Why do friends turn negative, when all you want is a healthy lifestyle?

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mowbry
mowbry Posts: 60 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I just wanted to share this with you because I am a little disturbed by it and would appreciate your opinions. When I was on holiday a couple of weeks ago, I was trying to walk as much as I could because the hotel gym was really bad, so daily I would get in about 18,000 steps according to my Fitbit and another friend was also doing the same with her Fitbit. There were three of us on this holiday and the third person without a Fitbit, was rooming with me. We had a self-catered apartment and I would make breakfast consisting of fresh fruit and yogurt for both of us and dutifully log this in my food diary. We would all dine out in the evening and again I would try and log what I could and the alcohol. Two years ago, this same friend was the same weight as me when we went to Venice and Rome, so we decided to lose weight together. When we found it hard, I remembered this site and decided to get reacquainted with it again and retrain my eating behaviours. I told her of this and she joined the site too, but after a short time I noticed she was inactive. I tried to encourage her, but she said she knew what she was doing and didn't need the app to tell her where she was going wrong. Now on this holiday, she was two stone heavier than me and turned around when she saw me logging my meals and called me “neurotic”! I think that was a strong word to use and it hurt my feelings. When I said why did she call me it, she said that I was going stupid logging my food and always wanting to exercise. I told my friend that it was my lifestyle and it was what I wanted to do and didn't think it was affecting her; so why should she be like that. My question to you is this. “Have you got friends who have turned around and put you down because you have taken control and changed to a healthy lifestyle?

Replies

  • Doingitforme95
    Doingitforme95 Posts: 30
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    I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. I personally have never had close friends act this strongly about me choosing to live a healthier lifestyle, but I have had people act negative about some of the things I do to live a healthier lifestyle. I feel as if they just do so either because they know that they might not being the best choices or because they are having a hard time trying to live a healthy lifestyle. By no means should you feel bad about trying to live the healthiest life possible! Keep up the hard work and feel free to reach out to me if you ever want motivation or just want to talk! :)
  • BrittTomore87
    BrittTomore87 Posts: 37 Member
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    My friends are all thinner than me so when I first started working out daily and logging they thought it was weird because they don't have the same problem as me. It has been 3 months and my best friend still makes fun of me because I love to run and some days I'll run 6 miles and when we hang out I try to avoid chips. She thinks I'm being crazy. Some people just don't really understand how important it is for some people. I like the control of getting to decide what to put in my body and I love when i put healthy things in my body. I wouldn't worry about your friend, and that breakfast sounded so good! Hope she comes around :)
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    Yeah! Sorry that happened while you were holiday, but now you know where you stand with this person. I think many people who work at developing a healthy lifestyle not based on the latest fad of the moment receive some sort of grief from someone that surprises us. I experienced this from a friend who professes all this health and well being and that we should only eat what is in season while on some sort of paleo hybrid diet - I never criticize her. She sees a therapist, a accupunturist and chiropractor - really ;) but I accept her as she is.

    We rarely hang out together anymore because apparently I don't eat! Though I'm not sure what she would go out to eat anyway.

    It seems like the simplest solution is the one that is the most criticized! Your friend probably wouldn't of had a problem with you taking pictures of all your food and posting them on Facebook :D
  • NK1112
    NK1112 Posts: 781 Member
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    Some people just don't feel comfortable with others talking about the methods, plans, hopes for, activities, and other such stuff around food and weight issues. Who knows why, and does it really matter in the end? Just go on quietly doing what you feel you need to do to get your health and weight where you want it to be. And with this friend, unless she asks, keep mum.
  • mike_ny
    mike_ny Posts: 351 Member
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    Pointing out their lack of willpower by your actions can often make other people defensive, even if you never intended it to be so.

    When I'm around other people, I wait until a discreet time to log meals and exercise. I'll also just say I'm not that hungry instead of that I'm close to my daily calorie limit. The same goes for exercise. Saying you feel like taking a walk is fine, but saying you need to exercise can make other people sometimes react as if you're saying they need exercise. Just keep it low key and you can accomplish all your goals and maintain your lifestyle, but not make people who may be oversensitive take is as something directed at them.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    I find it easier to not associate with slackers.
  • tuckerrj
    tuckerrj Posts: 1,453 Member
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    My wife, daughters & brother are the only four people that really count and they are ultra-supportive. My friends all have comments about my "obsession" and say things like, "you'll gain it all back". But I just smile and continue on. Their bellys hang over their belt and they get winded walking up a flight of stairs. So I know I'm doing what's right for me.
  • Iseulte
    Iseulte Posts: 55 Member
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    Perhaps she feels bad for falling off the wagon. If she can convince you to join her, she thinks she would feel better about herself. Do what you need to do and hopefully she'll learn to shrug her shoulders and deal with the changes you have made.
  • 1stplace4health
    1stplace4health Posts: 523 Member
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    that's not a friend
  • loratliff
    loratliff Posts: 283 Member
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    It happens. I don't have any really close friends on MFP, but when I started it, it was in conjunction with a few other acquaintances. That was six months ago. I'm the only one who's still logging and tracking and also the only one who's lost any significant weight (22.6 lbs.!)

    I know someone who tried, but would quit logging or would eat basically two lunches a day and have no calories left. One time, when we were talking about tracking, she was like "It's not like it's that exact or anything," then her eyes proceeded to bug out of her head when I told her about how I weigh EVERYTHING at home, count out exactly how many almonds I eat, and so on. I'm sure she thinks that it's "disordered" or what have you, but she also hasn't lost any so just keep doing what you're doing -- who cares what anyone else thinks and says?
  • Billtrek613
    Billtrek613 Posts: 22
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    Sad to say, but sometimes friends drift apart as time goes on, for all different reasons. Most of my friends enjoy being fit and active, as we are part of the same dojo and some of us do Triathlons together. Maybe search the web for local groups that enjoy the same exercises as you and make new friends. Sometimes people suck.

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