paranoid of eating disorders..
iamthesweenmachine
Posts: 72 Member
I'm 20 years old, and in February 2014 I achieved my goal weight of 125 lbs. I was able to maintain that until I went back to school, and now I weigh 144 lbs. I have noticed a pattern of a lot of times when I have a bad weigh-in (especially when I'm expecting a good one), I tend to shut down. I don't want to eat and I eat very little on those days. I have also been recently so disappointed in my weight gain that I have contemplated the idea of going on unhealthy diets that involve eating very little. I am smart enough that these usually don't last very long, but I am terrified of getting an eating disorder. I have no support system anymore since I threw them away from my previous emotional instabilities. Nobody cares about me. Do I have legit reasons to be scared? How high at risk am I?
DISCLAIMER: I will not receive professional help, it's not good for me.
DISCLAIMER: I will not receive professional help, it's not good for me.
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Campus usually has counselors availabe. Why is professionall help not good for you?0
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You're at no risk whatsoever until you make the decision to give in to the compulsion to engage disordered behavior. You do have a choice. If you do have underlying emotional issues i would recommend seeking some sort of support. It's easier to make good choices when you feel alright.0
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I've had professional help before for other mental/emotional issues (including my school's counseling service) and everything is fine while I'm getting help. But the second I walk out that door for good, things go bad again. It's also embarrassing and uncomfortable.0
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gracesweeney721 wrote: »
DISCLAIMER: I will not receive professional help, it's not good for me.
But you are willing to receive help from internet strangers? I am sorry, as someone who is in remission for ED-NOS, I honestly do not understand your post.
Eating disorders are mental health illnesses; one does not choose to be mentally ill. You are clearly aware of the unhealthy eating patterns and destructive thoughts regarding body image and weight. If you will not seek counselling (for the ridiculous reason mentioned above) you need to start challenging those thoughts.0 -
It seems like you don't want professional help but that is what is sounds like you need. The most we can really give you is support but from what I gathered from your post something is going on mentally that needs to be examined by someone who knows what they are doing. The fact that you said "no one cares about me" and "...I threw them away from my previous emotional instabilities" tells me that something far more pressing is going on than just worrying about having an eating disorder. You do not have to continuously see a professional, but seeing someone once or twice could at least give you a clear direction of what is going on in your life mentally and emotionally. Normally when we figure that part out we can figure out how to solve or at least how to reduce certain issues. I used to have panic attacks all of the time so I know how hard it is to talk to someone about what is going on in your life.
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I dont think anyone can gauge how high risk you are for an eating disorder.
-The fact that you seem to have anxiety over weight gain is a red flag
-The fact that you are tempted to crash diet to lose weight is a red flag
-The fact that you actively restrict your food to very little from weight gain is a red flag
-The fact that you have referenced previous emotional issues that were strong enough to destroy relationships is another red flag
People can have many red flags and emotional triggers and never develop an eating disorder, just like people with very few of them can develop them. One way or another you are going to have to face these issues and why you have this reaction to your weight. It's much easier with professional help and much more effective. ED's are a million times easier to treat and prevent with early intervention, they become substantially harder to treat as time goes on and the disease progresses and very hard to remain recovered.
I don't mean to come off as overly blunt, I wish that I had received help from the beginning, I wasted a huge chunk of my life because of it and I don't wish that on anyone.0 -
I dont think anyone can gauge how high risk you are for an eating disorder.
-The fact that you seem to have anxiety over weight gain is a red flag
-The fact that you are tempted to crash diet to lose weight is a red flag
-The fact that you actively restrict your food to very little from weight gain is a red flag
-The fact that you have referenced previous emotional issues that were strong enough to destroy relationships is another red flag
People can have many red flags and emotional triggers and never develop an eating disorder, just like people with very few of them can develop them. One way or another you are going to have to face these issues and why you have this reaction to your weight. It's much easier with professional help and much more effective. ED's are a million times easier to treat and prevent with early intervention, they become substantially harder to treat as time goes on and the disease progresses and very hard to remain recovered.
I don't mean to come off as overly blunt, I wish that I had received help from the beginning, I wasted a huge chunk of my life because of it and I don't wish that on anyone.
^Agreed!!!0 -
Perhaps you unfairly mark yourself as a failure when you experience a temporary setback (this includes scale movements and previous counselling efforts). Maybe a different type of counselling/support like a fitness coach could help you integrate some of the great advice you've received in the past.
A great friend advised me to take care in finding my counselor and if I ever feel uncomfortable, acknowledge was not a good fit and walk away.0 -
Shift your thinking to focus on your health and related goals. ie did you run longer/faster or lift harder/more or improve your nutrition?
The scale will mess with your mind because in the short term it does not reflect your effort. That disappointment and the temptation to go extreme is actually not that uncommon. I'm actually the opposite; I see the number drop on the scale and I think, "oh well if I lost x pounds eating y calories then I could lose 2x pounds on .5y calories!" But like you I have an awareness of that thought being harmful and am able to let it go, so no harm done.
In short: You can control what you do, you cannot control what the scale does.
I think you are at higher risk from your social isolation than from your weight loss. What's up with refusing help?0 -
Sounds like you already have issues that need professional help, both eating & non-eating related.0
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gracesweeney721 wrote: »But the second I walk out that door for good, things go bad again. It's also embarrassing and uncomfortable.
