Does Anyone Struggle with Self-Confidence

six1908
six1908 Posts: 99 Member
edited November 9 in Getting Started
Hi all. I'm looking to hear some stories of people who struggle with self-confidence/self-esteem due to their weight OR people who have in the past and have overcome this. I have lost some weight and am starting to get compliments and, frankly, I'm not used to it. It's nice. We all know that people are generally unkind and judgmental towards "big" or "obese" people so I'm just trying to gain some support in dealing with being kind to myself. Thanks guys! Here's to a great New Year!

Replies

  • RobinsEgg
    RobinsEgg Posts: 3,702 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss - isn't that terrific? It is a weird feeling at first to get those compliments. I agree and I found, personally, the self esteem issue remained after I lost weight - it turned out to be a separate issue. B)
    - You can find and discuss this with people if you search through the SUPPORT AND MOTIVATION discussion under MAIN TOPICS. Hope this helps!
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
    Welcome Back!!! I read you're story and you've had quite the transformation the last few months (mentally and physically) Congrats on that!
    I have some self-confidence issues, but not really weight related, per se.
    I'm betting you'll find a group though.

    You've turned a corner and I wish you the best with your changes. The HECK with whatever anyone else thinks. You're on this earth for YOU journey and your journey only. You've had a wake up call and its for a reason. Here's to being comfortable being you!

    I highly recommend personal development books.
    I like The Compound Effect for starters.

    Nancy
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    ME!!!!!!!!!

    it is a very delicate problem to have, this disconnect between the body you are developing now, and the way your brain thinks your body looks.

    It really isnt about other people or what they think of you or the compliments they give you, it's about your brain still having fat goggles on when you look at yourself.

    there's a pull between, hell yeah I look awesome! woo! and omg are these people blind or is this one of those times where people are complimenting you, but it's really a joke, and they are mocking you and their friends are behind that bush you-tubing the whole thing and also the whole.. 'they must be talking about someone else'.

    I lost almost a whole backstreet boy. I took my time and I still had the disconnect. I still turn sideways to walk through tight places and that three of me could walk through without touching the edges.

    The good news is that it corrects itself. It's not going to last very long, because your brain will catch up with your body. In the meantime, spend time doing things you personally love, that dont have to have anything to do with exercise or anything, just doing what you love, cause the best way to build your confidence and self-esteem is by getting to know and trust and love yourself, because you take good care of each other.

    And anytime someone tells you the HECK with whatever anyone else thinks, remind yourself that it's actually your thoughts you are fighting with, not anyone else. You will continue to evolve and this weird limbo area will change into strong familiar territory, I promise!
  • Travis_2
    Travis_2 Posts: 1,445 Member
    I'm pretty sure you are the only one to ever deal with this.


    Kidding aside. It seems lame to reference, and some could call it hipster. But I found reading into "mindfulness meditation" helped me. YMMV
  • TheBigFb
    TheBigFb Posts: 649 Member
    Everyone, and I mean everyone regardless of weight, height etc struggles with self-confidence. Once you get a little older and relaise that everyone is in the same boat you start to struggle with it less
  • gbel1975
    gbel1975 Posts: 86 Member
    There's a reason my profile pic is a meme and not a photo of myself. Even when I was at my lightest in October, 2013, I was embarrassed to have my shirt off.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
    It doesn't matter what size I am, I always suffer from low self esteem and/or confidence. I never seem to be the "right" size, in my mind. What honestly has worked for me is not even thinking about size or weight any more. I set fitness goals (like running a faster mile, or setting a half marathon PR, or lifting more weight when doing bench), and as long as I am eating to fuel my progress towards those goals and working out hard, my size and body fat will change for the better. After I shifted from "I want to weigh 130 pounds" to "I want to run a HM in under 2 hours" that's when I started getting more and more success on the scale and with the measuring tape.

