I'm worried, tired, emotionally drained and sick of this.
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DevilandhisAdvocate wrote: »Go to a medical spa. Try carboxy therapy on your stomach to flatten it out. Or liposonixs. It's not expensive and should give you the results you want.
No. Don't do this. You have thoughts that you, yourself, recognize as unhealthy nonsense. Therefore, you need a professional who can help you to reduce the frequency and intensity of those thoughts. You don't need anything physical. You could do talk therapy that would take months or years to uncover and deal with the source of those thoughts, or you could do CBT that would give you techniques for diverting or minimizing those thoughts. But whatever you choose, it's the "nonsense" that you yourself recognize that should be the focus of your efforts.0 -
wrenegade64 wrote: »PAY CLOSE ATTENTION BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT. You really need to speak to a professional. You are obviously putting into play all the physicial things that need to take place to change your body on the outside, but no gym or protein shake or grilled chicken is gonna do anything for your mental being. I don't have a Phd or anything, but it seems apparent you have deep seated feeling about your body image. You have worked too hard and you have too much going for you to not seek the appropriate professional help that you deserve. I encourage you to please seek some help and get started enjoying the life that you deserve. Be well young lady.
This. Word for word. You are far too important to let this go. You don't need to struggle with this. There IS help for you no matter what your financial situation is. Get it. You won't regret it.
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lightmouse wrote: »Isabelle_1929 wrote: »If at 30 years-old, you can spend an entire day crying because of a thin layer of fat and skin over your stomach, you need professional help. It will not just go away.
What strikes me is that you have a BF. So unless you want to be a bikini model, rationally, having a flat and firm stomach would change absolutely nothing in your life. Nothing.
I am sure that you know that the issue has strictly nothing to do with dieting and fitness.
Also, about seeing a therapist: it's to because you saw one when you were a kid and that it didn't worked out, that any therapy/psychological help is useless. But again, I am sure that you know that. So take a deep breath and try to find a specialist for body image/dismorphia etc... Maybe your GP could recommend one?
I know. Everything you say is completely true. My boyfriend fell for a girl that liked running, cycling, walking - and then going out for nice meals. Not this ridiculous nervous wreck that analyses everything she puts in her mouth and panics if she doesn't know the macros of things. I need to sort it out. I need to stop being so damn pathetic and get over it. I don't know how I've got back here. I got so much better for a while, especially when I saw changes. But then the changes weren't enough and this is where I am.
You can't "get over it" until you face whatever demon it is that if forcing you to believe you aren't good enough. I'm not a doctor. I can't tell you what it is. I haven't walked in your shoes. I don't know what you've been through, but I know what it's like to want absolute perfection. You have these ideas. There are goals for whatever they may be- it could be your physique. Your job. A relationship. A possession. NOTHING will do until you get this, and it HAS to be EXACTLY what you want, the way you want it. If it's not, it's flawed, and everything is skewed.
In the end, it's not even about that. Talk to someone. Get to the heart of the matter. Find a therapist that you like and trust. It's not gonna be an overnight fix, but it's gonna be worth it.
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Go out and find a worthwhile cause..feeding the hungry; mentoring kids; Big Sister; Habitat...you have entirely too much time spent worrying about yourself. The rewards you receive in making a difference in the lives of others will make you realize what REALLY matters in the end.
I get up at 4:30am every morning to do a job that revolves around helping others. It is rewarding,and it should put things into perspective but it doesn't. I DON'T have the time to worry about myself so much, that's why I'm so tired.
Thank you to everyone for your support. I haven't logged any food this weekend and I'm going to call my doctor in the morning. And I'm baking bread today
I haven't had bread in so long, and I love baking. Food is to be enjoyed not feared. 0 -
this times a thousand…You need to see a therapist and get counselling. You do not have a realistic view of your body. Seek help so that you can live your life to the fullest regardless of what you weigh or look like.
if you can't enjoy a night out of eating and drinking without it bringing you to tears, you need to seek immediate help.0 -
lightmouse wrote: »My boyfriend said that I must be seeing something completely different to the rest of the world. I don't think so, I think I'm seeing it accurately but then obsessing over it and making it a bigger deal than it is. I have always wanted to run a sub 20 min 5k. Then the day I do it, what do I think? Not "wow, well done, look what you've achieved" but "why the hell is my stomach still sticking out, I'm still doing something wrong, what is it". Absolute nonsense.
Another random Internet stranger who thinks you look great!
But the point is, you recognize that your feelings are nonsense but you're still having them. That is exactly why you should get a referral to a therapist. My recommendation (remember, random Internet stranger!) would be to ask for a referral to a specialist in CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy). Instead of focusing on why you have these feelings, CBT would focus on how to reduce or eliminate them.
