Anyone else struggle with not liking their body after weight loss?
jnv7594
Posts: 983 Member
Honestly, I feel like I've ruined my body, and I get so frustrated with myself because of that. I know that what's done is done and that I did it to myself. But I can't help but feel a little down when I realize that there's not much I can do to change this besides surgery. I have now lost 60 pounds, which I am very happy about, but I just don't like the way my body looks. I have a lot of stretch marks and loose skin. The areas where there are a lot of stretch marks (i.e. under my arms) feel kind of...rubbery I guess is the best word to describe them. The texture of my skin in those areas has changed as I've gotten older. I even have stretch marks on my neck that clothes don't cover and that I see every time I look in the mirror. The thing is, I have about another 60 pounds to lose, so these things will likely only get more pronounced from here. I have been losing relatively slowly hoping that my skin will bounce back somewhat. Anyway, anyone else in the same boat and how have you handled it? I guess I'm just looking for inspiration from those who have dealt with the same and handled it in a positive manner.
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Replies
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When you have a lot of weight to lose, your skin isn't always going to look pretty afterwards. It comes with the territory.
Either have skin removal surgery or learn to love your body the way it is. Look at your stretch marks and loose skin as progress, as strength, as success. Or lift heavy weights and maybe just maybe your skin will tighten up.0 -
Your not alone sweetie..After three kids my skin isn't so beautiful..Putting on extra pounds and as it comes off the skin stays..UGHHH....i do know that with time it gets a bit better..As I have done this before...I call my tummy the flap...I use lots of cocoa butter to keep my skin as soft as possible. Then when I feel it ....its not so bad...I do arm toning exercise with one lb weights to try and tone the muscle under my arms..helps alot...Keep your head up..It took you and I a long time to stretch it out and its gonna take time for us to heal....Stretch marks to me are battle scar's i am proud of...0
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I got a few stretch marks too. But the way I see it, it shouldn't matter how you look on the outside it's all about the inside. You should feel proud that you are doing something to have better health. Things like stretch marks or so minor in my eyes. And if people think it is disgusting then you don't need to be their friend. People need to overcome these little minor "flaws" because they are not what defines you as a person. When I think of weight or little things like stretch marks I think of them as only a part of the whole. In other words, they are only a part of me and not the whole me. A lot of times when we look in the mirror we find things wrong with us and like to amplify a flaw when it really isn't an issue or even there. My advice, if you can live with it don't worry what other people think. Have people accept you as is or you shouldn't waste your time or energy with them. You're a beautiful person regardless.0
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I'm not 25 anymore and I definitely don't have that body anymore.
This body has had a lifetime of adventures that that one could never have imagined.
Have some of those adventures left scars? Sure they have.
But I figure I can sulk about everything I'm not or be glad for everything that I am.
I'll choose to be grateful.
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You are not alone! In fact at one point (about half way) all I could image was how I was going to spend the rest of my life all alone - because there was NO WAY I was going to every let a man be with me. Light on or off, it was just too much skin. Then one day I realized that I didn't look so bad, the skin had shrunk, in fact it still is. Yes, I have stretch marks and still have some excess skin on my thighs, stomach and my bat wings and while I still don't like it, I have a wonderful man in my life that acknowledges my toned muscles and all the hard work that I put in (not implying you need a man to define you, but acceptance always helps). I don't know what may have helped my skin, I have always been a heavy daily moisturizer and still am, I do drink plenty of water and try and eat balanced. I know there are some exercises that are supposed to work muscles that help tighten areas and this is supposed to help the skin appear more toned - not claiming they work but they can't hurt. I would give it more time, concentrate more on the healthy benefits of weight loss. By the way, I'm 46 and was overweight for at least 15 years so I really never expected my body to be what it was, I didn't even think it would as good as it is. Celebrate the 40 lost and Hang in there!0
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I hate my stretch marks. My youngest is 20, and I still haven't accepted or got used to them. When my hubby spots me naked I automatically put my hands over my stomach to cover them. I'm no help to you hun, other than letting you know you're not alone xx0
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Thanks for all the posts everyone. Sometimes it's just nice to know I'm not alone...even though I wouldn't wish this on others.
Surgery isn't an option for me financially, so I guess it's just something I will need to have to change my way of thinking about. Difficult to do, but I'll keep working on it. Right now I'm just trying to focus on the positive. I feel so much better, and hopefully, have added many extra years to my life. 0 -
In fact at one point (about half way) all I could image was how I was going to spend the rest of my life all alone - because there was NO WAY I was going to every let a man be with me. Light on or off, it was just too much skin.
