Probably sharing too much..........

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crownchaser
crownchaser Posts: 6
in Introduce Yourself
Hi everyone. I have been using MFP and Fitbit for about 10 days now, kind of getting the hang of it.

The last four years have been a BATTLE, one that I didn't really even know I was in at the time. I became involved with someone who was verbally abusive......I mean that doesn't even cover it. Verbal assaults. I was approximately 20 lbs overweight, still running half marathons about once a month, but not obese. To him, I was hideous. There wasn't a day that went by that I wasn't called a 'fat %^^%' at least 40 times a day. I'm not embellishing. It was hell. Yet, I became so beat down mentally......I stayed.

Abuse became physical. Just hideous on all fronts and I was afraid to leave because like he said.....nobody would ever want me. Finally, he cheated on me...had been for some time, and I've been on my own for about 9 months. I've gained 20 more pounds from comfort eating, etc. I am miserable. I hide in the house except for work because I don't want anyone to see me. I'm sad, lonely, quite the mess actually.

Anyone else been in this state? Feeling totally worthless.......I know it wasn't me, but I feel so betrayed and lost. I've been through a divorce, breakups.....was always able to move on, but this one has really floored me. I'm hoping that making better choices with food and fitness will help. I'm praying it does.

I added up what I ate two weekends ago on a Saturday, OMG!!!!! Unreal, no wonder I gained 20 more lbs.

Thanks for reading, hope everyone is having a great day.

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  • llahealth
    llahealth Posts: 1
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    I'm so sorry that you feel this way! Huge huge hugs, and hope that you have faith, especially in yourself to continue loving yourself. And be proud of the strength that you are showing despite your adversity!
  • LeslieTSUK
    LeslieTSUK Posts: 215 Member
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    Hi Crown,
    Very sorry to hear about your situation, I went through something kind of similar as a child with my dad and step mom, so can relate a little to how you feel.

    1st off:
    Set goals you know you can realistically achieve, and reason I say that is, if your feeling as you put it worthless and grounded down to your lowest, then any failures are only going to add to those feelings.

    If you set tiny goals, and keep achieving them it will help to build up your self worth.

    Or as I did for 3 years, I said right leslie, you have to get your diabetes sorted out, or ya blind, every time my nurse saw me she said hi leslie want me to book you in for the dietician? I was like no, don't care about my weight right now, my diabetes is far more important.

    And I found by not caring about it, and just concentrating all my efforts on one single goal, I actually ended up loosing some weight in the process.

    So, if your using your fitbit for your exercise, for the moment I would say don't worry about your weight, concentrate on your fitness levels first.

    Once you have got your fitness up to a point where you sit back and think yayy am happy with that, then relax a bit, chill out, make sure you do a little each day to keep your fitness up, and then concentrate all your efforts on the weight loss side.

    As for the guy, he was nothing but a good for nothing A-Hole that liked to bully women to make himself feel big, he is the worthless one, he's lower than a cockroach.

    You can do this, and if you need a friend to talk to, my im always open, and feel free to add me if you like.

    Blessed be
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,668 Member
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    Hugs. Sounds like you've been to hell. Welcome back. :heart:
  • SuninVirgo
    SuninVirgo Posts: 255 Member
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    I've been through this. I feel awful for you. You are a battered woman, an abused woman who needs the right kind of support. There are women's shelters, the Y and other places to help you recover from domestic violence

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