I'm worried, tired, emotionally drained and sick of this.

Thanks for your support Crissy. I'm in England so I can get a certain amount of help on the NHS. My doctor have me details of local support groups too.

It has been an odd week. I put the scale away, and really struggled with that so my boyfriend has put it in the attic because he knows I won't go up there I've not logged everything. I've logged certain things to check protein amounts but that's it. I haven't weighed my food, just served portions that look normal to me. I've noticed I've thought a lot less about food this week. I haven't, however, made much progress on the tummy front. I still constantly put my hand over it during the day. But it has only been a week.

I feel much more relaxed not thinking about logging all the time. I think I had let it become a bit of an obsession, a way of having complete control of what I ate. It's a fantastic tool but I need to realise that I don't need to analyse what I eat to such an excessive extent. If I want a biscuit, I should eat one. And I should be able to feel good about that biscuit rather than panicking to get it on my phone so I can see what it did to my macros for the day.

I just applied for a London Marathon place through my running club. My goal will be to train for the sense of achievement and happiness it brings, not training to get a body that is probably impossible to achieve in the first place let alone maintain.

If anyone came here wondering whether logging makes this sort of issue worse, I think in my case it did. I let it take over.

Hi - thanks for checking up on me :-) I'm still here hating my tummy! Well at least now I'm actively trying not to. I am still obsessively checking it but after I do I am repeating to myself that it is not as bad as I think and that I have made it the best that it can be. I don't think I'll ever look at it and go "hey look at that amazing feature that I really love and want to show off". It is in my profile pic because I'm going on holiday and have been nervous since booking it about wearing a swimsuit. My mum suggested putting photos on Facebook in workout clothes so I could get used to people seeing my tummy. Couldn't quite manage Facebook so I did this instead.

I had a bit of a setback yesterday :-( I had been doing really well not weighing myself and trying not to log everything....and then the scale came out to weigh a suitcase. I caved in and weighed myself - which was a stupid thing to do because it upset me for the rest of the day, which made me start logging EVERYTHING again, which is exactly what I was hoping to avoid. It's been a really busy week work-wise and I've only been getting about 4/5 hours sleep so that can't have helped. Today is a new day though. I'm about to go to the pub and I am not bringing my phone, so I can't even be tempted to start calculating macros etc....this is going to be a long old process. I know I need to change though and I will put the effort in. I don't like to fail (which is probably also part of my problem)

I have also promised my boyfriend that no device that is capable of loading up mfp is coming with us on holiday

MyChocolateDiet wrote: »

lightmouse wrote: »

Isabelle_1929 wrote: »

If at 30 years-old, you can spend an entire day crying because of a thin layer of fat and skin over your stomach, you need professional help. It will not just go away.

What strikes me is that you have a BF. So unless you want to be a bikini model, rationally, having a flat and firm stomach would change absolutely nothing in your life. Nothing.

I am sure that you know that the issue has strictly nothing to do with dieting and fitness.

Also, about seeing a therapist: it's to because you saw one when you were a kid and that it didn't worked out, that any therapy/psychological help is useless. But again, I am sure that you know that. So take a deep breath and try to find a specialist for body image/dismorphia etc... Maybe your GP could recommend one?

I know. Everything you say is completely true. My boyfriend fell for a girl that liked running, cycling, walking - and then going out for nice meals. Not this ridiculous nervous wreck that analyses everything she puts in her mouth and panics if she doesn't know the macros of things. I need to sort it out. I need to stop being so damn pathetic and get over it. I don't know how I've got back here. I got so much better for a while, especially when I saw changes. But then the changes weren't enough and this is where I am.

You have a lot of negative self talk.

Therapy will do wonders for you.

Cognitive therapy to be specific.

It will be nothing like what you did as a child.

Just go.

:flowerforyou:

I went. I didn't want to, but I did. And I'm not sure about it but I will go back because you can't decide if something is really any good on the first day you tried it, and the perfectionist in me does not like quitting things before they're finished