can I inspire my husband?

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jordanify
jordanify Posts: 81 Member
in Getting Started
My hubby has a desk job and spends waaay too many hours on our couch. We have 2 sons 6 and 9. They are very healthy and active. I wish somehow I could interest him in joining me on this journey as I am tired of the couch potato lifestyle. Any advice?

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  • krysmuree
    krysmuree Posts: 326 Member
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    In my experience, my fitness lifestyle was/is contagious. :) My fiance hopped on board and gained an interest in watching what he ate and exercising a few weeks after I started! Once he saw me losing weight and gaining results, he wanted it for himself. Do what is good for you and maybe he'll try too!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    I dunno...ask him?
  • JustAnotherGirlSuzanne
    JustAnotherGirlSuzanne Posts: 932 Member
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    You can inspire, but make sure you don't push. It needs to be his decision to become more active or it more than likely won't stick.

    You can try asking him to go on walks with you in the evening or maybe a bike ride. Exercise is addictive, so who knows?
  • fearlessleader104
    fearlessleader104 Posts: 723 Member
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    Let him be
  • jordanify
    jordanify Posts: 81 Member
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    He lost weight and then hit a plateau, gave up and gained it all back and some. I'd like him to feel as good as I do, not tired and achy all the time (plus look good) So far he hasn't joined me for anything and we live in northern Alberta so it's 20 below outside most days. Still there's plenty to do. Thank you, maybe eventually he'll be on board.
  • Phoenix_Down
    Phoenix_Down Posts: 530 Member
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    I definitely wouldn't push. It can be exciting to get into health and fitness, so much so that we wish our loved ones to share in that joy but.. you can't force. I never mentioned it to my husband, he makes mention of getting in shape, being active and I smile and encourage but ultimately, it is his choice. I love him the way he is and who he is and so as long as he respects my personal decisions then we get along pretty harmoniously.

    Again, maybe you can inspire by being an example. But I wouldn't push. Pushing and prodding typically builds distance, even if well-intended. Plus, the extra energy and stress worrying about what someone else is doing in that regard can be exhausting. I've tried with friends who had expressed interest in it and I eventually just stopped trying. The willpower is up to them. :)
  • trentsmomma08
    trentsmomma08 Posts: 11 Member
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    I have to say...I'm thankful that my husband finally decided to join me on this journey. I think his NYE pics upset him and he knew it was just time. Leave it to photos...to kill your self esteem! Lol
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    No. You can encourage him and lead by example, but he is going to have to want it for himself, and come to that realization on his own.

    I had to watch in frustration for two years as I lost all my babyweight and developed a passion for health and fitness while my husband remained stagnant, preferring the couch and Taco Bell to the gym and healthy meals. Only in the last year has he started to come around and wanting to join me at the gym. Pushing your husband could lead to deep seated resentment on his end. Even if he loses weight and gets fit, if he doesn't want to do it, it's not his achievement, it's yours. He will have nothing to claim, and he will have learned nothing for himself.

    TL;DR: Lead by example, but don't push him. He has to want it on his own.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »
    No. You can encourage him and lead by example, but he is going to have to want it for himself, and come to that realization on his own.

    I had to watch in frustration for two years as I lost all my babyweight and developed a passion for health and fitness while my husband remained stagnant, preferring the couch and Taco Bell to the gym and healthy meals. Only in the last year has he started to come around and wanting to join me at the gym. Pushing your husband could lead to deep seated resentment on his end. Even if he loses weight and gets fit, if he doesn't want to do it, it's not his achievement, it's yours. He will have nothing to claim, and he will have learned nothing for himself.

    TL;DR: Lead by example, but don't push him. He has to want it on his own.

    BAM!
  • slf1983
    slf1983 Posts: 31 Member
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    Unfortunately I have a similar issue with my husband. No amount of watching me get fit is motivating him enough to join me, even though he often says he "knows he should"! I would always encourage him but never push. And never would I make him feel like I am unhappy with his body the way it is now. Coz if a man turned round to his wife or girlfriend and suggested she needed to work out he'd be branded an insensitive pig.

    Just be supportive & encouraging
  • aplcr0331
    aplcr0331 Posts: 186 Member
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    It's taken me two years to "catch up" to my wifes weight loss and healthier living. She did not push, didn't nag, just let it run. Now because of her I'm fully on board and trying. Gonna start a "boot camp" next week and started to use MFP last week.

    He'll come around.
  • mumblemagic
    mumblemagic Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Tonight my boyfriend got really excited after my first day at the gym, and having seen my calorie burn wanted to see what his was. So he got on the scales so we could put his numbers into Endomondo, whereupon we realised that despite having great fitness and a very intensive fitness regime he has put on a lot of weight. He's now really down and I have no idea how to comfort him. I think he probably does need to lose weight but I don't want to push him, and I'm really worried that this will stop him exercising.
  • ukaryote
    ukaryote Posts: 874 Member
    edited January 2015
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    AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »
    No. You can encourage him and lead by example, but he is going to have to want it for himself, and come to that realization on his own.
    Agreed. And it can be painful for you if it does not happen.

    My spouse is not at all interested in either managing weight or exercise and it is exacerbating existing conditions, so I am in it for me and my family. Gotta take care of this engine to take care of my family, and it is even more important if the other half buys the farm earlier. If my spouse does not want to join, even resents any mention of it, that is another potential barrier that I must get around.

  • jordanify
    jordanify Posts: 81 Member
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    Thank you all for your insight. I will keep on trucking and hope he joins me on his own.
  • DonnaJones7
    DonnaJones7 Posts: 99 Member
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    I agree with all - you can Inspire by doing, but he has to motivate himself. There are, however, some things that might help. I'm very out of shape, but my hubby is in good shape. He's clever about how he "helps" me.
    - Keep healthy foods around the house and junk out of the house. Easier said than done.
    - Plan some "activity" together that is not necessarily "exercise". For example, my hubby will ask me if I want to go shopping rather than "walk laps around the mall" or ask if I want to go see how the road is (long driveway in Wisconsin winter - you understand). There's a difference.
    - Realize that he might not know HOW to eat right (This is STILL me. I learn by logging now, but still have some surprises.)
    - Realize that he might not know HOW to exercise (I was an athlete in high school, but that was MANY years ago. It is hard to find exercises that I can do now because I'm SO out of shape.) My brother bought me a Wii and it literally has been a lifesaver. I probably wouldn't walk on a treadmill even if we had one, but I WILL play those ridiculously stupid games on the Wii. Someday maybe I'll get a personal trainer, but I'm not even ready for that yet. Any kind of moving around is better than sitting around.
    - Tell him you care about him. I was worried that I was just so fat that my hubby wouldn't like me anymore. Knowing he's in my corner rooting for me, not telling me what to do, is really important.

    Good luck to both of you!
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
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    Yes - with a three letter word.
  • vs_shine
    vs_shine Posts: 1,322 Member
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    I say schedule super active things to do with your kids and do it! invite your husband along and see how he feels when it comes to his activity level. Can he run and chase the kids? Does he want to? Go hiking in the woods, play football, swim, play tennis or baseball, chase in the yard, hide and seek. Continue setting a great example: only bring healthy food into the house :-) if ya eat junk, then you'll feel like junk. and good for you :-) i'm sure your kids love their healthy, active mother!

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