Here I Go Again!!!!

Okay so I started my fitness pal back in January of 2012.... I was really successful to almost reaching my goal weight of 115 pounds!!!!(Just a few pounds away from my goal) As I would weigh in week after week and seeing the pounds moving down on the scale and not to mention how much healthier I felt the more engaged I became with completing my goal! Then I got lazy!!!! No one to blame but myself.... not only did I start eating bad I quit exercising as well as starting smoking again. (Blah)Now I am back up to my weight which I started out at the first time! I debated on deleting my old page but then I realized I need to remind myself why I don't want to start my bad habits again and to quit lying to myself I will start again soon, I will quit smoking, ect. I want everyone else as well to see the mistakes that I have made and to try to help anyone else that is in the same situation that I am in now! It's simply not worth it! I'm not going to lie the first time around I was really hard on myself no day's off from exercise, no cheat days, I never went over my calorie intake for not even one day, but now I see I needed to be hard on myself (okay maybe not so hard on myself) I see I'm not getting any younger, I am 31 with 2 children, a husband, family, and friends that I need to be healthy for, but most importantly for myself!!!! I will be completely honest I feel disgusted with myself at this point in my life, to have gone so far and then just give up!!!! I ask myself daily why did I pick up all of these bad habits again, and honestly I just wanted to be like my friends that can go out to eat and eat what ever they wanted and a few glasses of wine and a desert without packing on the pounds!!!! I now see that's just not the way it works for me! So as of tomorrow I will be a non smoker again!!!! (Yaah) Starting Monday I will start back to my fitness pal (Woooo) I know most of all of us has said oh in a couple of days.... I just want to be able to allow all the nicotine to leave my body and get through the first couple of day's without feeling overwhelmed!!!! I will keep my word, because not only did I promise my children, and myself I promised God I would change my bad habits so I could be around for my children!!!! I am 5'0 and 172 pounds and smoke a pack of cigarettes a day! So you could only imagine how much strain I'm putting on my body!!!! Thank you for taking the time to read my discussion!!!! Please feel free to ad me as a friend @ amber115