New Widow with Young Kids

MrsCarsonPafford
MrsCarsonPafford Posts: 5
edited November 9 in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone. My name is Tiffany. I am 30 years old, I have three beautiful children. Emma, 8 ysr, Carson 7yrs, and Scarlett Rose 11 months. We recently lost my husband, their father, in a terrible home accident on July 28,2014. I am crushed to my core. I am trying to maintain stability and sanity while faced with the new challenge of raising 3 kids alone. I have lost 70 pounds in a year and a half as my pregnancy was horrific and I lost a good majority of that while pregnant. Since his passing I have gained 20 pounds. I am by no means a small girl even after loosing the 70 afore mentioned pounds, but do not want to go back to that. I realize that while I do not eat very much, the choices I do make have not been good ones. It's amazing that the universal rule for food after a death is always the worst stuff for you. I have never been surrounded by so much fried chicken, chocolate cake, soda, carbs and candy in my life. I am on here not to talk about his death, so please do not ask details, but for support in my journey. Please say something positive or nothing at all. You would be surprised at how many insensitive things people say to a young widow. And before even mentioning it, I do not want to remarry. We are Jehovah's Witnesses and I know what the Bible promises me and that he and I will be together again. So please, do not tell me to open my heart and let God send me someone. Again, I am just on here for support in my weight loss journey.

Replies

  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    edited January 2015
    Hey Tiffany,
    Firstly I offer my sincere condolences for your loss, you are making a great choice by deciding to think about the lifestyle and health benefits of a lifestyle that you would like to move on to. Welcome to MFP!

    There are so many people here who will no doubt support you through your new healthy lifestyle journey and no doubt give you some awesome smiles and great moments along the way.

    Be sure to check out different sections of the forum as you go along, there are some great recipes in the recipes section and many other useful pieces of advice all over the forums!
    I saw a brilliant alternative to fried chicken on there not so long ago, so.. If that if one of your 'go to' foods, maybe that could be a great alternative!

    Always put yourself first, you are doing great just by equipping yourself with the tools that MFP offers.

    All the very best with your journey!
    Adam
  • producersavvy
    producersavvy Posts: 1
    Tiffany, I am so very sorry for your loss. I too am a widow with a young child. While everyone's loss is unique, I have to applaud what you are doing as one if the best things to prepare yourself for the journey set before you fir so many reasons! Obviously, you want your children to have at least one parent now so you must guard your health fervently. Let this fuel you as you press forward. You will have ups and diwn like everyone. Exercise will also be therapeutic I discovered zumba in my darkest duly and it became the one hour if the day that I did not think about the estate, my broken heart, my child, my lack of sleep. Find something that clears your head and makes you happy like a medicine and don't let go. If you're in Facebook, go to One Fit Widow and join her group. Continue tracking your food like you are doing here as it is scientifically proven that people who do suceed. You can change your bidy. Don't worry that you're not small. Don't say that anymire. You can be. You can be a size that us good fir you or healthy for you and let's you keep up with your kids. That's what natters. God bless you. I'm so sorry this hapoened. But God is still in control. He still loves you. He is still worthy and in time my love... you will see He prepared you for EVEN THIS.
  • MrsCarsonPafford
    MrsCarsonPafford Posts: 5
    Producersavvy- thank you for you kind words. I do appreciate them. I am sad to learn that you too are a widow with a young child. We will get through the roller coaster of these events together my dear :) One step at a time
  • MrsCarsonPafford
    MrsCarsonPafford Posts: 5
    Adam2k10- thank you also for your kind words and motivation :) It means a lot
  • tracidawnd
    tracidawnd Posts: 3
    Hi! My name is Traci. I first want to offer my codolesences. I too am a young widow with 3 kids. I am 35. It will be a year this month that I unexpectedly lost my husband. It has been a roller-coaster ride of emotions and I haven't been making the best decisions for my health but I am ready to change that. For myself and my children. I recently have been able to be a stay at home mom for my kids. I completely understand the insensitive things people say so I am all for saying and hearing positive things. Please feel free to add me if you would like :smile:
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,282 Member
    Oh goodness... so much loss :( I think making the choice to be healthy one day at a time might help you to focus on short term goals. I too, would turn to terrible foods in grief, I am sure. It sounds like you have made up your mind however, to make more nutritious choices. There are great ideas and support in the forums here, and many groups to join if there is a fitness or weight loss goal you are working toward, or you just want meal ideas. Everyone is here for the same reason: overall health, we just have different stories that brought us here.

    Perhaps focus on healthy food choices at first. That should at least stabilize your weight. Then you can figure out how to add in exercise with three children.

    Good luck and welcome!
    ~Curly
  • MrsCarsonPafford
    MrsCarsonPafford Posts: 5
    Thank you
  • MisterZ33
    MisterZ33 Posts: 567 Member
    Wow...

    my warmest thoughts to you and your family. What a tragedy for your and your young kids to endure. i hope you have a strong support system.
  • AmandaAnne307
    AmandaAnne307 Posts: 113 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear you are dealing with such loss. Do you have a support group you can join to deal with the grief? I know many religions can help a great deal with this. Good luck with your food choices, take it one meal/one snack at a time and try not to beat yourself up for 'bad choices'.
  • dont_give_up
    dont_give_up Posts: 312 Member
    Tiffany, my heart goes out to you and your family. I have to admire your courage and strength to be there for your children when they need you the most. My husband's brother passed away in August of 2013 and left behind his wife and their 2 boys who were 7 and 11 years old at the time. Unfortunately my sister in law made some poor choices which has resulted in us raising our nephews.

    Please know that there are support groups out there for you and your children. Talk to someone and encourage your children to do the same. Know that you are not alone during this and that someone will always be there. Reach out for help when you need it. Don't be hard on yourself and take things one day at a time. You can do it!!

    Praying for you and your children!
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
    My condolences to you and your family. I'm glad that you are taking this step, and that you realize that your health is important for you and your children. I'll be praying for you.

    I thought of Ruth when you mentioned not wanting to marry again. It's only been half a year since you lost your love. I wonder why you mention your husband's loss and your desire to not marry, and then tell us not to ask about it. This is how you identified yourself.

    Anyway, we love you and we support your journey, and hold on to Romans 8:28. Your children are blessed to have a strong mom who is watching over them. So many of us have suffered great loss and can relate on some level, so know that you are not alone and this (the pain) too shall pass. God bless you.
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