I'm worried, tired, emotionally drained and sick of this.

13

Replies

  • ComingUntrue
    ComingUntrue Posts: 65 Member
    Get to work on your sleep. Cut out any inflammatory foods. Eat 50% healthy fats, moderate protein and around 50-100 carbs. Listen to some nutrition and life podcasts. They can be so uplifting and empowering. If logging is an obsession then maybe stop for a week and go from there. Be kind to your body. Sleep will really help with that. Check out Shawn Stevenson's The Model Health Show podcast or his book Sleep Smarter. He is incredibly knowledgeable and super motivational and positive. You will get through this. Stopping the cycle of self hurt takes a lot of work, but just learning to love your body and treat yourself with respect is huge. Treat yourself the way you would treat a child.

    Therapy would be good, but in my experience it never helped me much. I guess it depends on you and your relationship with your therapist.

    Laugh every single day. Find something funny to watch online, etc. Get back into your favorite hobbies. Work on figuring out what makes you happy and then you will see a major difference in your overall health.

    Be kind to your adrenal glands. Sleep and try not to sweat the small stuff. My adrenals are in stage 3 fatigue from years of damage. Please really be careful with all the body stress. Get your adrenals and cortisol thoroughly checked because you may be dealing with an elevated cortisol issue which can cause stubborn belly fat.

    Hang in there!
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    Thank you. I need to embrace the wobble I think, it is never going to go away! This year has proved that because I think if it was physically possible for my stomach to be toned it would be by now. It is the only place on my body that I have any fat so I guess if I lost it it would affect my health too much. This must be the best it is ever going to get. I wish I could move it to my hips/butt/chest. But then I would probably then have a problem with those areas instead because of the way I fixate on things :| Even typing this is annoying because the logic fairy is saying to me "but what does it REALLY matter anyway?!?!"
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    mcspiffy88 wrote: »
    well if you ask me you look pretty darn fit.

    I don't know what to say but it seems you have a self confidence problem rather than a weight problem .. also there is an anatomical need for some fat tissue to exist on the belly which is higher on women than men. 6 packs on women are flat out (pun intended) unhealthy.

    maybe try relaxing a little... just exercise for fun and relaxation. dont worry about meals and stuff.. eat at maintenance level, dont cut. try and live a little. put less time and effort on bettering your body and spend that on family and friends. its what got me through all kinds of messy times.. you can stress your body all year long but the mind is not always so resilient.

    "flat out" unhealthy :-) that raised a smile!
  • Jennifer10723
    Jennifer10723 Posts: 374 Member
    What about heavy lifting? People here talk about it all the time. Shift your focus from fat to muscles! I know nothing about it .. but they sure do love it on here.
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    Jennifer10723 wrote: »
    What about heavy lifting? People here talk about it all the time. Shift your focus from fat to muscles! I know nothing about it .. but they sure do love it on here.

    I have been, and I really enjoy it - but it's not given me the stomach I want. It's given me nice arms and a toned back but not a defined tummy unfortunately.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    here is a pretty good article about six packs

    http://www.vicmagary.com/blog/truth-of-six-pack-abs/
  • blbst36
    blbst36 Posts: 54 Member
    Can I have your wobbly belly? :)

    I don't have much else to offer other than I think it is good that you are seeing someone. Making the call is the HARDEST step imaginable (just did it myself recently). Just stick with it. If you don't like them, try someone else. I don't know if there is a way to look specifically with doctors that deal with eating/body disorders, but I would lean towards them.

    Good luck :)
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    Capt_Apollo wrote: »
    here is a pretty good article about six packs

    http://www.vicmagary.com/blog/truth-of-six-pack-abs/

    Thank you so much for posting this. What a brilliant article.
  • HollyMGT
    HollyMGT Posts: 111 Member
    Judging from your picture, I'm pretty sure there are thousands of women who would love to have your figure, myself included.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    edited November 2014
    lightmouse wrote: »
    Jennifer10723 wrote: »
    What about heavy lifting? People here talk about it all the time. Shift your focus from fat to muscles! I know nothing about it .. but they sure do love it on here.

    I have been, and I really enjoy it - but it's not given me the stomach I want. It's given me nice arms and a toned back but not a defined tummy unfortunately.


    Are you following a specific program? If so, which one?


