Obese Because I'm Depressed & Drepressed Because I'm Obese

lisamarie1227
lisamarie1227 Posts: 88
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
Depression is such a vicious disease!!! Obesity is horrible too and I feel like they are having their own big battle inside my body. I have suffered from depression for almost 20 years and it has really reeked havoc on my weight. Until recently I had never put the two together but now I am really trying to fix my weight problem and to do that I have to look at the reason for it. I hate being overweight so bad, and ofcourse I know everyone must feel the same way.

About 18 months ago I was on this same journey to lose weight and I was doing so good. I had lost 30 pounds and felt so good, mentally and physically. So I know that if I can lose weight and feel better about myself....I will also cause the depression to get better. It's just the part of the battle to get to that point without giving up. I actually miss jogging until sweat was pooring off of me like rain. That was such a high for me. I can sit here and have those memories but when it comes to making myself work so hard to get back to that point...that's when the depression really takes over. I am so dissappointed in myself right now because I know I CAN do it but .... that word "but" is worth nothing:(

I find myself shutting out the world, one person at a time. I have 4 children, 3 of which are grown and on their own. I have a 9 year old and my husband that live with me. I haven't spoken to my 3 grown children since November (2010) and I know that must make me sound like such a horrible mother. One of my best friend's daughters is having a baby shower friday and omg I really don't want to go but she is like my best friend. There was a bridal shower for a friend last month and I just couldn't make myself attend. I really just have no interest in anything anymore and I don't want people to see me like this. I am at my heaviest weight that I have ever been and when I look in the mirror...what I see is so ugly!!!! I'm sure you've heard the saying "She/He aged well" let me tell ya, "I didn't gain well". I look horrible and I am so depressed and embarrassed about it. I am really afraid I am going to lose everybody before I can get back where I need to be and that really hurts but it still doesn't make me want them to see me like this:(

Replies

  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
    Oh honey, your post makes me want to cry. Depression is horrible. I don't have it but I have seen others suffer from it.
    You can lose the weight. It's not easy but with the right mentality and with the right support you can work towards your goal. Now, maybe an obvious question but are you getting help for the depression?
    HUGS hun.
  • BatCola
    BatCola Posts: 64 Member
    I know what it's like to be depressed and try to make lifestyle changes. It's almost like the food numbs the feelings. I don't know if your case is similar to mine but what I can say is this learn to recognize your emotions. Use your food journal and you're blog (which I haven't done in awhile sorta forgot) for those moments of insight when you're like WOW ok feel this about this brownie. Look at losing weight as a learning experience and for health purposes. I am surprised I have stuck with it this long but you learn to forgive yourself and keep on track. I hope this helps.
  • freerange
    freerange Posts: 1,722 Member
    Depression sucks,,,,, get some pro help, work on your head to help you work on your body.
  • justaloozer
    justaloozer Posts: 122 Member
    Hey Lisa,
    I totally know exactly what you are going through. I also suffer from depression. It really sucks because I know a lot of my issues stem from my weight. 18 months ago I lost about 40lbs. I don't know what happened that made me stop working on my weight but there is no excuse. I ended up gaining about 20lbs back.

    Reality has slapped me in the face again and I know I need to lose weight. I have literally nearly doubled my weight in 10 years (my highest weight was appx 316lbs). If I want to live a long healthy life I need to lose weight. My marriage is depending on this. I have become a miserable person because of my weight and I do not blame my husband one single bit for the way he feels. My children are starting to notice my weight and that is something I never wanted.

    All of this to say, we can do this. One step at a time!
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
    A few things I have learned about being on MFP is that you must learn to celebrate the small moments in life... each pound is a success, each time you exercise is a success each time you eat a healthy meal its a success

    Number two; Its UP TO YOU! and this goes further than just weight, its up to you to contact your kids (even tho the telephone works both ways) its up to you to improve your relationships, its up to you to run that extra few minutes even if you don't Feel like it.

    Number three; MFP offers unlimited support. This is the right place to be! they are up lifting and full of knowledge.

