (I don't want to give him clogged arteries or anything).
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I'm keeping a copy of that logic gif.
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Yeah, that's the thing, some people just naturally eat less. If that's the case for him, you're going to have a devil of a time getting him to gain weight unless he's really actively engaged in the process. He'll either unconsciously stop eating sooner or increase his daily activity to burn off the extra calories you're feeding him. As much as it seems like it should be easy for someone to gain weight, it's really not, not always.pearlsgirl96 wrote: »I think it's more of the total calorie intake on a daily basis needs to be higher. I need to figure out what to put together on a regular basis that is calorie dense but still healthy for him (I don't want to give him clogged arteries or anything).
yah, I definitely have learned how hard it is for someone to gain weight. I had a female friend that was going through the same thing for herself. she would force feed herself philly cheesesteaks and stuff lol.
he is somewhat actively engaged, he certainly wants to gain weight, i'm not forcing the issue but he is not as disciplined in it as he could be either. i have been helping him by making sure i cook more (when i don't cook he tends not to eat) and packing his lunches every morning (I make sure he has a lot of food and hearty food too), he used to just buy lunch out and I think he was skimping to save money. so hopefully these two things are helping.0 -
Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks0 -
Also, discount Halloween candy?!?!?0
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BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
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pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
Calorie surplus....
It's the only way
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pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
It kinda is, otherwise, he'd be here looking for the answers himself. Unless he's an invalid.0 -
BombshellPhoenix wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
Calorie surplus....
It's the only way
i wonder how we can find out what his calorie surplus number is... ? anyone know?0 -
SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
It kinda is, otherwise, he'd be here looking for the answers himself. Unless he's an invalid.
apparently you haven't found your true love yet... lol we help each other in life, that's what we do. 0 -
pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
Calorie surplus....
It's the only way
i wonder how we can find out what his calorie surplus number is... ? anyone know?
Does he not have an internet?
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SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
It kinda is, otherwise, he'd be here looking for the answers himself. Unless he's an invalid.
^ I was wondering this myself.
If he was so concerned about it, wouldn't he be on here and not you, OP? It is not in your power to make him eat enough to gain. He has to want to and make a conscious effort to not negate a potential opportunity to gain weight.
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pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
Calorie surplus....
It's the only way
i wonder how we can find out what his calorie surplus number is... ? anyone know?
the same way the rest of us do it- the same way you did it.
TDEE- or MFP (NEET +)
typically for gaining you are aiming for a 250-500 suprlus- for men they can usually get away with 400 or so.
Is he lifting or just trying to put on "weight" and without a lifting program "weight = fat"0 -
This time last year, I would've considered myself a "hard gainer." That was before I got really serious about tracking my intake. I found out that I would eat at a higher intake for a few days and then drop back down to my "normal" intake as soon as I stopped paying attention. As weird as it sounds, it takes a lot of focus and commitment to keep eating at a surplus every day if it's unnatural for you. I never would've believed that I could get to a point that I just didn't want to eat any more ice cream, but I did. That's why I'm saying that he has to be 100% onboard. It's going to feel uncomfortable for him to eat that way, and he won't continue to do it unless he's prepared to ride out those uncomfortable periods of time.
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Full fat dairy.... Peanut butter... A couple of slices of bread with his evening meal.... Flapjacks, nuts and seeds as snacks...0
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