My mother is telling me not to lose any more weight

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Sailatsorf
Sailatsorf Posts: 161 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey, guys. I mostly want to vent and just get some support here. I'm 5'3" and I've lost about 83 pounds, going from 214 to 131. That puts my BMI at about 23.2, meaning I'm about 10 pounds shy of overweightness.

I'd like to lose some more weight, mostly because I want to be far away from overweight and partly because I still have a lot of very noticeable belly fat around my abdomen. I'm thinking 114 will be a good weight for me, as that will be 100 pounds lost, will put me a decent bit above underweight, and I have a very small frame (really tiny wrists!), so I think that's probably where I will look and feel best.

I was talking to my mom about my clothing sizes dropping rapidly lately, and she told me not to lose any more weight! She said I don't want to get too thin and "get sick." I don't plan to go anywhere near underweight! She said I looked fine, and I told her about how I still have a lot of belly fat and I'm not comfortable flirting with the overweight end of the scale.

She told me to eat pistachios because Dr. Oz says they will burn belly fat. I guess then I won't have to lose any more weight, and my belly fat will magically disappear because Dr. Oz says pistachios are magic!

For background, she lost a lot of weight several years ago and lorded it over me. She made fun of me when I was heavy as a young teen (135lbs) because she was only 119 when she got married. I think she just doesn't like that I now weigh less than she does? I don't know. It's just silly. I want to lose more, and I'm not putting myself in danger if I do so.
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Replies

  • Alassonde
    Alassonde Posts: 228 Member
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    You'll never be able to make other people happy. You should do what feels right to you, as long as it's healthy, and 114 sounds just fine for your height, especially with a small frame.
  • Sailatsorf
    Sailatsorf Posts: 161 Member
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    Alassonde wrote: »
    You'll never be able to make other people happy. You should do what feels right to you, as long as it's healthy, and 114 sounds just fine for your height, especially with a small frame.

    Thank you! Just wanted to make sure I'm not insane for feeling like I could lose more weight and still be okay.
  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
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    How old are?
  • Sailatsorf
    Sailatsorf Posts: 161 Member
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    healthygreek wrote: »
    How old are?

    I'm 26, married, and I live far, far away, so she can't actually tell me what to do. It's just an annoyance.
  • robinsvitakjones
    robinsvitakjones Posts: 20 Member
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    You're fine. Go for 114! That's a healthy weight for your height. I think everyone losing weight has someone who tells them they're too thin. People get used to what you weighed before and have a hard time seeing the new you. You do what YOU want! You've come this far. Don't let anyone discourage you now!
  • WifeMomDVM
    WifeMomDVM Posts: 1,025 Member
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    Sometimes (more mature in age) adults can be insecure about their weight too. It's possible she is:

    1) Jealous of your weight loss
    2) Truly fears you might take things too far and become unhealthfully thin
    3) Doesn't know any better and thinks she is being supportive by saying in her own subtle way - "you've done a great job so far and I think you are perfect just the way you are!"

    Maybe a combo of all of the above. Don't fret over scale numbers too much - they can be a helpful guide, but as you said, fitting into clothes or your body looking a certain way can be important. If you eat lots of protein, lift heavy weights, and avoid starchy carbs and sugar, I think you will see that last little bit of belly fat go in a few months.

    The closer you get to your goal - the slower it seems to come off - just stick with your healthy habits and you will feel great and end up at your optimal healthy place.
  • Aemely
    Aemely Posts: 694 Member
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    If you are worried about taking it too far, reduce your goal to .5/lb. per week. But, the end goal of 115 seems fine, as long as you are taking it slow, steady and tapering off towards maintenance mode. The question is... What weight will you feel happy and healthy at? You may be quite happy when you get to 120-125, and it will be OK to just maintain then, if you want! Perhaps your clothing size will help you determine what "size" you want to be?

    Pay no attention to your mom. Just tell her, "Thanks for the advice! I appreciate you looking out for me!" And then, never mention your weight loss again (she won't be able to tell if you're losing from far, far away). Ha-ha! :wink:
  • Sailatsorf
    Sailatsorf Posts: 161 Member
    edited January 2015
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    Aemely wrote: »
    If you are worried about taking it too far, reduce your goal to .5/lb. per week. But, the end goal of 115 seems fine, as long as you are taking it slow, steady and tapering off towards maintenance mode. The question is... What weight will you feel happy and healthy at? You may be quite happy when you get to 120-125, and it will be OK to just maintain then, if you want! Perhaps your clothing size will help you determine what "size" you want to be?

