HELP: I frustrate him? :/

sorry to say sister... but you need a new man that appreciates you! I know from experience. It took me 4 long years to figure that out though!!

Get thee both to a relationship counselor or a Landmark Forum (google it) or 12 step programs immediately. Something in your relationship needs some help. ....or -- you're young -- move on and find someone who's not so judgmental and unresponsive. While he may be frustrated or turned off to you reminding him an unreasonable number of times (and you may wish to take this up in counseling or with a sponsor or coach), it would seem he'd at least have the courtesy to explain jokes for you...


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Sweetie, if you're having these issues now--RUN! Trust me...after 22 years of marriage I WISH someone had told me what I needed to hear back then.

Good luck honey.

Everyone here has a good point of view. And yes, men suck. I should know.

To say the least, some time apart is probably in order here.

Good luck.

It sounds like you to are not really connecting, which is very important in a relationship.... If you two can not talk to each other without frustrating each other... where is this really going to go?

I love my BF, but it seems I have *anger issues* Like for example, he tends to roll his eyes when I don't get a joke or I remind him over and over again to do something. I'm from the North (PA) and he's from the South (TN). There are many things I haven't tried, or jokes down here I don't get. So when I ask him to explain the joke he rolls his eyes like a child. >:( I don't beat around the bush with somethings and I say it as it is. It always seems like it's ALWAYS my fault.

Tell him this. Exactly this. And do it plainly - not that you would be either angry or sad while speaking your mind, but that these are your feelings and you should articulate them clearly and specifically. If he can respond intelligently and discuss the issue, you have a keeper. Otherwise, I'd recommend moving on - neither you nor anyone else can change a person they have to change themselves.

With every *talk* we have it's always how I'm in the wrong. *why are you so angry* *why are you frustrated all the time* *Why do you tend to ******

When I was young and arrogant I responded to the concerns of others like this as well. I would've dumped me too!

A friend of mine and her husband were going through some stuff and that was actually a part of it. One thing she was telling me about that has been helpful, something suggested by a counselor, was to do 3 things while communicating (as this is important, can't stress it enough). It's called xyz (though that seems off to me lol) first you must

1. explain when/where you were when something was said
2. repeat what was said that upset you
3. and why (using "I feel")

Ex: When we were at home you said "why are you always angry?" and it made me feel like you are blaming the problems on my being angry.

This worked wonders for them and allowed for a greater open communication and understanding. If stuff like that doesn't work, then you may have to consider why he does these things: is he mean spirited? or is it simply misunderstanding and him not realizing how upset his actions may make you? If it's the former, it may be time to leave, if it's the latter then communication needs to get better. As far as anger issues go, I know how it is. I still have moments where I see red. It's never been to a point of endangering anyone/thing but it's hard to deal with. I make a point to try and calm myself. I've started getting to the point where I'll get angry, catch it immediately, and switch track. Looking at my situation from a different angle allows me to realize most things that make me mad are undeserving of the anger when not stacked with others. One step at a time, no one wants to hear "count to ten" and I never do, frustrates me more lol. However, I will leave the situation completely, take a walk or read for 10 minutes, anything to distract and focus on breathing normal.

Back then, you changed and learned to make a marriage work.

Now, you "be yourself" and just "search for your soul mate.....again" if you don't do it right the first time.

I cringe every time I hear people suggest to others they break up and start over again. It seems that's what our culture idolizes, the heartbroken who're out searching for love once more. Isn't that what all our movies portray? When does anyone ever put the work into a relationship anymore? Things are just supposed to be magical and perfect from the start I guess....

He sounds just like my boyfriend. And I've been considering dumping him for a while. Let's be single together!

Tough one.

I think maybe its a personality clash, which isn't a bad thing. It seems he is independent, maybe somewhat rebellious (he is a southerner, you know) where you are a leader who needs structure.

Maybe a double date to the aquarium, and the Big River Grill. The added social interaction would be good for you two. The girls could complain about their men, and the guys can show off their girls.

This always helps me when I'm being an *kitten*.

I think your North/South argument is a little strange. My BF is from an entirely different country and we just make sure that the jokes we tell are obvious enough for everyone to enjoy. If you're having a hard time dealing with his eye rolls (which, btw, would send me into a mild fit of rage also) and he's frustrated explaining things to you.... well, it just does not seem healthy.

Counseling? Maybe that would work. Don't settle for someone because you think that there's nobody else out there. Just a bit of advice.

Best of luck to you both!