Help me find a strategy for not going nuts over Christmas!
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Pootler74
Posts: 223 Member
I have a history of disordered eating. I'm usually and all or nothing sort of person, and Christmas tends to be a period of eating it AAAAALLLLLLL.
Worse, these days I (have to) spend Christmas with my ex-husband and his new partner. He was my enabler and saboteur in the past, and he has just sent me photos of the trolley full of shopping he's bought for Christmas. Not a leaf or stem or lean bit of meat anywhere. (Even though I asked for a couple of essentials - basically some lean meat and salad. Nope. Puddings and cakes and cheeses and crisps and biscuits and nuts and dear lord, ice cream.)
So, previous years were usually spent gorging, and then that would spill over into the next few weeks or even months, just being totally out of control around food. Or the opposite, exerting extreme control over it. I've never had reasonable control over food, until the last month or so when, having wised up, matured and developed, I've found myself eating sensibly for extended periods for the first time ever. With a couple of blips, but even then, calorie wise, the week evened out. This is new, and fabulous, and I'm so damn pleased with myself.
But now just as I'm hitting my stride, I'm going back to my old home, to social situations involving food and drink, spending lots of time with my old enabler, and piles and piles of the foods that made me fat, and not a great deal of control over what I eat and when.
I have about 6 days in this environment. I'm taking my running kit, and my protein bars. I will go shopping for the foods that will help me. I feel more able to get through it than ever before. However, I'm scared that I'll be distracted by the unhealthy foods around me and those healthy foods will go uneaten. Because this was always my MO in the past.
I want to be able to enjoy SOME of the things. Not all the things. I'm not sure how though. This is so new for me. I need a game plan that will stop me binging/starving, but help me enjoy eating like a normal person does at Christmas. Any ideas?
Worse, these days I (have to) spend Christmas with my ex-husband and his new partner. He was my enabler and saboteur in the past, and he has just sent me photos of the trolley full of shopping he's bought for Christmas. Not a leaf or stem or lean bit of meat anywhere. (Even though I asked for a couple of essentials - basically some lean meat and salad. Nope. Puddings and cakes and cheeses and crisps and biscuits and nuts and dear lord, ice cream.)
So, previous years were usually spent gorging, and then that would spill over into the next few weeks or even months, just being totally out of control around food. Or the opposite, exerting extreme control over it. I've never had reasonable control over food, until the last month or so when, having wised up, matured and developed, I've found myself eating sensibly for extended periods for the first time ever. With a couple of blips, but even then, calorie wise, the week evened out. This is new, and fabulous, and I'm so damn pleased with myself.
But now just as I'm hitting my stride, I'm going back to my old home, to social situations involving food and drink, spending lots of time with my old enabler, and piles and piles of the foods that made me fat, and not a great deal of control over what I eat and when.
I have about 6 days in this environment. I'm taking my running kit, and my protein bars. I will go shopping for the foods that will help me. I feel more able to get through it than ever before. However, I'm scared that I'll be distracted by the unhealthy foods around me and those healthy foods will go uneaten. Because this was always my MO in the past.
I want to be able to enjoy SOME of the things. Not all the things. I'm not sure how though. This is so new for me. I need a game plan that will stop me binging/starving, but help me enjoy eating like a normal person does at Christmas. Any ideas?
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Replies
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Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice egg nog is my BIG weakness during this time of year, and I found a way I can have some but not gorge on it like I used to. Instead of having an 8-12oz glass a day like I used to, I use the app to ensure I'm within my calorie load, and a one ounce shot glass that allows me to sip my favorite holiday drink without blowing my plan out of the water. The fact that you have your protein bars shows you are dedicated, but I'd suggest having some of the leftover turkey (weigh it out before eating it of course) instead of the bars, but you know your situation the best.
Stay strong and ALWAYS use a small plate and scale - that's what works for me.0 -
You either want to lose weight or you do not, every decision is coloured by that, does it help you get to traget or does it not. You know which decusions do or do not.
Most people already have a strategy in place already to the its only one day to im going to take a total break. From reading your post you appear to want to enjoy Christmas, but you are scared of losing it completely so that after the period is over you are unable to resume your successful journey you have already begun.
I cant say how many extra calories you are willing to absorb, if any. You might want to consider the following.
1. Forget about your husband and be your own enabler. If you really want to lose weight and you dont want him tempting you all the time, then why not make them aware and ask them not to tempt you or keep offering you food as you are really enthusiastic about losing weight.
2. Take exercise every day so 30+ minutes walk, walk to the shop or go for a run like you do at home.
3. Stick to your own foods most days, so same breakfast and lunch. Its up to you what to do for dinner.
4. If you want to stay away from treats, then id just rule them out completely and then you dont send yourself mixed messages. get fruit in and eat that instead.
5. the days that are different are Christmas, in which case have your Christmas meal- it could be portion conrolled or you could o for a healthier version, although its not that bad if you eat loads of veg as well. I would just eat what I wanted but if you are really worried, then eat off a smaller plate like a sandwich plate or a saucer, which you cna pile as hugh as you want. Possibly Boxing day and NY eve, the latter its the calories in alcohol.
