Feeling kinda alone on this journey
Soon2BeMrsSherriff
Posts: 82 Member
So I just started my lifestyle change and weight loss journey on January 1st. I am doing pretty well, as I have lost around 12lbs. Yay!!
But I am having a little issue. I live with my fiance and our two children. He said he too wants to get into better shape. He uses this app as well. However I feel like he isn't really talking it as serious as I am, and it is hard. I know that he doesn't have the same calorie goal as I do, and yes he can eat more. However, tonight at like 8pm, he is talking about how good Chinese would taste and do I want to go get some. Of course I do!! But I'm not going to because I really need to keep to my goals. I guess I am just wining because he said that he was going to do this with me, that we will do it together, and we are not!
How do y'all deal when the other members of your house do not have the same goals that you do? I can't keep all the junk out of the house because they need to be happy too, but it is so hard when you are not getting the support of your loved ones.
But I am having a little issue. I live with my fiance and our two children. He said he too wants to get into better shape. He uses this app as well. However I feel like he isn't really talking it as serious as I am, and it is hard. I know that he doesn't have the same calorie goal as I do, and yes he can eat more. However, tonight at like 8pm, he is talking about how good Chinese would taste and do I want to go get some. Of course I do!! But I'm not going to because I really need to keep to my goals. I guess I am just wining because he said that he was going to do this with me, that we will do it together, and we are not!
How do y'all deal when the other members of your house do not have the same goals that you do? I can't keep all the junk out of the house because they need to be happy too, but it is so hard when you are not getting the support of your loved ones.
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Yes, Chinese would taste good. If you look in the food database you will see plenty of Chinese food. So.... Select something in the database that you have calories for and eat just that portion. The rest of the fam can pig out on the rest of it. Or, the alternative would be that you make a recipe at home and slim it down some. Still, it is all about portion control.. Yes... I am just learning this.0
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I'm also in the same boat so I would be curious as to what people say.0
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That's the thing, we had already ate dinner, and we're laying in bed watching tv when this conversation happened. It's like he just wanted it as a bedtime snack. I have no calories left, had just finished my workout DVD, climbed into bed and then he mentioned Chinese. I just felt like he isn't supporting me. He knows how much this means to me, and honestly how much willpower I DO NOT have. I need support, not someone trying to break me of our goals.
I'm sure I am just being overly sensitive, but it just rubbed me wrong.0 -
Well, he can do what he wants. You get to decide what goes in your mouth. (I'd suggest nothing if you're done with calories for the day.) It doesn't matter what he eats, does it?0
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I have a "free meal" once a week where I eat one meal of what ever I like. The rest of the week I stick to my plan, this way I don't feel like I'm missing out
it also helps when eating at my "Mother inlaw to be" she cooks with alot of cheese and cream. 0 -
Well, he can do what he wants. You get to decide what goes in your mouth. (I'd suggest nothing if you're done with calories for the day.) It doesn't matter what he eats, does it?
No, it doesn't matter what he eats. It's just hard when we were supposed to do this together, but now I'm by myself.0 -
I tell the others in the house, don't offer things to me. If you want something that isn't likely to fit into my numbers, don't throw it in my face.0
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I think you have to have this conversation with him. Tell him what you told here.
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BodyByButter wrote: »I tell the others in the house, don't offer things to me. If you want something that isn't likely to fit into my numbers, don't throw it in my face.
Didn't sound to me like he was offering it to her. It sounded like he was wanting her to fetch it for them.
The past times I've tried this I've been on my own but this time we're all on a new eating plan although the kids have more flexibility. they snack on more healthy stuff and eat what we eat for dinner but they don't do our breakfast and lunch.
Maybe you should tell him how hard it is for you to stay on track when he derails? That's what I did. It took several times (usually does with men) but it finally took. He still isn't quite as strict with it as I am but he's close so I will take it.0 -
Wow! Congrats on the 12 pounds lost! That is amazing.
