How do you deal with negative feedback?

My best friend today told me that I "don't look good" and that I need to stop counting calories / thinking about my nutrition. He said that in the past it hadn't been so bad but 'this time' I am taking it too far. In the past, I restricted calories to absurd amounts, and trashed my health. This time, I am eating at a deficit but still EATING and focusing more on protein intake and including food that I enjoy. He followed up by saying that I "looked better this summer." This summer I was lethargic, bloated, overweight and had high body fat. I wasn't eating well and I could feel it. I wasn't comfortable enough with myself to comfortably show my body.

Now, I am feeling good, and slowly getting my weight and relationship with food under control. But - his feedback really threw me. I don't think he was coming from a place of intentional negativity, but I couldn't really figure out how to respond to his feedback.

What do you do?

Replies

  • ThePhoenixIsRising
    ThePhoenixIsRising Posts: 781 Member
    You say in the past you have restricted to the point of trashing your health. Is it possible this friend is coming from a place of concern? Maybe they only see the restricting but don't know there is a difference in your approach?

    All in all if this is a true friend, sit down and talk to them. Let them know their comment threw you, and ask for clarification on why it was said. Just remember this is something g you are doing for you, and only you have to approve it.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,776 Member
    May I ask your height? You are very light, I agree with The PhoenixIsRising - he may be genuinely concerned for your health, given your history.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,384 Member
    Personally I think you are doing fine. 108 is a reasonable weight for your height.
    I am the same height and 102, so I understand how a few pounds can make a huge difference to how you feel about your body.
    I get antsy once I put on 5 lb.
    One thing I may suggest is that you start doing some strength training so you won't be skinny fat.
    It looks as though you have lost quite a few pounds and maybe your friend hasn't adjusted to your new body shape yet.
    Have a body that makes you happy.
    Cheers, h.
  • eldamiano
    eldamiano Posts: 2,667 Member
    I tell them to get stuffed....
  • My relative constantly tells me I don't need to lose weight... Or other comments when she sees something I buy that's fat free, etc. I just keep telling her I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm trying to get strong.
  • vmlabute
    vmlabute Posts: 311 Member
    That's his opinion. My best friend has told me I looked like *kitten* before and I never took that as negative, just changed my perspective on how I was approaching food, my relationships, sleep, etc.

    If you think you look good and feel good about yourself, don't cling on his opinion of you. You do you, and don't worry about him
  • FlatWet
    FlatWet Posts: 109 Member
    Thanks for your feedback everyone! And yes I am pretty short so my weight reflects that. Just started strength training - can't wait to feel stronger / more physically able! (also - to clarify, I have lost weight pretty slowly - over the past 3 months I have lost perhaps 15lbs, but the first 25 was over the course of 1.5 years as I realigned my eating habits / food preferences).

    I do believe he was coming from a place of concern - and I am comfortable with how I have been taking care of myself - it was more that he SURPRISED me and I hadn't thought through any sort of response to that feedback...
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,127 Member
    tell him it's a good thing it's your body and he can do whatever he pleases with the one he was given and you'll be sure to pipe up if he seems to be going in an unhealthy direction too. But not to worry about you - because you're still trying to do things the healthiest way for yourself.

  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,127 Member
    my boyfriend often has advice for me that sounds negative if I don't listen or look at it carefully. But just because he has negative feedback for me, doesn't mean he isn't almost always right. Even if it is a little off-base - he can trigger my own self-awareness pretty effectively by sharing his different perspective.

    his advice is invaluable to me because of this - but also because I can tell him - nope this time Im pretty sure I know what Im doing - and he won't take it personally.

    It's good to be surrounded by people who are both concerned for you - but also truly believe you are intelligent and probably know what you are doing :drinker:
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,465 Member
    If you think he is commenting out of genuine concern, take his comments with a grain of salt. It takes time for our loved-ones to come to terms with our new bodies. We see it every day. For others, the change can be quite a shock.