This is exactly how I feel...that I'm doomed to stay single forever, lol. So glad you found yourself a great guy.
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After you maintain for a year or two, you start to notice that you continually get "tighter" and your skin stretch marks start to fade. It continues to do so - and I am 56 years old. I don't have the skin I had at age 18, but I don't expect to. I use body lotion and baby oil gel every day and serum and moisturizer on my face daily. Just keep trying to be the healthiest eater, drink your water, and keep the physical activity going.. it does get better, and you feel better, which makes a great attitude adjustment.
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OP, I understand what you're saying here. I have seriously loose skin around my stomach, and seriously stretch-marked-up thighs. I struggled with it for quite a while... and while I was doing some mental struggling with my love/hate relationship with my body, a couple of things happened.
1. I realized that my husband thinks I'm hawt... stretchy, loose, gross skin and all. Once I had that little epiphany, I realized that
2. Maybe that's good enough, that external validation. And maybe it's not. But I noticed that as time passes, the stretch marks faded a little and the tummy tightened up. ONly minutely. But I decided to focus on something else.
3. I realized that FOR ME, it's not as much what my body looks like (though that's still important), but what my body can do for me. I can chase after my Great Pyrenees puppies when they get loose at the park without being (too) winded. I can play with my sons for longer. I can OUTRUN them, and that makes me grin (like a loon... Really. My kids think I'm crazy when we race). I can wear a swimsuit without embarrassment (as long as my stomach is covered - I'll probably never wear a two piece again) and take my boys swimming. And I realized that I WANTED to do that. That's a major step for me, the wanting to do something physically active. I'm training for a half marathon - it's a while away, but just the fact that I think I can train for it and actually manage to accomplish it is amazing. 70+ pounds ago I'd have never thought I could.
Will all that make my jiggly belly and my stretch marks go away? No, but the knowledge that even with those things, my body is an amazing thing is empowering. And YOUR body is an amazing thing too. :flowerforyou:0 -
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Nice post!OP, I understand what you're saying here. I have seriously loose skin around my stomach, and seriously stretch-marked-up thighs. I struggled with it for quite a while... and while I was doing some mental struggling with my love/hate relationship with my body, a couple of things happened.
1. I realized that my husband thinks I'm hawt... stretchy, loose, gross skin and all. Once I had that little epiphany, I realized that
2. Maybe that's good enough, that external validation. And maybe it's not. But I noticed that as time passes, the stretch marks faded a little and the tummy tightened up. ONly minutely. But I decided to focus on something else.
3. I realized that FOR ME, it's not as much what my body looks like (though that's still important), but what my body can do for me. I can chase after my Great Pyrenees puppies when they get loose at the park without being (too) winded. I can play with my sons for longer. I can OUTRUN them, and that makes me grin (like a loon... Really. My kids think I'm crazy when we race). I can wear a swimsuit without embarrassment (as long as my stomach is covered - I'll probably never wear a two piece again) and take my boys swimming. And I realized that I WANTED to do that. That's a major step for me, the wanting to do something physically active. I'm training for a half marathon - it's a while away, but just the fact that I think I can train for it and actually manage to accomplish it is amazing. 70+ pounds ago I'd have never thought I could.
Will all that make my jiggly belly and my stretch marks go away? No, but the knowledge that even with those things, my body is an amazing thing is empowering. And YOUR body is an amazing thing too. :flowerforyou:
Also, I felt the same way about the two-piece until I found this baby, which I find pretty sexy *and* it covers exactly what I need covered.
http://plus-size.swimsuitsforall.com/img/product/altViews/z_3212BK3213_ALTERNATIVE.jpg
I wear a 14 on top and 10 on bottom, but it comes in straight size and plus size.
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Sweety you are on the right road...getting healthy and fit. Disadvantage is the loose skin. Which is ugly in our eyes.
I am in the same boat. But i choose to be healthy and fit and accept that i will have the loose skin. Which is starting to show by me too. I lost 53 pounds till now and have about 57 to go still.
Be proud of what you have accomplished now. Everybody here knows this isnt easy to do and takes a lot of afford. Love yourself and your new life style. Stick you chin in the air and walk around if you own the world. Friends and familie around you love you because you are you. Not because how beautiful or ugly your skin will be. Loved ones will support you because they dont want you to have health issues because of your weight.