    ETA: Although I don't obsess about it, the little bit of fat on my stomach drives me crazy, too.
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    I have been doing bodyweight exercises from You Are Your Own Gym. I would love to have a gym membership and lift actual weights but there isn't a gym near me (I love where I live though, so many walks, running routes and cycling that I don't miss my previous city life even if I did have a gym membership in those days :smile: ) It's just odd that I can see real definition on my arms, back and legs (to the point that people who haven't seen me for a while say "oh my god, look at your arms!" but nothing in my tummy unless I'm really sucking it in and haven't eaten any bread :\ I don't even want a six pack - I want the nice lines at the sides if that makes any sense.

    There are some really good suggestions here and I am so grateful that people have taken the time to offer support and advice. I've been taking little steps this week. I have put the scale away, I haven't logged absolutely everything I've eaten and I'm trying to get more sleep. I've started a new book :smile: I've not read for ages because of the time spent on working out, preparing and logging food. It's surprising how long it takes. We went out today and bought some cheerful colours to decorate the house, and later we are going to go through our photos and pick some really happy ones to go in frames. New year, new start.
  • Ibyzr
    Ibyzr Posts: 14 Member
    Take care of your mind, and your body will follow. Or in your case, it will stay the same, TIGHT! You sound like you have a great action plan, see an MD, and taking little steps in your day to day. Good luck! <3
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    edited November 2014
    My experience has not been as extreme as yours, but I do have thoughts of "I was happier before I cared about what I eat". I never cared how I looked.. and lost weight on a whim with a friend. I feel like I have a worse "relationship with food" than I did before now and sometimes wonder if I should talk to a doctor about it. I think I've started working my way back into not caring (but trying to do so while still caring..) and feel like I have a long way to go. If I'd gone further, I would talk to a professional, and that's really all I can think to suggest for you. Good job getting rid of the scale too!

    Also, remember it's natural for women to have fat on their stomachs - just like over your kidneys, the fat is there as a form of protection for your uterus. It can be very hard to get rid of it, and it's not necessary to get rid of it. Some women can, some can't, and I think trying to understand that it's an insignificant attribute might help :) A woman is so much more than her little fat deposits!

    Oh and I hate to say it, but my "easiest week" - in that I ate well but didn't think about it all the time - was the week I only had 5 mins a day to be on MFP. I logged it once in the morning, ate what I planned, and didn't come back on. Maybe give that a try!
  • DeterminedFee201426
    DeterminedFee201426 Posts: 859 Member
    lightmouse wrote: »
    I think I have a bit of a problem.

    I have hated my body shape since I entered my teenage years and everyone started to look different. I have tried stupid diets, I've not eaten, I've not eaten then binged, cut out food groups, you name a stupid idea and I've probably given it a go. I have always been really active, but I've never looked how I think I "should" look.

    Now, over the last year I've sorted a lot out with my diet. It was mostly carbs before, now I eat loads more protein and healthy fat. I've stopped doing so much running and added in resistance training (which funnily enough has made me a faster runner) I have lost some of the belly fat, but it still wobbles and I still hate it. It doesn't help that I am having terrible problems with stomach bloating/pain and am seeing my doctor about it.

    It has been a year of logging, weighing and thinking constantly about food and working out. I am exhausted. I don't think I can do this any more. I don't enjoy food these days, I feel guilty after a bit of cake or a glass of wine. I was in tears last Sunday after a Saturday night out for a friend's birthday. I used to enjoy life so much more. I have worked so, so damn hard and I just think - for what? I may have gone from being unable to do one push up to being able to do pull ups, and I ran 5k in 19:56 last week but none of those things matter to me because I don't have a toned stomach. It is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. I used to say that I would be happy with just a little bit definition, but having achieved this it is not good enough because it isn't completely flat and it wobbles. Just typing this has brought me to tears. It is affecting my relationship because my bf is understandably sick of me not wanting to get a takeaway or go out for dinner. My mood for the day is completely dictated by what my stomach looks like. Sometimes I wonder if I have an unachievable goal, but even that upsets me because I start thinking about how hard I've tried.

    After last weekend I realised there was a problem, after spending all day in tears. I think I am emotionally (and probably physically) exhausted. I have put away the scale and that has helped a little, but I have still been logging and I'm wondering whether I should stop this too. Has anyone out there felt like this? Did you stop logging and did it help? Sorry for the long post.

