I'm worried, tired, emotionally drained and sick of this.
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I was thinking body dysmorphia.
It can be hard to cross the bridge between perception and reality. And then there is acceptance. I did notice that you mentioned running, pull ups, push ups... but nothing about crunches. Of course all of the muscle in the world won't make a difference to the amount of fat on top of the muscle. That's where acceptance comes in. We are all imperfect and we have to love our imperfections, too. The unique combinations make us individuals.
How about work on things that make you feel good about who you are? Focus externally for a while. How about volunteering at an animal shelter, school, library, soup kitchen or other cause you feel strongly about? Sometimes you can incorporate a hobby - for instance people who sew can make pillow cases or fleece throws for children with cancer - nothing makes a hospital bed feel more like a home when there's a tinkerbell pillowcase on the pillow. Lead a food drive or a toy drive or learn to fix bikes - there are places that take old bikes and fix them up to donate to needy kids. Join or work in a community food garden to help poor communities grow healthier alternatives to packaged food. Be a big sister. Volunteer at Habitat - they need every skill level so even if all you can do is paint or put on light switch face plates, you are still needed!
The more you focus on who you are on the INSIDE and less about who you are on the OUTSIDE, the better you will feel about you - your esteem will soar.
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Hey, I'm so sorry you feel so overwhelmed and sad about yourself. Maybe through physical exhaustion and mental stress of wanting more and more is what is making this harder for you? I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder and it's horrible, i know how you feel. Everyone just says "No, you look great! What are you talking about?" but it isn't the case. It's like you see a total different person to what everyone else sees and it's really frustrating.
Maybe take away the scales and instead of logging calories, log just general food for the day. Don't put pressure on yourself with calorie counting or nutrition percentages. Just think of easy, obtainable goals like saying that you will have protein in every meal and not eat carbs in the evening or something like that. Sometimes the pressure of wanting something so much makes you fall off track even more....
Good luck in your journey! You do look amazing but I know how you feel
You can get through this! 0 -
MissMotivated92 wrote: »Hey, I'm so sorry you feel so overwhelmed and sad about yourself. Maybe through physical exhaustion and mental stress of wanting more and more is what is making this harder for you? I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder and it's horrible, i know how you feel. Everyone just says "No, you look great! What are you talking about?" but it isn't the case. It's like you see a total different person to what everyone else sees and it's really frustrating.
Maybe take away the scales and instead of logging calories, log just general food for the day. Don't put pressure on yourself with calorie counting or nutrition percentages. Just think of easy, obtainable goals like saying that you will have protein in every meal and not eat carbs in the evening or something like that. Sometimes the pressure of wanting something so much makes you fall off track even more....
Good luck in your journey! You do look amazing but I know how you feel You can get through this!
That's a good idea, maybe rather than trying to stop logging completely I should just log foods for a bit and stop weighing everything. Then work towards not logging at all maybe. Thank you for your support 0 -
kristimason3 wrote: »I know exactly how you feel. I've had body image issues that affect my day to day life for so long that I don't remember a time when it wasn't a problem. Now I'm 35, still dealing with the daily consequences of it all, have missed out on so much "living" because of it and age is only making matters that much worse. My kids made me a sash recently and dubbed me "Ms. Body Dismorphia". How sad is that? That's the last thing I want them learning. I've been to counseling over the years numerous times to no avail. I'm not unsupported, my husband thinks I'm ridiculous and has always told me beautiful I am, never a negative comment about my physical appearance in almost 16 years together, despite pregnancies and gaining / losing. My friends tell me I'm ridiculous and think its all in my head. Nothing has helped changed the view I have of myself in my own mind. It's a sickness, but I have no answers on how to make it better. But I do know how it feels and if you ever want to talk feel free to add me.
Thank you for sharing. It's impossible to describe how it feels isn't it, without sounding like you only care about yourself and what you look like - when that isn't true at all. It's not vanity. For those who don't "get it" it just sounds like you think your appearance is the be all and end all and it's not - I know I'm more than what my body looks like but something is stopping me being happy regardless.
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lightmouse wrote: »It's impossible to describe how it feels isn't it, without sounding like you only care about yourself and what you look like - when that isn't true at all. It's not vanity. For those who don't "get it" it just sounds like you think your appearance is the be all and end all and it's not - I know I'm more than what my body looks like
Mmmkay.
Yep. If you don't understand how it feels it makes no sense, I get that. There are lots of thoughts and feelings that people have that are damaging and make no logical sense.0 -
lightmouse wrote: »lightmouse wrote: »It's impossible to describe how it feels isn't it, without sounding like you only care about yourself and what you look like - when that isn't true at all. It's not vanity. For those who don't "get it" it just sounds like you think your appearance is the be all and end all and it's not - I know I'm more than what my body looks like
Mmmkay.