6. Only you can decide how many calories you are comfy with, the meal itself seems less of a problem as opposed to you going overboard on everything else laying around. Just take a card reminding yourself that you are doing well, and you need to eat in moderation, becayse you wnat to get slim and you are doing well at the moment. promise yourself that next year will have more scope becayse you will be the weight you wnat to be by then.
7. Its only 1 or 2 days, dont turn it into 6. the sky wont fall in its 3500 calories for 1lb over and above maintenance. Eat the food, enjoy it on the days you allow, dont worry and it might add a little time to getting to traget next year. Keep it clear in your head that you are going to portion control and that as soon as you are vack home you are then geting back on track and after the longer term target of the weight loss which is importnat to you.
That might be a rough way of how I would approach it. You need to be clear in your own head and determined to stick to the plan though. Its all in your hands.
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So:
- Smaller plate.
- Weigh food when possible.
- Control my breakfast and lunch (which I think I can do)
- Eat with everyone else at dinner. But have smaller portions.
- Decide before the meal how much of it I will eat.
- Try to reach for fruit before cake
- Exercise every day.
- Remind self that it won't slow down my weight loss much if I flub the six days. And that next year I will be at goal, and will have more room to go nuts.
As for how many calories I'm prepared to absorb, I think that if I can get it to average out at maintenance level for the 6 days, I'll be really pleased. I have another week on my own afterwards, before he brings our son home, to get back into my usual rhythm.
I think I'll see how it goes the first day. If I find that I'm reaching for the junk (because there will be loads and loads of it lying around) I'll just have to decide that I'm not eating any of it at all. I can have just one piece of chocolate now (my new superpower!), but I don't believe I'll be able to do that there. It's a psychological thing, I know - my old home, my old partner, the old familiar situation. It's too too easy to fall back into being who I was then. This might be the year to bust out of that though.
Oh yeah - it's Turkey and chips for Christmas dinner.
No veg. But I can buy some and pile half my plate with those.
Thanks for the replies so far - they've really helped!
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If you're there for 6 days, the only thing that matters is what you do on Day 7. Once you're back home, get right back on the wagon.
Yes, that'll be easier if you don't go crazy on sugar for a week, but it'll be WAY easier if you don't feel wracked with guilt. Don't worry too much about one week. This has got to be a long-term change. Be kind to yourself.
Also, track what you eat. The simple act of writing it down makes it far easier to stick to your plan.
Good luck!0 -
One day at a time and personally id rather have roasties. M&S have those meal for one portions which you can just pop in the overn or make your own its not hard.
If it goes wrong day, then its just oen day and you cna be on traget with the remaining 5.
Its all down to you taking responsibility/0 -
If you're there for 6 days, the only thing that matters is what you do on Day 7. Once you're back home, get right back on the wagon.
Yes, that'll be easier if you don't go crazy on sugar for a week, but it'll be WAY easier if you don't feel wracked with guilt. Don't worry too much about one week. This has got to be a long-term change. Be kind to yourself.
Also, track what you eat. The simple act of writing it down makes it far easier to stick to your plan.
Good luck!
Yeah I agree. If you've been going at this for a while, I'm guessing you'll be fuller and more satisfied much faster than you used to. Get small servings of things. And try not to stress out too much about it... It's only a week. So what if you gain 3 pounds... you can lose it again after.
Maybe go do some groceries so at least you have some nutritious options while you're there though. And go out for walks when possible, or heck just do some sit ups and push ups in your bedroom before going to bed or something, lol.
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Ex husband lives abroad. Custody agreement says he gets son for all end of term holidays. (And so I get a break too. Win/win.) Son has special needs and can't travel alone. Cheap flights only fly certain days so I can't just drop him off and leave, even if his needs allowed that. And son wants to spend Christmas with both parents anyway. So yeah, sort of have to suck it up and just spend Christmas there. And his new partner has to suck it up too. We all get on well though. But we got divorced for good reasons, and this was part of it.
I know how weird it looks. But he's a great kid, and we want to do things right.0 -
So:
- Smaller plate.
- Weigh food when possible.
- Control my breakfast and lunch (which I think I can do)
- Eat with everyone else at dinner. But have smaller portions.
- Decide before the meal how much of it I will eat.
- Try to reach for fruit before cake
- Exercise every day.
- Remind self that it won't slow down my weight loss much if I flub the six days. And that next year I will be at goal, and will have more room to go nuts.
