Need support for weight gain after grief.

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hmclean1978
hmclean1978 Posts: 4
in Health and Weight Loss
Im 36 and lost my 17yo son in June. Even though I stopped eating and sleeping I gained 40 lbs. I was a happy, healthy 190 at 5'7" and 25% bodyfat comp. Yes I did full metabolic testing complete with underwater weighing, as I was recovering from 2 pituitary tumors and Cushings Disease.
I had kept the weight off for 3 years until my son died.
Now 6 months later I am 230 lbs.. I started walking 6 miles a day and average, according to this app, 1k to 1200 calories a day. I weighed this morning after 1 week and Im at 237!!!!! What in the hell am I doing wrong! !??!!
Please I need a good support team.

Replies

  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    I am so truly sorry for your loss and what you're going through.

    You may not be doing anything wrong. Weight loss is a marathon, not a spring. Most people's weight can fluctuate 5 pounds on a daily basis due to activity level, type of activity, fluid intake/retention, etc.

    That being said, here are a few things to look at ...

    Your calories seem too low (1000-1200 per day) to nutritionally support you and your activity level. Your BMR (Basic Metabolic Rate) is the number of calories your body needs to maintain the function on staying alive. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/tools/bmr-calculator Starting here might help you determine minimal calorie needs.

    Measure all liquids and weigh all solid foods for accuracy. A slice of bread could actually be 1.2 portions. Those little bits add up.

    You might want to look at your diet ... if you're eating a lot of processed foods or foods high in sodium, that could lead to more fluid retention and thus be reflected on the scale.

    Not sleeping well for months can wreak some damage on your metabolism. If you're not already, is it possible for you to see a therapist to help you work with your grief so you can find some peace and get some sleep? I'm not talking about meds, necessarily, but relaxation, mediation or something else to help you wind down at night and get the rest you need.

    Please be patient with yourself. Healing takes time. I wish there was a quick fix for what's hurting you, but getting your health back and seeing your grief ease are both processes that will take time and effort and you not punishing yourself every time you feel like there's a set back or a plateau.

    (((((HUGS)))))
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
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    Are you on any medications?
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    edited December 2014
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    MFP overestimates calories burned.
    In general, exercises helps with weight loss but cutting calories counts more.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    I'm very sorry for your loss, thats devastating. Can you open your diary?
  • hmclean1978
    hmclean1978 Posts: 4
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    Off all meds for about 2 months. I detest relying on mental health meds as they often cause more problems than they fix. Not that I am anti medicine, I just have strong beliefs on mental health medicine.

    I use the Jawbone Up to track my calories with a backup pedometer to calibrate, it may be a bit off but considering I put in a grueling 6 miles during an average day, its pretty spot on.

    I have opened my diary to public. Yesterday was a typical eating day for me. My husband and I usually eat once a day. Its hard for me to force myself to eat more than that. Im also scared that even though I am coming in way under calorie intake that that maybe one of the reasons I am gaining.

  • ketorach
    ketorach Posts: 430 Member
    edited December 2014
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take the time you need to grieve and heal yourself gently.

    I noticed from your diary that you're eating a lot of convenience foods or fast food/restaurant meals. You may find that cooking your food at home is therapeutic and makes you feel more connected to eating/food, since you say you are having a hard time eating more than once a day. Just take it one day at a time. Eat food to nourish and heal your body and soul. I am not a dietician or therapist, but I think this may help you in more ways than one.

    Healing thoughts to you and your family.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Psychgrrrl is exactly right. The only thing I might add is to suggest grief counseling. A parent should not outlive their child, and I imagine your grief is far beyond words. Don't forget to take care of each other.
  • thread_baron
    thread_baron Posts: 7 Member
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    I joined MFP after my big brother died. He was taken by a heart attack at 32. At first I gained 20 pounds from the grief. Not eating, not sleeping. When I did eat it was convenient, salty stuff. I remember my husband offering me a Reese Cup Egg right after the phone call. Food will not comfort you in the end.