And your skin?.... well first of all it takes a lot of years to bounce a bit or totally back. Mine wont go totally back and i dont care at all. My goal was and is to be as fit as possible. And in some years i will see how my skin is. Now its getting bubbly and all kinds of ditches in it, lol
So be proud at what your doing and try to accept the loose skin. ....for now.
Focus on what your doing and take it one step at the time. Moisturize your skin and baby it every day. But dont let it get you down. Your health and weight loss is far more important.0 -
Great job on your loss! Are you weight training?0
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I'm not 25 anymore and I definitely don't have that body anymore.
This body has had a lifetime of adventures that that one could never have imagined.
Have some of those adventures left scars? Sure they have.
But I figure I can sulk about everything I'm not or be glad for everything that I am.
I'll choose to be grateful.
I need to embrace this a little better. Most of the time I do fine, but still find myself uncomfortable about my life marks sometimes.
You have a great outlook!0 -
Hi, I am really glad I've found your post online, I was beginning to think it was impossible to communicate with someone dealing with excess skin. I've lost 7 stone in a year and I'm am feeling so unhappy with my end result, I literally look like I'm made from wax and I've melted in the sun, everything has just gone south and I'm so wobbly and there's excess skin everywhere. I am 24 and my body resembles a woman of a much senior age. I am currently seeing a therapist and having CBT therapy to help me to deal with my low self esteem and body issues. I have a long term partner who I've been with for 10 years who has stuck by my side through everything and I still can't undress in front of him.
I find it difficult to be proud and happy of my weight loss when I hate my body just as much as before and I have no one to blame but myself for gaining so much weight in the first place. Is there anyone I can talk to who's in the same situation so I don't feel so alone in my struggle.0 -
I know this is not necessarily a "loose skin" response but I think it is so important to incorporate weight training as you lose weight. Some people think it is all cardio but when you weight train and eat enough protein you will help to maintain muscle mass which helps with appearance (just my 2 cents ) 0
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I'll also recommend heavy weights. I found myself looking saggy and cellulite getting worse as I was losing until I upped my protein and started lifting heavy. I'm amazed at what it has done for my body composition!0
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Some of what you think is loose skin belongs to the 60 lbs of fat you said you still wang to lose. I dont think we realistically know, half way thru our journey, what the body will look like when done. I'm about 2/3 of the way done with 45 lbs left to go. I think that 45 lbs is showing itself in certain areas more than others. Even if I am left with loose skin it's 1000 times better than the fat that made me look like a blimp. Some people also say that your skin continues to tighten for as long as a year after reaching goal weight. Do please don't get too discouraged!0
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Lift weights,
Stop worrying about it. Sounds like it's all in your head honestly I didn't like the way I looked during the process... kind of still don't like the way I look now but it's not an issue... and I met my fiance after my weight loss and she still loves me. I lost 172lbs so I know what it's like, however I would say my skin issues isn't horrible.0 -
You're not alone. I lost 80 pounds. I was so motivated because I wanted to see what I would like if I was fit. I had no idea that was just not going to happen. Still got bat wings and flappy stomach (which looks like a sharpei too, but yeah, less than a year ago) that makes a massive roll when I sit down. And some wrinkly mess in the inside of my thighs... It's not pretty. Also realized that I just don't like my body shape (genetics) and that I have a large frame with thin limbs and basically all the fat I have left in my belly (seems fat LOVES sticking to stretch marks, and I have a lot of those) and hips. And forget doing planks or push ups in public with that pocket hanging there. Just ugh.
So yes it's been a pretty big letdown. The positives though... I look good in clothes (just got to find the right type of dress so the hips don't show too much), and the skin has improved in my year of maintaining. So, there's that.
About relationships, well, I'm married, but yeah I guess that if I had to date it would be tough not to be self-conscious. Truth is though, if there was someone I liked, I just wouldn't care if they had some loose skin... so if you think about it, it's not really such a huge deal.