    i had the same problem a few months ago and what i did for my problem..>i stop everything working out and eating healthy + no logging for 3 months .. because i was tierd of not being able to enjoy myself with so much restriction to the foods i eat .. so within that 3 month period i enjoyed myself eating as much as i want and did not workout it solved my problems.. now that my food and being lazy problem is out the way , i am back on track now and doing better then what i did before ! not advising just relate*
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
    edited November 2014
    There is truly no one in the world who is perfectly happy with their entire body. Some people have a toe that points inward, or their shoulders are a little too broad, etc. I have a small fat deposit (marble size) on one ankle since I was in high school that bugs me to death - but there is literally nothing short of having it surgically removed. If your stomach was perfect, I promise you would find something else wrong with you.
    -
    - Ask your BF what he doesnt like about himself/his body. He will have something, trust me. Then think about it - did you ever notice it? Does it bother you? Chances are you would never have noticed it if he didnt point it out. The same is true of your stomach - to you, it is the first and only thing everyone sees. To everyone else, they are too busy admiring your body in general to ever even notice if you dont mention it.
    -
    - There is a saying that if everyone put all their problems into a basket, and you had to pick something out, you would pick your own back because as soon as you see other peoples, yours doesnt seem so bad.
    -
    - Some problems we can do something about, like being overweight in general, toning up arms etc. Some we cannot without surgery or other intervention - eye color, hair density, etc. You spent a year working on this and admit yourself that if it could be flat, it should be based on everything you have done. This puts it in the category of "genetics" andthings you cant do anything else about. Sigh, then move on. Think of other people's problems and be grateful this is all you have. And if you let this consume you to the point that other people notice, you will create bigger problems you did NOT already have. You already mentioned your boyfriend and no longer enjoying eating out, etc. You are causing relationship issues in addition to your stomach issue. You are missing out on life because of one problem. If it were any other problem, would you let it rule and destroy your life? It is ok to be concerned and work on it, but in ten years - you might have your flat stomach after all, but your BF would have bailed years ago after trying to deal with your obsession... will you be happy then?
    -
    - Get more sleep. It makes everything better. And find someone to talk to. I cannot talk to therapists, never could, but found that if someone is hiking with me, I will talk all day and say things I never thought I would. Something about concentrating on something else WHILE talking makes it SO much easier. So my hiking companion is my therapist now, and I return the favor for them. I could find a professional I guess but pretty sure I could not afford to get them to go out and hike with me :)
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    boatsie77 wrote: »
    Go out and find a worthwhile cause..feeding the hungry; mentoring kids; Big Sister; Habitat...you have entirely too much time spent worrying about yourself. The rewards you receive in making a difference in the lives of others will make you realize what REALLY matters in the end.
    and just before you head out to volunteer today find a therapist that's willing to work with you on your serious depression issue and body dsymorphia.

    Perhaps come back to this thread in a month or 3 and re-read it, it might be far different for you to see how you felt today compared to down the road.

    You are very into yourself right now... time to journal, take a walk enjoy the outdoors, a nice warm bath with bubbles, read a fun captivating book... anything to take you out of your mind and all the issues you feel about your body.

    We're strangers you'll never meet and we see big issues going on... trust and do try and make that appt. As someone shared up above.. if something didn't go right in the past talking to someone... doesn't mean you won't find a person that will be much better this time around.

    Take care

  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    DevilandhisAdvocate wrote: »
    Go to a medical spa. Try carboxy therapy on your stomach to flatten it out. Or liposonixs. It's not expensive and should give you the results you want.
    Do you really feel the issue is her stomach?

  • skinnyforhi
    skinnyforhi Posts: 340 Member
    edited November 2014
    You are stronger than you think: you have admitted you have a problem. Recognizing a problem is a great big first step. Go see your doctor and get a referral to a therapist. This is a hard path, but one that many people have walked successfully. Big hugs and remember, you are NOT a number. Not a number on the scale, not a number of pull-ups, and not a number of calories on the MFP site. Be kind to yourself and be well.
  • Gamer_2k4
    Gamer_2k4 Posts: 36 Member
    Isabelle_1929 wrote: »
    What strikes me is that you have a BF. So unless you want to be a bikini model, rationally, having a flat and firm stomach would change absolutely nothing in your life. Nothing.

    Because we all know that being in a relationship means you no longer have to care about your looks.

    I'm engaged, and you'd better believe I'm working my butt off to look great for the wedding. Because, as self-affirming and all that as it is to say "it doesn't matter how you look," the truth is that it does, or else none of us would be here. We like to look great for ourselves, and we like to look great for our partners.