    Number five; this is a LONG journey! its taken me over five months to lose 5 pounds (granted I am trying to lose my last ten) but still.. there is no quick fix, and MFP has helped me become okay with that! I embrace each month that I lose one STINKING FRIGGIN POUND! haha

    and Number five; you can do it! WE are all here for you! lean on us for support! we will help you!

    Dont give up girl! you know you will be happier because of it. and you know you are unhappy right now. to me there seems to be no other choice than to get up and just DO IT!

    Much love to you! and I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive! I mean it with the up most kindess and warmth!
  • skinnyjeans13
    skinnyjeans13 Posts: 179
    Do you see a psychologist/chiatrist? I hope you are talking to someone about all this, you cannot go through it alone.

    You have a lot to work through here, but you need to realise that you found the solution yourself. Diet & exercise will help you with the depression and will help you feel better about your appearance. This doesn't mean you need to go out and run a 5K tomorrow so that you can put a smile on your face, but you can start taking baby steps. A walk around the block today, 2 turns around it tomorrow, etc. Get out of your head!

    I almost lost my mother to depression and I know it's hard. You need your family close to you. If your 3 older children are supportive, bring them back into your life. You need a support group. Like I said, don't go through this alone.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    I'm sure you've heard this before but the trick is really to take that first step. After the first one, the second one gets easier and so on. Honestly, this post might be your first step. The second is to start hitting the pavement again. Exercise makes you feel GOOD, as I'm sure you remember.

    Have you talked to a doctor about your depression? I'm not one, but your situation sounds like it might be clinical depression and you will probably benefit greatly by exploring your options for treating it. Once you get your life moving in the right direction things will get better.

    Attend that shower! How disappointed will your friend be if you aren't there!? We don't get many showers in our lives so they are all special and important. I definitely feel you on this one because I get the same way about events sometimes. I really don't want to go, but I force myself (using the earlier reasoning) and then I end up having a great time.

    Whatever you decide to do, good luck to you.
  • fitnessjch
    fitnessjch Posts: 449 Member
    I have depression too. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who doesnt know you.

    Feel free to friend me - am up for chats, maybe we can help eachother?

    All the best x
  • kaylemartin
    kaylemartin Posts: 235 Member
    It went through a similar thing; afraid to go out of the door incase I run into somebody who I haven't seen and they just give you THAT look.

    Walk out of that door with your head held high because you have NOTHING to be ashamed of!
  • ejmcam
    ejmcam Posts: 533 Member
    I think the first thing you need to do, RIGHT NOW.. Is call your doctor and make an appointment. You are at a bad point....a vicious circle. Talk to them about your depression and your weight. Let them get you on the right track. Next, if its a financial possibility...get yourself to a gym, and meet with a trainer. You said it yourself..."but" is worth nothing. You know what you need to do, and you know what it is that will make you feel better physically and mentally....you have been there and know you can do it....you just need some help to get doing it! Stick around here to...there are a ton of motivational people who are just like you and me..."regular" people who just need the motivation and the push. If we can do it, so can you!
  • patsyanne
    patsyanne Posts: 111
    I wish that I was a therapist who had some words for you that would get you to realize that you are an important person. Self-concept and self image are the two biggest things that I tried to teach when I taught Health to 7th graders. They say if a person has a poor self concept that all the rest of their health aspects will suffer. Hearing you, I believe that to be true.
    You need to think one step at a time... smaller portions when eating and more movement each day and you will see some weight coming off. Next step is to get an exercise routine going ---that doesnt have to be a gym but being commited to a program like that might be a help to you.
    I know that I am rambling now but wish so much for your success---and hope that you will see that sweat running down your face again as you are jogging.
    Good luck and try to stay with this.
  • Mahlissa
    Mahlissa Posts: 128
    I am so sorry. Depression is crippling. You can't fix everything overnight, BUT you can attain small daily goals. Focus on one positive thing, write it down to make it "real" and know that the situation you're in will not last forever. You can achieve your goals. It's hard, so hard. Maybe go for a 10 minute walk, plant some seeds in a garden. Listen to the melodic tune of the Spring birds. Take in nature's beauty. When I go outside, it changes my entire mood, like an enhancer.