I have that problem too with my husband, who is not trying to change his eating habits whatsoever, nor does he want to. What I've been doing is grabbing some herbal tea when sitting with him watching TV, or club soda with lemon. I've been thinking of grabbing some of those 100 calorie snacks to have around for times when he indulges and I try my best not to join him.0 -
I dont have this problem at all to be honest.
My husband supports me enormous. And we plan a dinner ahead. He asks if i want to go out and when so i can pre-log.
But like i said i think the OP has to talk to her partner to make him clear how she feels about this situation.0 -
Maybe he just needed you to say "WTH"? I know with my husband that we have to support each other. Sometimes he is the strong one telling me to get to the gym and sometimes I'm the strong one. You shouldn't take it as an affront. Just say 'are u kidding me?'0
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It would be nice to have a partner to go through this journey with, but in the end, you are going to do it or you aren't. Personally, I've only found stress when trying to work with a partner or friend in weight loss. My husband can eat a ton more food than I can, if he cuts back a tablespoon or two of peanut butter he'll be down a couple pounds. It makes me so frustrated and I start to feel victimized that it takes me so much more work. OTOH, I've started diets with girlfriends and when I do better than they do I feel bad for them. For me, it is best when I set myself on the path and just pay attention to what I need to do for that one day. There will always be people putting stuff in your face, you really have to be able to take a deep breath and say "no thanks." Hard, but easier than trying to decide every time whether you are going to eat something or not.0
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You're not alone! My husband does similar things and it's a daily struggle to have the will power to say no or limit my portions. And every once in a while I have to tell him that he talks about losing weight but doesn't follow though - and I remind him that he can't keep sabotaging me. Not a perfect 'solution' by any means!0
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And congrats on losing 12 pounds! You're doing awesome!0
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Support is always better and easier on the journey, but remember the end goal is you, so do what you have to do. Speak to husband about it and hopefully he will follow through and join you.0
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You should be direct with him and say something like, "I thought you were going to be tracking your calorie intake with MyFitnessPal along with me. Are you giving up?" For some people, tracking food makes them think of food more, not less, so maybe he's struggling with that. On the other hand, sometimes people sabotage loved ones out of insecurity (if she slims down, she might gain more attention and eventually leave me). Or maybe he's just not as committed to tracking as you are. You never know what's going on until you discuss.0
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My husband snacks at night before bed. He can afford to. He used to offer me some of his snack, but I've said "no" so many times that he doesn't offer any more. It works for us.0
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My husband is thin and eats whatever he wants. He constantly brings home pastry etc. I am supposed to be lowering my cholesterol ... I have binge eating disorder and a strong desire to eat sugar all the time. I've had MANY talks with him about this and he says he'll stop buying junk food and it lasts about a week at most.
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YOUR NEVER ALONE!, get out there and kick some butt! YOU CAN DO IT!0
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MrsSherriff wrote: »How do y'all deal when the other members of your house do not have the same goals that you do?
You encourage them in THEIR individual goals, just like they encourage you in yours.
I mean, I have a sport I love that my husband totally doesn't. I have some moderately ambitious goals in relation to it. And my husband has agreed to do some support work in them. He asks me how my workouts went, and buys me books about my sport.
He's writing the second in a series of seven graphic novels. I ask him his progress is going. If he flops down on the sofa in the evening after work and starts reading me articles from Reddit, I ask him how much he drew that evening. Usually, he'll just laugh, and go get his drawing board.
But the point is that a relationship doesn't require the same goals (I can't draw much past what a five year old could). What it might require is that you mutually egg each other on to achieve your individual goals.
Even if someone says that they have the same goal as you, chances are extremely thin that the both of you will be equally committed to it.
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Can't you make it into an evil but fun competition, have your weigh ins together and compare efforts. be smug when you win 0
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MrsSherriff wrote: »So I just started my lifestyle change and weight loss journey on January 1st. I am doing pretty well, as I have lost around 12lbs. Yay!!
