My Last Chance

Options
I've been on for a while, never posted, but I've come to the realization that most of my unhappiness can be directly attributed to my weight.

I've been overweight all my life, so much so that my Dad once offered me a $1000 shopping spree at Toys 'R' Us if I could lose 100 lbs. I was, I think, under the age of 10 at the time, I really can't remember.

I also once had a teacher say out loud and around my other classmates & friends that I was fat.

I had to go to counseling when I was a kid after my parents divorced and all they ever asked me about was my weight.

I'm now 30, married, my wife is pregnant and I weight 380 lbs. I'm 5 feet 6 inches tall. I thought I wanted to do stand-up comedy but I stopped because I couldn't face getting on stage and I even skipped a competition where I could have won $1000 had I won. I didn't go because I was too worried about how I looked and also afraid of failing.

I'm here because this could very well be my last chance to turn my life around. My knees ache, I have a job I hate where I'm sitting all day, my daughter is going to be here in less than 2 months.

I just feel like if I can't get motivated now, then I'm not sure I have much time left, and you can interpret that however you feel most comfortable.

Replies

  • collegegirl713
    collegegirl713 Posts: 189 Member
    Options
    I first want to thank you for your post! I admire your openheartedness. I know it is hard to put all of this out there.

    I also want to say that in doing this post, you are already trying to change your life. You want advice and I believe you are headed down the right "mental" thinking.

    However, as with most people struggling to be committed, I think it is hard to connect your mind to your heart/soul/body (or whatever you want to call it). Just because you KNOW you need to lose weight or to not eat that second donut or whatever, you heart isn't into it. It becomes a determination/will power issue. My sister has the same problem and I struggled with it for a long time. At a certain point, things just clicked for me. I guess I will call it my "aha" moment.

    About a year after my daughter was born, my husband made a comment about having a second child and I immediately knew I didn't want to be obese for my second pregnancy, so I just started. My "heart" and mind were finally on the same page. I know you said you have a little one on the way (Congratulations, by the way. It is an amazing journey.), is there some part of you or leverage you can use as that final piece of the puzzle?

    Now, some advice on how to get started. In the beginning, for me, setting out small goals was key. Thinking about how much weight I needed to lose made me freak out and I felt like I was going to fail already....before I even started. So, try to make a goal of losing 5 pounds, or only drinking one can of soda per week. Whatever it is, just set them, write them down and do them.

    Today make a goal to take a walk for 10 minutes...and do it! Something small and remember that if you eat terribly at one meal doesn't mean you ruin the whole day. Track it and move on. If you get back on track for the day or even the week, think of how many calories you are saving.

    I also know that emotional eating is tough to overcome. I had a bad spout this summer with lung infections and chronic coughing that just brought me down and depressed. With the help of steroids (you never feel full), I gained 27 pounds in 3 months. I am just now getting back on track, dusting myself off and moving on. It sucks...BIG TIME!

    I know this is long and full of randomness, but you CAN do this! One small change at a time! There are a ton of inspiration stories on here and all throughout the web.

    Good Luck!
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    Options
    Welcome!! I am glad you are here.

    Best advice I have for you is just start tracking your food. Don't crazy trying to lose all your weight at once. Do a calorie deficit that is manageable which does not leave you hungry, do not think you have to starve yourself.

    Baby steps. One day a time. You can do this. There are lots of people who have been in your shoes and even more people with awesome success stories. Best wishes.
  • zipa78
    zipa78 Posts: 354 Member
    Options
    I just feel like if I can't get motivated now, then I'm not sure I have much time left, and you can interpret that however you feel most comfortable.

    Well, you've taken a great first step by joining here. I'm sure you can find lots of people here willing to cheer on you, myself included. Feel free to add me as a friend if you want to.

    Just take it easy and start out slow and you'll see the pounds starting to melt away. The most important thing is to just stick with it. Once you get the ball rolling you'll find that the way you feel after every lost pound is the best motivator in it self.
  • jesusarolon
    jesusarolon Posts: 208 Member
    Options
    Hey man. I know how you feel. I've always been the fat kid, who grew up to be the fat teenager and then the really fat adult. I'm a shy guy by nature and the weight didn't help. It always stopped me from doing the things I wanted to try.

    But this year I finally had enough and stuck with this new healthy lifestyle. I might have lost most of my weight, but I will always be the fat guy deep down inside.

    Dude this isn't your final chance. Even if it takes you 100's of tries you can loose the weight. You have all the motivation in the world in the little baby girl that's dew in two weeks. Whenever you might feel like giving up all you have to do is think about that little girl.

