Dealing with unsupportive friends

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kkinse
kkinse Posts: 11 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello fellow MFP users!

I've been a member since January and have gone from 200lbs to 163 using the program (I'm 5"5) . My family and boyfriend have been really supportive, however some of my friends have been a bit less than encouraging.

A couple nights ago I saw a friend I hadn't seen since December, and after she asked how I had lost the weight, I mentioned that I count calories and she then proceeded to go on and on about how I'll probably either become anorexic (I eat 1200 cals a day minimum, and give myself days that I don't count at all) or gain all the weight back when I'm done, as this is what happened to her when she was "dieting". I've had a few other similar stories from friends, and I find it all quite discouraging and have no clue how to respond. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, so my question is how do the rest of you deal with people who seem less than thrilled to find out you've lost the weight?

Replies

  • crystal10584
    crystal10584 Posts: 334
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    it's jealousy... just let it roll off your back.
  • bhb301
    bhb301 Posts: 338 Member
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    Just hold your head high and say Thanks for the advice, but I'm not dieting I am changing my life. Good Luck to you, you can do this
  • anwendy
    anwendy Posts: 17
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    Explain that it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. At least for me, that's how I explain it. I tell them I'm not cutting things out of my diet, and I still enjoy dessert and drinks with friends, but I just make healthier choices that will last long term.
  • bhb301
    bhb301 Posts: 338 Member
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    Also made new supportive friends, I'll send you a request now
  • FullOfSpice
    FullOfSpice Posts: 176 Member
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    If its working for you don't let them discourage you. Obviously its working, since you've lost a great deal of weight, Congrats by the way. Sometimes people don't know enough about something so they react by criticzing the concept. For example, your friend who gained the weight back has different habits. Its not neccessarily true that just because she did you will. Maintaing weight is hard, but there ARE people who have kept it off :) Be proud of yourself and keep going, don't let them get to you. MFP is a great support center.
  • Sherri0706
    Sherri0706 Posts: 64
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    I agree that it's probably jealousy and her own issues with not succeeding in her attempt at weight loss. Smile and ignore it. Rely on those around you who are supportive! You've done a great job so far!
  • countrymom1
    countrymom1 Posts: 125 Member
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    It sounds a bit like jealousy to me. It sounds like she is voicing her own insecurities onto you. I have had similar situations, and it actually just pushes me all the more to succeed. This is the point where you've got to dig deep mentally and realize that you are doing this for YOU. Your happiness/success does not depend on others, not even your boyfriend and family. Having said that, I know it does feel great when people notice and encourage you to keep going!! I'm just saying don't let the unsupportive ones get to you, rise above it, and realize that it is their own insecurity.
  • kristinmaravelias
    kristinmaravelias Posts: 9
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    First off, congratulations, you are doing a great job so far, keep it up. Secondly, as far as your "friends" comments, try to ignore them. But honestly if they are true friends they would be supportive. If I were in your shoes I would ask myself if I really wanted those type of people in my life at all.
  • bornic
    bornic Posts: 8 Member
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    Keep up the good work it looks like you are making great progress. When you are around people that don't support you stay positive and I find it best to change the subject of what you are talking about if it is going in the wrong direction. If these people continue to be negative time and time again I would spend less time with them and if it is really bad don't spend any time at all with them. From my experience most people are scared of change especially when they see you are doing well. If they can't get over the changes you are making and you still want to keep it up you may need to find a new group of people that do support you. Best wishes and keep it up.
  • babybaer5
    babybaer5 Posts: 2
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    I do agree that it sounds like they are speaking from a place of jealousy. As hard as it can be, know that you are changing you LIFE. Don't let them take away your power surge. While you can't control running into a "friend" in the store, I wouldn't be scheduling any outtings with someone who speaks to you that way. It's OK to take time for you. If they can't celebrate your achievements, are they really worth your time??

    If they are dear to you, offer the chance for them to join the journey. If they still bring you down, distance is probably the best.

