In Need of Advice

BamBam1113
BamBam1113 Posts: 542 Member
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
I mentioned to my GF that I was thinking about joining a gym and she wants to join too. However, my workouts are the only time I have to myself and selfish or not I wanna keep it that way, but she is gonna want to go with me. What would be the "nice" way of saying I would rather go by myself without it sounding suspicious that I had alternate motives? She also does not need to go to the gym. She is about 5' 6" and about 115 lbs.

Replies

  • epj78
    epj78 Posts: 643 Member
    First, just because she's of a great weight - doesn't mean that she doesn't mean she doesn't need to work out to be healthy........

    that said, that doesn't mean it has to be at your gym.

    Could you gently tell her that you like that time to yourself to think and process your day. That you'd much rather spend time with her out to dinner or out for a walk or whatever works for you guys? That you are "in the zone" at the gym and don't want her distracting you (because you couldn't help but stare at her, right ;) )
  • schlubba
    schlubba Posts: 26
    I'm all about candor (brutal honesty) tell her straight up what the deal is, if she gets that mad about it, you're wasting your time with her.
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
    I understand the desire to have that alone time but she probably thinks this is a good way for her to be supportive and encouraging. Good luck working it out - you could always take her a couple of times but make the workout super hard so that she loses interest....
  • justann
    justann Posts: 276 Member
    Tell her by showing her this post. :smile:
  • forty3fab
    forty3fab Posts: 148 Member
    I love when my husband goes to the gym with me, which is hardly never. Maybe your GF would work out in the girls room (some gyms have those). Or, maybe she would be on the treadmill while you are lifting weights and then you would still have your alone time, but yet it would give you even more in common. Maybe you should go (by yourself) and pick which gym you want to join and check it out. It could end up that even if she joined, she would be doing her own thing too. Good luck!
  • deannarey13
    deannarey13 Posts: 452
    I'm all about candor (brutal honesty) tell her straight up what the deal is, if she gets that mad about it, you're wasting your time with her.

    This.

    I also wonder if it's insecurity. Most gyms are like bars. Many people are there to hit on others of the opposite sex. I see it at my gym all the time. Drives me crazy, but it's the way most gyms are. Maybe she is concerned you will find someone else.

    Don't get me wrong, that isn't a valid reason for her to join your gym. I agree with this poster. Be honest and straight forward.
  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
    I agree just be honest with her. You would like to go by yourself to concentrate fully on your work out with no distractions. If she can't accept that there is something wrong.
  • deannarey13
    deannarey13 Posts: 452
    I love when my husband goes to the gym with me, which is hardly never. Maybe your GF would work out in the girls room (some gyms have those). Or, maybe she would be on the treadmill while you are lifting weights and then you would still have your alone time, but yet it would give you even more in common. Maybe you should go (by yourself) and pick which gym you want to join and check it out. It could end up that even if she joined, she would be doing her own thing too. Good luck!

    This might be true also. Ask what she would do at the gym. What's the harm if you still go your seperate ways? My husband and I go together, but don't workout together.
  • cconeill
    cconeill Posts: 54 Member
    Just tell her the truth true love will get through anything. Don't try to stop her from joining the gym just because ya'll go together doesn't mean you have to workout together maybe suggest she bring one of her friends to workout or join a class. Good Luck and everyone needs there "me" time
  • BamBam1113
    BamBam1113 Posts: 542 Member
    We've tried working out together before at another gym and I go to workout.....for like 2+ hours. She does about 15 minutes on the treadmill and then wants to hang out with me. I love the girl...I really do. But I want to work out, not hang out. Plus we're on a budget of course and I'm worried that she won't use the membership but a couple of times because she really doesn't need to. i just need a good way to tell her that that is MY time and that I enjoy having a little bit of time for me.
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
    If it were me, I'd plan my gym time/activity around what my spouse was doing... for example, on his lifting days I would run the track and vice versa. That way you get a little separation and the other person feels like they're welcome.
  • starboardzor
    starboardzor Posts: 312
    I know EXACTLY what you mean! I dated a guy who really wanted me to go to the gym with him, or if I mentioned I was going he'd say "Oh, can I come?" and I had to be blunt with him and tell him that my gym/workin out time was ME time. I like to be myself, listen to my music, sweat a ton, not worry about what my hair is doing, and make an assortment of not-sexy grunting sounds. I can't be doing all that with my significant other!! Plus I enjoy some time alone.

    Needless to say he turned out to be a major clinger. I had to let him go. Wish I had better advice for you, but honesty is the best policy. There is nothing wrong with what you're asking of her, so don't let her make you feel like there's something wrong.
  • beautymama2011
    beautymama2011 Posts: 17
    i can personally say from a girls perspective that we overthink litterally EVERYTHING and so you might just need to sit her down and explain to her that you dont mind her joining the gym but that you want to workout by yourself, that your happy she wants to spend more time with you but the time you spend at the gym is your time, you use it to work off the stress of the day and that you want to have that time alone to work off your stress and to look good for her add that in somewhere cuz it will flatter her lol i know i dont want my feonce to see me working out i would like for him to see the progess and the outcome but not all the sweat and pain that comes with it. hope it works out
  • astronima
    astronima Posts: 35
    My hubby and I go to the gym on his weekends off together. What is nice is we do completely different things. He is lifting weights and doing cardio, while I am swimming laps. It makes it nice because we have a huge gym so we don't see each other until it's time to leave. I would be honest with her and tell her that you enjoy that time for you to unwind from everything. She may be understanding and just looking for you to motivate her to go to the gym and she figures if you all go together she is more likely to work out. I agree honesty is the best.
  • drasr
    drasr Posts: 181
    I was reading this article yesterday which said that it is not a good idea to work out with your girl friend as one has to worry about a lot of things other than just working out [e.g. other guys hitting on her] :)
    You can be honest with her and try to explain the situation. She will be mad for a bit but she will understand.
    Or you can say that you won't be able to concentrate as she is too sexy :)
  • Sarahr73
    Sarahr73 Posts: 454 Member
    I'm all about candor (brutal honesty) tell her straight up what the deal is, if she gets that mad about it, you're wasting your time with her.

