Any women out there that went from being a housewife to sing

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denise_earheart
denise_earheart Posts: 354
in Introduce Yourself
I feel my weight may come off better if I was not stressed out all the time. I am just not happy in this relationship anymore! We are engaged but have no kids together . I have a 13 year old son and his 17 year old son are with us and i have been a stay at home wife/mom . I quit my whole life last year and relocated to Arizona from Washington and we are in a small town.. He is never here , he is the biggest workaholic . He works 6 days a week 12 hour days .night shift. I didnt sign up for this and maybe it seems insensitive of me but when we moved here he promised me he would be on day shift and then he didnt get it and then promised he would try very hard and then a few months into it told me he has no plans to go to day shift and this is how he was when we got together. He only worked 4 nights a week then. When he is here he is in a miserable mood and no one wants to be around him. Now I am in this rut and I dont know how to be on my own again... No idea wether I would want to move back to Washington or try to stay here or what.... I dont know what to do anymore :(

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  • bellawomenswellness
    bellawomenswellness Posts: 99 Member
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    Tough one! Men can get softly moody when they are stressed. Especially when they carry the financial weight of supporting a family. Maybe you should see a relationship counselor before making any major life changing decisions.
  • aquanet2
    aquanet2 Posts: 26 Member
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    Go with your heart. Be happy. Do not stay in a bad relationship where you are not happy!!!
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    Does he have to work those kind of hours to put food on the table because of one income?
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
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    Talk to him. You need to have a discussion before making any extreme decisions like the one you are contemplating. You fell in love with him for a reason, and if you are unhappy, at least give him the chance to help you change things.
  • ybba12490
    ybba12490 Posts: 252
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    It is pretty unfair that he promised you he would go on day shift. Granted, he did not get it, so at least he tried. Does he know that you're unhappy? My boyfriend works a rotating shift, therefore he is on some days and some nights... it drives me crazy when he is on nights! I can't imagine what you're going through. Talk to him and say you are having some second thoughts. Maybe you should consider getting a job, even if it is just part time. It will take a lot of stress off him and he will be in a better mood if he doesn't have to stress about money all the time.
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
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    Tough one! Men can get softly moody when they are stressed. Especially when they carry the financial weight of supporting a family. Maybe you should see a relationship counselor before making any major life changing decisions.

    I was thinking about that too
  • mbowman323
    mbowman323 Posts: 216
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    I am too a stay at home wife and a mother of 2 and soon to be to one more ages 4,6, and 7. It can be really stressful for both partners. Communication is always key. I am not saying my life is perfect. Hell it is far from it but it has gotten a lot better sense we started talking more to one another. Not sticking up for him but I am sure he feels a huge finical stress being the bread winner for the family. How is the familys spending habbits? It could be as simple as him not wanting to work days becasue it would be a pay cut and the family wouldn't be able to do more. My fiance also works nights and I am not all unicorns and glitter about it. I know that he is doing his best and I am proud of him. Now if you have tried your best talking to him and not just well "*****ing" (not saying you do) he more then likely will understand where you are comming from. Other then being a housewife/stay at home mom do you have any hobbies, friends, creative outlooks? If not I suggest you finding some. I have been a miserable the last few months. I was soooo depressed, gained weight, was binging and purging and cried about everyday. That's until I found a creative outlook. I use to HATE walking but now I make sure I make time for "me" and go on my walks, Maybe you could even start a walking club within your neighboorhood. I wish you and your family the best of luck. Pray on it and give it to God.
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
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    Does he have to work those kind of hours to put food on the table because of one income?

    Not at all he has a good job with a great income and we could easily live somewhere else where the hours were not so brutal.
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
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    Talk to him. You need to have a discussion before making any extreme decisions like the one you are contemplating. You fell in love with him for a reason, and if you are unhappy, at least give him the chance to help you change things.

    I wouldnt know how to go about it without him getting upset with me. I cant say anything as he is always on edge and ready to yell at me or start with the well you dont do this or that
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
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    Talk to him. You need to have a discussion before making any extreme decisions like the one you are contemplating. You fell in love with him for a reason, and if you are unhappy, at least give him the chance to help you change things.

    I wouldnt know how to go about it without him getting upset with me. I cant say anything as he is always on edge and ready to yell at me or start with the well you dont do this or that
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
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    It is pretty unfair that he promised you he would go on day shift. Granted, he did not get it, so at least he tried. Does he know that you're unhappy? My boyfriend works a rotating shift, therefore he is on some days and some nights... it drives me crazy when he is on nights! I can't imagine what you're going through. Talk to him and say you are having some second thoughts. Maybe you should consider getting a job, even if it is just part time. It will take a lot of stress off him and he will be in a better mood if he doesn't have to stress about money all the time.