    That said, OP has nothing to worry about, but I understand where she's coming from. Still, a desire to improve is healthy; an obsession about perceived shortcomings is unhealthy. Get enough sleep, eat right, and keep working out, and that's all. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If it's not, you've still got a body that would make most of the world jealous.
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    I would do as others have suggested and go see a doctor and a therapist about your issues. You sound like you may have body dysmorphia. And in your case, it might be best to log off MFP. Definitely take a break at least. Nothing good is coming from you logging your food here and obsessing over everything sounds very unhealthy for you. You're already at a healthy weight and look amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

    Good luck OP :flowerforyou:
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    lightmouse wrote: »
    bwogilvie wrote: »
    lightmouse wrote: »
    My boyfriend said that I must be seeing something completely different to the rest of the world. I don't think so, I think I'm seeing it accurately but then obsessing over it and making it a bigger deal than it is. I have always wanted to run a sub 20 min 5k. Then the day I do it, what do I think? Not "wow, well done, look what you've achieved" but "why the hell is my stomach still sticking out, I'm still doing something wrong, what is it". Absolute nonsense.

    Another random Internet stranger who thinks you look great!

    But the point is, you recognize that your feelings are nonsense but you're still having them. That is exactly why you should get a referral to a therapist. My recommendation (remember, random Internet stranger!) would be to ask for a referral to a specialist in CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy). Instead of focusing on why you have these feelings, CBT would focus on how to reduce or eliminate them.

    Thank you. That exactly what I want, I don't want to sit in a room discussing why I feel like this and going round and round in circles - I'm not really interested in why, I just want to feel better.


    I'm a strong advocate of therapy. Seriously. It isn't just talking about the feelings- it's sorting out why how and getting to the root of the feeling. You feel a certain way for a reason.

    Going to therapy is a safe place to really sit through and discuss that with no judgement. I think EVERYONE should go to therapy. Seriously- it's a great tool. for EVERYONE.

    but pretty much you know you have to do something because the way you're feeling is unhealthy- and no one wants to feel "bad" all the time.


    Secondly- someone mentioned bellydancing- and you said you weren't confident enough to do that.

    1.) no one goes out performing their first six weeks. that's a joke.
    2.) wearing minimal clothing is not necessarily part of the gig. everyone at my studio dances in pants and tanks/sweatshirts/tops- esp now that it's cold.
    3.) dancing brings an awareness and a connection to your body and a different appreciation.
    I'm not talking about mysical feminine goddess core crap. that's not what it's about at all.
    But there IS an awareness- and realizing your body is what it is - somedays it's good- somedays it's grindy. Some days you like what you see- somedays you don't. You still show up and do the work.

    and it's okay to be who you are but you can know, accept and work with the body you have. and it's just as capable and fabulous as the person next to you- who is a completely different shape or size. (both my teachers don't look particularly "fit" in conventional terms and let me tell you what- they both can dance circles around me- and neither of them do anything but dance- no other work outs at all)

    I'm a professional bellydancer- and a power lifter- I do both. They both bring balance to my brain. I need BOTH to keep sane.

    full clothes- actually a men's clothes
    Fifi Abdou - baladi with assaya.mp4: http://youtu.be/Cca6Y0Mu2xY

    Leila Haddad- she's Berber- dances from North Afrida- Tunisian, Morroco, Algerian.
    I've seen her dance in person- I've taken a workshop with her- hysterical- she wears more clothes than a man going to a formal interview.
    Leila Haddad Oriental Dance: http://youtu.be/3FsVLrRYdXY

    Let me tell you something- even fully clothes in literally YARDS of fabric- she OOZES coy- or sexy- or va-va-voom.

    It's a social dance. It can be done anywhere- at any time- in anything.

    It's a different kind of confidence and it takes nothing but going and learning. step on-e good posture- just like the weight room.

    not saying you HAVE to- but don't cut yourself short. It can be done.