Then don't walk out. If you had cancer and the continual uncomfortable treatments were keeping you alive, surely you wouldn't walk out, would you? This is no different. Eating disorders are risky and tend to be higher in terms of health complications and mortality rates. When you have an eating disorder, treatment and engaging actively in treatment is what keeps you alive and 'going' in a sense.
If you're uncomfortable getting help then that's fine - but don't expect things to get better if you're not willing to put the effort forth to deal with them. That's how things work. Just like you wouldn't expect cancer to go away on it's own if you were to walk out of treatment because it were uncomforatble, don't expect the same of your mental illnesses. They don't just go away on their own because you neglect them.
Getting better isn't going to be comfortable.
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gracesweeney721 wrote: »I'm 20 years old, and in February 2014 I achieved my goal weight of 125 lbs. I was able to maintain that until I went back to school, and now I weigh 144 lbs. I have noticed a pattern of a lot of times when I have a bad weigh-in (especially when I'm expecting a good one), I tend to shut down. I don't want to eat and I eat very little on those days. I have also been recently so disappointed in my weight gain that I have contemplated the idea of going on unhealthy diets that involve eating very little. I am smart enough that these usually don't last very long, but I am terrified of getting an eating disorder. I have no support system anymore since I threw them away from my previous emotional instabilities. Nobody cares about me. Do I have legit reasons to be scared? How high at risk am I?
DISCLAIMER: I will not receive professional help, it's not good for me.
The bolded are red flags.
You are certainly at a risk of developing an ED based on your disordered thinking but unless you begin to engage in those bad decisions, I wouldn't classify you as having an ED (although you have already begun to lower your caloric intake which is not a good sign). You do have disordered thinking though which you should seek help for. It also seems that you are emotionally unstable which is all the more reason to seek help.
Why is professional help not good for you? Since you do not have a support system, professional help is even more important. A therapist could be your support system.
I would highly suggest seeking professional help from a therapist who specializes in ED's BEFORE you spiral down a tunnel that is very difficult to pull yourself out of.
Also, you say seeing a therapist is uncomfortable and embarrassing. Ask yourself this:- What's more uncomfortable- seeing a therapist now or having a feeding tube inserted into your abdomen because you have been starving yourself?
- Seeing a therapist now or constantly feeling dizzy, weak, and confused?
- Seeing a therapist now or suffering from heart palpitations?
- Seeing a therapist now or osteoporosis which can lead to broken bones?
- Seeing a therapist now or dying from heart failure caused by anorexia? (As the body loses muscle mass, it loses heart muscle at a fast rate... this leads to the heart getting smaller and weaker)
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gracesweeney721 wrote: »I've had professional help before for other mental/emotional issues (including my school's counseling service) and everything is fine while I'm getting help. But the second I walk out that door for good, things go bad again. It's also embarrassing and uncomfortable.
A. if things go bad when you walk out the door then you aren't getting good therapy and/or you aren't actually using what you learned - that's on you to either find a better therapist or to actually do what you were meant to
B. Yes, it is uncomfortable - if it weren't you wouldn't have a chance to grow. Life is embarrassing and uncomfortable but the alternative is worse.
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mymodernbabylon wrote: »gracesweeney721 wrote: »I've had professional help before for other mental/emotional issues (including my school's counseling service) and everything is fine while I'm getting help. But the second I walk out that door for good, things go bad again. It's also embarrassing and uncomfortable.
A. if things go bad when you walk out the door then you aren't getting good therapy and/or you aren't actually using what you learned - that's on you to either find a better therapist or to actually do what you were meant to
B. Yes, it is uncomfortable - if it weren't you wouldn't have a chance to grow. Life is embarrassing and uncomfortable but the alternative is worse.
Exactly. Therapy doesn't work unless you do.0 -
agreed x 2NicoleisQuantized wrote: »I dont think anyone can gauge how high risk you are for an eating disorder.
-The fact that you seem to have anxiety over weight gain is a red flag
-The fact that you are tempted to crash diet to lose weight is a red flag
-The fact that you actively restrict your food to very little from weight gain is a red flag
-The fact that you have referenced previous emotional issues that were strong enough to destroy relationships is another red flag
People can have many red flags and emotional triggers and never develop an eating disorder, just like people with very few of them can develop them. One way or another you are going to have to face these issues and why you have this reaction to your weight. It's much easier with professional help and much more effective. ED's are a million times easier to treat and prevent with early intervention, they become substantially harder to treat as time goes on and the disease progresses and very hard to remain recovered.
I don't mean to come off as overly blunt, I wish that I had received help from the beginning, I wasted a huge chunk of my life because of it and I don't wish that on anyone.
^Agreed!!!
It's taken me a long time go get out of this mind frame set, problem for me is I love to eat and would've been above 340 by now if I didn't change six months ago. I also grew depressed over my weight and I kept telling myself I will never be able to lose it so why bother? I have a friend who is acting as a support system, my Aunt and Uncle have also chimed in as well as my parents and my sister.
They want to see me in a regular sized clothing and to be honest it's making me excited.
Please see someone or ask a friend to help support you. We can support you here as well but you need to listen and take heart to what everyone tells you. You don't want to do this the wrong way.
Seeking professional help will get you through tough spots as well. We've all been there and you can recover and get on the right track.0 -
It's very difficult to state when someone goes from having unhealthy behaviours/thoughts to having a disease that needs treatment, but if it's bothering you then you should worry about it. If you don't want professional health, maybe try to find something else that gives you relief? Write about it, meditate, whatever helps you. There are also lots of advice out on the net that everyone can benefit from, eating disordered or not. Take care
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