Need a safe place to vent

breezymom81
breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
I am having a rough day, usually I vent to my husband....but he is the one ticking me off today! He keeps making these little comments that are not sitting well with me....For example, I get up every morning at 5 am with him so that I can make his lunch for work, today he has the nerve to text me complaining that I didn't put in what he wanted for lunch. Never a hey thanks for making my lunch I appreciate it. Then, I always go grocery shopping on Friday nights, he calls me to tell me that HE has worked a long day so I shouldn't even think about leaving the kids at home with him, because he is tired. Instead I could go on my "Two days off" Yeah I have two young children, a house to take care of, run a daycare out of my house that takes up about 70 hrs a week. And a husband who does literally none of the house things. I normally don't mind this as I am very particular about how things get done. But is it too much to ask for a hey thanks, let me get the kids outta your hair for an hour. I know he has a physical job and it's exhausting but dammit I have a stressful job, and lots to do for the house and kids, a budget to balance ...I get NO days OFF EVER, not even overnight to sleep because I am a light sleeper and wake up to every little noise!

Whew, I usually eat when I have no place to vent to and I am not falling off the wagon!!
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Replies

  • Terri73
    Terri73 Posts: 238
    and breathe feel better now.???
    Its not just you my other half is on my last nerve too. Thinks i have a money tree growing outside. and thinks as i'm home all day apart from the 4 long walks i do to take the kids to school i have an easy life.

    Wish i had vented as i have binged the last two days and feel awful now so dont do it xxxx
  • Xaspar
    Xaspar Posts: 726 Member
    Glad you vented it out rather than stuffing it ... and possibly your face as well! ... :)
  • skinnywithin
    skinnywithin Posts: 1,392 Member
    Oh how I feel your pain !!!!!!!!! I too never get a day off, when or if I need something done I may as well do it myself ! girl its ok to vent !! gotta release it somehow ! try to enjoy your weekend !
  • bmontgomery87
    bmontgomery87 Posts: 1,260 Member
    woman-get-back-in-the-kitchen-women-s-t-shirts_design.png


    i joke i joke.


    I'd make him pack his lunch for a week and see how he likes that. I've NEVER had a woman who packed my lunch in the mornings. He should consider himself lucky.
  • ronda_gettinghealthy
    ronda_gettinghealthy Posts: 777 Member
    we used to call in kvetching=== glad we could be your sounding board
  • lizabean89
    lizabean89 Posts: 33 Member
    Great idea to vent and get it out here instead of eating. That is my problem too and I am trying to learn to deal with whatever the problem is and not push it down with food. I hope your day has gotten better, it is very stressful being home with kids all the time. Take some deep breaths before he gets home. Maybe you just make it look so easy :wink: or he was having a hard day too. Either way, hopefully the evening will go better, don't let it derail you. :smile:
  • ladybug1009
    ladybug1009 Posts: 68 Member
    Tell him that he has a new responsibility. Making his own lunch. Why not try to communicate with him your thoughts, and tell him that you really need him to listen to your thoughts. And then see what his side is.

    Given, I've only been married for 6 months, and it is not perfect. When my husband tells me that he worked hard and that he is tired, does not mean that I don't work hard either. Your jobs are both different like mine and my husbands. We equally work hard, but we all have duties we have to share, yours and his are tending to your children and tell him that you really need time to yourself and that you deserve it.
  • lizabean89
    lizabean89 Posts: 33 Member
    woman-get-back-in-the-kitchen-women-s-t-shirts_design.png


    i joke i joke.


    I'd make him pack his lunch for a week and see how he likes that. I've NEVER had a woman who packed my lunch in the mornings. He should consider himself lucky.


    Funny!! Sounds just like my dh!
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
    I am glad that you vented to us instead of emotionally eating. I have had the same problem in the past with my husband; he didn't appreciate anything I did until I stopped doing them. I refused to pack him lunch, make him dinner, etc. He had to start doing things on his own, and then he realized how much work it took. I hope things get better for you. Maybe, you can go burn some energy away; I know I do that.
  • bluerose84
    bluerose84 Posts: 8
    hey, sorry to hear about your rough day but men usually just dont get it. A simple thank you for all the things you do to make their life easier go unappreciated, maybe you should stop doing the little extras for him like getting up at 5am and making him lunch a couple days of that and maybe he will be a little more understanding. As for your self you should try and get a babysitter for the kids for a couple hours if and go out spend a little time byyourself or with friends. Go get a pedicure instead of eating and i bet you will feel tons better. Good luck:wink:
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
    i'm hearing that! my other half to be fair does have a fair commute to work so he is out of the house for 12 hours a day, whereas i can cycle to work in 20 minutes and my shift is only 7.5 hrs long, but i work longer weeks than him and i work shifts, but do i get a thank you when i make sure there are clean and ironed clothes for him to wear to work, do i hear one when i do all of the grocery shopping, all of the cooking (apart from the occasional sunday evening) i even spend my morning before i go to work in the afternoon making sure that there is a homecooked meal waiting for him when he gets home, has he mown the lawn this year, nope thats been my job, did he help with a deep clean of the house for when his friends came to visit no he went out to fly his model plane grrrrrrrr

    but he is a soppy so and so and i wouldn't change him for the world
  • ladybug1009
    ladybug1009 Posts: 68 Member
    woman-get-back-in-the-kitchen-women-s-t-shirts_design.png


    i joke i joke.