Thank you. That exactly what I want, I don't want to sit in a room discussing why I feel like this and going round and round in circles - I'm not really interested in why, I just want to feel better.0 -
DevilandhisAdvocate wrote: »Go to a medical spa. Try carboxy therapy on your stomach to flatten it out. Or liposonixs. It's not expensive and should give you the results you want.
that will do tons for OP's emotional state…rolls eyez….0 -
DevilandhisAdvocate wrote: »Go to a medical spa. Try carboxy therapy on your stomach to flatten it out. Or liposonixs. It's not expensive and should give you the results you want.
that will do tons for OP's emotional state…rolls eyez….
Don't worry - I'm not acting in a logical way by any means but even I don't think that's a good idea 0 -
You do have a psychological issue. And its really really hard to find that right therapist , but you should try. Read all you can about body dysmorphic syndrome and associated disorders. Take a belly dancing class. Its a great celebration of the feminine form, and all body types are welcome. It may help to see others being very comfortable in their pretty large skins!0
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This was me after a year of counting cals! I felt drained and could feel the disordered thinking grow, even though I knee it was wrong! My low weight was 141 (I'm 5'10") and I felt flabby! I was in a size5 pants and felt like I needed to lose more.
March this year
I stopped counting cals for 4 months and then began to count again with the goal of bulking. I feel healthier and stronger! I still want to lose some fat but I needed to stop dieting for sanity reasons. I now weigh 154.
October 1st
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »This was me after a year of counting cals! I felt drained and could feel the disordered thinking grow, even though I knee it was wrong! My low weight was 141 (I'm 5'10") and I felt flabby! I was in a size5 pants and felt like I needed to lose more.
March this year
I stopped counting cals for 4 months and then began to count again with the goal of bulking. I feel healthier and stronger! I still want to lose some fat but I needed to stop dieting for sanity reasons. I now weigh 154.
October 1st
You look incredible. I would love to have your figure, you have such a beautiful shape. I'm straight up and down like a ruler, no curves at all. I think I might need a break from logging like you did. I haven't logged this weekend. It freaked me out a bit but I resisted the temptation :-/0 -
You do have a psychological issue. And its really really hard to find that right therapist , but you should try. Read all you can about body dysmorphic syndrome and associated disorders. Take a belly dancing class. Its a great celebration of the feminine form, and all body types are welcome. It may help to see others being very comfortable in their pretty large skins!
I can't imagine ever having the confidence to do something like that! I don't dance with my belly covered up let alone out! Haha. Maybe one day.0 -
I have been through phases like this, though my focus has tended to be on my butt or my boobs (I am an anomoly in that I like them to be almost flat, lol). I think some of us, usually perfectionist types, react this way to stress...all our mental energy and focus end up on small details rather than the larger picture. I have OCD as well, which only adds to it. I try not to look in the mirror or focus on my body without clothing anymore as it would just lead to issues.
I think you need to step out of this hyperfocus and see the bigger picture, which is really hard... I am battling that myself right now as I find myself focusing on small details of things and getting them perfect. In the end, you need to ask yourself how having a flat stomach is going to improve and enhance your life as compared to relaxing this obsession and getting on with enjoying time with your bf and making the most of your time.
Easier said than done, but you have to force your mind to back off. Turn your full focus on things to achieve that are not body related. And hoping you can find a professional to talk to as well. There is material on self help for this sort of issue on the net as well, if you want to try that route first. I know how distressing this can be, having been there myself in the past (think hours in front of the mirror, crying and obsessing over my backside, totally sure I was a freak because of how it looked) and hope you can liberate yourself.
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I rarely post on these kinds of threads but I just wanted to say you are so beautiful and your stomach looks amazing...And I don't really hand out compliments on here too much. You have a problem though, I'm sorry
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Graelwyn75 wrote: »I have been through phases like this, though my focus has tended to be on my butt or my boobs (I am an anomoly in that I like them to be almost flat, lol). I think some of us, usually perfectionist types, react this way to stress...all our mental energy and focus end up on small details rather than the larger picture. I have OCD as well, which only adds to it. I try not to look in the mirror or focus on my body without clothing anymore as it would just lead to issues.
I think you need to step out of this hyperfocus and see the bigger picture, which is really hard... I am battling that myself right now as I find myself focusing on small details of things and getting them perfect. In the end, you need to ask yourself how having a flat stomach is going to improve and enhance your life as compared to relaxing this obsession and getting on with enjoying time with your bf and making the most of your time.
