Feeling disgusted and disappointed

Pucks_and_Balls · December 2014

I decided to lose weight in 2013, and the year went pretty well once I did. For the most part, I ate well, focused on my workouts and lost 23 pounds. I put back on five after Christmas, and was disappointed that I let myself ate so much over the holidays, but I thought it would quickly come off.

2014 has been a bad year, though. I ended up gaining back three extra pounds and largely just stalling out. I fully blame myself for my bad choices (I picked a couple of foods that I thought were OK, but ended up being too high in calories or sugar) and also struggled with depression and burnout brought on by a job situation that has steadily gotten worse. (I am job searching.) I also had problems not going crazy at restaurants and at other occasions. While I know I'm not going to gain back all 23 pounds I lost when I do my final weigh-in of the year on Wednesday, I expect that once again, I'll have put at least five back on and have to start from scratch. I expected I would lose a lot more this year, but I just disappointed myself. What's worse is, I work part-time for a health and fitness company. Fortunately, my role is behind the scenes and does not require me to go out and meet customers in person. However, it hurts me to be such a hypocrite when I claim to be interested in a healthy lifestyle and can barely practice it myself.

My family and friends appear proud of my weight loss maintenance. My family says things like "Wow you look a lot thinner and there's a difference" or "Wow, look at Pucks_And_Balls, doesn't she look great!" I take the compliments with a smile but I don't feel like I'm any different. In fact, I still think of myself as a pig and someone who doesn't care to make the best food choices for me. I still think I'm fat sometimes, and I feel disappointed that I couldn't find the willpower and discipline to have dropped more weight this year and no longer have the "obese" tag.

I know 2015 is a new year, just like everyone else says. I'll be 30 this year and I want a new job. I want things to be different. How can I stop feeling disgusted with myself and move forward?

mrsKOrtiz · December 2014

Hello!

Christmas just past 3 days ago. So I don't think you just magically five pounds. You might be holding onto water weight.

Sweetheart, I'm saying this with the most love: you're being too negative!!

You need to see all that you HAVE done. All those struggles that you went through this past year and you STILL managed to lose a significant amount of weight. That is very impressive. People are giving you compliments because you have changed and losing weight definitely helps in the self esteem department. I know that when I try hard to lose wight, of course, I like seeing the number on that scale change for the better but I also feel very good inside, all that good positivity and my stress does diminish a bit.

You can do this and trust me I know how you feel because I too suffer from depression, I was diagnosed last summer with it. But I am medicating myself with positive thoughts.

Pucks_and_Balls · December 2014

Bump.

apparations · December 2014

mrsKOrtiz wrote: »

Hello!

Christmas just past 3 days ago. So I don't think you just magically five pounds. You might be holding onto water weight.

Sweetheart, I'm saying this with the most love: you're being too negative!!

You need to see all that you HAVE done. All those struggles that you went through this past year and you STILL managed to lose a significant amount of weight. That is very impressive. People are giving you compliments because you have changed and losing weight definitely helps in the self esteem department. I know that when I try hard to lose wight, of course, I like seeing the number on that scale change for the better but I also feel very good inside, all that good positivity and my stress does diminish a bit.

You can do this and trust me I know how you feel because I too suffer from depression, I was diagnosed last summer with it. But I am medicating myself with positive thoughts.

Agree, if you maintained your loss only + a few lbs more, I'd say you are doing well! If it's what you really want then now is the time to recommit. You did it before and you can do it now. Personally, I've found the best way to get me out of a depressed/burntout mindset is exercise. It is really hard to push yourself to do it especially if you are exausted from work, but honestly I take out a lot of stress and emotion through it (I am a runner) and afterwards I feel more capable and motivated to go forward.

Your family and friends supporting you with positive comments is a great thing, but it needs to come from yourself as well! Negative self talk can be a dangerous and horribly demotivating thing. The best thing you can try to do is recognize it and do your best to replace it with something positive. It will be difficult at first but it does help.

Pucks_and_Balls · December 2014

Just wanted to bump and say even given all the celebration in my family over the last week, I've only gained a little more than two pounds overall. That's a big improvement over the five gained after Christmas in 2013. I'm feeling a bit better now knowing that I can get back on track and shouldn't have much problem with those two extra pounds.

lthames0810 · December 2014

Just consider the past year as practicing maintenance. Some people intentionally take diet breaks just to give themselves a physical and mental break from restricting calories.

The past year is done and gone and nothing you did or didn't do diet-wise has any effect on what you can do in the future. You have a clean slate.

I would suggest not thinking in terms of losing weight over a period of months or a year, but just look at what you can do today. You can eat according to your plan for just this one day, right? Tomorrow, get up and do it again for just the one day. Repeat.

Feeling disgusted and disappointed

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