    I'm on here everyday and love to give extra motivation. So feel free to add me.
  • dawnmcneil10
    dawnmcneil10 Posts: 638 Member
    Options
    I was the heavy kid growing up so I can totally understand where you're coming from. I was "too fat to be a cheerleader" at schoole. My brother (much older) actually offered to by me a whole new wardrobe when I was around 14 if I lost 50 pounds. He didn't recognize me last Christmas. :wink:

    All I can really say to you is if this is what you want start now and just go. Take pictures and measurements as you are now and not selfies, have your wife take a full on picture you'll want it later.

    It took me 13+ years to make my full transformation, started out with just a 15 minute walk each day and putting down the fork when I wasn't hungry. I've changed many things over the years but each day is a new beginning, you have to accept each day like that. Your knees are going to ache a whole lot more until they get used to the walks but soon you'll start feeling the other benefits of the walk. Park a little further away at work, start with that, job stressing you out, take a quick walk, use the bathroom on the other end of the building whatever little changes you can make and go from there. I wouldn't worry too much about weight goals just yet I'd focus on just making little changes each day.

    Good luck to you, congratulations on becoming a husband and daddy. I'd be happy to have you as a friend but I warn you I will be expecting you to provide comic relief on occasion. I also tend to have random outbursts, just happens, my filter broke a few years back. hehe
  • fbref9
    fbref9 Posts: 74 Member
    Options
    You are taking a big step in the right direction. I just returned to MFP after being absent for the past couple of years and gaining 50 plus lbs. The past couple of weeks have been great because the network of friends and the support they provide is amazing.

    The comments and advice the members have posted before me are right on point. Take it slow and you will see that you will gain momentum. Enjoy the small victories, however small they may be because many small victories eventually turn into a big victory.

    All the support you need is at your finger tips.... reach out and make friends, be faithful to logging your daily calories, incorporate a daily activity and slowly build on it, and remember you are so much more than what the scale says.

    Good luck! All the best!!

  • eatnojunk
    eatnojunk Posts: 30 Member
    Options
    I have learn from personal exspearance that when I lose the weight I was the same person. I did get a few compaments but I have people say I was too thin. Its about self compassion for ones self. Changing out of fear only work short term IMHO
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
    Options

    Dude this isn't your final chance. Even if it takes you 100's of tries you can lose the weight. You have all the motivation in the world in the little baby girl that's dew in two weeks. Whenever you might feel like giving up all you have to do is think about that little girl.

    +1
  • DeterminedbyGod
    DeterminedbyGod Posts: 130 Member
    Options
    You can do it. Trust me when I say that you can. You have so much to live for. Your daughter and your wife.
  • farfromthetree
    farfromthetree Posts: 982 Member
    Options
    Oh boy, I am rooting for you! I would recommend friending others on here who are upbeat, consistent, and have larger amounts to lose such as you. I have a MFP friend on here, his name is Tannun and he is a bit older than you but has been extremely successful. I also recommend browsing this web site for information. Look for people who have been successful and have been at it for a while. I wish success for you...and congratulations on the new baby coming!!
  • AnthonyThrashD
    Options
    Since you're starting out, the most valuable asset you could have is a digital scale. Weigh your food in grams before you eat. Don't guess grams after you eat. Good luck
  • Bradley_J84
    Bradley_J84 Posts: 110 Member
    Options
    My mom had always made comments about my weight, which was weird cause I'm he second smallest out of her daughters... She expects me to be thin thin
  • kalijenkins83
    Options
    You are not alone and you can achieve your goal if you work for it. You have lots of support here! My husband is a big guy too and he finally decided enough was enough and he has lost 30 pounds. It's not about going on a diet too lose some weight, it's about making a lifestyle change and getting healthy. You can do it! I'll send you a friend request and I will be glad to help you in anyway that I can. :-)
  • GaleHawkins
    GaleHawkins Posts: 8,160 Member
    Options
    CM you can see everyone is behind you and will encourage you.

    I understand feeling it is the last chance myself and that drives me this time.

    On the plus side you can do it right while you are still young. Read on all the different diets and select one and work it and tweak as needed or even ditch it for another one if needed.

    What kalijenkins83 states, "it's about making a lifestyle change and getting healthy" is so true. This time my weight loss rate is not part of my plan. If I do not lose weight for two months but I am losing inches so be it. In the past I always lost the weight too fast and would turn around and regain it and more because I did NOT make an eating lifestyle change but just ate at a calorie deficit.

    Congratulations on soon being a father.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    Options
    Welcome to MFP

    Congratulations

    What a great goal to get your life back just as you welcome a new member into your family and learn how to be a Daddy - imagine your child never ever seeing you as a 'fat person'

    You can do this

    Digital Scale - Weigh everything beforehand - log it religiously

    and commit - to your new life