I feel sick when I look in the mirror but no motivation to change

cajach · December 2014

Hi!

I'm 18, 5'3, around 145 lbs and I have been trying to lose weight (more accurately, fat) for as long as I can remember. I've never been slim in my life and I've lost weight over the years but I haven't managed to keep it off because I love food too much

Everytime I start to count calories, I give up within a couple of days, especially if I go over my calorie limit a little, and I think what's the point because I've already gone over so I just end up binging. Then I feel guilty and sluggish and just generally sick with myself, mentally and physically. I've fallen off the wagon so many times over the years that I've developed a quitters mentality and I quit before I've even begun! Feeling disgusted and depressed at what I see in the mirror isn't even enough motivation anymore. Sad but true! I'm also terrible with working out. Honestly I haven't properly worked out for the past 6 months. Every time I work out, I feel really hungry afterwards so I just end up binging again and think what's the point? But it's almost the start of a new year and it's time to turn over a new leaf. Did anyone feel this way? What advice can you give me that helped you or someone you know?

Thanks,
Cate

theknot · December 2014

I've struggled with my weight for years (still not where I'd like to be)
we all find motivation in different ways, if the desire its self isn't enough. for me it was being informed by a medical professional that i probably wouldn't live to see 40 unless i made a change (i was 295lbs at that point) at my biggest i reached 305.
i can honestly say it was the small changes that helped me.
cutting out things like pizza and curries (takeaway food in general)
over time adding more healthy foods, cutting out more of the unhealthy.
started walking to work (don't know if this is possible for you, i only live 5 miles from my place of work)
if you need any help with motivation or workouts or even if its just a talk feel free to message me. either way, best of luck with your goals.
Stee.

Sued0nim · December 2014

Losing weight is hard. Being overweight is hard. Pick your hard!

Slinky_BraveHeartBunsOfSteel · December 2014

What is your calorie goal? Perhaps it is too low and that's why you keep on failing?

madhatter2013 · December 2014

It's all about willpower. You got to want to change or it'll never happen. Losing weight is hard and being overweight is unhealthy. Like rabbit basically said, pick your poison. You either want it bad enough to do what it takes or you don't. We all have bad days; then we go to bed and wake up to a new day and clean slate. Don't let one bad meal, or bad day ruin it for your entire life. You fall off and you get back on. It sounds like you don't really have much to lose which makes it even harder because you'll need to keep a closer eye on your intake but it's possible. Most importantly, you need to love yourself just the way you are if you want to make positive changes. You have to be happy with who you are and how you look before you can appreciate any changes you might make. First accept, then change as needed. This will make for less disapointment when you have bad days.

snowflake954 · December 2014

Just a note to add--you're supposed to be hungrier on days that you workout, and that's why MFP gives you more calories on those days. You have to know how much more, and stay within your limits. Perhaps you are set to lose too many pounds a week, and that can make you very hungry. It takes awhile to understand exactly how many calories you need a day to ballance between hunger and weight loss. Good luck.

lthames0810 · December 2014

The times when I have given up after just a day or two, were times when I tried to make too many changes all at once, or when the changes were too radical for my lifestyle.

Look at how you eat and excercise when you're not trying to lose weight and consider one simple easy change you can make and only do that one thing. After a while, if you are managing that one thing ok, then add another if you need to. The closer to normal life you can make your weight loss eating, the easier it is to stick to. Even the exercise can wait for now.

One other thing. You are now at the age when the lessons you learned (or didn't) about needs vs wants become relevant. You can't just pout about wanting to do one thing, when you know you need to do another, just because it's hard.

L720 · December 2014

I'm never going to say it the way that I was told this but here it goes. Someone once said to me that if you get pulled over while driving and get a ticket that doesn't mean you continue breaking the law all day. Sometimes you have a set back and you can't let that control the rest of your day. Your not perfect and that is ok. This is a lifestyle change and you cant make yourself feel punished. Focus on the reward

AMSull19 · December 2014

Get any tempting food out of your house. Will power can only do so much.

You need to also make sure you pay attention to the mental issues behind your eating habits. If you can at least recognize them, it will help.

tulips_and_tea · December 2014

L720 wrote: »

I'm never going to say it the way that I was told this but here it goes. Someone once said to me that if you get pulled over while driving and get a ticket that doesn't mean you continue breaking the law all day. Sometimes you have a set back and you can't let that control the rest of your day. Your not perfect and that is ok. This is a lifestyle change and you cant make yourself feel punished. Focus on the reward

Exactly! I use that example all the time. Also, I agree with what Ithames0810 said. Good advice there.

