Help! Need to help my boyfriend gain weight!
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BombshellPhoenix wrote: »hollydubs85 wrote: »[quote="pearlsgirl96;30238202
Well this information might have been useful in the beginning. Have y'all tried to eliminate certain types of foods to see if it helps? I'm assuming he gets stomach cramping or diarrhea if it's a possibility he has IBS.
I believe it was in the original post, if you'd read through it instead of joining in to jump all over the OP for being concerned about her husband's health.
OP, sorry about the reception your thread got. I have no idea how people lose weight without trying so I can't help, but just wanted to offer a bit of compassion since it's quite lacking.
*a white knight joins the battle*
trumpets blare
And the wolves commence flagging
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OP, there's no way for you to help your bf in an informed manner if...wait for it...you're not informed about the current state of affairs. Everyone is just saying that he needs to log and track accurately so that you can know what to add to what is already going on. Without that information, you don't really know how much to add to his diet. Weight gain and loss is simple math. You need numbers to work with.0
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I wished I had the problem of not being able to gain weight.0
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JeffseekingV wrote: »I wished I had the problem of not being able to gain weight.
I guess those struggling with gaining weight should go into the "losing weight" sections of the site and whine that they wished they had the problem of not being able to lose weight.0 -
hollydubs85 wrote: »[quote="pearlsgirl96;30238202
Well this information might have been useful in the beginning. Have y'all tried to eliminate certain types of foods to see if it helps? I'm assuming he gets stomach cramping or diarrhea if it's a possibility he has IBS.
I believe it was in the original post, if you'd read through it instead of joining in to jump all over the OP for being concerned about her husband's health.
OP, sorry about the reception your thread got. I have no idea how people lose weight without trying so I can't help, but just wanted to offer a bit of compassion since it's quite lacking.
She was offered solutions, most of which pointed at her husband taking ownership of his health, which he clearly isn't too concerned about. She expects us to find her magical foods to feed him that defy the laws of thermodynamics. For all we know, he could be purging all of his food the second he leaves the house. He has no healthcare to pay for a medical checkup. She knows a lot less than she'd like us to think.
Compassion ain't gonna fatten this guy up, but it's welcome on the motivation forums.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »JeffseekingV wrote: »I wished I had the problem of not being able to gain weight.
I guess those struggling with gaining weight should go into the "losing weight" sections of the site and whine that they wished they had the problem of not being able to lose weight.
I guess. But the OP is on a weight loss journey personally. Not a weight gain one. Her BF is the one "trying to gain weight" even though she has said he's healthy. She also hasn't quantified why a higher weight is desirable. Not from a health, aesthetics, performance or otherwise.0 -
pearlsgirl96 wrote: »SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
It kinda is, otherwise, he'd be here looking for the answers himself. Unless he's an invalid.
apparently you haven't found your true love yet... lol we help each other in life, that's what we do.
Apparently I missed this nugget while at work. When I do find my true love, she will have enough sense to not rely on me to manage her life. I can barely manage my own!0 -
If you have total knowledge regarding all aspects of his intake (and it appears that you may), then there is no reason that you can't monitor your boyfriend's diet just as well as he can (and you can also figure out his TDEE, or whatever else, obviously).
I don't see why some have such a problem with this; it isn't like he's asking you to do this for him. It's just a task you've decided to take on, due to your concern for him.
However, if you decide not to count his calories, and "wing it," the only way to ensure he's eating at a surplus (i.e. gaining weight) is to eat the food you affectionately refer to as "junk." Of course, this is after all nutritional needs are met.0 -
SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
It kinda is, otherwise, he'd be here looking for the answers himself. Unless he's an invalid.
apparently you haven't found your true love yet... lol we help each other in life, that's what we do.
Apparently I missed this nugget while at work. When I do find my true love, she will have enough sense to not rely on me to manage her life. I can barely manage my own!
You. I like you.0 -
SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »pearlsgirl96 wrote: »BombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricksBombshellPhoenix wrote: »Ya, this isn't really something that is in your control at all. No reason to feel guilty. If you're that concerned...talk to him.