    I'm not worried about it. Right now I'm losing at about a rate of 2 pounds a month, so right about at .5 a week, give or take. I'm definitely going to observe myself every 5 pounds or so as I continue to lose and see where I'm happy. I don't plan to go under under the 1-teens, period, so I don't think I'll have an issue with being underweight. Good advice!

    WifeMomDVM wrote: »
    Maybe a combo of all of the above. Don't fret over scale numbers too much - they can be a helpful guide, but as you said, fitting into clothes or your body looking a certain way can be important. If you eat lots of protein, lift heavy weights, and avoid starchy carbs and sugar, I think you will see that last little bit of belly fat go in a few months.

    I'd love to do some heavy lifting, but I have no money to join the gym and no room in my apartment for weights, unfortunately. I lifted in college, but I was taking advantage of my free gym membership at the college. Now that I'm done, I don't have anywhere to go to lift.
    I'd like to find some good bodyweight exercises that I could do, though! I also plan to start running when it thaws.
  • Eggsweet
    Eggsweet Posts: 20 Member
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    I know for sure, Asian/foreign parents can be like that. Everyone on my father's side is insistent that being a little chubby is a good thing. Because they grew up with not enough, also being well fed is attributed to doing well financially.

    At 120+lbs, my grandma was very happy but teetering at around 110 she doesn't like. Do what feels good to you! If you're healthy and happy I'm sure she will worry less.
  • bos10fit
    bos10fit Posts: 80 Member
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    robinsvitakjones wrote: »
    You're fine. Go for 114! That's a healthy weight for your height. I think everyone losing weight has someone who tells them they're too thin. People get used to what you weighed before and have a hard time seeing the new you. You do what YOU want! You've come this far. Don't let anyone discourage you now!

  • LadyLots2Lose
    LadyLots2Lose Posts: 110 Member
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    My sister have made similar comments but, they're totally unfounded. I'm 166cm (5'6"ish) and about 74 kg at the moment (about 163 lbs) and 5 kg or so to get to my goal weight so there's no danger of getting close to anorexic.
    My personal approach is to take the comments as concern for my well being rather than reading negative motives into it regardless of whether I suspect such attitudes or not. As for the Dr. Oz advice, you're probably better off doing your own research or seeing a registered dietician. I've only seen the show a handful of times (it's on in the middle of the day in Australia) but, the few snippets I've watched seem to be more like an 'infomercial' than sound advice.
  • UnicornAmanda
    UnicornAmanda Posts: 294 Member
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    Do what feels right for you!!! I agree with what someone wrote above.. people get used to seeing us heavy that sometimes they think someone has lost enough even though they could be healthy lower too.
  • krawhitham
    krawhitham Posts: 831 Member
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    My cousin is 5'4" (an inch taller) and weighs 115, shes VERY healthy, works out, has muscle tone, she just has a thin frame. That weight is TOTALLY healthy for you if that's what you feel is right with you!! GO FOR IT!!
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,215 Member
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    You're an adult do whatever you want. And yeah, she may be envious of you.
  • MaggieLoo79
    MaggieLoo79 Posts: 288 Member
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    I wouldn't talk to her about your weight anymore.
  • karen_fitzgibbon
    karen_fitzgibbon Posts: 736 Member
    edited January 2015
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    Mum's will think you're perfect no matter what you weigh.... It's kind of their job.

    However I think she may be a teeny little bit jealous? Or maybe she remembers how hard it was for her and thinks that by telling you not to do it, it'll give you more motivation to go ahead and lose the weight just cause she said not to.
    I pretended to love the skirt (that's shows off butt cheeks) my daughter wanted, now she refuses to wear it. Mwahahahaha
  • 2essie
    2essie Posts: 2,863 Member
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    I had the same problem with my friends. They all got on to me about not losing any more weight. As I was still in the overweight bracket I knew they were wrong, so on a doctors visit I asked her what she thought. She said advised me to lose more. I went back to my friends with this information knowing they couldn't argue with the doctor but they just said she was wrong. I just do my own thing now and don't tell them anything.
  • rhoryborealis
    rhoryborealis Posts: 4
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    It's no ones business what you do with your body. if you decided to loose that extra 10lbs and it makes you miserable is it really worth it? there is a cut off point on the positivety of weight loss. loose a bit more if you feel its worth it but sometimes its best to sit back and enjoy what you've achieved.
  • CountessKitteh
    CountessKitteh Posts: 1,505 Member
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    I get you on the shooting for low-to-middle of the acceptable BMI range. I want to be able to gain 5lbs over the holidays/on vacation/because I'm a lazy bum and not feel like a whale (regardless of appearance). Haha.

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