Family members now think I am too thin.....

evrtt09
evrtt09 Posts: 1
in Motivation and Support
Hello everyone, I am new to the forums but not to myfitnesspal. I am down 43lbs in my journey and couldn't be happier, until I visit my parents (and even grandmother). They always have some sort of negative remark about my body because they have always seen me overweight all of their life. I am 5'11" and 24 years of age. I went from 218 to 174. I always get compliments from friends who haven't seen me since my 6 month change and they are very encouraging. I practice intermittent fasting every day and I tried explaining it my parents but they were not trying to hear it. This just makes me not want to visit as often as I would like due to them always eyeballing my clothes and waistline behind my back which I have caught them doing. I understand they want me to be healthy , but I just don't need their cold shoulder all of the time I refuse to have a certain meal that could curb my steady weight loss further. Just wanted to vent and see if any one else had any similar issues as mine. Thanks in advance for reading all of this if you took the time.

Replies

  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    Firstly well done on your weight loss.

    My advise to you is to stop talking to your parents about it.
    I only discuss my weight loss with people who are interested and positive. Negativity has no place in my journey.

    Ignore the comments, the looks etc they are only doing what parent do... worry.

    As for refusing to eat meals. Eating one meal will not make you fat, just as refusing one meal will not make you slim.
    When you go there, just eat a small portion of what they have to offer rather than not at all. It will not hinder your weight loss and it will pacify your parents.
  • 89nunu
    89nunu Posts: 1,082 Member
    If it has taken you only 6 months to make the changes they probably just need some time to get used to the new you. If you are anything like me your friends probs see you more often than your family does, they'll get used to it eventually.
    Maybe tell them how you feel about their comments and that you could really do with their support.
  • Tim_Simons
    Tim_Simons Posts: 64 Member
    Hi! That's normal to family members. Their definition of healthy is sort of twisted. But congratulations on your journey. Be encouraged with your friends and find support there. It'll pass and your family will be used to it. Assure them that you are eating healthy and fit. :D Continue to be an inspiration.
  • GoldenOctober
    GoldenOctober Posts: 24 Member
    I agree with the others: The changes are still fresh, so they'll probably need some time to get used to the new you. And if they don't know what the intermittent fasting is about because they won't listen to your explanations, then they might be assuming you're starving yourself all the time instead of trying to be healthy (which I hope you are :) ). It's what parents do, worry. :) Eating small portions when you normally skip meals sounds like a good approach to me.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    You arent going to change them are you.
    Just develop a thicker skin and ignore them. You can point out to them your BMI and that you are now a healthy weight, but if they wont acknowledge that fact and refuse to support you then avoid the subject as you know the answer. If they cnat respect your diet (assuming its safe), then thats their problem. The laterbative is to have a real talk with them about it and get them to back up what they are sating and you can dispel a few myths and tell them a few truths about the danger of being overweight.

    At the moment the refusals of meals and cold shoulders sounds like a dispute not properly settled. They are going to carry on the same until you convince them otherwise. If they arent kustening then just be patient and carry on with your plan. Just vist on days when you are not fasting and if they wnat you to have a meal, then either take your own or just have a smaller portion of theirs.
  • otter090812
    otter090812 Posts: 380 Member
    It's really common. It takes some time for people to get used to changes like that. My mother-in-law has a 'subtle' feel for my ribs every time I hug her! If your BMI is healthy and you are happy with what you've achieved (congrats by the way) and your head is in the right place regarding food and weight, then they'll just have to learn to deal with it.
  • TwelveSticks
    TwelveSticks Posts: 288 Member
    edited November 2014
    It is indeed a really common reaction from friends and family. They see large changes in your appearance and their default position is to worry that you're doing something unhealthy, or (worse still) have developed an eating disorder. This fear won't be helped if you're refusing to eat when visiting them!

    The situation is often not helped because when you do lose a lot of weight, quite quickly, you can tend to look a bit 'gaunt' at first - until your skin catches up with you. This just makes you look a tad unhealthy as well. At your age, I wouldn't expect this to be much of an issue though.

    There are a couple of things though:

    1. With IF, you can be flexible. Fast when you can, don't fast when you need to do other things. So just plan your week and eat normally when you visit your family. That'll stop them worrying about your eating habits and they'll soon get used to your new appearance.

    2. How much more do you intend to lose? From the sound of it, you're still going at it full speed ahead, but at your height, you are already at a healthy BMI, so maybe you can afford to slow down a bit and let your family get used to you as you are as you chip away at any more fat you want to shed?
  • brimingus
    brimingus Posts: 66 Member
    I feel you! Ever since I finally went into recovery from my eating disorder, anytime I make a healthy choice and say something about my weight, my mom says something along the lines of "You're not doing that rabbit food *kitten* again, are you?" or something along those lines. You can probably imagine how that makes me feel...

    Now, when I want to talk about dieting or my (healthy) success, I talk to my sister. I just try to not bring it up around my other family members at all. My family is a mix of eating disorders and being overweight. One of my aunt's looks similar to a skeleton while my other aunt, mom, and grandma are overweight. My cousin and sister also struggle with eating disorders.

    My aunt with the eating disorder always tells me I look "happy" which in her words means I look fat.

    I can't win either way.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    Intermittent fasting is not easy for a lot of people to understand. They see it as starving yourself if you don't eat three squares a day. I also do daily IM, and I tried to explain it to my brother and sister but they don't want to hear it; they think it's not healthy. Eventually I stopped trying to make them understand and just did my thing. When I eat meals with them, that's my one meal of the day I eat, and they don't know that I am only eating that one meal.
  • MelanieRBrace
    MelanieRBrace Posts: 245 Member
    Chezzie84 wrote: »
    Firstly well done on your weight loss.

    My advise to you is to stop talking to your parents about it.
    I only discuss my weight loss with people who are interested and positive. Negativity has no place in my journey.

    Ignore the comments, the looks etc they are only doing what parent do... worry.

    As for refusing to eat meals. Eating one meal will not make you fat, just as refusing one meal will not make you slim.
    When you go there, just eat a small portion of what they have to offer rather than not at all. It will not hinder your weight loss and it will pacify your parents.

    +1

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