Mother's Day advice needed...

SoldierDad
SoldierDad Posts: 1,602
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
Mothers day is fast approaching and I am really needing advice on what to give my ex for Mothers day. I will have the kids make her something (picture frame or something crafty tonight). She has only come to see them twice in the last 6 months but she is still their mother and deserves to be respected and loved as such. What is appropriate for me to get her? And I will get her a gift because she gave me the gift of kids. That part I am not debating at all. She deserves a gift. But what? I am not going to give me ex jewelry or anything like that. I do not want to get back together with her. She deserves more than a card. I don't know if she will visit so I most likely will be mailing these. Would a gift card be to cold? Any ideas? We are friends (though it does upset me that she doesn't come see the kids very often, or at least hasn't so far, I am praying that changes).
Thank you for your help.
Blessings,
Ed

Replies

  • froglegjack
    froglegjack Posts: 388 Member
    I think delivering flowers or a nice vase she can put her own flowers in would be nice. Gift cards tend to strike me as cold but I am not saying that they are. She is the Mother of your children and it is thoughtful to remember that and to honor her as such.
    Have a wonderful day Ed
    Mary
  • ShaeDetermined
    ShaeDetermined Posts: 1,525 Member
    HEY!

    How about something that involves photos of the kids?
    A digital frame with pictures already uploaded?
    A picture of the adorable guys enlarged and framed?
    A photo mug? mouse pad? quilt?
    etc etc

    Conveying the message that she is an integral part of her children's life is the best mother's day gift.

    KUDOS!
  • Chantelle160
    Chantelle160 Posts: 127
    My ex takes my son shopping and lets him pick out the gift.
  • MissPalmer
    MissPalmer Posts: 9
    Hi..
    I would have the kids make her a homemade card for her .. maybe have the kids pick out flowers if there are many out there and give them to her. She should be appreciated and glad that they think of her for mother's day. :) hope that helps.
  • david081
    david081 Posts: 489 Member
    Maybe flowers with a card saying how you feel...
  • cynusps
    cynusps Posts: 72 Member
    A card with a gift card in it to a spa or something like that. Given from the kids without your signature.
  • NicolCook
    NicolCook Posts: 489 Member
    Have you talked the kids about what they would like to get her? Atleast your son, since he is old enough to actually pick something out or have more of an opinion :smile:

    I don't think a gift card is cold. Does she have a favorite place to eat? or shop?
  • HolleeERL
    HolleeERL Posts: 313 Member
    I'm not sure why YOU are giving her anything. I think what your kids are giving her is enough - something they make is always a great gift for us Moms.
  • dlangenfeld
    dlangenfeld Posts: 119
    A gift card would be nice...maybe you should give her a gift card for gas so she can come see them. Or a gift card for a kid experience she can do with the kids, like an amusement park or zoo or something like that. I hope she realizes how lucky she is that her kids are being taken care of by you...you are an amazing father. I hope she starts to see her kids more often in the future. She is missing precious time she will never get back.

    Good luck!
  • littleEj
    littleEj Posts: 35 Member
    I think the homemade gifts from the children will be perfect. And then perhaps a photo of the two of them (a really nice photo) for your gift to her along with a card.... I don't know if you feel that is appropriate or not, but honestly, as a mother I don't care if I get nothing that day. A hug from my son and a kiss from my husband is all I need.

    Homemade gifts from children are the best.
  • bparr
    bparr Posts: 246 Member
    You are a kind man.
  • DrBorkBork
    DrBorkBork Posts: 4,099 Member
    I don't think it's appropriate to give exes things. I DO, however, think it's appropriate for you to help the kids make her something. JMO.
    If you really want to give her something, do a gift card to her favorite store, not something deeply personal, but more along the lines of what you would give an old friend you don't see often
  • Xaspar
    Xaspar Posts: 726 Member
    I wouldn't give her a gift card. A nice greeting card and something from the kids should suffice. If you have a nice photo of the children that you could put in a pretty frame, she may appreciate that as well. Much more than that may send the wrong message. Not necessarily the 'I want to get back together message" but the "look at how much a better parent and human being I am than you" message. It may not be your intent, but people read all sorts of things into stuff and I know when I did not have custody of my kids (I fought for 2 years to get them after someone lied to courts and manipulated the system) but it seemed to be rubbing my nose it it when they tried to 'be nice."
    My .02. and only an opinion, but hey, you asked.
    ~Namaste
  • rfcollins33
    rfcollins33 Posts: 630
    I'm not sure why YOU are giving her anything. I think what your kids are giving her is enough - something they make is always a great gift for us Moms.