Francl27 · December 2014

You're not even technically overweight. Relax. Pick a SMALL goal, like half a pound a week. Not too hard to stick to. When I started, I honestly didn't work out for a couple weeks until I had the eating in control, because like you, it just made me so hungry otherwise. Then once I figured out that if I worked out, I could eat more (you add your exercise calories), it was a pretty good motivation to get moving.

singingdispatch100 · December 2014

part of what i'm gonna say will sound mean and you can chastise me for it if you want.
basically-buck up and stop whining. no one can change who you are or what you are going to do but you. if you wanna lose the weight then get your *kitten* up and get to it.
of course its hard. if it were easy we would all be skinny. the fact that you are on this site means you wanna make the change. understand that you need to change more than just your eating and work out habits. you need to change what activities you do to give yourself more energy and a reason to work harder. if you are anything like I used to be i would sit around moping because i was fat and nothing i ever tried would stick. I had no one to push me and so i thought "well if no one else cares why should i?" I went from being 5'6" 135lbs to 5'7" and 290lbs. i got so big i didn't even want my family to be around me. i was a healthy skinny guy with good looks and a winning smile. then i was a short fat *kitten* whose smile got lost in fat rolls. when i had to leave my shoes tied because i couldn't bend over to tie them and going up the three steps to my front door had me winded, i got pissed. i used to be able to run/walk for miles now i can climb some damn steps.
so i stopped whining and finding excuses for why i couldn't work out. why eating half a pizza was okay. why feeling sorry for myself was better than being pissed off for not working harder.
to quote Yoda-"Do or Do not. There is no try." If you try and manage to succeed then you have done it. If you try and don't succeed then you failed. keep at it until you succeed. they say that if you try then thats what matters. i disagree. what matters is if you try again after you fail until you succeed.
The more weight you lose and the more activities you get into (within reason) will give you more opportunities to feel better yourself and allow you more chances to enjoy the world that you feel you are not worthy to be part of.
i like you have struggle for almost ten years with my weight. up and down, up and down. and each time i would go back to the same old routines.
2 months ago i started a new workout program and a more comprehensive dieting program. since then i have lost almost 20lbs and even that twenty pounds has allowed me to have more energy and i am much much happier.
no one can do this for you.
Do try, just do it.
get up and get to it.
Good Luck

Beanogirl · December 2014

rabbitjb wrote: »

Losing weight is hard. Being overweight is hard. Pick your hard!

Very very true. Thank you for this one. I will remember it!

sarabeth320 · December 2014

Cate,
I am in the same boat 10 years and 50 additional pounds later. Things are going to get worse as you get older and develop more bad habits and get busier with college/work, so you are taking the right step by trying to get things under control now.

Pick a day and start - it can be tomorrow, Monday, January 1, whatever but this will confirm the commitment and give you time to mentally prepare. Start small and use the MFP app to track things. I think most people don't realize how much they are consuming. It only takes a couple of days for your body to adjust to smaller portions and you will start to feel better physically and then mentally.

Set yourself a goal - 15 days or a month. It's easy to get disappointed when you don't see any results within a week, but that is not a reasonable amount of time for you body to make any real changes. Adjust your plan if necessary.

See if you can find a friend to work out with. Classes are fun (zumba, spinning, yoga..) and most places will be running New Year promos right now - January. Try some of the at-home videos if a gym or class membership is not in your budget.

You CAN do this and you need to believe that to be successful.

Good luck - feel free to PM me if you want to be support buddies.

taraja88 · December 2014

After struggling with my weight for many years I can honestly say I feel you. You feel so discouraged after every time you fail you don't want to begin the journey again, you lose hope and find comfort in food, you hope your pants still fit, you hope noone will comment on it once they see you but you know in your heart you're not doing the right thing for yourself. You need to want it, once you do, everything will fall into place. Actions like eating healthy and going to the gym will become habits and then they will turn into a lifestyle. You'll feel happier full of life and full of energy. You'll want to go out and show off your body in skinny jeans, things like that. That's the thing, these small things don't matter as much as how you feel in your own skin. You need to love yourself, you need to support yourself and as far as bingeing goes, I can tell you it's mind over matter. Like, once you get in the mindset, you won't have that many cravings. Once you cut out sweets, you won't feel the cravings. Once you stop drinking alcohol, you won't have any binges. You need to make these small changes. Once you do, you'll be victorious, happy and confident. But there is no pressure, it isn't until you feel ready that you are. You need to feel like, yes today is the day I'm going to make a change. Once you feel prepared, all the resources will come to you.

If you want to feel good, you can. Just make the change. If you're not ready that's cool too, you WILL feel ready, it will come to you. Don't feel discouraged and most importantly you have to love yourself at your weight. Because if you lose weight you'll still feel bad about yourself if you haven't learnt to love yourself. Once you love yourself, you'll look in the mirror and realise, wow, I can make my life so much better if I lose weight. This is a good thing. I can do this. If you hate yourself, you'll obsess over this weight loss journey and take every small failure and magnify it. You will add to your self loathing and this is so bad for you. So follow these steps and you have a chance at loving yourself and having the motivation to accomplish your weight loss journey!

squirrelzzrule22 · December 2014

Based on your height and weight you are not even overweight. So for starters, stop calling yourself names, stop feeling down, and appreciate that you have a healthy body that some people would kill to have.

Now, wanting to change your shape or lose a small amount of weight healthily and get in better shape is absolutely okay. But at your age and weight you do not need to be doing any dramatic or low calorie diets. If I were you, I would focus on the exercise. Find a routine you can stick with and just do it. It can be simple- maybe running and jogging, maybe even just walking. Whatever it is, do it.