Otherwise, just break up. You hold zero power over others.
Unless....Jedi mind tricks
ha, this isn't about power. it's about helping someone i love and who loves me back. i do most of the cooking, so while what he eats or how much is not in my direct control he does want my help. and we do talk about it quite often, so my posting this discussion has nothing to do with a relationship issue. i posted this for nutritional advice as i know there are other hard gainers out there and want to know any tips or suggestions.
It kinda is, otherwise, he'd be here looking for the answers himself. Unless he's an invalid.
apparently you haven't found your true love yet... lol we help each other in life, that's what we do.
Apparently I missed this nugget while at work. When I do find my true love, she will have enough sense to not rely on me to manage her life. I can barely manage my own!
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LiminalAscendance wrote: »If you have total knowledge regarding all aspects of his intake (and it appears that you may), then there is no reason that you can't monitor your boyfriend's diet just as well as he can (and you can also figure out his TDEE, or whatever else, obviously).
I don't see why some have such a problem with this; it isn't like he's asking you to do this for him. It's just a task you've decided to take on, due to your concern for him.
However, if you decide not to count his calories, and "wing it," the only way to ensure he's eating at a surplus (i.e. gaining weight) is to eat the food you affectionately refer to as "junk." Of course, this is after all nutritional needs are met.
not trying to be rude here at all, but day after day this forum is littered with people who can't figure out why they're not losing/gaining weight and very, very frequently the reason turns out to be inaccurate logging. and that's THE PERSON HIS/HERSELF.
Statistically speaking, almost nobody has total knowledge regarding all aspects of their own intake. There's almost no possible way that OP can have total knowledge of this for someone else. Definitely not enough of a possibility to give the benefit of the doubt here.0 -
I can so relate to this!
My husband has Crohn's and Colitis. This makes for a fairly restrictive diet. No lactose, gluten, refined sugar or tomatoes. His restrictions eliminate most processed junk food. Not entirely a bad thing but it sure makes gaining weight hard when you can basically only eat whole foods. We do make desserts from whole ingredients and things at home that are high calorie but in the past he has struggled to keep any weight he may gain on. He has a physically demanding job and has to eat roughly double the calories that I do just to maintain. He was "blessed" with a naturally fast metabolism so he has always been a healthy weight..until the Crohn's. If your guy is suffering from some digestive issues I would recommend talking to a gastroenterologist to see about a diagnosis. Many people with gastro issues go for a long time undiagnosed and it can really affect your quality of life. Pain and bathroom things aside..one of the big things with a disease like Crohn's or IBS is that you can be eating a lot but if your flaring and inflamed you don't absorb any (or very very little) of the nutrients in the food you're eating. Not only is it hard to keep weight on but it can become a bigger issue when you start developing vitamin deficiencies etc. For a while we were consulting with a nutritionist and she was a big advocate of drinking calories. Especially for someone who has gastro inflammation. If he has the means to get vitamin and protein powder and make a couple of smoothies a day to add to his diet, I'd recommend doing it. That made the biggest difference for my husband and the liquid gives his system a break from digesting difficult foods. Some people like meal replacement shakes like boost or ensure but my guy couldn't tolerate them. As soon as the inflammation markers were down and his Crohn's was in remission, he started gaining a little weight. Its just keeping it on that's tough! He was 6'1" 132lbs and in the last 6 months he has come up to 148. Just by adding in a couple of high protein shakes a day. This is the longest he has been able to hold the weight and feel good.
Best of luck to you both If after your boyfriend has seen a gastro and you guys have any questions about gastro diets, friend me. We have been through a lot of them in the last 7 years and would love to help.
Oh, and PS. ignore everyone giving you a hard time about the way you support your boyfriend. Its not up to them to dictate how your relationship should function. My husband and I support each other in all aspects of our lives and that includes diet. We work together to make foods that help me lose weight and him gain. Neither of us feel like we are micromanaging each others lives. It's called support.
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fivethreeone wrote: »LiminalAscendance wrote: »If you have total knowledge regarding all aspects of his intake (and it appears that you may), then there is no reason that you can't monitor your boyfriend's diet just as well as he can (and you can also figure out his TDEE, or whatever else, obviously).