But yeah, again... I look good in clothes, lol. And I keep being told that my legs look great (I'd personally put some of my hips and belly fat in them, but what can I do). Bottom line, it's still better than being obese. But I'm 37 and don't really care about having that perfect body anymore. Just happy to go with healthy at this point.0 -
I think most of us, especially with a lot of weight lost (or left to lose) feel the same. I'm a little over halfway to my ideal goal (that may change but for now im keeping it) and have lost 70 some pounds to date. for me, the biggest issue seems to be my lower abdomen where most of my pregnancy stretch marks are. They are old and faded (17 years old) but the weight loss seems to make them stand out more and seem more.. wrinkly? i dunno. i dont like it but cant do much about it LOL
I'm hoping that my relative young age (37) and the use of coconut oil (and increased weight training when I get to that point) will help its appearance over time.
Also, I have heard that skin can take up to 2 years to get to the shape it will 'end' in - so don't discount that, too.
All that said, I can tell you that guys, especially ones that arent 'kids' - really dont seem to care. And you wouldnt want to be with one that did, anyways....0 -
you are not even close to alone
ive lost 150 pounds and I feel like my body is a mess and I ruined it. It is so hard being young and single having all this loose excess skin.......ahhh. My entire body is a mess no matter what i do and it is so hard to accept that I might not ever look how i want to look. I am trying to figure out a way to get surgery but wow it costs a lot of money
Dating is really hard I have a lot of people interested in me but trying to explain to them what my body looks like so it doesnt shock them * if we end up getting to an intimate level* and save me the pain of them being like 'oh wtf' you know? its just hard to really explain it
i really dont have any comforting words because damn it sucks and i totally get it im sorry you are in this position too
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What about saving for the surgery or surgeries that would make the most difference? Maybe that could be part of a weekly reward for adherence or fitness goals or something along those lines. I know it's not easy for many to save in this environment, but maybe some combination of saving, making some choices about spending, and taking pro financial planning advice on investment could get you there. I think comfort with your body is at least worth a couple of trips to Mexico.0
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No, but I've never liked my body.0
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I've come to terms with my stretch marks. I have had them since I was in elementary school, and they aren't going anywhere. It's the lose skin that I know will be there, because it's been there when I was thinner. I know I will love the smaller me again, but I know I will still be just as self conscious. I have a very poor outlook of my body, and probably always will. Maybe when my S.O. becomes rich and successful, I can chop it all off, heh heh0
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google says the average price of a tummy tuck in the US is $5500. breast augmentation cost = more varied, $4000-10000 (and likely to need to be repeated, unless it's just a lift).
i understand doing the thighs is not usually worth the tradeoff in scarring unless there is really a significant amount of skin to be taken off. but i think in that case it is probably worth looking into temporary cosmetic treatments that might make a difference in how you feel about things. i couldn't cope with dealing with self tanner or daily massage with oils or creams, but if it helps people who can stick with that stuff, more power to them. (also, last time i looked into it, endermologie was a temporary treatment that seemed to help some feel better about "cellulite". it is supposedly *really* deep massage; am sure it does something for blood flow, could have a temporary effect, maybe worth paying for if you can).
but anything that helps you see your body as something to care for and have positive feelings about, vs despise, is worth looking into.
personally, i think governments and insurance companies should be doing *everything possible* to reward people who've made the significant changes to their lifestyles that reduce more expensive long-term burdens to taxpayers and payers of insurance premiums. if they'll sometimes pay for WLS, why not for this? in the absence of that kind of support, i don't know... i wish there were an accessible way to help people afford this kind of surgery (vs. ripoff financing deals). (maybe there's some kind of business idea in that... )0 -
personally, i think governments and insurance companies should be doing *everything possible* to reward people who've made the significant changes to their lifestyles that reduce more expensive long-term burdens to taxpayers and payers of insurance premiums. if they'll sometimes pay for WLS, why not for this? in the absence of that kind of support, i don't know... i wish there were an accessible way to help people afford this kind of surgery (vs. ripoff financing deals). (maybe there's some kind of business idea in that... )
Because it's our own fault we got so fat in the first place.0 -
Also, weight loss reduces health risks and hospital visits. Having loose skin doesn't really impede someones physical health.
personally, i think governments and insurance companies should be doing *everything possible* to reward people who've made the significant changes to their lifestyles that reduce more expensive long-term burdens to taxpayers and payers of insurance premiums. if they'll sometimes pay for WLS, why not for this? in the absence of that kind of support, i don't know... i wish there were an accessible way to help people afford this kind of surgery (vs. ripoff financing deals). (maybe there's some kind of business idea in that... )
Because it's our own fault we got so fat in the first place.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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