    You've done GREAT. Congratulations!!!!!!
  • peanutbutterpanic
    peanutbutterpanic Posts: 28 Member
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    Jealousy for sure...A) You're not asking for anyone's approval in this & B) It's a LIFESTYLE CHANGE, not a "DIET". Not that you should have to explain yourself to ANYONE, but maybe next time this happens you can give them a lttle background on that part of it. It's not a quick fix & you'll be working at it for the rest of your life, therefore there's no DIETING whatsoever. Sometimes people need to put others down to make themselves feel better, as we all well know, but you don't have to hang around for that. If someone you know isn't supportive, tell them this particular subject is off limits to your friendship, in every way. Unfortunately, you may lose some friends along the way, but that's just stress & hurt you don't need anyway. Good luck & you can friend me if you need some extra support :) I'm always good for a "WOOT WOOT!!" :D
  • piglet198144
    piglet198144 Posts: 4 Member
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    I think some people don't know how to react, or what to say. A situation with someone losing a great amount of weight is very sensitive because you don't know how the person is going to react. I don't think this person intended to be mean, I think she was trying to connect with you on the only level she knows. If she isn't a big person, and has never lost a great amount of weight, she really has no level to connect with you on. Don't get down on her without knowing if she meant real harm. If she is a good friend of yours, and you truly care what she thinks, then I would just talk to her. Maybe try telling her it is a comfortable subject for you, and you can talk freely with her. Without the negative comments, of course.
  • lanenalatina
    lanenalatina Posts: 239 Member
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    Just hold your head high and say Thanks for the advice, but I'm not dieting I am changing my life. Good Luck to you, you can do this

    Don't sweat it people like to talk BS and they like to hurt people feeling I have a few of those in my family, and I know exsactly how you feel. Since I join MFP I have had friend request from people who either know me or add me b/c they have read a topic I posted or comment on any of my post. And they have been so soported and motivated me so good it really keeps me going. So just ignore those negative people. You need people who are going give a HI5 when you do good and not judge. Feel free to friendrequest me b/c I will incourage you and motivate you to keep going. Good Luck




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  • jbug100
    jbug100 Posts: 406 Member
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    I have the same problem. I think most people still have a "diet" mentality. I am in maintanance now, so when I turn down donuts and crap at work, people make comments like "why are you still trying to lose weight?" Duh! If I eat like I did before, guess what would happen? It's a lifestyle change people! I am trying to ignore comments and have confidence in my decisions. I seem to have done pretty well on my own after all. Most of these comments probably are made out of jealousy.
  • kkinse
    kkinse Posts: 11 Member
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    Oh wow, I've never used the message boards before and I'm definitely feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of support and encouragement from everyone! Thanks so much!

    And I completely agree that it's a lifestyle change, I still go out and enjoy my favourite foods (umm hello pizza) and eat at resteraunts for special occasions (even those that don't post their nutritional info online...eek haha) but I'm much more cauitious of my "snacking" habits. And switching from fruit drinks to water and black tea or coffee have been my biggest changes. I never drank water before and now it's my main drink. As much as I try to tell my friends this, a lot of them still see it as a diet, and while I was reluctant to think it was jealousy, it probably is.
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    You are doing so good. I would try to let it roll down your back.

    Keep up the good work.

    He who laughs last still laughs.
  • kosh02
    kosh02 Posts: 18 Member
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    I haven't really dealt with that at all everyone has been supportive thank God!! I have lost 15 lbs total 12 joining th Biggest Loser at my local gym and 3 since joining this site a month ago. I don't consider it dieting its a new way of life for me and therefore do not expect to put it back on. I still have 15 more pounds to go and am hoping to have it off by end of August as I go on a cruise then. I go to my 30th High School reunion end of June so hoping for at least another 5 - 8 by then. Please add me as a friend and I will support you in every way. Good luck to you and don't listen to any negative comments!!

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