Easier said than done, but you have to force your mind to back off. Turn your full focus on things to achieve that are not body related. And hoping you can find a professional to talk to as well. There is material on self help for this sort of issue on the net as well, if you want to try that route first. I know how distressing this can be, having been there myself in the past (think hours in front of the mirror, crying and obsessing over my backside, totally sure I was a freak because of how it looked) and hope you can liberate yourself.
This is me! Whatever I do it has to be perfect - even when I was little if I got an answer wrong on a spelling test or something I'd be really upset, even if my mark was still higher than everyone else's :-/ I always put loads of pressure on myself and I have an anxious disposition anyway so I quite often feel stressed (which prob doesn't help the stomach thing either come to think of it)
This week I'm going to try logging protein sources only. I'm not logging salad etc, I don't need to and I have to start realising that I don't need to analyse everything I eat.0 -
lightmouse wrote: »Graelwyn75 wrote: »I have been through phases like this, though my focus has tended to be on my butt or my boobs (I am an anomoly in that I like them to be almost flat, lol). I think some of us, usually perfectionist types, react this way to stress...all our mental energy and focus end up on small details rather than the larger picture. I have OCD as well, which only adds to it. I try not to look in the mirror or focus on my body without clothing anymore as it would just lead to issues.
I think you need to step out of this hyperfocus and see the bigger picture, which is really hard... I am battling that myself right now as I find myself focusing on small details of things and getting them perfect. In the end, you need to ask yourself how having a flat stomach is going to improve and enhance your life as compared to relaxing this obsession and getting on with enjoying time with your bf and making the most of your time.
Easier said than done, but you have to force your mind to back off. Turn your full focus on things to achieve that are not body related. And hoping you can find a professional to talk to as well. There is material on self help for this sort of issue on the net as well, if you want to try that route first. I know how distressing this can be, having been there myself in the past (think hours in front of the mirror, crying and obsessing over my backside, totally sure I was a freak because of how it looked) and hope you can liberate yourself.
This is me! Whatever I do it has to be perfect - even when I was little if I got an answer wrong on a spelling test or something I'd be really upset, even if my mark was still higher than everyone else's :-/ I always put loads of pressure on myself and I have an anxious disposition anyway so I quite often feel stressed (which prob doesn't help the stomach thing either come to think of it)
This is why, I suggested talking to someone. I know at times my advice isn't the most popular, and I can **** people off like no other, but truly what I say comes from a good place. I know exactly what you're talking about. I could've written those exact same sentences above. Whatever it is, it has to be perfect, and when you pick something out- you work on it, and focus on it to the point of absolute obsession. Am I in the ballpark, here?
I can't tell you what to do, and I can't diagnose you, but I can tell you this, when you do talk to someone-- someone you like, someone you trust, you'd be surprised how much better you'll feel.
We can all tell you there's nothing wrong with your body, and there's not. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with your body. You have a very fit, beautiful body. But until YOU realize this, and believe it for yourself, it's not going to amount to a hill of beans. I want to see you heal, and succeed. I know you can. I believe in you!
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you look fantastic. i would love to have your body.0
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i stopped logging and signed up for an impossible obstacle race. talk about a huge change and a huge surge of life-love.0
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I haven't logged at all today. I like the idea of signing up for something and focussing on that instead. I do have a tendency to fixate and obsess over things so I probably need to find a healthier thing to obsess over while I'm learning to get it under control.0
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I am going to say something out of left field.... One thing that has helped my body image a great deal is...attending a family friendly clothing optional resort. Ok ok...no I am just a normal person, with 3 sons and a husband to boot, but it really saved me from alot of negativity. I have always been a large person...but I love to be in the sun, and attending a resort, (google AANR and see resorts in your area) was a live changing a ha moment for me and my family. It is something that isnt sexual, probably more sexual vibes in the air at a MALL than at a nudist resort... Anyway, its not about how you LOOK but how you FEEL in your own skin. I am still overweight, but I accept myself regardless. I am wanting to lose weight so I can move through this world easier. To be able to play a set of tennis, or an afternoon of swimming and not be tired. You are your worst critic, so chin up friend.0
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Take a couple of days off, get some rest, and come back refreshed. Life isn't all about looking in the mirror and obsession with narcissistic pursuits. I struggle with it, too.-1
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I am going to say something out of left field.... One thing that has helped my body image a great deal is...attending a family friendly clothing optional resort. Ok ok...no I am just a normal person, with 3 sons and a husband to boot, but it really saved me from alot of negativity. I have always been a large person...but I love to be in the sun, and attending a resort, (google AANR and see resorts in your area) was a live changing a ha moment for me and my family. It is something that isnt sexual, probably more sexual vibes in the air at a MALL than at a nudist resort... Anyway, its not about how you LOOK but how you FEEL in your own skin. I am still overweight, but I accept myself regardless. I am wanting to lose weight so I can move through this world easier. To be able to play a set of tennis, or an afternoon of swimming and not be tired. You are your worst critic, so chin up friend.
