My thoughts for all to hear

Saying something out loud publicly is an empowering feeling. I am taking a chance and for the first time in my life going to put my feelings out there for all to read. The words below describe what I feel today but doesn't mean I will feel like this tomorrow ---that's the whole point...just get rid of what eats you up and let it go. So here it goes...my entry in to my journal today for all to read.

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Wow! I have lost 8.6 lbs so far. I am so happy because it's so difficult going through the tyranny of having to be conscious and aware of one's food intake every day. Many people who do not suffer from this dreadful disease have a difficult time understanding someone, like me, who has suffered from the the side effects of this disease every day. Here's an example of what I am talking about. Why do people always confront your success with words of wisdom like "be careful not to relapse into eating those things that made you fat in the first place"..and the lectures go on and on...all of a sudden, everyone becomes a nutritionist and dietitian with their share of advice? They share their spontaneous thoughts without any inhibitions nor sensitivity to my feelings and more importantly to my valuable time.

You are damned if you do, damned if you don't lose weight and everyone and their grandmother has a bit of advice in either case-- whether its about diets or exercise. What is wrong with people! However, they forget... I am a seasoned fatty and I have learned to survive the words I am heir to. I have been through this hundreds of times and actually shouldn't be bothered by the mindless words of pseudo-concerned, wanna be cheerleaders who literally have moments of mental mastur*** right in front of me without any shame or regard to my feelings. Be strong Ally! You are experienced and you should trust yourself and the true professionals around you to get you through this.

Life is a struggle and I wear mine on my body for everyone to see - so big deal! I may be an easy target for someone to feel good but they fine tune me to be a better and more loving, thoughtful person by reminding me of the kind of person I never want to be.

Today is a new day and I am in charge of my life and I am able to draw my boundaries. I will live my life with joy and even enjoy this journey I am on. I choose to do this. I choose to have a loving, kind opinion of myself and for 24 hrs to take good care of my body, my spirit and my future. It is the cynics, the sarcastic observers, the doubters, that make me aware of who I really am and the strength I have within. Their words, although often insensitive, help me grow as a person who is in tune with her body, soul and spirit. I am in charge of me and all that goes in my body, heart, and soul and for today, I chose good things, good food, kind words, and I chose to draw my boundaries and keep out the toxic words and people who pollute the good soul I have. Today I am grateful no matter what the obstacles.

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