    Take up jogging again, start off by walking, it will really help you!

    Make it a point to take time with your 9 year old and grandchildren to see life through the eyes of a child.

    I hope you are seeking some type of help for your depression. You have come to the right place for support on your well being, diet and exercise.

    Good luck and hugs to you. May peace and love be with you. Don't give up!
  • sickofmyself
    sickofmyself Posts: 1
    I love the name you gave yourself -- look at my name -- seems like we both are on the same track. I don't know that I am depressed as in being "diagnossed" as a depressed person, or just feeling the doldrums of having eaten my way in to what I currently am -- overweight, tired, and frustrated. I do know that you need to take all this one day at a time. Just one day. Do the best you can for one day. Make it through, and then do it again the next day. Of our course, our long-term goals are lofty and large, but it is hard, hard, hard to face that mountain and try to climb it.

    I have not been doing well on a diet, but with this online myfitnesspal deal, I am learning what is good to eat, what helps me remain in the area I need to stay in, and to try to make some sense out of it all. You need to do the same. Pick out the food you eat and add it up. If it goes over the limit, take something off, and try to spread out the food throughout your ONE DAY. Also, drink water. That helps you lose it. It is also what takes your weight loss from your body. As you lose weight, it leaves you through your urine. It just doesn't disppear. So, drinking water helps make things flow out of yourself. You will learn that lighter fare is better (lettuce, broccoli, carrots, tomatoes, etc.) make a difference than choosing something like pasta, breads, cakes, and cookies. You can still have it all, but in moderation. Again, take it one day at a time. If you delete something taht you miss, put it back in, maybe, in a smaller amount, for the next day.

    All this is what I am understanding at this point. I want to go back and forth with someone who will understand me, and you might be that person. Let me know, and we can go back and forth to help fortify our bad days with some good advice and our victories with something that will be a reward of sorts.

    Let's get to a point when we can change our sign-on names to something more positive. But for now, I'm sickofmyself, and I "hear" you. . . . . Hang in there. . . . I am doing the same. . . . .:smile:
  • lisamarie1227
    lisamarie1227 Posts: 88
    Oh honey, your post makes me want to cry. Depression is horrible. I don't have it but I have seen others suffer from it.
    You can lose the weight. It's not easy but with the right mentality and with the right support you can work towards your goal. Now, maybe an obvious question but are you getting help for the depression?
    HUGS hun.