I don't see why some have such a problem with this; it isn't like he's asking you to do this for him. It's just a task you've decided to take on, due to your concern for him.
However, if you decide not to count his calories, and "wing it," the only way to ensure he's eating at a surplus (i.e. gaining weight) is to eat the food you affectionately refer to as "junk." Of course, this is after all nutritional needs are met.
not trying to be rude here at all, but day after day this forum is littered with people who can't figure out why they're not losing/gaining weight and very, very frequently the reason turns out to be inaccurate logging. and that's THE PERSON HIS/HERSELF.
Statistically speaking, almost nobody has total knowledge regarding all aspects of their own intake. There's almost no possible way that OP can have total knowledge of this for someone else. Definitely not enough of a possibility to give the benefit of the doubt here.
If the OP's boyfriend eats out often, it may be difficult (although no more so than most individual's that guesstimate their calories when in the same situation).
However, if the BF takes prepared lunches, there should be no issue. Of course, if he isn't honest about what he's eating while away from her, then yes, he could undermine her efforts.
It appears that the OP prepares all her BF's meals when he's home. She is certainly in a better position to count the calories he eats there than he is.
Is it more difficult to count someone else's calories for them? Definitely.
Is it much more difficult than the general problem of losing/gaining weight? Perhaps.
Can it be done with proper communication? Assuredly.0 -
as far as IBS- I don't think IBS = constipation- but quiet the opposite typically.
Just wanted to address this misconception. There are, in fact, three manifestations of IBS: IBS-C which is constipation-predominant, IBS-D which is diarrhea-predominant, and IBS-M which is a mixture of the two (usually going back and forth between them).
And, OP, I get it. Your role in your household is to do the meal planning and food preparation, so you're here trying to get some ideas for things to put on the table that will help your fella gain weight. Kudos to you for being a supportive partner.
In my household, the roles are reversed, my SO is the cook. And am I ever glad that he takes my dietary preferences (pescetarian) into consideration when doing so rather than saying "I'm cooking a steak, manage your own dinner, honey". Yeah, he'd like to lose about 30 lbs, but he's just not the kind of guy who would ever sign up for a site like this and faithfully log his intake no matter how wonderful a tool MFP is. So he relies on my advice regarding lower-calorie choices... not that he always follows it, lol.
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as far as IBS- I don't think IBS = constipation- but quiet the opposite typically.
Just wanted to address this misconception. There are, in fact, three manifestations of IBS: IBS-C which is constipation-predominant, IBS-D which is diarrhea-predominant, and IBS-M which is a mixture of the two (usually going back and forth between them).
And, OP, I get it. Your role in your household is to do the meal planning and food preparation, so you're here trying to get some ideas for things to put on the table that will help your fella gain weight. Kudos to you for being a supportive partner.
In my household, the roles are reversed, my SO is the cook. And am I ever glad that he takes my dietary preferences (pescetarian) into consideration when doing so rather than saying "I'm cooking a steak, manage your own dinner, honey". Yeah, he'd like to lose about 30 lbs, but he's just not the kind of guy who would ever sign up for a site like this and faithfully log his intake no matter how wonderful a tool MFP is. So he relies on my advice regarding lower-calorie choices... not that he always follows it, lol.
thank you, and yes i did know about the variations of IBS which is why am concerned about not causing suffering with food i make for him. i think too that as long as he has access to good food that is gentle on his body he will eat more and... gain weight. apparently finding advice on this stuff means i'm a controlling wench. ha0 -
LiminalAscendance wrote: »fivethreeone wrote: »LiminalAscendance wrote: »If you have total knowledge regarding all aspects of his intake (and it appears that you may), then there is no reason that you can't monitor your boyfriend's diet just as well as he can (and you can also figure out his TDEE, or whatever else, obviously).
I don't see why some have such a problem with this; it isn't like he's asking you to do this for him. It's just a task you've decided to take on, due to your concern for him.
