Feeling unsupported!

We learn more about our friends in times when we need them.

Best of luck. You did it once and you can do again and just let go (emotionally) of those who can not or will not support your weigh loss desires.

Supporting someone in weight loss can be a touchy thing. Sometimes friends feel like they need to tell you you look great just the way you are - if they tell you yes, you're fat, or try to help by suggesting you eat something else/work out, they run the risk of hurting your feelings. Are your friends overweight? Is it possible they feel threatened by the idea of you getting in shape?

It may be helpful to find a workout/diet buddy outside of your circle who's going through the same things as you. Sorry your friends aren't supporting you the way you'd like them to, but try to keep their perspective in mind.

It can sometimes be difficult to know what to say when a friend is losing weight.

Do you monitor everything that goes into someone else's mouth "as a friend"?

Do you say "Hey put down the fork" in a friendly way?

Do you do your best to be silent, and in that way support whatever someone else wants to do with their body?

Or do you say, "Hey, you're not doing as badly as you think" as a friend?

I would be inclined to think that your friends are trying to support you in a specifically non-critical way. I mean, it never hurts to think that your friends are trying to stand behind you without interfering. That's what I try to do, anyway. Ultimately, my attitude is the difference between a good and a bad day, so I choose to think that my friends are on my side, only sometimes thwarted by their inability to read my mind.

I hope that is the case with your friends as well. And if they can't help you, there is no harm with finding help where and when you can, perhaps here or with a group in real life.

All the best,

Jess

Firstly it sounds like you've got more support than plenty of others. I would say you shouldn't bother your friends with it at all if its of no interest to them. You have a supportive partner, that's key. Your mother is supportive, also high value. Be happy.

if your friends try to undermine your efforts to show lack of consideration with what foods are being waved under your nose and the like, then i would suggest you should come up with strategies of your own in order to minimise the effect of their actions. You can't demand they change their ways for your benefit if they only doing what they would do for themselves. But if they are doing stuff to specifically undermine you then you should tell them to desist or avoid find ways of stopping the behaviour, like leaving. And just not being around them when there's food about.

The story about regaining the weight really fast, it sounds like you may have had a big emotional crisis going on at that time. I would like to share and emphasise that key to successful long term weight loss is managing stress and emotional issues. Make it a priority to keep yourself in an optimistic frame of mind. When problems or stress arises, deal with it effectively asap, because if you don't, your appetite will increase, you will make bad choices and risk giving up and regaining.

I have been on the weight loss thing for a year. I have a lot of experience with depression management. This year i decided to make my mental health a priority in order to make my weightloss project succeed. My main strategy was to go see a councillor as soon as i could. Whenever i did this , it worked straight away but i am not saying it would work for anyone else quite that fast. I have more experience in this area. However i do know that sharing your problems with a very good listener is very very helpful. I have to deal with it this way because i don't have the sort of supports around me that you have. I generally have no one to talk things over with who can help me. But even though you do have supportive people, if you find talking to them is not sufficiently helpful, then you should also seek out a professional listener i.e. a counsellor.

Optimism is key for weightloss because a low mood triggers an increase in appetite, especially for junk food.

Love the way you had you're rant, read the posts, rationalised it all, then came back to report and thank everyone.
That's class.
Cheers, h.

If you do not talk about weight or food in front of your friends, they might start to leave you alone and find other things to talk about.

yes! it's usually work associates who give me the confused look when i tell them i'm trying to be good and won't run into the kitchen to catch a slice of pecan pie or giant double chocolate muffins (especially around this time). i mean they're not exactly friends nor strangers so it's a bit more appreciated them saying i look fine (because they really don't have to and if they do, they're more likely to mean it) but i guess i wear shirts baggy enough to where they don't see the zipper on my pants clinging together for dear life! i'm honestly all in this weight loss journey on my own. i share some things with a couple of friends but that's it. not even my parents know what i've been doing until i finally go visit them for christmas. i find my own support within myself and that's the most important type. as already iterated by @rabbitjb‌:

rabbitjb wrote: »

Your friends are saying what they think you want to hear - it's what friends do - they are saying that you are fine just the way you are - that's not a crime

You don't need them to lose weight and they can't do it for you.

Because it's not their support you need it's just your own commitment to yourself

yes x 1,000,000

I've learned not to seek validation from anyone for reasons I wont go into now. I do know how you feel, though, OP. That's why I rely more on my MFP friends than anyone I know personally.

As always, anyone should feel free to send a friend invite. This is a journey best walked with others on the same path (if that makes any sense, lol). Keep it up, though. You'll thank yourself in 3 months (as I saw on someone's t-shirt recently).