Do other still view you as fat?

julzwild · November 2014

I've read so many threads on mfp about people still seeing a fat person in the mirror even though they've lost all their weight. Has anyone had the experience of knowing someone whose lost a lot of weight, but because you knew them for so long when they were fat, you still "see" them that way even though they've lost weight?

The reason I ask is because I have been guilty of seeing someone as still being fat even though they aren't. It's like it takes them to get all the way to their goal before it hits me all at once and then I can tell, but in my mind when I think about them, I still see the fat person.

Being on a weight loss endeavor myself (25 lbs and no one has noticed), I wonder if this could be the reason. Rather discouraging!

NaeTeaspoon · November 2014

I think we often 'see' our own issues with ourselves when we think about or see other people - ts human nature. Funny how when you're on this journey you become a bit more self aware of it though.
- I'm the same and in loosing a bit of weight over the last few years I've realised how judgemental I am of others in their food/fitness choices. It takes effort to realise it and change the behaviour

yoovie · December 2014

almost everyone I know considers me to have been two people.

I was roommates with my best friend from 2004 - 2008 in Louisiana and now she's here in NYC from 2011 through now. When we moved in together in Louisiana I weighed 265+ and had red hair. Now I weigh about 170 and Im blonde and addicted to the gym. She has trouble remembering me being in Louisiana with her unless she pictures the thin blonde version of me.

When she sees pictures of old me, it's like sticky confusion. like telling ME that she remembers THAT girl.

lol

so my answer is 'kind of'. She doesn't still see me as fat - she has mentally blocked it out and can't remember me being fat.

middlehaitch · December 2014

I only see my 2 sisters every 2-3 years ( they UK, me Canada) and each time we see each other it takes a day to start seeing each other as we are, not as we were.
One time I was meeting a sister at the airport and didn't recognise her as I was looking for someone 5 years younger.
I think we all carry an image of friends and family in our heads and if we see them frequently the image shifts with the changes; infrequently and we have a touch of dysmorphia.
They are trying to get their heads around me 30lb lighter (hee hee).
Cheers, h.

TechNerd42 · December 2014

Years ago, after being asked yet again if I'd lost weight (when I'd actually gained or maintained), I finally responded, half-jokingly, and not hurt at all - "nope, I'm just fatter in your head than I am in real life." So, I'd say it is pretty common to have a mental image not match reality.

seltzermint555 · December 2014

I do think this happens. There was an event last summer in which my friend's little boy said something about me being the same size as so and so (another friend) and his mom was like "WHAT?" because I'm about 150 lb smaller than the other woman, and in fact I weigh exactly the same as his mom does (average and just slightly overweight). But in his mind, me and this other woman are 2 big fat ladies. That would have really bugged me in the past but now it doesn't, and the fact that this kid has known me for his entire 7 years and 4-5 of those years I WAS really big, makes it fine by me!

I think a lot of people probably still think of me as fat/big/whatever because that is who I have always been, honestly. In 4th grade, I was 5'6" and around 150 lb. By the time I graduated high school, 5'8" and 230-240 lb. Big is just "me" for most who know me.

I like to believe that finally, I am past struggling with self-identity issues related to my size. I'll admit when I first started losing weight and got past my lowest former adult weight, I felt uneasy wondering what I might look like smaller and stuff like that. It was less of an aesthetic concern and more a "fear of the unknown" thing.

I also think some of my female friends prefer not to know that I may wear the same or smaller sizes than they do. It's seriously NOT a competition, at least not on my end, but since I was ALWAYS so much bigger I can understand it being a bit weird for some of them!

shadowloss · December 2014

Maybe it's because we see them as a friend and not a fat friend to begin with. Is it possible that we judge people more once we have lost weight and now know that it is possible, so why isn't everyone doing it?

I have a friend that was well over 400lbs a few years ago. He had surgery and is now down to probably 230. He is much more active, now married, and happy. As I look at him, he is definitely different than he is in some of my memories of him, but by no means do I consider him a fat friend. I'm proud and scared for him at the same time, as he makes decisions that might reverse the process, but he is still my friend.

You mentioned that you have lost 25 lbs and no one notices? Is that why you are asking? Is it because you feel like people still see you as the fat friend? Nonsense! I've been on my journey for 4 months and down 25lbs which is less than 10% and until last week not one person mentioned a thing to me. In the last 5 days I've had probably 10 people comment on my loss. It's just a matter of time. If they are truly a friend, it doesn't matter what size you are. If they haven't said anything, maybe it's because they are seeing you shrink before their eyes, and it's natural and they won't notice, but once they do, and they will, it will be a glorious day.

Finally, it doesn't matter if they see you as a fat/skinny/quirky/nerdy/rich/poor Friend. If they are a friend, that is all that matters and they don't care what you look like. But again, once it hits them, they will be your biggest supporter.

Timshel_ · December 2014

Interesting comment from my sister this Thanksgiving. My brother-in-law mentioned that my wife and I looked skinny, then my sister chimes in that I "chubbed up" since the last time I saw her. I was a bit taken back. Now, I originally lost 30+ pounds, and I have gained 10 back, but I thought I still looked pretty good. Their varied opinions made me wonder though.

arnold824 · December 2014

Yes, at 93kg people and I still consider myself fat BUT people who've seen me while I was 109kg definitely knew I looked better today.

SomeNights246 · December 2014

I think a lot of people go through this. Perhaps it is why so many people see our weight loss as 'drastic', even when it is gradual (although in my case, it was drastic - but people still didn't 'see' the first twenty pounds lost, even though I'd dropped two sizes).

In my experience, the answer is kind of... yes and no? Like, people act shocked when they see me. Even people who have already heard of or seen the weight loss. But those who are closest to me seem to have adjusted to it. Yet, there's a part of them that seems to have trouble seeing me as I am now vs then. It takes time. It's an adjustment, not just for you, but for them, too.

Yet. There are others who are the exact opposite. They don't seem to remember that I was once overweight.

It's a yes and no answer, because it really varies.

Do other still view you as fat?

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