    Thank you:) I was in counseling for a few years and just recently quit because I felt like my therapist had done all she could for me. I probably still need to be there but part of the reason I'm not at this point is financial. I have my ups and downs but I know I can do this.
  • Bigsportygirl
    Bigsportygirl Posts: 20 Member
    Hello lovely, that's such a sad post. Depression is such a nasty disease, like a serpent squeezing all the good thoughts out of you. Losing weight will make it easier to deal with depression and exercise is good for temporarily lifting mood but to beat it for good you have to deal with the depression. I can't pretend to understand what you are going through but would say don't give yourself such a hard time. We tend to be tougher on ourselves than we are on other people, think about some one you love and whether you would tell them they couldn't go to social events etc like you tell yourself. Real friends will cut you some slack. Try going to social events for a very short time, talking to a couple of people and measure that as a success rather than a failure that you didn't stay the full 4 hours and sing and dance on the tables! As for being estranged from your family, that I do know about, and I know how tough it can be to bare but also how difficult it is to change. A lot of my family doesn't speak to each other for various reasons but deep down we all still love each other, it's never worth it in the end. Try to send short positive messages to those you love to maintain contact, I sent my mum a text over the weekend saying it was sunny here, hope she was enjoying the weather and had a good weekend, no obligation, no guilt, no history. One day, one step, one meal at a time and try to love yourself as you do it. x
  • jeepzilla
    jeepzilla Posts: 201
    weight loss takes time I started at 225 losing weight is not a fad or just something you think you want to do. IT IS A LIFE CHANGER!!!! you have to take losing weight serious.. there is no excuse's EVER you have to have the drive like nothing you have ever had to kill the beast of weight... work out eat RIGHT and let God do the rest...when you work out and that little voice on your shoulder says why are you doing this you can go eat something and sit and watch t.v. you don't have to work out its to hard you say no its not I will succeed I will not stop I will complete my mission. To many people need me in this world its my job to show everyone I can do this and I will be a role model to everyone that I can get fit and they can too I will succeed!! keep the faith and the drive to lose weight and you CAN DO THIS!!!!!
  • beloslover
    beloslover Posts: 22
    Speaking as someone who is currently battling depression and obesity myself, (I may not look it, but I am now 60 lbs over weight with osteoarthritis) Regardless of how you look, the worst thing you can do is cut yourself off from the people around you. Forcing yourself to go to this shower, might actually be good for you. The hardest part about depression is realizing you are alone. And in the end, the only reason you are alone, is because you pushed you everyone away. No one wants to be pushed aside, and I am positive that if you told your best friend the problem you are having, she will try and do her best to support you in what ever way she can. Its what friends are there for. They are meant to help carry a burden, not cause one.
    I make myself goals, while it may not work for you, it is worth a try. Start small, like this shower. See it as a goal, not an obligation. The more "little" goals you achieve the better you should feel, then you can start making bigger ones. Very small goals, not to do with losing weight, try changing your life style first, and setting times to go out see someone.
    Anti-depressants might be of some help, but sadly, after ten years of depression and 6 years on them, it has not helped me. Everyone is different and will react to things differently. But I would talk to a doctor and see what might work for you. I also take vitamin D which seems to help :)
    Depression is a hard thing to beat, and I certainly feel your pain.
    Another thing you should do... Contact your children. I feel sure you wont regret it.
    Keep trying for your goals and your happiness. There is nothing more important in this life than to be happy.
  • lisamarie1227
    lisamarie1227 Posts: 88
    Thank you-all so much for all the comments and advice...I really do appreciate it!
  • beloslover
    beloslover Posts: 22
    Feel free to add me, we can help each other :)
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
    Please feel free to add my to your friends list.

    I was in that spot a few years ago too. I finally went to my doctor and he put me on Celexa and I have been much better. I also would have panic attacks and it has helped with that too.

    I agree, the depression and overeating go hand in hand, it's a vicious cycle. I love this site since there seems to be someone that knows what you have/are going through and can let you know what has helped them.

    Even though I have the drug I have found that nothing makes me feel better than exercise. I just started the Couch to 5K program and even my husband has notice how much happier I seem in just 5 workouts. I missed running!

    Hang in there, it does get better!
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    The one thing proven to have an effect on both depression and body shape/size is exercise. How do you do it when you are having a hard time getting out of bed?

    -Think of something you remember enjoying.
    -If it is something simple, like taking a walk in a park, force yourself to do it. Convince yourself that it will bring back those feelings of enjoyment (it will....eventually). You don't have to speed walk. Wander through the park, try to put yourself aside for a few minutes and just notice what is there - flowers, bees, children playing.
    -If it is something more complicated, like a team sport or mountain climbing. Set goals. I know, reaaalllllyyyyyyy hard when you are depressed. The difference is, paying the electric bill on time will not actually have much of an effect on your depression itself (not paying the bill may make things worse, but that isn't much of a motivation, since you can't really imagine things getting much worse). Getting back in shape to get back to the things you enjoy will actually affect the depression.
    -If you can't come up with anything you remember enjoying, you have to go hardcore and force yourself to try something new. Look for activities in your area that it is nearly impossible to be depressed doing. My hula hoop teacher swears that hooping changed her life because she couldn't possibly be upset or sad in that circle. No really, go out and get an adult hula hoop, put it on the ground and sit inside the circle. That is your bubble, where you are safe. Build your life from there.

    PS - you should consult with a medical professional, anti-depressants are a useful tool in living a balanced life when used properly.
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