Yep. If you don't understand how it feels it makes no sense, I get that. There are lots of thoughts and feelings that people have that are damaging and make no logical sense.
Nope. I remember well being your age, looking as good as you and feeling that way. It's not at all uncommon.
Um, thanks. 2015 is the year I get this under control. I've decided I'm wasting my life you see.0 -
I've been told it's vain for me to feel that way by more people than I can count. It's always the "omg why would you even say that I wish I looked like you." when in reality it is so bad mentally it has stopped me from doing so many things all my friends were doing its like Ive missed out on alot of life. Its absolutely the opposite of vanity. People who don't feel so low about their physical appearance don't get that. My sister went to a nude beach on her honeymoon a few months back and went on and on about how free she felt running around naked. I can't imagine ever being able to do that. There are days it's so bad I don't want to be out in public. The thoughts are always there. Morning, noon and night. It is not common like the other poster is saying. There is a big difference between fleeting moments or phases of insecurity and the all consuming, at times debilitating thought process of someone suffering with body dysmorphia. I hope you figure this all out and are able to find peace. And if you find something that helps please share!0
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SnuggleSmacks wrote: »I am going to say something out of left field.... One thing that has helped my body image a great deal is...attending a family friendly clothing optional resort. Ok ok...no I am just a normal person, with 3 sons and a husband to boot, but it really saved me from alot of negativity. I have always been a large person...but I love to be in the sun, and attending a resort, (google AANR and see resorts in your area) was a live changing a ha moment for me and my family. It is something that isnt sexual, probably more sexual vibes in the air at a MALL than at a nudist resort... Anyway, its not about how you LOOK but how you FEEL in your own skin. I am still overweight, but I accept myself regardless. I am wanting to lose weight so I can move through this world easier. To be able to play a set of tennis, or an afternoon of swimming and not be tired. You are your worst critic, so chin up friend.
Along those same lines, and perhaps a bit cheaper and less time-consuming, is a strip bar. Seriously, ladies, you should go into one at least once. The range of body types on display which men are willing to throw dollars at just for a chance to converse topless is astonishing. No matter how you feel about stripping as a profession, whether you think it's liberating feminism or degrading sexism, it will certainly make you think about body types that others find attractive.
wow....you are comparing a clothing optional resort to a strip bar....seriously??? I glad I am part of the "chosen few" that 'GET IT". Sadly that you equate a naked form with sex, is just plain sad.0 -
There is one point I'd like to make - if you are experiencing the feeling of bloating and abdominal pain, it's quite likely that what you are thinking of as a fat, wobbly stomach is a bloated unhappy stomach. When I lost the weight I wanted to lose I was dismayed that I still had a visibly round stomach (to me at least). I eventually realized that this roundness was not always there to the same extent, and that it was not fat. I still am self conscious about it, but now I realize that it is a symptom of my digestive issues, which needs to be treated differently.
I would definitely bring up your physical discomfort with your doctor. I do agree that your extreme unhappiness with your shape needs to be brought up with a therapist. I have found a therapist to be an enormous help in accepting myself flaws and all.0 -
I hear ya there. Going from an hour Glass Figure teen to a bad marraige and turning into a human illness diagnosis who right now doesn't lose weight due to my pancreas being messed up so it runs insulin super fast thru my system turning all nutrients into fat. I would like to know how much I weigh daily, but I get OCD about it and it becomes a thing of stress for it. The low blood sugar has me moody with up's and downs and the 2 falls on ice has me broken from neck to foot. Doctor after doctor told me no surgery. I did PT twice with no results (as dailystrength survey said) over 90% of people said PT doesnt work until after surgery yet we have to jump through years of hoops! F these doctors who don't listen and we spend years in pain because of it. I learned I have to take charge of my own life; developed a plan thru trial and error as well as knowing myself. Stopped listening to doctors negativity and bad prognosis. Turns out all 12 illnesses were caused by ONE thing Stomach Hernia that causes acid reflux which eats nutrition, damages organs and so now I have to find my dads surgeon as he knows our family history and that tests don't show how bad the hernia is until he gets in there. All other surgeons told me no. Then of course fixing the herniated discs from the fall which surgeons tell me no to also. My current doctor has proof now so we should be able to convince the next surgeons to do it. I will keep going, but until then if I read a doctors user reviews and profile and feel they will say no I will not go to them. Saved me thousands of dollars! The stress and anxiety are from severe PTSD also, but Don't give up or maybe it is time for you to take a break? We learned that we thought ourselves not good enough as a teen and now look back wishing we were that teen with their hair and body in better shape and more carefree.