    I agree that what the kids make her is enough, and as another poster says, put a nice pic in the frame for her. Maybe she'll see what she's missing. They grow up so fast, time is precious with them!!
  • mlemonroe2
    mlemonroe2 Posts: 603
    I think sending her flowers is a good idea. You can also make a photo book on sutterfly or walgreens web site. I did that for my daughters grandparents for christmas. It is easy, you just upload your photos to the site (both are free) and you can either make the book yourself or you can push autofill and they put them in for you. You can pick the size, style, ect of the book. You can add captions or not. I think it is a nice gift. I would like it!
  • Derm94
    Derm94 Posts: 20 Member
    That's very thoughtful of you to think of her and thank her for blessing you with kids. What about buying her a card that says thanks and then buying something for the kids to give her like a garden item or a nice frame with their picture in it? If she's not really stepping up to the plate then I don't think I would spoil her at all but give her a little something to let her know she is appreciated.
    Take care, Jennifer
  • Angeladobush
    Angeladobush Posts: 58 Member
    My advice to you would be to give her a gift from your children....if for no other reason than to teach them. I would suggest flowers.....as a mother I always loved receiving them from my children.....ultimately you have to do what is in your heart, if you feel compelled to get her a gift, maybe you know of something she collects????? Good luck and I too hope she sees them more often......they deserve more......:happy:
  • liz11599
    liz11599 Posts: 220 Member
    I completely respect the fact you want to get her something for Mother's Day. I think flowers are a bit too personal and a gift card a bit too cold. Rather, you might consider photos of the kids during various events over the year. Place them in an album and give that to her. Perhaps it'll remind her of all she's missing in their lives and inspire her to visit them more often from now on.
  • justann
    justann Posts: 276 Member
    I, too, don't think it's necessary to give her something from you...only from the kids. That being said, if you still want to give her a little something why not a music cd or a book by one of her favorite authors? Both are a little personal...showing you gave her interests some thought......yet not too personal.
  • 1113cw
    1113cw Posts: 830 Member
    I completely respect the fact you want to get her something for Mother's Day. I think flowers are a bit too personal and a gift card a bit too cold. Rather, you might consider photos of the kids during various events over the year. Place them in an album and give that to her. Perhaps it'll remind her of all she's missing in their lives and inspire her to visit them more often from now on.

    I agree with this post.
    You're a good man Ed and a fabulous father.
  • SoldierDad
    SoldierDad Posts: 1,602
    Thank you my darlings. :-) The suggestions really help and I think i have an idea.
    Blessings,
    Ed
  • PrincessKittenpants
    PrincessKittenpants Posts: 144
    When my ex finally showed up after my son was 15 months old I downloaded a CD for him with pictures of Carter since the day he was born. I also had Carter finger paint a picture for him. Do I think he deserved it? Probably not, but he did give me the best gift I could ever ask for and regardless of how things turned out with us I will always be grateful. Although, I think it's great that you want to do something for her because she is technically their mother I think you and the babies would get more out of the time you spend together to make her something. :happy:
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    SoldierDad,
    First I need to start off by saying you are amazing...Not only are you a soldier, but you are a Father. A great Father that is not going out like a punk about his children and their happiness. You should be getting her something small-ish out of appreciation and I hope she does the same for you. I am amazed by the fact that instead of allowing your disappointment to consume you and make you bitter, you pray for her. You are showing your children what true respect is about. I take my hat off to you. In the long run, you are teaching your kids that it is ok to love both parents no matter what. Not having that as a child, I can not begin to tell you the gift you are giving them.

    I wonder if there is something that is a barrier for her that makes it difficult for her to visit? Is it an issue with the price of gas or air fare? Is there anything that she could use to help her see the kids a little more?
  • Christie23
    Christie23 Posts: 357 Member
    What a great dad you are. Really. As a divorced mom who sharecustody with my husband, he has never once said or done anything to wish me a happy Mother's day. I would think that anything you offer, she should be honored to receive. Hopefully, your ex will soon get her head out of (_!_) and realize what's important in life.. her kids.

    P.S. Love the jersey in your pic!
  • nickeb82
    nickeb82 Posts: 10
    I would do a collage of the kids or maybe a slideshow set to music or something! Would be simple, fun, and sentimental but still not look intimate from you.
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