Hello from North East England

Hello everyone! I'm here because I've never, ever been as heavy as I am now and it's started to seriously affect my health; not just my health on the inside, (you know, the bits you don't realise are going wrong) but my health on the outside! My knees creak and crunch and cause me such pain, my legs ache on a night and my skin is itchy and sore. I feel tired all of the time and I'm probably depressed! I'm a grump, I avoid exercise and I am heading down a slippery slope that leads who knows where.

I was offered bariatric surgery but I just don't want to do it. I got to the stage where you go to see the consultant to be booked in for the op but I couldn't go any further. I appreciate that it can help but I know it's not a quick fix and I still believe I have it in me to lose the weight and keep it off. I need one last shot of doing this without surgery. The thought of bariatric surgery terrifies me. What if CBT could be just as effective? What if I've not explored everything yet?
I do know that things have to change. I have three little girls who need me. My eldest is 8, middle 7 and youngest 5. If I don't change my lifestyle now I don't think I will see my grandchildren!!! My mother died at 62.... she had bowel cancer. She was obese for her entire life, like me, (though I had a year of being a healthy weight when I was married in 2004!!).

I lost weight before I was married in 2004. It felt so good to be healthy! My husband and I were regular hill walkers and I thrived on exercise. When I got pregnant with daughter no.1 my pelvis was in an awful state. The pain was unreal - I could no nothing but sit or stand without being in agony - exercise of any sort was out of the question, even walking was crippling. I put some weight on whilst pregnant and then was pregnant again 6 months later without losing the previous baby weight. I had similar pelvic problems but was also anxious and depressed so, as an emotional eater, I gained a LOT of weight - When DD2 was born I was 7 stones heavier than when DD1 was born. I did't lose any weight before DD3 was born nearly 2 years later, but I didn't gain any either, however, when DD3 was 4 weeks old my mum died!!! This was devastating. She said to me, 'lose weight and look after your bowels'(!!!) which I have so far ignored.

Eating has helped me through the past few years. The first two were horrific and I put on a lot of weight, (I'm now 10 stones heavier than I was before having DD1) which is where I'm at now... stuck in a rut, heavy, unhappy and in need of a change.
This year is the 5th anniversary of my mum's death. I feel far enough out of the cloud of grief now to be able to see what I need to do for me and for my family. It's like her death disengaged me from my children - I was here, but not here. Life was happening around me but I couldn't involve myself with it. That's changing now though and I feel as though I've woken up and all of a sudden I can see clearly. Basically, if I don't do what I need to do I'll only have another 20 years max. I'm heavier than my mum ever was! I want what she didn't have - I want to see my grandchildren and I want to play an active part in the lives of my children.
I'm here on day three and feeling good. This is the rest of my life, not a diet, not a fad - one day at a time with a constant food battle on my hands. It's frightening but exhilarating at the same time.

Good luck everyone who is in the same boat!!!!!!!!