    What has worked for me is questioning every thing I eat. Why am I eating this? Am I sad/lonely/angry? I also take the time these days to cook most meals. I loved cooking with my brother. When I workout and it is hard, I remember that I am doing this to honor my brother. I WILL be here another day for my niece and nephew, for my own child.

    Also, counseling DOES help. You are not alone in this journey.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    Maybe get some counseling for the source of the grief.

    You are eating in an excess, paired with not logging well. Once the grief is managed, the logging and overeating can be resolved.
  • 1musicgrl
    1musicgrl Posts: 135 Member
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    I understand your pain. I have had six close family members or friends die in the last year. It is excruciating. Take some time to allow yourself to heal and don't beat yourself for the weight gained. I pray you will find comfort and healing. Here's a hug!
  • editorgrrl
    editorgrrl Posts: 7,060 Member
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    hmclean1978 wrote: »
    I use the Jawbone Up to track my calories with a backup pedometer to calibrate, it may be a bit off but considering I put in a grueling 6 miles during an average day, its pretty spot on.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    You can find friends in the Jawbone UP Bracelet group: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/13420-jawbone-up-bracelet

    Your UP total burn is your TDEE (total daily energy expenditure)—way more accurate than any online calculator. If you eat less than your UP burn, you will lose weight.

    PS. Have you connected your accounts? http://www.myfitnesspal.com/apps/show/97
  • hmclean1978
    hmclean1978 Posts: 4
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    Thank you all for the condolences.
    Grief counseling hasn't been helpful to me at all. I am such a stone wall. I also find being a crybaby about it to a stranger....weak, at best.

    I have only been using this app since the 18th. And I have logged every bite of food that has gone into my mouth. Everything has been homemade with the exception of the pizza and the hamburger logged as I was remodeling my kitchen at the time. The 18th and 19th are the best examples of the type of food I typically fix, I just usually only eat at lunch time.
    Yesterday I spent at my parents and as half the house was bawling the whole time, I really did only eat a tsp of brisket and a slice of smoked turkey. Food was ash in my mouth.

    I am on high dose diuretics, and I will admit though I thought I was under control with my salt its off the charts. I am working on that.

    According to the app I have logged every day but one in the green which means I have more calories left to eat?? Do I disregard the adjustments for the amount of exercise I get with calorie need? Someone suggested that I have been essentially starving my body for months and now that I am eating right my body is storing it until I adjust out again, and it knows it wont be starved again.
  • editorgrrl
    editorgrrl Posts: 7,060 Member
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    hmclean1978 wrote: »
    According to the app I have logged every day but one in the green which means I have more calories left to eat?? Do I disregard the adjustments for the amount of exercise I get with calorie need?

    Your MFP calorie goal already has your deficit built in, so you must eat back your UP calorie adjustments.

    Enable negative calorie adjustments: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/account/diary_settings

    Do not log any step-based activity—UP is tracking that for you. Log non-step exercise (like biking or swimming) in the UP app—never in MFP.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    You need the help to process. Good luck.
  • hmclean1978
    hmclean1978 Posts: 4
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    Yes I did connect the accounts. I love the Up!! I went and adjusted to allow negative.
    Alright, so I am looking at the calorie adjustment correctly.
    I guess I will continue eating more for another week or so.
    Thanks for all the suggestions and help!!
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    hmclean1978 wrote: »
    Thank you all for the condolences.
    Grief counseling hasn't been helpful to me at all. I am such a stone wall. I also find being a crybaby about it to a stranger....weak, at best.

    Sorry, but no. It's not weak. This unhealthy eating pattern you have adopted is weak. You are avoiding. Avoidance does not foster healing. Find a different counselor if you must. But you have to deal with your grief to move on.
    Someone suggested that I have been essentially starving my body for months and now that I am eating right my body is storing it until I adjust out again, and it knows it wont be starved again.
    No. Also please see a nutritionist.

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