    I'd make him pack his lunch for a week and see how he likes that. I've NEVER had a woman who packed my lunch in the mornings. He should consider himself lucky.

    I was going to say that he is lucky that she makes his lunch. For I don't even make my husband's lunch. He's 30 and fully capable of doing it. If he wants what he likes, then he can pack it.
  • Flocker1979
    Flocker1979 Posts: 96
    woman-get-back-in-the-kitchen-women-s-t-shirts_design.png


    i joke i joke.


    I'd make him pack his lunch for a week and see how he likes that. I've NEVER had a woman who packed my lunch in the mornings. He should consider himself lucky.

    I would get up that early and pack my husband's lunch when we were first married, but he gently asked me to stop after the third time I was so tired he bit into his sandwich and the cheese in it was still wrapped in the plastic! :blushing: :laugh:
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member

    i joke i joke.


    I'd make him pack his lunch for a week and see how he likes that. I've NEVER had a woman who packed my lunch in the mornings. He should consider himself lucky.

    Thanks, that's what I told him!!
  • jdg1mfp
    jdg1mfp Posts: 103
    Sounds like now you have vented with us you need to sit down and TALK (not yell) with him.
    The problem is once we start cycles and habits they become the norm and easily taken for granted.
    For example: Do you randomly go to him and say "Thank you for going to work Today".
    Also, let someone else wash the dishes or wash/fold clothes, I know they won't do it exactly right in your eyes but it will never happen if you don't give it a chance.

    Then again what do I know.....I'm one of those MEN
  • jennmoore3
    jennmoore3 Posts: 1,013 Member
    You know, I bet there is something in the air. My husband is the same way. Just because he works all day he can come home and sit for a bit and do nothing. I work all day and come home, run the kids here and there, and do everything around the house. I never get a day off either. I wish men could see that we need time to ourselves as well. I always take the kids to the store with me. I wish I could just go pee without someone bothering me.
  • janetv3
    janetv3 Posts: 37 Member
    It's a safe place here....hope your day goes better....:flowerforyou:
  • lilsweetslol
    lilsweetslol Posts: 68 Member
    Good to vent. I do it here all the time instead of going to mcdonald and getting a caramel Frappe.. lol

    Us women have to pick and choose our battles. Is this going to matter a year from now, probably not or is it just pety b.s.. i yelled at my husband the other day because he throws his garbage in the kitchen sink instead of the damn garbage pale 4 feet away.
    or not cleaning the sink after he shaves. GROSSS.
    but.. he cooks when i dont want to, he cleans the kitchen when i didnt ask him to So i guess i shouldnt complain..

    I'd be funny about it and put a sandwhich in your husbands lunch with a note between 2 slices of bread that said " a little thanks goes a long ways" : )
    prepare for war when he gets home.. haha
  • mishelnkiki
    mishelnkiki Posts: 775 Member
    oh girl!!! u tooo??? omg my bf better PRAY i dont see him for a few days bc if i do... he will feel my wrath! its just like u say, the little things, the lil smart *kitten* comments. ugh. im just lucky im not married to mine. lol. i can up and leave whenever i want. hope ur day gets better. while im sad ur feeling this way, its refreshing to know its not just me, everyone seems to be having a day like that. and ur doing WAY better then me. i went to popeyes on lunch. while screaming at him on the phone of course. lol.
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    Sounds like now you have vented with us you need to sit down and TALK (not yell) with him.
    The problem is once we start cycles and habits they become the norm and easily taken for granted.
    For example: Do you randomly go to him and say "Thank you for going to work Today".
    Also, let someone else wash the dishes or wash/fold clothes, I know they won't do it exactly right in your eyes but it will never happen if you don't give it a chance.

    Then again what do I know.....I'm one of those MEN

    I have and will talk to him...as always thats why I vented on here, I used to eat the emotions and then talk to him. He thinks that because I work from home all day I have all the time in the world to get things done. Don't get me wrong I love being a wife and mother and take care of my family because I enjoy it so very much. But sometimes, when I am running on 2 hours sleep and still getting it all done I would like a thank you. And yes I do say thanks for going to work, as a matter of fact because his job is hard on his back I make it a point to give him a rub once a week. I don't even want him to do anything more,just a thanks!!
  • jdg1mfp
    jdg1mfp Posts: 103
    Let me say thank you for him, and I'm sure there is one on the way from him.
    We (MEN) may be slow but not stupid.
    He saw a good thing when he met you and I know its not his intention to let it go!

