Need Right Motivation for Hubby

clgaches
clgaches Posts: 12 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey y'all! Unfortunately, going to be yet another person looking for advice in motivating one's significant other. Basically, my partner has gained an unhealthy degree of weight over the past few years (and is generally in poor fitness). Some of this was due to being on night shifts for way too long (over now) , the rest mostly due to a sedentary sort of lifestyle/interests. I've tried getting him on board with my own goals (even just trying to get him to come on walks with me), but ultimately neither I nor my sister can get him the kick in the *kitten* he needs to get his weight gain under control.

Partner Stats: 6'1", 29 yo, Male. definitely "big broad" by nature

Some of the problems:
1) Lack of interest. Most of his hobbies are generally sedentary (reading, tv shows, video games)
2) Lack of time (during the weekdays). With his commute, he's gone sun up to sun down. Not an excuse for any of us, but he still sees "exercise" as a dedicated "Event".
3) Snacking. Meals are fairly healthy (if suboptimal), but he has a bad tendency to snack at night. Particularly when his brother still had a pot supplier (luckily this is gone now)
4) Pride/Shame/Fear preventing him from acknowledging the problem.
5) Excuses. (Seriously, one time he told me he avoided working out because it made his shoulders to big for his shirts.)

I've tried getting him to do things with me, asking if there's anything he'd like to do, being subtle, being blunt (but not mean) and his siblings usually use the "gentle insult" technique. Every time I have him do a work out video or something with me (and I am NOT particularly fit myself!), he has a hard time so he just quits. Whenever I make ANY comment regarding his weight/health, he gets this horribly offended hurt puppy expression. He outright brushes off everyone else.

At this point, I don't know what else to do short of outright bullying (which we all know is not long-term beneficial). My latest ideas are: actually log his food/exercise FOR HIM a couple times and show him how horribly disproportionate they are, physically drag him out of the house and chase him with a chain saw (not ideal, he has some knee issues), or outright verbally assault him with no regard for his dignity, pride or self-esteem.

I wouldn't do the latter; I'm just at wit's end.

Replies

  • klassyketta
    klassyketta Posts: 29 Member
    if he can at least do 30 mins of walking. maybe you can walk with him at night and yall can talk about yall day.
  • allie_00p
    allie_00p Posts: 280 Member
    edited November 2014
    I'm in the same boat, like you could almost exactly be describing my husband to the letter (even height, age, etc.). He acknowledges that he has a belly & makes jokes of it sometimes, but I never say anything to him outright. I'm just doing what I can do for my body and to be an example for my daughter (and for him). You can't make him change, he has to be a big boy and decide it for himself.

    But as he sees you being healthy and in shape, hopefully it will motivate him - like mine has started making joking comments about "you fit people" and I found an at-home workout program on our computer, I don't think he's actually done it, but it's on his mind, so I just keep hoping. His father is severely obese, he knows the risks.

  • TossaBeanBag
    TossaBeanBag Posts: 458 Member
    edited November 2014
    As a husband, I was motivated by a number of things. First, my wife was taking great strides to take care of herself, which I then thought I better find a balance physically, mentally, and spiritually, too. My neighbors on both sides were lifting weights and trying to get in shape. It was tough tying my shoes (no joke), and that was the last straw. Plus, I was getting passed up for raises and promotions - and it seemed like fitter, prettier people were getting the raises.

    I talked to my wife about the biases of society. There is weight, age, race, and gender - to name a few. The only thing I could really control was weight. Getting heavier was also placing me into that older category. So, I went to the doctor and, now, I am at the gym almost everyday. I am losing fat (I'm down about 10% body fat and will keep going until I hit 10% body fat) and keeping my muscle, and my wife is having a hard time keeping her hands off me every morning and night. The bonus of working out is I, too, actually feel like fooling around more and can ... well, I don't want to go TMI, so I will just say we have fun as long as we want.

    SO, take care of you, first, and try to get him around others who are working out. Join a gym, and I can almost bet he will go (he doesn't want to lose you to someone). It is like a meat market at our gym. I know my wife keeps going, too, because she sees some fit women in there and wants to make sure I am looking her way. I pay her a lot of complements. We've been married 20 years. She is great and my best friend. I hope you find a way and this helps.
  • redfisher1974
    redfisher1974 Posts: 614 Member
    Guys are easy, If they do what you ask you give them sex... Trust me it works! My wife told me so...
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
    Ok, I'll say it: Just break up.

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