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Breakdown at the gym

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This morning I had a meltdown at the gym. My fiance and I are doing this together and I'm down 40lbs while D is down almost 50. Every day we go, I'm completely ignored while the ladies in class fawn over the great loss that D has had. Am I chopped meat? I get compliments from friends here and there but it really got me upset that they know I'm on the same journey yet I have only gotten acknowledgement from one of the instructors. It makes those proud moments that I have be zeroed out by this.

Sorry, had to vent for a moment. Hopefully my emotions will be in check tomorrow.

Replies

  • TommyBoy_
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    These things happen, if you're losing weight together there is bound to be some level of competitiveness. Just try to keep it fun, remind yourself of all the benefits and never underestimate the significance of a 40lb weight loss, which is impressive in its own right. As you know, every person is different and weight loss depends on genetic makeup, height, weight before, exercise levels, calorie defecit etc. Just because you're not getting fawned over to the same extent does not take away from your achievements and road towards a healthy lifestyle. The compliments should be a by-product of your hard work, not the reason you're doing it.

    Hope I could help in some way, first post and all!
  • knoelledi
    knoelledi Posts: 91 Member
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    Thank you. I know I've lost a lot and even though I've gained and lost pretty much the same 50lbs over the past 18 years, this time my body is thinner than ever (well at least the bottom part). I also know that it is all internal, it's just frustrating some times. It's the whole, hey, you're doing it that would make it better. It also is frustrating that I can go the same gym for 4 months, at least 3 times a week and still a stranger.

    Congrats on your first post! Thanks for choosing mine!
  • peachyfuzzle
    peachyfuzzle Posts: 1,122 Member
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    If you judge your successes relative to the successes of others, you'll never be happy because they will never truly be your own.
  • deluxmary2000
    deluxmary2000 Posts: 981 Member
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    Well, you look great and I'M proud of you. Now tell those gym skanks to stop hitting on your man! Lol.
  • habit365
    habit365 Posts: 174
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    That happened to me once when my husband and I were losing at the same time. I think it is because I don't start changing shape until I hit a certain weight, I just look like a slighter smaller version of the same apple. My husband lost from his face and gut so it was more obvious sooner. Eventually you will get to the place where people can't help but notice!
  • gamesandgains
    gamesandgains Posts: 640 Member
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    If you judge your successes relative to the successes of others, you'll never be happy because they will never truly be your own.

    You nail it in almost every post. Well said, sir.

  • coueswhitetail
    coueswhitetail Posts: 309 Member
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    If you judge your successes relative to the successes of others, you'll never be happy because they will never truly be your own.

    True for sure, but you can use others to help motivate you to achieve higher levels of success!
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    You call your man "D"?
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Okay well, one option you have is to go to another gym and not let him steal your thunder. You said they are like strangers?...so find another gym, or even the same gym at a different time and make all your own friends. You said it's all internal and it really really is and the previous poster's advice about not comparing yourself is solid. But I know it's hard sometimes.

    You don't really HAVE to everything together all the time and while it sounds nice and fun to "do it together", I guess right now it's not really feelign that great for you. So that would be my suggestion make your own world and life separate from his with your own supporters, peers, commiseraters, or what have you. It's totally okay to do things separately and then just go back to him when you're in the mood for D.
  • knoelledi
    knoelledi Posts: 91 Member
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    He's supportive of me. We're doing this together and we like doing our classes together. He goes different times than I do as well and now that my work is ramping up, I'll have to go whenever I can, not just when my favorite classes are scheduled.

    I know this is all internal. Normally I'm fine and proud. My goal is to be strong and healthy, skinny is the bonus. I'm need to celebrate that my skinniest of my skinny clothes are finally fitting and I'm able to get into a size (with a small muffin top) that I haven't been in almost 20 years. I'm being a brat but it was an emotional day.
  • knoelledi
    knoelledi Posts: 91 Member
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    BTW, the ladies are not skanks...maybe 40 years ago but most are old enough to be our moms
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Insecurities are going to happen especialy when the opposit sex shows interest in you partner.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Insecurities are going to happen especialy when the opposit sex shows interest in you partner.
    I do think a little of this might be mixed in there too in this feelings soup that is happening leading to a meltdown.

    Skank or not, it's a gym and likely infested with women of varying stages of virtue and their slimy paws on your hubs combined with their leering eyes is going to drive you crazy if they are ignoring you completely.

    If they were respectful and acting like peers with you and giving you the time of day that's one thing, but you are describing near invisibleness in their eyes and that's not going to be healthy for you over time. I'm wondering if you are going to an almost all female gym and it's like he's a novelty or they feel like they have to be extra supportive just to make him feel welcomed or included?
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    Remember: You get to go home with them. Just tell all those other women to eat their hearts out -- they're just jealous of you.
  • LeonCX
    LeonCX Posts: 862 Member
    edited November 2014
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    So can we see a photo of D ? :o
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    LeonCX wrote: »
    So can we see a photo of D ? :o

    That would be helpful. Then we could see what all the fuss is about and give better advice.
  • knoelledi
    knoelledi Posts: 91 Member
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    This has nothing to do with him. I think you're misconstruing things. It is about the fact we're both on this journey yet I was feeling frustrated and insignificant because of the similar weight loss. Motivation and support was this feed, right? Sometimes all we need is what I got from the first few comments.