Feeling kinda alone on this journey

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  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
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    MrsSherriff wrote: »
    How do y'all deal when the other members of your house do not have the same goals that you do?

    You encourage them in THEIR individual goals, just like they encourage you in yours.

    I mean, I have a sport I love that my husband totally doesn't. I have some moderately ambitious goals in relation to it. And my husband has agreed to do some support work in them. He asks me how my workouts went, and buys me books about my sport.

    He's writing the second in a series of seven graphic novels. I ask him his progress is going. If he flops down on the sofa in the evening after work and starts reading me articles from Reddit, I ask him how much he drew that evening. Usually, he'll just laugh, and go get his drawing board.

    But the point is that a relationship doesn't require the same goals (I can't draw much past what a five year old could). What it might require is that you mutually egg each other on to achieve your individual goals.

    Even if someone says that they have the same goal as you, chances are extremely thin that the both of you will be equally committed to it.

  • loopingcaterpillar
    loopingcaterpillar Posts: 152 Member
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    Can't you make it into an evil but fun competition, have your weigh ins together and compare efforts. be smug when you win :smiley:
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    MrsSherriff wrote: »
    So I just started my lifestyle change and weight loss journey on January 1st. I am doing pretty well, as I have lost around 12lbs. Yay!!

    But I am having a little issue. I live with my fiance and our two children. He said he too wants to get into better shape. He uses this app as well. However I feel like he isn't really talking it as serious as I am, and it is hard. I know that he doesn't have the same calorie goal as I do, and yes he can eat more. However, tonight at like 8pm, he is talking about how good Chinese would taste and do I want to go get some. Of course I do!! But I'm not going to because I really need to keep to my goals. I guess I am just wining because he said that he was going to do this with me, that we will do it together, and we are not!

    How do y'all deal when the other members of your house do not have the same goals that you do? I can't keep all the junk out of the house because they need to be happy too, but it is so hard when you are not getting the support of your loved ones.

    You can only manage your own journey so just smile and nod and say "nope, I'm serious about doing this"

    That said, if I am craving chinese food, I either have it and guestimate the calories based on other entries (plus some tolerance) or I make it and recipe build the calorie count - in fact I made Chinese beef yesterday .. 180 cals per portion plus rice

    - see skinnytaste.com for some recipes y
  • bussy13
    bussy13 Posts: 1
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    it sounds like our house, but I am so determined I ignore the conversation. cos the more I think about it and then give in and have Chinese, the more likely he is to think oh well I can suggest Chinese again!
    good luck with everything, every step in the right direction takes time and dedication and we go have people on the way that don't have the same mentality as others!

    kust remember, you could have Chinese tomorrow so long as you log it! :)
  • hupsii
    hupsii Posts: 258 Member
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    yeah ... I am secretly hoping that my hubby puts on so much weight so he is overweight and we can do this together ... no such luck ;-)
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    I don't know. I can see this is a legitimately challenging issue. But think about it - now you can't even have a conversation on how good Chinese might taste because you're on a diet? I mean you're right you were done eating dinner for the night but maybe it could be a planned dinner for another night, etc. This is supposed to be sustainable - do you really never plan on eating Chinese again, ever? Or perhaps you just want to re-introduce things in a more controlled manner. It just smells like deprivation to me which really shouldn't be necessary...
  • RejsGirl
    RejsGirl Posts: 198 Member
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    You're going to have to be more dedicated to losing weight. Anything that he says or does, you're still going to have to find it within yourself to say no. If you want it bad enough, it won't matter what he does or says.

    I have a family that loves junk...fast food, desserts, you name it. I had to learn to say no. Last night, they had chicken & dumplings, I had chicken with tofu noodles. I could have eaten the chicken & noodles, but it's more important for me to make concessions for MY weight loss right now.

    Unfortunately, food is around us constantly, so you have to be "tough" and just say no. You can argue with him or be mad at him, but ultimately you are the one in control, not him. My suggestion would be to explain to him how things like that make you feel and ask him not to do it. Losing weight is personal individualized game. You are in this for yourself...no one else needs to be involved.
  • Soon2BeMrsSherriff
    Soon2BeMrsSherriff Posts: 82 Member
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    Thank you everyone! You are right, my journey is about me, not anyone else. I can only control myself, no one else. I can get my support here, and he can do what works for his lifestyle. Thank you so much for all the great advice

  • webuiltthisnicky
    webuiltthisnicky Posts: 84 Member
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    First of all, congratulations on that 12!

    Second, take satisfaction in saying 'no thank you'. Remember that every No Thank You is actually a Yes Please to reaching that goal weight.

    Third, find out if your takeaway of choice can recommend healthy options, for times when maybe you're going MAD from craving takeout (for a meal, not a midnight snack!). A lot of places will have been asked this before and might be able to advise you. My local does a really nice, healthy chow mein that is made with the minimum oil/ other rubbish if you ask them. Alternatively, order some plain meat of choice with boiled rice and a separate pot of your favourite sauce. Only put a little bit of the sauce on your meal. Might help kill the craving for a while.

    hope this helps.
  • MalineVD
    MalineVD Posts: 649 Member
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    I live with two roommates and they don't give a *kitten* about what they eat.
    But we eat together.
    So when it's their day to cook, I ask ahead what they're making and calculate it in my day. And in the beginning of the week I prepare a huuuuge amount of veggies and fresh soup that I can eat with my meals, when they're not really offering anything healthy. They always say they support me, but even after 7 months they still forget I'm gluten intolerant and make pasta every week. I got used to it and use my own methods to succeed, not depend on anyone else.

    Good luck!!
  • Janworkingitout
    Janworkingitout Posts: 434 Member
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    You have not been on your journey very long, don't be so hard on yourself. If you focus on you, your willpower will grow, along with knowledge of what your body needs to reach your goals. My husband loves chips, McDonalds, pizza, and eating very late, he is on and off MFP (mostly off). I use MFP as my support system, MFP'ers will support you anytime of the day or night. I am shameless in my use of MFP for support, according to my daily tracker, 1650 days as of 2 or 3 days ago. Will you slip up...of course, we all do, however, remember this is your journey, uniquely yours, good luck!
  • tufztuf
    tufztuf Posts: 21 Member
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    My husband is very slim so I'm on my own, but that actually makes it easier for ME. I only have to plan calorie-conscious meals for myself and he leaves my special food alone. In FACT, he just automatically started fixing most of his own meals too, to help me out. (he's retired - I still work full time). But when ANYONE offers me something off "the plan", I just say, "None for me, thanks!" If my husband were to offer me something he knows is off the plan, I'd probably laugh and say "No WAY I'm eatin' that!"

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