However, if you decide not to count his calories, and "wing it," the only way to ensure he's eating at a surplus (i.e. gaining weight) is to eat the food you affectionately refer to as "junk." Of course, this is after all nutritional needs are met.
not trying to be rude here at all, but day after day this forum is littered with people who can't figure out why they're not losing/gaining weight and very, very frequently the reason turns out to be inaccurate logging. and that's THE PERSON HIS/HERSELF.
Statistically speaking, almost nobody has total knowledge regarding all aspects of their own intake. There's almost no possible way that OP can have total knowledge of this for someone else. Definitely not enough of a possibility to give the benefit of the doubt here.
If the OP's boyfriend eats out often, it may be difficult (although no more so than most individual's that guesstimate their calories when in the same situation).
However, if the BF takes prepared lunches, there should be no issue. Of course, if he isn't honest about what he's eating while away from her, then yes, he could undermine her efforts.
It appears that the OP prepares all her BF's meals when he's home. She is certainly in a better position to count the calories he eats there than he is.
Is it more difficult to count someone else's calories for them? Definitely.
Is it much more difficult than the general problem of losing/gaining weight? Perhaps.
Can it be done with proper communication? Assuredly.
thank you for your helpful posts. 0 -
I can so relate to this!
My husband has Crohn's and Colitis. This makes for a fairly restrictive diet. No lactose, gluten, refined sugar or tomatoes. His restrictions eliminate most processed junk food. Not entirely a bad thing but it sure makes gaining weight hard when you can basically only eat whole foods. We do make desserts from whole ingredients and things at home that are high calorie but in the past he has struggled to keep any weight he may gain on. He has a physically demanding job and has to eat roughly double the calories that I do just to maintain. He was "blessed" with a naturally fast metabolism so he has always been a healthy weight..until the Crohn's. If your guy is suffering from some digestive issues I would recommend talking to a gastroenterologist to see about a diagnosis. Many people with gastro issues go for a long time undiagnosed and it can really affect your quality of life. Pain and bathroom things aside..one of the big things with a disease like Crohn's or IBS is that you can be eating a lot but if your flaring and inflamed you don't absorb any (or very very little) of the nutrients in the food you're eating. Not only is it hard to keep weight on but it can become a bigger issue when you start developing vitamin deficiencies etc. For a while we were consulting with a nutritionist and she was a big advocate of drinking calories. Especially for someone who has gastro inflammation. If he has the means to get vitamin and protein powder and make a couple of smoothies a day to add to his diet, I'd recommend doing it. That made the biggest difference for my husband and the liquid gives his system a break from digesting difficult foods. Some people like meal replacement shakes like boost or ensure but my guy couldn't tolerate them. As soon as the inflammation markers were down and his Crohn's was in remission, he started gaining a little weight. Its just keeping it on that's tough! He was 6'1" 132lbs and in the last 6 months he has come up to 148. Just by adding in a couple of high protein shakes a day. This is the longest he has been able to hold the weight and feel good.
Best of luck to you both If after your boyfriend has seen a gastro and you guys have any questions about gastro diets, friend me. We have been through a lot of them in the last 7 years and would love to help.
Oh, and PS. ignore everyone giving you a hard time about the way you support your boyfriend. Its not up to them to dictate how your relationship should function. My husband and I support each other in all aspects of our lives and that includes diet. We work together to make foods that help me lose weight and him gain. Neither of us feel like we are micromanaging each others lives. It's called support.
thank you this is really helpful.0 -
BombshellPhoenix wrote: »hollydubs85 wrote: »[quote="pearlsgirl96;30238202
Well this information might have been useful in the beginning. Have y'all tried to eliminate certain types of foods to see if it helps? I'm assuming he gets stomach cramping or diarrhea if it's a possibility he has IBS.
I believe it was in the original post, if you'd read through it instead of joining in to jump all over the OP for being concerned about her husband's health.
OP, sorry about the reception your thread got. I have no idea how people lose weight without trying so I can't help, but just wanted to offer a bit of compassion since it's quite lacking.
*a white knight joins the battle*
trumpets blare
And the wolves commence flagging
thank you for your post. a lot of unnecessary immaturity on this message board.-3 -
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