It's ok to give up and just let it go sometimes. Refocus and recharge are needed in order to keep going. I mess up a lot, but the more I pound myself about it the worse I mess up, so I just have to stop and tell myself (even if I don't believe it at first) I can do it. Good things and remind myself of my accomplishments including maintaining.
After all I may not lose weight, but like my dad says you are exercising your organs making them healthy and strong. The doctors have seen obese people who got exercise regularly and their organs were strong and healthy!
I know a girl who is larger then me and she is doing so much better with so much more willpower then me. My own cousin is very low self esteem now larger person, but she was able to do the Atkins Diet to help her high blood sugar. She went through hell because of caffeine addiction. She thinks she is weak, but I could never spend that much time on any one diet so drastic. She is amazing and doesn't even give herself credit for it!
Living for today is all we can do. Messing up means we are human, need to refocus, recharge and sometimes back off not focus so much as becoming obsessed can cause all the work we have done to go backwards. When you feel yourself stepping into that worry, talk yourself out of it with positive reminders saying, I am keeping my organs healthy and strong with exercise. I can restart tomorrow. I have been consistent. Even the experts say rest between exercises keeps the muscles challenged as they never get used to a pattern or ritual. I am tired today so I will rest. I still burn calories even resting.
BTW- We learned that one can of even diet soda causes a pooch, so I stay away from anything carbonated and try to avoid fake sugars which we now know cause weight gain.
I flavor with fruits, but even fruits need to be in moderation as they have natural fructose which too much can cause issues.
It is a delicate balance and I just don't have the strength to keep up some days. I do what I can and reward myself for my efforts. I have to be really careful as I get obsessed with things and take them too far and feel too deeply, so it's a delicate balance of allowing myself to mess up and then restarting again.
I found letting myself fail is better then punishing myself for it, because I am down for weeks or months with depression if I obsess over it where as I can talk myself up and out of it in a day if I accept I fail as a human sometimes I am not perfect and restart.0 -
And yes as a person who has PTSD and OCD I can tell you that talking to someone when you feel down helps a lot. It at first can be hard, but it works and actually progress is better when you talk to someone regularly. Whether you have a small issue or a large one talking to a counselor is amazing! I have also joined support groups in the past. I am a Pastoral Counselor because I wanted to help others like me. Counselors can build you back up again when you feel low. They give you tools and empowerment and insight. You learn unconscious habits that cause you to go downhill and how to auto correct yourself, retrain your brain.
I admit I need to go back, because I am still rebuilding from a bad marriage, so when i get my insurance cards I am back in. The good news is I am now remarried to a great guy as my old counselor taught me to choose different even if I didn't feel I deserved it to go for it anyways and it worked! I chose a man who wants me, not needs me and notice the changes in myself. I still have issues from prior marriage to workout within myself so like I said I am going back.
So Go for it If you have money issues Heartly House and local 611 can direct you to places who take you based on income and there are always free places. These people really care.
Hugs,
Crissy0 -
Thanks for your support Crissy. I'm in England so I can get a certain amount of help on the NHS. My doctor have me details of local support groups too.
It has been an odd week. I put the scale away, and really struggled with that so my boyfriend has put it in the attic because he knows I won't go up there
I've not logged everything. I've logged certain things to check protein amounts but that's it. I haven't weighed my food, just served portions that look normal to me. I've noticed I've thought a lot less about food this week. I haven't, however, made much progress on the tummy front. I still constantly put my hand over it during the day. But it has only been a week.
I feel much more relaxed not thinking about logging all the time. I think I had let it become a bit of an obsession, a way of having complete control of what I ate. It's a fantastic tool but I need to realise that I don't need to analyse what I eat to such an excessive extent. If I want a biscuit, I should eat one. And I should be able to feel good about that biscuit rather than panicking to get it on my phone so I can see what it did to my macros for the day.
I just applied for a London Marathon place through my running club. My goal will be to train for the sense of achievement and happiness it brings, not training to get a body that is probably impossible to achieve in the first place let alone maintain.
If anyone came here wondering whether logging makes this sort of issue worse, I think in my case it did. I let it take over.0 -
Hey!! How you doin over there? You hanging in there with us still?0
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Hi - thanks for checking up on me :-) I'm still here hating my tummy! Well at least now I'm actively trying not to. I am still obsessively checking it but after I do I am repeating to myself that it is not as bad as I think and that I have made it the best that it can be. I don't think I'll ever look at it and go "hey look at that amazing feature that I really love and want to show off". It is in my profile pic because I'm going on holiday and have been nervous since booking it about wearing a swimsuit. My mum suggested putting photos on Facebook in workout clothes so I could get used to people seeing my tummy. Couldn't quite manage Facebook so I did this instead.