I would do those things plus no second helpings, log everything to the best of your ability and remain active. I would drink water mostly so you aren't using up calories on drinks.0 -
Well, apart from everything stated above , I'd add:
- try to even ci with quite a bit of dancing , or any other activity you might be able to do, even during diner ( last year I didn't gain a single pound over the holidays even though there were tons of food for holiday and I did the cooking - so lots of leftovers, even because of that rule - I knew I overate, so by default I over worked out )
- Enjoy the holidays as best you can, but don't deny yourself everything,
Don't worry : u'll do great, u're already in preparation mode, and since you know what's coming , you know what to do!0 -
With the simple plan that you have ( which is probably just an extension of your daily habits ) I would say you have this covered girl. As Lounmoun's said " no second helpings" and drink water mostly - don't waste those precious calories on nutritional empty high sugar/high calorie drinks. Have that glass of wine at supper and most important of all Enjoy the Holidays and concentrate on making it a great memory for your son. Log it as good as you can - Flip the page and keep moving forward.0
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Everyone else has already given you good advice, but I just want to add that I think you're a great mom!0
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Whatever you do, choose it. If you're going to indulge, make the choice. Own it. Do not do that, "I won't eat it, I won't eat it, I won't - oh, God, why am I eating this? I'm out of control! What have I done?!" thing. No!
If it's going toward your mouth, tell yourself, "This is my choice. I've chosen to eat this." Whether or not it was planned and even if you have mixed feeling, own it!
If you overeat, you do. But don't start back in with a mindset of it being out of your control. That's a hop, skip and jump from disordered eating.
Own your choices! 0 -
I eat a lot more sugar over Christmas. But now that I log it all, even if i go over a bit it's not too horrible. Keep logging and log everything.0
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It can be hard to get back on track after even a meal or two of indulgences. For some of us, it triggers cravings that are hard to rein back in. So I tend to abstain as well. I remind myself of the saying, "It's about valuing what you want most over what you want now."0
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This is all great advice. I'm. Getting lots out of all of your replies. And I'm going to follow all of it in some way.
You know, reading your replies made me realise that this is about having control as much as sticking to a diet plan. I never had it in my old life. Over anything. I have it now. Over most things. And the thought of going back to being controlled by someone else is freaking me out a bit. So I'll be doing other things to exert control - making time for running, and making sure he babysits so I can visit old friends, and if I'm feeling really cocky, getting my hands on the remote.
I actually have more than 12 kilos to lose. My first goal is a realistic one. I'm obese now, officially, and my goal is still considered overweight, but I want to see how that suits me, and stay there a while before I decide to aim for skinny. (A strategy that got me down 25 kilos over the last few years, and kept most of them off.)0 -
Keep logging your food through all of the craziness. You will encounter the food, old eating habits, emotion, food you can't resist and find yourself indulging in. Keep going, it is up to your to trudge on.0
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This is all great advice. I'm. Getting lots out of all of your replies. And I'm going to follow all of it in some way.
You know, reading your replies made me realise that this is about having control as much as sticking to a diet plan. I never had it in my old life. Over anything. I have it now. Over most things. And the thought of going back to being controlled by someone else is freaking me out a bit. So I'll be doing other things to exert control - making time for running, and making sure he babysits so I can visit old friends, and if I'm feeling really cocky, getting my hands on the remote.
I actually have more than 12 kilos to lose. My first goal is a realistic one. I'm obese now, officially, and my goal is still considered overweight, but I want to see how that suits me, and stay there a while before I decide to aim for skinny. (A strategy that got me down 25 kilos over the last few years, and kept most of them off.)
Yeah the control thing I totally get... I'm the same way.
Really, offer to do some groceries and some cooking, it's the best advice I can give you!0 -
Very good advice already, and you are being mindfull in planning and preparaing for the events. You'll do fine if you stick to your plan, but even if you're not perfect, like someone said day 7 is most important.0
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Thought I'd give a quick update,. :-)
The good: For the first two days, I stayed on track where possible. Let myself go where I wanted to. Exercised for three. Logged mostly. And this despite ex and partner constantly telling me my behaviour was not normal and sending me links about eating disorders!
The not so good: Didn't get a chance to go buy food because of social engagements running over and then I got the flu and could barely move. (And shops have very restricted opening times in Holland, which made it impossible.) Still tried to stay in control, but ended up letting myself have the two main celebration days off plan. And didn't bother logging on the day I went home because I was just eating what I felt like eating, which wasn't a lot, and drinking calories to keep me energised and hydrated enough for the long journey home.
The bad: Off plan meant eating what was in the house, which was mostly chocolate.
And afterwards? I realised I do not like eating that way any more. It didn't even give me a dopamine hit like it used to. It just made me feel yucky. By day three I was absolutely desperate for some vegetables and really looking forward to going home.
Once I got home, I was straight back on the wagon. I was so grateful for my supermarket's delivery service, because the flu was a killer. It meant I could stock up on healthy food without having to drag myself outside.
This is the first time I've ever had full days completely off plan and not had it spiral into weeks of poor diet. The best part is that getting back on track seems to have come from an entirely different place than it has in the past. A bit like when you go camping and can't have a shower, if you can relate to that. All you can think about after a few days is how great that first shower is going to feel. Well I was like that with my first salad. 0 -
I know right? After overeating for two days I was so done, lol. But sorry you got sick. Sorry they were not nice about it. Glad you're home and back on track! I've used grocery delivery too when sick and it was a lifesaver.0
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