I need help getting through

Possibly for a variety of reasons. Its a bit obvious and id be amazed if you dont know but you wont like them. Self confidence and lack of self esteem are probably in there plus more obvious ones. ( shame, fear, hopelessnes, denial, failure, hurt, embarassment).

You need to deal with these, understand and then prevent them from holding you back if you wish to lose the weight. You have to decide whether you are prepared to commit and do what it takes or you just want to dabble. Commiting means no hiding, learning and then consistently following the patterns of behaviour that will allow you to keep a consistent calorific deficit, which in turn leads to weight loss. Take it seriously and you will get results.

Perhaps MFP is better for you as complete strangers dont care much whether you get angry or not, you either do or you do not.

You also know that the vast majority understand and have either been in or are in the same boat.

Try looking at it as a "lifestyle change" rather than "losing weight". I can't imagine that the day after you reach whatever your goal is that you're going to go back to eating and living like you were, right? So why view it as something with a beginning and an end? The easiest and best way to start is just by making small, incremental changes in the things you do and the things you eat. You don't need to completely revamp your diet and start logging marathon sessions on the elliptical at the gym to begin. Babysteps!

If you're already logging your food here, you've made a great start already. Take a look at what you're eating and see if there are some things you can easily change which would make a difference. I can't see your diary so I'll just throw some hypotheticals out there... Trade a sugary drink for an unsweetened one or a glass of water. Ditch the afternoon candy bar for an apple. Order the side salad and balsamic dressing instead of french fries.

Add a little more movement into your day. Walk on your breaks at work. Park at the back of the parking lot instead of finding the closest space. Use the stairs instead of the elevator. For me, walking on my breaks lead to trying Couch to 5K which led to running half marathons. I used to hate running and now I'm looking forward to the 9 mile run my sister and I are planning on tomorrow morning. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you start out slowly!

To address a little more of your original post, practice moderation. I "give in" to the treats at work all of the time. There's nothing wrong with it. I just have a small piece and eat it slowly instead of cutting myself a big slice of cake. I fit it into my calories for the day which means if I have the piece of cake I'm giving up my usual evening snack or I'm going to hit the treadmill for a little walk after my weight lifting session. (Don't be fooled, a 15 minute walk doesn't equal a piece of cake but it helps to mitigate it as long as it's not an every day occurrence.) I also know I may not lose as much weight this week but I don't really care since I don't have a goal for losing the weight, I know I'll get there eventually. My overall goal is just to stay fit and healthy.

Lkkiser3 wrote: »

Thank you all for the suggestions.. I guess I just need a little more time to think it all through and conquer whatever it is holding me back.

Get rid of your defensiveness and decide if you wnat to lose the weight and are prepared to commit. If you are then get smart and put some time into preparing a decent plan that has the common recommended traits and principles successful dieters on MFP use.

Then get the correct mindset which will include believing that you cna do it and push through, basically that you can sustain consistent deficits and are prepared to do all the things needed to diet effectively.

Then you just need to do it. Only start if you are ready to commit imo. It wouldnt surprise me if you use the defensiveness as a form of control and what you perceive as self protection. You could ofc still be defensive and get on with just dieting by yourself or you may want to listen to others and learn from their experience about whats needed.

Dueting is not easy, but you can improve your chances and you can lose weight at a steady rate if you want it badly enough and gain some focus as well as mental discipline. It requires a degree of effort, but its perfectly possible for you to do if you wnat it badly enough and are prepared to change. These boards are chock full of information and many thousands of people all losing weight, so read up if you wnat to learn how.

Food is everywhere and the more we resist the more it calls. What is it they say?, "what we resist, persist". It's true. Know this. Then break the cycle. Find a eating style that works for you to get started. Some people find it easier to comply doing the low carb thing because there seems to be less sugar swings that make us hungry. What I found was if I delete carbs it gives me direction and my body does not nag me with the blood sugar spikes and drops. And we all know what carbs are and what to avoid. If you can do it for a couple days it will get easier. Good part is you can eat a pretty decent amount of fatty foods and that will help you feel full longer and not have to deal with the constant hunger that carbs stimulate. Then once you get a handle on some of the addictions maybe your relationship with food will become more in your control. After awhile you need to go more plant based. But still limit the carbs. I did this and it helped me alot. No cravings for the nutritionally empty diet I was on. Lots of calories but no nutrition forces us to seek more. Take all the time you need to adjust yourself away from the simple carbs knowing that nature has set you up in a way. It is natural for our bodies to feast to and beyond full when presented we sweet high calorie density because in nature we did not know when we might have the opportunity again. Just avoid that trap. There are tons of good videos on Youtube regarding low carb routines. As to your feeling about people you know wanting to help well maybe you think they don't understand your struggle and how hard it is.

I started out with 180 to lose. I've been here a year and STILL have almost 100 to lose. It's ok, though. I'm committed to the long haul, knowing this could take another couple of years, and then the hardest part begins: Maintenance!

I hated hearing about weight loss from friends and family, probably because I felt judged, no matter how helpful and sincere they were. Here, I get all the info I need, plus good ideas on meals and snacks and such. All from people who know EXACTLY what it's like to need to lose weight.

Congratulations on being here. Make the most of the site. Really, the only failure is if you QUIT! So keep trying!

It's totally a mind set. I've done it before, I know what needs to happen, but it took me a good 6 months to realized that I need to get back to it. No more excuses. I didn't want to see anything higher on that scale. I think you have to look at weight loss as a balancing act. I plan ahead more so I can enjoy the food I love. Like last night our favorite local brewery was having a beer release & a sloppy joe food truck. I thought entered my mind - "I can't eat sloppy joes", but after looking at my diary and planning it out, I was able to eat a delicious one with corn relish, pepper jack cheese and banana pepper rings. And 2 beers. And still stayed 100 under for the day. I went into knowing what I could have and stopped when I no longer had anywhere to go. Before the mind set, I would tell myself it wouldn't matter, who cares and would have had 3 beers and 2 sandwiches, then been too full and bloated to enjoy the evening. I don't feel like I'm missing out, I don't feel like I'm deprived and I like feeling in control.

Loosing weight is the easy part, maintaining is the hard part. I went from 193 - 143 a couple years ago and when I got lower than I originally wanted to I figure I had a "cushion" so I gave myself a pass. That pass made me gain more than 20 lbs back. It comes on WAY easier than it does coming off. Now I'm hoping to lose another 8, get to 157 and stay there.

Good luck, I hope you can pull through and realize what you can do when you put your mind to it. And we all know where you are, because we've been there before.