I had a bit of a setback yesterday :-( I had been doing really well not weighing myself and trying not to log everything....and then the scale came out to weigh a suitcase. I caved in and weighed myself - which was a stupid thing to do because it upset me for the rest of the day, which made me start logging EVERYTHING again, which is exactly what I was hoping to avoid. It's been a really busy week work-wise and I've only been getting about 4/5 hours sleep so that can't have helped. Today is a new day though. I'm about to go to the pub and I am not bringing my phone, so I can't even be tempted to start calculating macros etc....this is going to be a long old process. I know I need to change though and I will put the effort in. I don't like to fail (which is probably also part of my problem)
I have also promised my boyfriend that no device that is capable of loading up mfp is coming with us on holiday 0 -
excellent!!!
good job remembering to look at the big picture and know that you are doing things right and moving forward slowly. every little bit lends itself to our future selves and you seem to have a good mindset right now.
have fun on holiday!!!!!!0 -
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I am really grateful for everyone's help, advice and support - it's amazing how much stronger strangers can make you feel.
I bought a pretty cover up for holiday so I can hide when necessary. I'm determined to get in a bikini once though even if I only manage it for a bit before covering up...I bought a Victoria's Secret one and it just arrived from America which was exciting and daunting at the same time. It travelled so far, it wants to be worn 0 -
lightmouse wrote: »Isabelle_1929 wrote: »If at 30 years-old, you can spend an entire day crying because of a thin layer of fat and skin over your stomach, you need professional help. It will not just go away.
What strikes me is that you have a BF. So unless you want to be a bikini model, rationally, having a flat and firm stomach would change absolutely nothing in your life. Nothing.
I am sure that you know that the issue has strictly nothing to do with dieting and fitness.
Also, about seeing a therapist: it's to because you saw one when you were a kid and that it didn't worked out, that any therapy/psychological help is useless. But again, I am sure that you know that. So take a deep breath and try to find a specialist for body image/dismorphia etc... Maybe your GP could recommend one?
I know. Everything you say is completely true. My boyfriend fell for a girl that liked running, cycling, walking - and then going out for nice meals. Not this ridiculous nervous wreck that analyses everything she puts in her mouth and panics if she doesn't know the macros of things. I need to sort it out. I need to stop being so damn pathetic and get over it. I don't know how I've got back here. I got so much better for a while, especially when I saw changes. But then the changes weren't enough and this is where I am.
You have a lot of negative self talk.
Therapy will do wonders for you.
Cognitive therapy to be specific.
It will be nothing like what you did as a child.
Just go.
:flowerforyou:0 -
oops sorry didn't know you had already sought out help and are on your way.
Good luck OP, you got this!0 -
MyChocolateDiet wrote: »lightmouse wrote: »Isabelle_1929 wrote: »If at 30 years-old, you can spend an entire day crying because of a thin layer of fat and skin over your stomach, you need professional help. It will not just go away.
What strikes me is that you have a BF. So unless you want to be a bikini model, rationally, having a flat and firm stomach would change absolutely nothing in your life. Nothing.
I am sure that you know that the issue has strictly nothing to do with dieting and fitness.
Also, about seeing a therapist: it's to because you saw one when you were a kid and that it didn't worked out, that any therapy/psychological help is useless. But again, I am sure that you know that. So take a deep breath and try to find a specialist for body image/dismorphia etc... Maybe your GP could recommend one?
I know. Everything you say is completely true. My boyfriend fell for a girl that liked running, cycling, walking - and then going out for nice meals. Not this ridiculous nervous wreck that analyses everything she puts in her mouth and panics if she doesn't know the macros of things. I need to sort it out. I need to stop being so damn pathetic and get over it. I don't know how I've got back here. I got so much better for a while, especially when I saw changes. But then the changes weren't enough and this is where I am.
You have a lot of negative self talk.
Therapy will do wonders for you.
Cognitive therapy to be specific.
It will be nothing like what you did as a child.
Just go.
:flowerforyou: I went. I didn't want to, but I did. And I'm not sure about it but I will go back because you can't decide if something is really any good on the first day you tried it, and the perfectionist in me does not like quitting things before they're finished 0 -
I went through a phase of this, it eventually passed but good idea with the scale I tried to take it easy on the logging and planning every day etc, I hope you feel better soon0
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Well, for whatever it's worth, I think you look freaking amazing. I wish my tummy looked that good. Best wishes, I hope you are able to unplug and enjoy the holiday and eventually learn to enjoy life again in general.0
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