Instead of counting calories religiously, just try making healthier choices for a while. Calorie counting works for many people on this site but if it isn't working for you don't try and force it.

Spend two months exercising and making healthy food choices. If you don't feel better after that, come back her and tell us what you did and ask what to do differently. But I bet you will feel a ton better.

pagefan · December 2014

TRYING is hard. IF you don't TRY, you never Do.. & I can totally relate...- I was an overweight child (NOT huge, but in MY eyes? huge enough) and an overweight teen, and an overweight adult. I've managed to be 6 lbs away from my goal, and had to have back surgery.. so i gained back 12 lbs over the course of two years and it is so so hard to get rid of it at my age. i work out twice a week with old videos - i love the Firm, the best, they seem to be the toughest... and i have a bootcamp on saturdays . I struggle EVERY single day with what i should eat, what I want to eat. I know all the tricks; I am a superb coach, (try me) but still have to walk the walk.. it's NOT always easy. i'm physically limited due to my back surgery (ended up with some serious nerve damage to my left leg and cannot walk fast, cannot run.. cannot do jacks, or dance, or fast cardio) There are harder days than others and the older you get, the harder it is. I am now 57 but that 12,13,18 and 30 year old something person is always inside me. Truly believe... diets DON'T work. the minute you deprive yourself of what you want, you lose. Think about just being healthy, work out, enjoy your life > that is what works. loving YOURSELF works- it's not about what you LOOK like, its about what you feel like. are you strong? are you confident? are you ok with YOU ? If not ? then it doesn't matter what you eat. It's what is eating YOU. I'm 5 ft 3 and a 1/2 (every so important.. LOL, that 1/2 an inch) and I am at 146 right now. so we are almost the same size and happy to impart my 39 more years of wisdom and tricks... My goal is between 128 and 134. I've BEEN at 134 and i like it. I'm still a size 8- though 10 is more comfy.. THAT SIZE is from working out... or I'd be a 12 (!) if you are over eating after working out, then, yeah, you're going to gain weight. stick with a 1200-1300 calorie eating PROGRAM (NOT diet) and you will do fine. as for motivation ? You are the only one that can find what works for you. I pretend, and still do, That i have to shape up for a red carpet appearance.. in other words, "Be Ready" ... as it won't go away overnight !

yoovie · December 2014

Don't worry, everyone your age goes through this. They think they need motivation in order to do something. They don't realize that saying "Im not motivated" is just another way of saying "I dont want to do this".

So either you do want to change your life, but you don't wanna have to put in any hard work to do it. You want a shortcut or an easy way out or for someone else to do it for you.

OR

You want to change your life and you'll do it the right way no matter what, or who, stands in your way.

All the power is in your hands and no one in your life can do it or want it for you.

It's ALL YOU. Only you. And always will be you.

Which is why it's important to learn how to make your needs a priority - and as uncool as it sounds, embracing your health as the one sacred thing about you that no one can touch, will carry you through hard times in your future when you're an adult.

dubird · December 2014

Do or do not. There is no try.

Honestly, I agree with the comments that you're not overweight. If you want to tone up a bit or feel like you need to look better in the mirror, find an exercise. There's hundreds of exercises you can do, just find one you like. If you think you need to count calories, set your goal to maintenance for now. That lets you see what you're actually eating and gets you into the habit of logging. Do that for a couple of months, and then start looking at what you can change. Start small. I started with swapping out unsweet tea for soda at lunch. Means I have to carry my sweetner with me, but that shaves about 200 calories off the top and I don't feel I've deprived myself of anything. After a while, that becomes your norm, and it won't feel strange or like you're forcing yourself.

You just have to keep reminding yourself this is not a diet. This is you making changes to your habits to make yourself healthy for the rest of your life. You don't have to eat all veggies and "healthy" food and you don't have to starve yourself. You can still have foods you like, you can still eat out with friends or enjoy holiday meals, and if you have a day you go over your limit, oh well. Chalk it up to a cheat day and start over again tomorrow. Once I started looking at it that way, it became much easier to keep going.

May_Rose · December 2014

You have to want the weight loss more than you want the extra food. When you really want it, change will happen.

2snakeswoman · December 2014

There's a lot of wisdom above.

Pick some positive things to add to your life and let go of the negatives. You won't treat yourself right by eating nutritious food and exercising if you don't love yourself.

In taking my own advice (today is day 1 of my millioneth attempt), I am doing my best to stop thinking about the things I need to stop doing and focus on the changes I choose to make because I love myself and want to take good care of the good person that I am. Examples:
1) Drink 2 water bottles during the day - one before lunch and one before dinner. That's 6 cups of water. This is not because I think I need a certain amount of water but because it gives me something different to think about.
2) If I'm hungry and want to nibble/taste while preparing a meal, I can have 1 cup of clear broth/bouillon instead.
3) Log everything - the good, the bad, and the really ugly.

I'm trying to make all three changes at once, but they are numbered in order of importance. If three at once becomes too much, I'll focus on 1, then 2, then 3.

I feel sick when I look in the mirror but no motivation to change

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