    This.

    I also wonder if it's insecurity. Most gyms are like bars. Many people are there to hit on others of the opposite sex. I see it at my gym all the time. Drives me crazy, but it's the way most gyms are. Maybe she is concerned you will find someone else.

    Don't get me wrong, that isn't a valid reason for her to join your gym. I agree with this poster. Be honest and straight forward.

    I agree partially with the first post and more with the second. DO be straight forward and honest with her. Explain it is your time to relax from the day and be by yourself. Everyone needs alone time and it doesn't mean you don't love her.
    DO NOT think you are waisting your time with her if she gets upset. Like the second poster said, she may be concerned that you are at the gym trying to get with other women. I don't think it's right for her to want to invade upon your personal time, but I would understand her reasoning if that is her thinking. If she gets upset, ask her why. If it because she thinks you're there to hook up, let her know you are not. If she can't get over it, then you may have problems. Who knows, maybe she just wants to be supportive and she thinks by going to the gym with you she will be showing her support.
  • chrisyoung0422
    chrisyoung0422 Posts: 426 Member
    Got to be honest. If this is a longterm chicky you ought to be able to tell her that.

    My better half and I attend the gym together at times but I go alot more than she does. At first it was annoying but we established our workouts and yeah they cross over sometimes but most times she is cool and respectful. I really have no issue with her coming along and sometimes she wants to work out longer than me! :embarassed:
  • GrampsWooha
    GrampsWooha Posts: 184
    you're screwed my man.....shes coming with ya. aint no way around it. :)
  • natskedat
    natskedat Posts: 570 Member
    Everyone needs and deserves to exercise, regardless of their current weight. I feel the same way about going to the gym (I stay at home with my kids), and when my husband wants to go, I get a little bummed. However, it usually ends up that we have different goals and we rarely see each other. I do my thing and he does his. We just happen to take the same car.

    Make your goals clear and explain that you're more than happy to accompany her, and you'll support her in her efforts, but you'd like to focus on your fitness goals while you're there.
  • natskedat
    natskedat Posts: 570 Member
    Everyone needs and deserves to exercise, regardless of their current weight. I feel the same way about going to the gym (I stay at home with my kids), and when my husband wants to go, I get a little bummed. However, it usually ends up that we have different goals and we rarely see each other. I do my thing and he does his. We just happen to take the same car.

    Make your goals clear and explain that you're more than happy to accompany her, and you'll support her in her efforts, but you'd like to focus on your fitness goals while you're there.
  • froglegjack
    froglegjack Posts: 388 Member
    Planet fitness has a great blackcard membership and you get to bring a guest everytime free. It is 20.00 a month...If you have one near you that might do the trick for money. Also they have tanning free for the black card and maybe your girl will want to do that :)
  • nkenga
    nkenga Posts: 46
    Be honest with her. Let her know that you really want to be able to focus on your training goals, and then ask her to pick you up at an agreed-upon time to go to dinner or to hang out. If you are straight-forward with her, always letting her know when you are going to the gym and how long you plan to be there, and still take time to spend with her, she'll be fine.

    I think, at least. I've never been the jealous type, and I always want time alone, so I wouldn't mind!
  • Walt75
    Walt75 Posts: 182 Member
    We've tried working out together before at another gym and I go to workout.....for like 2+ hours. She does about 15 minutes on the treadmill and then wants to hang out with me. I love the girl...I really do. But I want to work out, not hang out. Plus we're on a budget of course and I'm worried that she won't use the membership but a couple of times because she really doesn't need to. i just need a good way to tell her that that is MY time and that I enjoy having a little bit of time for me.
    Dude I know just what you mean. Nobody wants to pound out reps while your girl is there nagging.."are you done yet"..I'm hungry". Or even worse the -not say anything at all except *sigh*- !!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Just talk to her...maybe pick a day or two per week that you would go together, but tell her on the other days you really want to focus on your individual goals...
  • hroderick
    hroderick Posts: 756 Member
    You could break up.

    I get a feeling she's jealous and may be justified in being so. There's nothing like uncommitted relationships to cause anxiety.

    Just let her go and do your thing. Go when you want to and drive separate so she can leave when she gets tired of you ignoring her.
  • chilipeppers
    chilipeppers Posts: 119
    what ever happened to honesty? If she can't handle the idea of you needing time to yourself and is suspicious of you for wanting that tiny bit of space, then she is probably not mature enough to deal with a healthy relationship. Just sayin'.

    My advice would be to just say, honey, I love you and I love the time we spend together, but I would really appreciate a little time to myself, to think about me and be absorbed in my own thoughts and I think the gym would be the perfect amount of me time.
  • Ree_Chatelain
    Ree_Chatelain Posts: 229 Member
    We've tried working out together before at another gym and I go to workout.....for like 2+ hours. She does about 15 minutes on the treadmill and then wants to hang out with me. I love the girl...I really do. But I want to work out, not hang out. Plus we're on a budget of course and I'm worried that she won't use the membership but a couple of times because she really doesn't need to. i just need a good way to tell her that that is MY time and that I enjoy having a little bit of time for me.
    I was thinking that maybe she just wanted to spend some time bonding and being supportive on your weight loss journey but if that's the case, I think you should tell her exactly what you posted here, voice your concerns and tell her how you really feel.
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