    He is not stressed about the money but that may be a good idea for me to get out of the house a few days a week... its lonely for me though
  • denise_earheart
    denise_earheart Posts: 354
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    I am too a stay at home wife and a mother of 2 and soon to be to one more ages 4,6, and 7. It can be really stressful for both partners. Communication is always key. I am not saying my life is perfect. Hell it is far from it but it has gotten a lot better sense we started talking more to one another. Not sticking up for him but I am sure he feels a huge finical stress being the bread winner for the family. How is the familys spending habbits? It could be as simple as him not wanting to work days becasue it would be a pay cut and the family wouldn't be able to do more. My fiance also works nights and I am not all unicorns and glitter about it. I know that he is doing his best and I am proud of him. Now if you have tried your best talking to him and not just well "*****ing" (not saying you do) he more then likely will understand where you are comming from. Other then being a housewife/stay at home mom do you have any hobbies, friends, creative outlooks? If not I suggest you finding some. I have been a miserable the last few months. I was soooo depressed, gained weight, was binging and purging and cried about everyday. That's until I found a creative outlook. I use to HATE walking but now I make sure I make time for "me" and go on my walks, Maybe you could even start a walking club within your neighboorhood. I wish you and your family the best of luck. Pray on it and give it to God.


    that to is a good idea but i dont know anyone at all really and have made a few somewhat friends but they never have time to do anything with me.... He is not worried about the money as I did work before he wanted me to stay home if I wanted to because I never have got to stay home . I do appreciate it but I really could appreciate him home more. I wouldnt even complain about the 6 days a week if he was at least on days
  • VixFit2011
    VixFit2011 Posts: 663 Member
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    Go with your heart. Be happy. Do not stay in a bad relationship where you are not happy!!!


    I agree with this. Not to influence any decision you make but if you choose to go it alone just know you can do it. However give it a chance first. Communication is the best thing.
  • amyoliver85
    amyoliver85 Posts: 353 Member
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    I don't want to be unfair because I realize that some women prefer to be a housewife but I think that in this day and age it's incredible stressful on a relationship to have only one income.

    When you look at the situation, it is difficult to look at it objectively because you feel that you are being wronged. Which in ways, you are being wronged. But he is most likely feeling the same way. Here are some things to think about and consider:

    1- The possibility of you getting a job--since you have no young children, it's probably a good idea for you to consider getting a job for a lot of reasons and not just financial. First, it will give you renewed self confidence. Second, it will give you two things to talk about. Third, it will make you equal partners in the relationship. Don't mistake what I'm saying there on the third...a lot of women get offended by people suggesting that being a housewife makes them an unequal partner but a lot of people equate being home with doing less work and that is probably how he feels...if you are both working you could share more house work and be truly equal partners, each contributing in every facet of the relationship.

    2- Openly discuss with him what both of your expectations are for the future of the relationship. Do NOT under any circumstances focus on the problems that you have had in the past. Even if he does. I know that that is soooo hard. But confronting him and being defensive from the get go is only going to create a defensive attitude in him.

    3- Thank him for the things that he does do and use feeling words when you talk to him about both the good and the bad. "When you take out the trash, it makes me feel less stressed and reminds me how much you love me." "When you're unable to come home until late every night, it makes me feel like something is missing in our relationship and that makes me sad. Does it make you sad?" Straight up thank him for the good and avoid blaming him for the bad. You'd be surprised what this little effort can do to change his attitude.

    4- Get a male friend and don't be shy about it. I'm not saying to get a boyfriend. I am saying to get a male friend or two. Go out for coffee, go to the movies, go for walks to the park, take pilates or yoga together. And the other truth to that would be to get hobbies anyway just to give yourself your own personal life outside of him. Talk about your friendship. This isn't to cause your man to think you're cheating and the guy can even be gay and you can make that clear to your man. But this will remind your man of the fact that he loves you and wants you. It will also remind you that you are desirable. When my fiance hears that I am going out with my best friend (who happens to be a man), it drives him crazy in little ways...he cooks dinner, he brings flowers, he rubs my feet and my back...and my best friend is gay. But men straighten up no matter what man you're with. It's a primal thing.

    You should consider reading some of the things that Rori Raye has written about dating and relationships. She could really help you!
  • amyoliver85
    amyoliver85 Posts: 353 Member
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    Denise,

    I saw that you're saying you don't know how to go about talking to him. So now I really want to push you to Google Rori Raye and get her help. Once on her web site, you can sign up for her email newsletter and you can even email her your situation. Either she or a relationship expert will email you back and talk to you about your situation. She really helped me and my fiance through a terribly tough time. And her advice and information will really help you!

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