Along those same lines, and perhaps a bit cheaper and less time-consuming, is a strip bar. Seriously, ladies, you should go into one at least once. The range of body types on display which men are willing to throw dollars at just for a chance to converse topless is astonishing. No matter how you feel about stripping as a profession, whether you think it's liberating feminism or degrading sexism, it will certainly make you think about body types that others find attractive.0 -
SnuggleSmacks wrote: »I am going to say something out of left field.... One thing that has helped my body image a great deal is...attending a family friendly clothing optional resort. Ok ok...no I am just a normal person, with 3 sons and a husband to boot, but it really saved me from alot of negativity. I have always been a large person...but I love to be in the sun, and attending a resort, (google AANR and see resorts in your area) was a live changing a ha moment for me and my family. It is something that isnt sexual, probably more sexual vibes in the air at a MALL than at a nudist resort... Anyway, its not about how you LOOK but how you FEEL in your own skin. I am still overweight, but I accept myself regardless. I am wanting to lose weight so I can move through this world easier. To be able to play a set of tennis, or an afternoon of swimming and not be tired. You are your worst critic, so chin up friend.
Along those same lines, and perhaps a bit cheaper and less time-consuming, is a strip bar. Seriously, ladies, you should go into one at least once. The range of body types on display which men are willing to throw dollars at just for a chance to converse topless is astonishing. No matter how you feel about stripping as a profession, whether you think it's liberating feminism or degrading sexism, it will certainly make you think about body types that others find attractive.
Would you believe, I have actually been to one (we didn't realise what it was until we got in there, then decided to stay for a drink because it was freezing out!) true to form, all it did was make me think "no one here looks like me. They are all beautiful. No one has a flat chest and wobbly belly" seriously, my brain. It drives me crazy. To look at it logically, if my bf wanted a curvy woman with a traditional hourglass shape and amazing boobs he'd have gone out and found one. But the media indoctrinate you into thinking that is the only thing men want - and you're right, it isn't.0 -
LiveLaughLoveEat1 wrote: »DevilandhisAdvocate wrote: »Go to a medical spa. Try carboxy therapy on your stomach to flatten it out. Or liposonixs. It's not expensive and should give you the results you want.
um...garbage.
Of the smelly variety.
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You have too many issues to deal with here. And as I read your responses to good suggestions, I see you are not open to doing anything about them. I'm sorry you are having a rough time, but you won't get anywhere with this approach.0
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I agree with most of the others--you have a problem, and it's not going to go away on it's own. You can not have a happy life obsessing about yourself and your body. Frankly, other people get tired of hearing about it and will avoid you. To every problem there is a solution, and I agree with counseling. Find someone you like and trust, search a little. Wishing you the best. Don't delay. 0
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47Jacqueline wrote: »You have too many issues to deal with here. And as I read your responses to good suggestions, I see you are not open to doing anything about them. I'm sorry you are having a rough time, but you won't get anywhere with this approach.
Harsh. I rang a doctor on Monday, as suggested by most on here, and made an appointment. Other suggestions involve getting half naked in front of others which, although valid, I am not ready for. My main reasons for posting this were 1) to get it off my chest and 2) to see if anyone identified with me and found that putting away the scale and not logging everything helped them.
I don't tell anyone how I feel. I don't sit there moaning about my body in front of others, the only person who knows is my boyfriend because we live together and even then I don't think he realises the extent of it. I am not so self-absorbed that all I do is talk about myself all day. I wanted to talk to others who understand that you can feel like this without being a "vain" person.0 -
well if you ask me you look pretty darn fit.
I don't know what to say but it seems you have a self confidence problem rather than a weight problem .. also there is an anatomical need for some fat tissue to exist on the belly which is higher on women than men. 6 packs on women are flat out (pun intended) unhealthy.
maybe try relaxing a little... just exercise for fun and relaxation. dont worry about meals and stuff.. eat at maintenance level, dont cut. try and live a little. put less time and effort on bettering your body and spend that on family and friends. its what got me through all kinds of messy times.. you can stress your body all year long but the mind is not always so resilient.0 -
I'm sorry, you lost me after 19:56 5K!!!!
(*) Toned stomach or not that is amazing! Color me impressed. I know it bothers you but wow....I wish you could see how in shape you are. From your pic you look awesome too. We are our own worst critics. Ease up on yourself, you don't have to be perfect. A treat here and there isn't going to hurt, enjoy your cake. 0
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