But I am having a little issue. I live with my fiance and our two children. He said he too wants to get into better shape. He uses this app as well. However I feel like he isn't really talking it as serious as I am, and it is hard. I know that he doesn't have the same calorie goal as I do, and yes he can eat more. However, tonight at like 8pm, he is talking about how good Chinese would taste and do I want to go get some. Of course I do!! But I'm not going to because I really need to keep to my goals. I guess I am just wining because he said that he was going to do this with me, that we will do it together, and we are not!
How do y'all deal when the other members of your house do not have the same goals that you do? I can't keep all the junk out of the house because they need to be happy too, but it is so hard when you are not getting the support of your loved ones.
You can only manage your own journey so just smile and nod and say "nope, I'm serious about doing this"
That said, if I am craving chinese food, I either have it and guestimate the calories based on other entries (plus some tolerance) or I make it and recipe build the calorie count - in fact I made Chinese beef yesterday .. 180 cals per portion plus rice
- see skinnytaste.com for some recipes y0 -
it sounds like our house, but I am so determined I ignore the conversation. cos the more I think about it and then give in and have Chinese, the more likely he is to think oh well I can suggest Chinese again!
good luck with everything, every step in the right direction takes time and dedication and we go have people on the way that don't have the same mentality as others!
kust remember, you could have Chinese tomorrow so long as you log it!
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yeah ... I am secretly hoping that my hubby puts on so much weight so he is overweight and we can do this together ... no such luck ;-)0
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I don't know. I can see this is a legitimately challenging issue. But think about it - now you can't even have a conversation on how good Chinese might taste because you're on a diet? I mean you're right you were done eating dinner for the night but maybe it could be a planned dinner for another night, etc. This is supposed to be sustainable - do you really never plan on eating Chinese again, ever? Or perhaps you just want to re-introduce things in a more controlled manner. It just smells like deprivation to me which really shouldn't be necessary...0
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You're going to have to be more dedicated to losing weight. Anything that he says or does, you're still going to have to find it within yourself to say no. If you want it bad enough, it won't matter what he does or says.
I have a family that loves junk...fast food, desserts, you name it. I had to learn to say no. Last night, they had chicken & dumplings, I had chicken with tofu noodles. I could have eaten the chicken & noodles, but it's more important for me to make concessions for MY weight loss right now.
Unfortunately, food is around us constantly, so you have to be "tough" and just say no. You can argue with him or be mad at him, but ultimately you are the one in control, not him. My suggestion would be to explain to him how things like that make you feel and ask him not to do it. Losing weight is personal individualized game. You are in this for yourself...no one else needs to be involved.0 -
Thank you everyone! You are right, my journey is about me, not anyone else. I can only control myself, no one else. I can get my support here, and he can do what works for his lifestyle. Thank you so much for all the great advice
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First of all, congratulations on that 12!
Second, take satisfaction in saying 'no thank you'. Remember that every No Thank You is actually a Yes Please to reaching that goal weight.
Third, find out if your takeaway of choice can recommend healthy options, for times when maybe you're going MAD from craving takeout (for a meal, not a midnight snack!). A lot of places will have been asked this before and might be able to advise you. My local does a really nice, healthy chow mein that is made with the minimum oil/ other rubbish if you ask them. Alternatively, order some plain meat of choice with boiled rice and a separate pot of your favourite sauce. Only put a little bit of the sauce on your meal. Might help kill the craving for a while.
hope this helps.0 -
I live with two roommates and they don't give a *kitten* about what they eat.
But we eat together.
So when it's their day to cook, I ask ahead what they're making and calculate it in my day. And in the beginning of the week I prepare a huuuuge amount of veggies and fresh soup that I can eat with my meals, when they're not really offering anything healthy. They always say they support me, but even after 7 months they still forget I'm gluten intolerant and make pasta every week. I got used to it and use my own methods to succeed, not depend on anyone else.
Good luck!!0
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