    Hugs- you can do it- you've come so far. Don't let your brain trick you into thinking you failed. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't let it rob you of your hard work!!!
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    aylajane wrote: »
    There is truly no one in the world who is perfectly happy with their entire body. Some people have a toe that points inward, or their shoulders are a little too broad, etc. I have a small fat deposit (marble size) on one ankle since I was in high school that bugs me to death - but there is literally nothing short of having it surgically removed. If your stomach was perfect, I promise you would find something else wrong with you.
    -
    - Ask your BF what he doesnt like about himself/his body. He will have something, trust me. Then think about it - did you ever notice it? Does it bother you? Chances are you would never have noticed it if he didnt point it out. The same is true of your stomach - to you, it is the first and only thing everyone sees. To everyone else, they are too busy admiring your body in general to ever even notice if you dont mention it.
    -
    - There is a saying that if everyone put all their problems into a basket, and you had to pick something out, you would pick your own back because as soon as you see other peoples, yours doesnt seem so bad.
    -
    - Some problems we can do something about, like being overweight in general, toning up arms etc. Some we cannot without surgery or other intervention - eye color, hair density, etc. You spent a year working on this and admit yourself that if it could be flat, it should be based on everything you have done. This puts it in the category of "genetics" andthings you cant do anything else about. Sigh, then move on. Think of other people's problems and be grateful this is all you have. And if you let this consume you to the point that other people notice, you will create bigger problems you did NOT already have. You already mentioned your boyfriend and no longer enjoying eating out, etc. You are causing relationship issues in addition to your stomach issue. You are missing out on life because of one problem. If it were any other problem, would you let it rule and destroy your life? It is ok to be concerned and work on it, but in ten years - you might have your flat stomach after all, but your BF would have bailed years ago after trying to deal with your obsession... will you be happy then?
    -
    - Get more sleep. It makes everything better. And find someone to talk to. I cannot talk to therapists, never could, but found that if someone is hiking with me, I will talk all day and say things I never thought I would. Something about concentrating on something else WHILE talking makes it SO much easier. So my hiking companion is my therapist now, and I return the favor for them. I could find a professional I guess but pretty sure I could not afford to get them to go out and hike with me :)

    Your hiking companion is lucky to have you! You make truthful points in a very kind way. Thank you :smile:
  • keefmac
    keefmac Posts: 313 Member
    I have been fixated with my stomach too, after hitting goal weight and dropping another 4kg on top. My wife actually said I should not loose any more weight (which was right to be fair!).

    Looking at your profile you're in great shape and should be very proud of what you've achieved!. Congratulate yourself and maybe take a few weeks off extreme logging, don't go mad but take some time out for yourself ;).
  • sydneydeb
    sydneydeb Posts: 93 Member
    I agree with what everyone else has said, you need therapy as you have a real issue about how you see your body. You have a figure that I'm sure a fair few people on here would envy yet you focus on one perceived flaw. Start focusing on the positives and get some help, you really need to talk to someone and get help. Good luck

  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    So apparently I have body dysmorphia. I kind of expected that because I looked it up after people suggested it here and a lot of what was online rang true. I am still feeling uncomfortable talking in person to someone about this but I will go back.
  • RadiantChange
    RadiantChange Posts: 57 Member
    To answer your question, " Did you stop logging and did it help?"

    When I stop logging I do it to go back to eating comfort foods and my weight comes right back. This time I am working on why I feel the need to eat "comfort" foods instead of talking about what is really going on.

    I respect your honesty...Refreshing, and if this is the only place you feel you can do that...Well?
  • Ibyzr
    Ibyzr Posts: 14 Member
    You need to allow a little time to get comfortable with your therapist. They are not there to judge you, and only want to see you get well. It is soooo hard to open up when you aren't used to it, it will come. :)
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    RadiantChange wrote: »
    To answer your question, " Did you stop logging and did it help?"

    When I stop logging I do it to go back to eating comfort foods and my weight comes right back. This time I am working on why I feel the need to eat "comfort" foods instead of talking about what is really going on.

    I respect your honesty...Refreshing, and if this is the only place you feel you can do that...Well?

    Thank you. :smile: that is interesting. I have no idea how I'd eat if I stopped logging, at the moment I feel a bit like I've lost control so I'm eating all the same things because I've pretty much memorised the macros. I need a better relationship with food, like you say - why do we eat the way we eat? I often wish I didn't care, but of course I don't really mean that.
  • WhoWasGivenToFly
    WhoWasGivenToFly Posts: 64 Member
    Talk to a therapist, your self esteem should not be so tied to your body image ( easier said than done I know)
  • kristimason3
    kristimason3 Posts: 131 Member
    I know exactly how you feel. I've had body image issues that affect my day to day life for so long that I don't remember a time when it wasn't a problem. Now I'm 35, still dealing with the daily consequences of it all, have missed out on so much "living" because of it and age is only making matters that much worse. My kids made me a sash recently and dubbed me "Ms. Body Dismorphia". How sad is that? That's the last thing I want them learning. I've been to counseling over the years numerous times to no avail. I'm not unsupported, my husband thinks I'm ridiculous and has always told me beautiful I am, never a negative comment about my physical appearance in almost 16 years together, despite pregnancies and gaining / losing. My friends tell me I'm ridiculous and think its all in my head. Nothing has helped changed the view I have of myself in my own mind. It's a sickness, but I have no answers on how to make it better. But I do know how it feels and if you ever want to talk feel free to add me.
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