Backhanded Compliments

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yes_i_can
yes_i_can Posts: 419
in Health and Weight Loss
I thought I'd share a story from my weekend and see if anyone else has experienced this...

So, on Sunday I met some girlfriends for brunch, one of which I had not seen since mid-December (before I started my weight-loss journey and was 40lbs heavier). One of the first things she said was "Wow, you look great", which was fabulous for her to notice, but then came "You must have lost a MILLION pounds since I saw you last!" Huh. I know nothing mean was meant by it, but all I could think was "How fat and awful did I look before??" Sure, I can be happy for the current me, but that just makes me feel terrible about the me of 6 months ago!

Anyone else have any backhanded compliment stories? Maybe some laughs will come out of sharing!

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  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    Bleh that was just rude of her I hope it wasnt intentional ...you should have replied "Oh no I wasnt that heavy but i did lose 41lbs through sheer determination"
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
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    There are a bunch of stories on this thread from a few days ago... http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/227340-most-backhanded-compliment-ever-received?hl=backhanded
  • SarahLovesCheesecake
    SarahLovesCheesecake Posts: 520
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    yeah a friend said id lost BUCKETS!!!! wish I had lol, but it was nice any way, not sure if he wanted to get in my good books lol
  • diverchic73
    diverchic73 Posts: 314 Member
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    Oh dear, I think I've said that to someone before! I didn't mean it as a backhanded compliment... I meant it was really impressive that they'd lost a lot of weight!!! :blushing:

    I REALLY hope they didn't take it the wrong way!!!!
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
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    I don't think that was intended as a back-handed compliment (AKA insult). I think she was genuinely remarking on what a difference she saw in your appearance, in great surprise, and didn't consider that her remark could sound hurtful if taken in the wrong context.

    Would you have been happier if she has said "Something looks different, but I just can't put my finger on it...." ? I don't think so!
  • angela828
    angela828 Posts: 498 Member
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    On Easter, my fiance's grandmother (who I hadn't seen since Christmas) kept commenting on my weight loss (about 20 lbs at that point) and just kept saying "you lost so much weight!!" over and over again

    Granted, she is old so I know elderly people don't have much of a filter :) and it felt nice she had noticed but I kept thinking, was i really THAT big at Christmas???????

    My fiance also says I lost "a ton" of weight... uh lololol

    I think when people comment on how MUCH weight someone has lost, they just don't really know the right words to say.
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
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    I got this from a co-worker last week:

    Her: "I can tell you've really leaned down a lot. I can see your muscles and the veins in your arms! But, wow, your boobs are gone!"

    Me: :huh:

    The boob comment may be true, but I certainly didn't need to hear it from her overweight, 38D self, ya know? Sheesh......:grumble:
  • yes_i_can
    yes_i_can Posts: 419
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    I really wasn't offended by it, but it sounds like some of you know what I mean. It's great that people notice and want to pay you the compliment - I do appreciate it. BUT, I always wish they would leave it at, "You look really great". Then, if you want to talk about the details, you will... "Thanks, I've been working really hard and lost 40 pounds" and that opens the door to ask what you've been doing or whatever. On the other side, you can also just say "Thanks" and leave it at that if you don't want to discuss details. And you certainly don't end up feeling defensive for your former self, which apparently appeared heavier by "a million pounds" or "a ton"! :tongue:
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
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    I really wasn't offended by it, but it sounds like some of you know what I mean. It's great that people notice and want to pay you the compliment - I do appreciate it. BUT, I always wish they would leave it at, "You look really great". Then, if you want to talk about the details, you will... "Thanks, I've been working really hard and lost 40 pounds" and that opens the door to ask what you've been doing or whatever. On the other side, you can also just say "Thanks" and leave it at that if you don't want to discuss details. And you certainly don't end up feeling defensive for your former self, which apparently appeared heavier by "a million pounds" or "a ton"! :tongue:

    There's a lot to be said for taking things in the spirit in which they were intended.

    Years ago, when my father died, I got a very *ahem* 'unusual' comment from a neighbor when we were leaving the funeral, as we were not proceeding to the cemetery. Right there in the church vestibule, this woman said, in complete seriousness, "What are they going to do? Put him on ice?"

    I was not having the best day, as you can imagine. But I had known this woman almost my entire life, and I knew that in her religion, my father would have been buried within 24 hours of his death (we were already working on a week plus). She was genuinely confused and in no way meant to be hurtful. She was trying to participate in my family's religious customs and really just didn't understand what was happening.

    So I didn't take offense at all. In fact, it was a light-hearted moment for me in an otherwise completely exhausting and utterly depressing week. I suppressed a chuckle and explained what was going to happen next. To this day, I still giggle about that moment.

    Don't go looking for trouble when none was offered or intended. You'll live a much happier life.
  • healthyjen342
    healthyjen342 Posts: 1,435 Member
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    funny story...but it didnt happen to me...

    On Easter, my GRANDMA was visiting, two of my sisters were talking to her about my Aunt's upcoming wedding...My older sister (who is about 50-60 lbs lighter than my younger sister) says, "Oh, I have to go to the gym so I can fit in to my dress"...My Grandma says, "Yes, baby looks like you have lost SOME weight..you don't look THAT big...and it looks like you gave it all to your sister"...

    Needless to say, my little sister had the pouty face...
  • marigolds1
    marigolds1 Posts: 25
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    Don't go looking for trouble when none was offered or intended. You'll live a much happier life.

    This is really good advice for all kinds of situations. :)

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