    P.S. Let me get off of this thread before the fellas kick me *kitten* for being a sellout!
    I'm Out!!!!!!!!!
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    Thank you all! Feels good to know that I am not the only one out there! I love my husband very much, would not change him if I could...:love::love: .He fixes everything that breaks and would take on some more things if i pushed I'm sure! When I worked outside of the house he was happy to help me out and did almost all the house work! I didn't want it to be a big fight no I vented! Now I am off to get some more of my house work taken care of, and plan out next weeks shopping :tongue:
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    Let me say thank you for him, and I'm sure there is one on the way from him.
    We (MEN) may be slow but not stupid.
    He saw a good thing when he met you and I know its not his intention to let it go!

    P.S. Let me get off of this thread before the fellas kick me *kitten* for being a sellout!
    I'm Out!!!!!!!!!

    LOL thanks!! He's certainly not stupid, if I know him I should have some little surprise later!!
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    oh girl!!! u tooo??? omg my bf better PRAY i dont see him for a few days bc if i do... he will feel my wrath! its just like u say, the little things, the lil smart *kitten* comments. ugh. im just lucky im not married to mine. lol. i can up and leave whenever i want. hope ur day gets better. while im sad ur feeling this way, its refreshing to know its not just me, everyone seems to be having a day like that. and ur doing WAY better then me. i went to popeyes on lunch. while screaming at him on the phone of course. lol.

    I wouldn't leave him for anything, he is my bet friend but some times I think he should be on the short bus!!
  • HeyThereSunshine
    HeyThereSunshine Posts: 2
    Sometimes, everyone forgets to think before they speak. My husband will say something and instead of me eating a pint of ice cream or taking my Mom's cast iron skillet to his head :angry: ; I will give him a kiss when I see him and say, "God blesses and protects fools and babies-":laugh:

    But seriously, it's going to happen. We have good days and bad days~in my opinion, expressing yourself does a world of good and you will not build up resentment, frustration or unwanted belly fat. Tell him how you feel when you've had a moment to relax, relate and release. :happy:
  • daddyratty
    daddyratty Posts: 305 Member
    These are just some suggestions ... not a magic formula:

    Stroke his ego (we're suckers for that). Tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works to provide for the family. Then - several days later - ask to have a conversation with him. You might even tell him a couple days ahead of time that you have some serious things you need to discuss with him "on Thursday" or whatever day you decide, but don't say anything else. It's OK that he freaks out a bit. You will definitely have his attention, and since you'll have done a great job at demonstrating your respect for his role, you can just share some of the things that are frustrating to you.

    Let him know that you know you're only one side of the equation ... maybe ask if there is something you've done that has kept him from helping you around the house (this is pandering a bit, because maybe he just doesn't feel like it's his job). This is unconscionable to me ... I help my wife with all the household chores. She works long hours staying at home with our kiddos. It would be asinine of me to say that I work all day and she doesn't.

    Once you know you're on some common ground, arrange to "trade" some time away. This way you are assured of getting a weekend away sometime.

    Thanks for sharing and best to you.
  • tammyquinnlmt
    tammyquinnlmt Posts: 680 Member
    Sounds like now you have vented with us you need to sit down and TALK (not yell) with him.
    The problem is once we start cycles and habits they become the norm and easily taken for granted.
    For example: Do you randomly go to him and say "Thank you for going to work Today".
    Also, let someone else wash the dishes or wash/fold clothes, I know they won't do it exactly right in your eyes but it will never happen if you don't give it a chance.

    Then again what do I know.....I'm one of those MEN

    I do the same thing for my husband, but I've learned to tell him thank you for the things he does do. I also just told him, I need you to appreciate me. I figured out, that while we want them to be...most men are not mind readers. They need to be told the things you need from them. Not that I don't get angry at my hubby from time to time. And kudos to you for venting rather than eating! I always eat when i get ticked!
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    Thanks everyone for the so kind words...he is human, and I am also I do thing s that tick him off. That said he figured out all on his own what he said pissed me off, ran a handful of the errands that I needed done I appreciate that very much. So now we are going to snuggle up and eat some air popped popcorn....
  • VixFit2011
    VixFit2011 Posts: 663 Member
    I don't know if this will sound rude to some but I've heard so many women with stories like this including me and I think men just don't get it. After all their brains are divided in two.....one in their head and the other half....well.....I know you know where that one is..LOL!
  • steve4580
    steve4580 Posts: 32
    Bad post, sorry about that.
This discussion has been closed.

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