    And PS, people make rude comments to small people, too. I heard lots of comments when I was a size 20, and I hear them still (although the wording is different) now that I am less than half that size. I was fat shamed, now I am fit shamed. People just suck, so you have to learn to simple ignore the haters.
  • CountryBabe75
    CountryBabe75 Posts: 120 Member
    six1908 wrote: »
    Hi all. I'm looking to hear some stories of people who struggle with self-confidence/self-esteem due to their weight OR people who have in the past and have overcome this. I have lost some weight and am starting to get compliments and, frankly, I'm not used to it. It's nice. We all know that people are generally unkind and judgmental towards "big" or "obese" people so I'm just trying to gain some support in dealing with being kind to myself. Thanks guys! Here's to a great New Year!

    I have this same exact struggle on a daily basis. My issues come from my childhood where I grew up with stick thin cousins who loved to point out how much bigger I was and my grandmother and aunts who loved to tell me I could lose a few pounds. In reality, I'm a lot taller than they are and don't have the same frame. There are other issues as well, but that is the main one. I don't take compliments well and even after being on this site for two years where compliments flow like milk and honey, I still struggle. I don't know if I will ever love myself enough to believe people when they tell me how good I look.
  • MeLanceUppercut
    MeLanceUppercut Posts: 116 Member
    I struggle with body dysmorphia so I know where you are coming from. Even when I do start to lose a little and it begins to show, I'm assuming people are just being nice. Its difficult to overcome, but you can do it. Believe in what you are doing.
  • gbel1975
    gbel1975 Posts: 86 Member
    CountryBabe75 wrote: »
    I have this same exact struggle on a daily basis. My issues come from my childhood where I grew up with stick thin cousins who loved to point out how much bigger I was and my grandmother and aunts who loved to tell me I could lose a few pounds. In reality, I'm a lot taller than they are and don't have the same frame. There are other issues as well, but that is the main one. I don't take compliments well and even after being on this site for two years where compliments flow like milk and honey, I still struggle. I don't know if I will ever love myself enough to believe people when they tell me how good I look.

    Yeah, childhood didn't help me. Back then they made boys' pants in a "husky" size. Having to wear those still resounds with me and I'm almost 40. The thing is, if I showed you a photo of me as a child, you'd never say I was the "fat kid" or even looked overweight in the least. Still hard to reconcile that with wearing those husky jeans.

  • VTweedle
    VTweedle Posts: 1
    The one thing I've learned is that if someone gives you a compliment, a simple "thanks" really helps make you feel better about yourself. It might be your first reaction to say something like "well I still have areas to work on" or "my hair looks terrible today", but just saying "thank you" will put you in a better frame of mind. You focus on the positives, rather than the negatives, and you'll start feeling more confident.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    I still think of myself as much larger than I am. I feel defensive when people (okay- men) are complimentary towards me in public. When I was bigger, I was way more invisible. I dress super conservatively now (cardigan over high-necked shirt with knee length skirts or dresses) and get more attention than I would like, even stupid little things like people smiling and saying "hi, how's it going?" throughout the grocery store. I don't like it. I'm suspicious of it.

    I also constantly compare myself to other women (she looks good. do I look like her? am I heavier than her? She's 5'6, her BMI is probably about....) just to try to gauge where I am, because I can't see myself for what I am. Some days I look at myself in my favorite outfit and I'm like, "DANG wow who is this hottie!" Other days I end up with my entire closet on the floor, lamenting my inability to look good in anything.

    Honestly, my husband has helped a lot with how I see myself. He reassures me when I'm questioning my appearance in various outfits, tells me how amazing I look, etc. Having a cheerleader really helps, but I suppose I'll have to really work on my body image when I hit my goal weight.
  • estitom
    estitom Posts: 205 Member
    I've been on the whole spectrum - overweight as a child, anorectic in my late teens. It's always been difficult because you can't know beforehand if someone will judge you because of your weight. The only thing that has helped me is to focus on the good qualities that do NOT have anything to do with what I look like. If someone think I look good or bad - their problem, not mine. If I can be friends with people who I objectively don't think of as pretty, then why shouldn't everyone be able to do that?
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